It had been two weeks since I came back to New York. I ended up spending one extra week in California so that I could hang out with Spencer and Nathan, as well as Flynn. Since I'd been here, Flynn and I hadn't spoken a lot at all. We'd exchanged a few texts here and there but for the most part, we were taking this space thing seriously. I was surprised to find how well I was handling it.
Although, I had been occupied with my lawyer, Bex. She would be representing me when I take the stand tomorrow and so far, she'd been an absolute blessing. She was in her late thirties with short cropped, white blonde hair, sharp cheekbones and golden brown skin. She reminded me of a blonde Halle Berry. She wanted nothing more than to see justice served and I truly felt as though she cared. It made a big difference to how I felt going into all of this.
I trusted her. She hadn't said it out loud, but I could tell this was personal to her.
It was Sunday night and Amalia, Max and I were at the Delgado's for dinner. Arpita, Bernie's friend had just been and collected her Sari for her sister's wedding, which began tomorrow, and she could not have been happier. We'd updated our Instagram page with a photo of the happy customer and no surprise, Bernie was being praised for her gorgeous designs. We were at ten thousand followers now.
Before, I would have been obsessing over that. I would have been obsessing over each new follower we gained. I would have been obsessing over the likes and comments on the photos, wanting more, hoping for approval and finding worth in the compliments. Now, it was a different surge of excitement. It was the pride that I had in Bernie and the thrill of watching her business grow. But it wasn't that desperate longing and finding self worth in the numbers, it was peaceful.
"Uh, sir," Max said to Elias. He was beside me, Amalia beside him and on the other side of the table was Kiara, Elias and Bernie. "I was wondering if I could close the New York store tomorrow? For the afternoon?"
Elias furrowed his brows. "For what?"
"Oh," Max looked at me. "It's—"
"I'm testifying in court tomorrow," I filled in so that Max didn't have to feel as though he was exposing me. "Against Avery Hale."
His mouth parted and he nodded with understanding. "Sí. Of course. Just tomorrow. One day is no trouble."
"Thank you, sir," Max said.
Amalia leaned around him and pouted. "I wish I could be there. You know that right?"
"Stop," I tipped my head back. "You do not need to stress. It's fine. I understand."
Amalia couldn't get off work because her partner at the parlour was in Australia with his wife and child. She couldn't shut it either because people had prepaid bookings. It really didn't upset me but she seemed to shoulder some major guilt, as if I felt unsupported. I did not.
"Nattie and I would really like to go," Bernie said, spoon full of soup hovering in front of her hopeful smile. "Can we?"
Elias stared at her. "Nattie is none of my business. She can ask her own papá."
Bernie rolled her eyes. "Obviously. Can I go?"
"Sure."
"I'll be thinking of you," Kiara said.
"Thank you all," I nodded and hoped that the conversation would change pace. The fact that I would be in court tomorrow, in the same room as Avery, speaking up about what he put me through, well, it was sending my stomach into my throat whenever I thought about it.
To say that I was nervous was an understatement. The nausea was the worst and it meant that I was struggling to eat. I stirred the soup in front of me and picked at the bread but my knotted mess of a stomach wouldn't allow me to have more than a bite once every five minutes. Max nudged me.
"Something wrong with the food?"
"Max," Amalia hushed him and I looked at Elias and Kiara, who were occupied with conversation. "She's going to testify in court against her attacker tomorrow. She's nervous. Leave her alone."
Max nodded and gave me a caress on the shoulder. "Should we get going soon?"
Bernie pushed her chair back and stood up. "Not before I discuss business with my favourite person. Abby, pretty please come with me because I have something amazing to show you and I'm so excited and I've been pretending to enjoy this glop that Papá made for the last half hour even though he clearly forgot to put the spice in it."
Elias' eyes widened and Amalia giggled.
"Who cares," Bernie continued. "Abby?"
"It's delicious," I told Elias as I stood up and followed Bernie. We were in the corridor when I heard Elias.
"I knew it was missing something!"
My excitement lifted as I closed Bernie's door behind me and stepped into a world of fabric, sketches and clothing strewn from one end of the room to the other. It was a war zone but Bernie stepped over it with grace.
"This," she stood beside her mannequin, which had a sheet draped over it. "Is for you. To wear tomorrow."
"You made me something to wear tomorrow?"
She gave me duh look. "You're going to be on national television. Time to plug."
"Did you have to remind me," I groaned and sat on the corner of her bed.
"You're literally a public figure. Worried about television?"
"Bernie," I warned.
"I know. I know. It's a big deal. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. You could pretend it's an acting gig? Just look at all the cameras and imagine it's a movie set."
I smiled at the little sweetheart. "Sure. I'll do that. Now show me this outfit."
She jostled with excitement and ripped the sheet off the mannequin to expose the most gorgeous pant suit that I've ever seen. The blazer and pants were cream coloured and made of fabric so soft that it looked edible. The pant legs were cropped at the ankle, fitted, and she turned them upward to show me the elastic that would stop them from pulling up. But from the outside, the elastic wasn't visible at all. There was no bunch or gathering that would indicate it's stretch.
The blouse was pale pink silk with a sharp plunging neckline and no sleeves. "It's too hot for sleeves and a blazer," Bernie said as she fluffed around, showing me all of the little details.
"I think that a pair of cream strap heels would complete the outfit. You have some, I think?" She looked at me and I nodded as I stood up and walked toward the outfit. "So? Thoughts?"
"Bernie, this is perfect. It's gorgeous. You're too good to me."
"You deserve it," she lifted her shoulders in a jovial shrug. "This outfit says, I'm brains and I'm beautiful and there's nothing wrong with that."
"There isn't," I grazed the fabric with my fingertips and sighed. "It's gorgeous. I'm paying for it."
"Not a chance," Bernie pointed at me. "This is a gift. A thank you gift, I guess. For being brave and being a voice. I guess I think that you're a great example and I— well— I'm proud of you."
"Don't turn me into mush. Please?!" I sobbed and wiped at my damp cheek.
She laughed and started undressing the mannequin. "You should probably take this. That was the whole reason I made it. Oh and don't tell dad. He said no more outfits for the rest of summer."
"What? How come?"
"Because I'm meant to be doing summer correspondence school."
My mouth fell open. "Bernie?!"
"Chill. It's no big deal. I'm just a little bit behind and meant to be catching up. I don't care though. I just don't. Should I?"
I winced and gave her an uncertain tilt of the head. "I don't know. Yes? But also, no? School is important in some aspects but a lot of people have succeeded wildly and not completed their education."
"Knew it."
"But then again, I don't think they were thirteen."
"Almost fourteen."
I gave her a bored stare and she shrugged. "Ugh," I took the suit from her. "I want no part of this rebellion. This is definitely between you and your dad. But sure, I won't tell him that you made this for me."
"Much appreciated."
Monday morning began with a blur. When I woke up, there was a herbal tea beside the bed and a note from Amalia.
You are my hero.
Simple but sweet. It made me smile and as much as I wanted to guzzle the hot drink back, I couldn't. My stomach was still in knots. I had a feeling that it would be until this nightmare was over. I also had a text message from Bex that said she'd meet me in court at eleven. We'd have to debrief before I took the stand again but over the last two weeks she'd given me a lot of notes and advice about how to handle the pressure of questioning. That part wasn't so much of a concern to me, all I had to do was tell the truth. I had nothing to hide.
It was just the general anxiety of facing Avery again. Standing in front of the world to expose what I'd been through. Knowing that even though none of it was my fault, I'd be judged for it in one way or another. Victims were never let off without a little bit of degrading. It's my fault for being alone in a room with him. What was I wearing? Could I have lead him on? Was I clear enough that I wasn't interested?
I had to continue to remind myself that it didn't matter what anyone thought. I knew the truth. I knew that it wasn't my fault.
Max was waiting for me when I emerged, dressed in the suit that Bernie made. It was the perfect fit, sophisticated, flattering. It was as if she fused magic into her thread, I felt a surge of confidence when I looked in the mirror and saw a strong, beautiful woman looking back at me.
We took an Uber to the courthouse and the entire time, Max was chattering, I knew it was an attempt to distract me, about work and his projects and about the possibility of going to Spain to sell some art for Elias and I had a thought that he should drag Amalia along and propose to her but I didn't tell him that for the simple fact that my lips were sealed shut and I felt nauseous. When we finally walked into the courthouse we were sent through the metal detectors and given a pat down and then, when we rounded the corner to look for courtroom six, I saw our family, waiting for me. All of them.
Mom, dad, Lucas, Milly, even Flynn. I felt overwhelmed. I had no idea that all of them were going to be here. No one had told me or discussed it. I ran forward and threw myself into a series of hugs and cuddles.
"I can't believe you guys are here."
"As if we'd miss it," mom said, caressing my cheek. "We're all here for you, sweetheart."
"Hi," Flynn put his arm around me and pressed a kiss against my cheek.
"Hey," I smiled up at him. Even though it had been a few weeks since we'd spoken, nothing felt different. It wasn't awkward. I tiptoed and kissed his lips. "Thanks for coming."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else. How are you feeling?"
I exhaled a breath. "Nervous."
"So what's the plan?" Mills asked, tucked underneath Lucas' arm.
"Well, I think I'm first out of three to the stand. The trial has been ongoing for about three weeks but more girls are coming forward every day. That's what Bex said. Speaking of," I peered around in search of my lawyer and saw her on the phone a few feet from us. She waved but gestured that I continue chatting.
I noticed a man standing behind dad and gave him a puzzled stare. "Uh what's with the security guard hovering right behind us?"
Dad turned around and waved at him while mom clenched her jaw with frustration. "Oh that's dad's personal chaperone while we're here. Because as we came through the metal detector, it went off and they found a pocket knife in dad's sock."
Lucas laughed so loud that it echoed.
"Dad," I gaped. "What were you going to do? Kill him?"
His gaze narrowed with thought and then he grinned and began to sing. "If you gave me the chance, I would take it."
Milly snorted with laughter. "Please don't tell me that you use TikTok."
Dad sniffed and averted his stare. "Never heard of it."
"Bollocks!"
"Dad," I said, firm so that he paid attention. "You have to behave in there. Please. This is important."
His expression softened. "I know princess. I swear that I won't strangle him to death until after you've had your moment."
The security guard stepped forward. "I heard that."
Dad scoffed. "Cool officer Blart. As you were."
Mom pinched the bridge of her nose. "Maybe you should wait out here."
"What?" Dad panicked. "No."
She waved a frantic hand. "You're clearly not going to cope seeing that piece of shit. You can't be disruptive. So if you can't keep it together, wait out here."
"Of course I'll keep it together," he sighed. "I'm just being a dick. I'm anxious. It's going to be fucking hard but my little girl is what's important. So I swear, you can trust me."
I knew that he meant what he said and I didn't blame him for his stupid jokes. Humour has always been dad's coping mechanism and right now, he must have been on edge. I stepped forward and gave him a hug.
"Thanks for being here."
He kissed the top of my head. "Always."
"We're here!" I heard footsteps echoing on the marble floor and stepped away from dad to see Bernie and Nattie running toward us. "We're not late, right?"
"No," I grinned at her outfit. She had high waist pants on that flowed out and fell to the ground, it almost looked like a dress. Her blazer was the best though, it was cropped— she had to have made it— and came to her waist. The buttons were undone and she had a tank top on underneath. A modern day suit. I loved it. "This outfit is sensational."
She did a slow twirl. "I know right."
"Hi Nattie," I smiled. She gave me a small wave but clearly did not want the spotlight, which was fair. I loved how different her and Bernie were.
"No shit," Lucas laughed and moved to stand beside me. "Little Berns. You're growing up. You can't hang up on me this time."
She stared at him with a blank expression and I was just waiting for her to either cuss him out in Spanish, or turn around and ignore him. Instead, she surprised me and smiled. "You have food in your teeth."
Lucas' grin fell and he spun around and walked back to Mills. We all laughed while she checked his mouth and of course, there was nothing there. He might have been about to call her out in his classic no filter sort of fashion, but he didn't get the chance, Bex approached to chat, she let everyone else know to head into the courtroom and get seated. There were another round of hugs and well wishes, dad held on the longest, after Flynn and when I was alone again, the tension reared it's head. I could feel it all over. In my shoulders, jaw, chest and stomach. It was as if I was walking around in a haze, unable to see or hear without a fog distorting the images and sounds.
Bex walked me through the same advice that she'd given me countless times and then, we entered the courtroom.
The seats were full. Which surprised me. I hadn't expected to see so many people here and most of them were young women. That did not surprise me. Bex walked straight toward the front, her sharp stilettos gaining the attention of a few people on the aisle end of the seating. The family were all in the second and third row. I sat in the first and Bex went through a little swing door that separated the seating from the front of the court room. She let me know that I'd be called to join her when it was time.
I twisted around and faced mom and dad who were wearing supportive smiles, their fingers laced. But dad's expression hardened in the middle of a quiet chat, he stared at something behind me and then lowered his gaze to his lap. I think I knew what it was before I turned around, but when I did, I saw him being escorted to a desk where his lawyer sat. He kept his head down, he had almost no hair. He'd gained weight and aged a hell of a lot since I saw him last.
I'd expected to feel more fear than I did. Instead I was just reminded of a moment that pushed me into the worst mindset that I've ever experienced. I looked at him and I didn't see a man, not even a human being, he was a monster. But he was one that couldn't reach me. I knew that he would never hurt me again and that gave me courage.
When I heard a loud echoing voice, above the rest of the low chatter, I turned my attention and saw the bailiff at the front of the room.
"All rise for Judge Frida."
The courtroom stood and a woman with dark grey hair wrapped in a bun emerged from a side door and settled into her seat at the raised desk. Relief washed over me at the fact that she was a woman. As biased as it was, it gave me a little bit more hope that justice would be served. She slipped a pair of wire framed glasses onto the tip of her sharp nose and announced that court was in session with an unusual accent. Perhaps Scandinavian. The brushing of a New Jersey tongue made it obvious that she had been here for a while though.
She went through a summary of previous sessions, she caught us all up to speed on where the trial left off last week and then she invited the jury to join before asking Bex to call her first witness to the stand.
"You got this sweetie," I heard mom whisper as I stood up with a pounding heart and trembling knees. My breath quickened as I slipped into the box beside the judge and stated my name, age and took the oath, prepared to tell my truth.
To be continued in like five minutes.