(Carter)
Overthinking, but where's the harm in dreaming?
Did that mean I have a chance? Could I sweep him off his feet and show him a love like he's never known?
Was their relationship that bad? I mean, who says 'perhaps, more than he deserved' if the relationship was probably really great? No, it wasn't.
Obviously.
It was the same thing with Kelly and me. I loved her more than she deserved and boy, did she school me on carelessly tossing caution to the wind.
Wait...
Now that I think if it, I was doing the same with Bennett. I was eager to jump into a relationship with him and couldn't wait to gain that intimacy mated wolves that love each other have. I wanted every part of him and to hell with whomever thought differently. To me, it was probably the most exciting experience I couldn't stop thinking about.
But I knew that it wasn't the same. Sure, I was eager to spend every possible moment with him, but he was nothing like Kelly. He wrapped himself up in thick blankets barricaded by tall walls that it was going to take so much work just to get a glimpse of what was on the other side. Don't get me wrong, there were little moments where I got a peek.
But he never let his guard down for very long. Even when he seems relaxed and comfortable, he was still sharp as ever. And that, above all else, was the main challenge.
Then again, I didn't want him to just drop his defenses to cater to my feelings. He has to let me in on his own terms. That was the only way we could ever work.
"Dammit! Why isn't it coming out right?" my mother cursed just as Bennett and I walked passed by the kitchen. We'd gotten back to the beach house over thirty minutes ago and had gone our separate ways to take a shower and change into fresh clothes.
Coincidentally, we ran into each other coming out of the rooms we were staying in, and what I loved about it, I personally arranged it so that my room was directly opposite his.
What a lovely surprise it had been to open the door and the first thing I see is a freaking god.
My mother huffed, flinging her oven mitts off to the side in frustrated manner. Sitting on the counter was...
I think it was supposed to be my birthday cake?
"Why didn't you just pre-order it like you do every year?" I queried coming to lean against the frame of the kitchen's entryway. I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes unconsciously following Bennett as he moved closer for inspection of the catastrophe sitting on the island counter.
"That's just it, sweet. You're eighteen today and when I'm old and useless, I'd like to say that I baked my son a birthday cake at least once."
Some success that turned out!
Mom expelled an exasperated sigh, one hand on her hip as she stared down at the 'cake' in defeat. "Unfortunately, baking isn't my strong point."
I shook my head at that. She didn't have to put herself through all that trouble. If she did, she could always bake me a cake next year when she got better at baking. My gaze returned to Bennett, and I frowned as he poked at the caved in cake in the pan. And by the looks of it, I'm not even sure what flavor it was supposed to be.
"I know. Horrible!" my mother exclaimed, and Bennett only smiled at her sweetly as if to say, 'You'll get it right next time'. And then, he made an offer I least expected that it caught both my mother and me off guard.
"I could help, if you want." he offered. My mother gave pause, tilting her head to stare at him in awe. As if realizing he suddenly held our undivided attention, he blushed carefully averting his gaze to the cake as though it were the most interesting object ever.
"You can?" she asked, clearly mesmerized by his offer. Bennett nodded meekly, and my mother had hearts in her eyes.
I was so completely right. My mother loved him, and I didn't have to worry about dad. He was like a whipped puppy when it came to his wife. When she said jump, he said how high.
"My aunt...she had her own business before we moved. Well, before the first time that is. I used to help her out." he recalled, and I caught onto the quiet hesitation behind his words. It was barely noticeable but since we were mates, I also felt a rather subtle jump of an emotion. It felt as though he were remembering something.
"That's lovely!" my mother praised. She picked up the destroyed cake, dumping it in the garbage bin before she walked over to where Bennett had carefully taken to sitting on a stool at the island counter.
"Where do we start?" she queried, clasping her hands together, obviously thrilled by the idea of having some allotted bonding time with her future son-in-law.
My mate glanced over, as though discreetly seeking permission. I'm sorry, but if my mate can cook and bake, I wouldn't discourage him from cooking up a buffet. I nodded my head, indicating that it was perfectly alright with me. He then did a quick survey of the kitchen and chewed on his bottom lip for a moment.
"Clean dishes. Then, the ingredients."
**
"Ouch!" I cried, pulling my hand to my chest and vigorously massaging the back of it. I met Bennett's firm glare as he pointed the metal spoon at me looking ready to chew my head off. "You can't treat the birthday boy like that!" I whined, and he rolled his eyes in that ever adorable fashion I was slowly becoming obsessed with but returned to glaring.
"I'll chop your fingers off the next time you shove your hand in there." he threatened, voice firm and expression blank, no emotion radiating from him so I couldn't tell if he was being serious.
My mother was starting war against me. For two hours now, I had been banned from entering the kitchen all because she thought I would distract Bennett and ruin the cake. Mom was my mate's little helper and she gripped at the opportunity to spend time with him.
Did she ever think that maybe I invited him here because I wanted to spend time with him? Every time I tried to get into the kitchen or even dared to peek around the corner, she would throw me out or wiggle her finger that silently said, 'Get lost!'
I was completely banned. Even dad had been allowed inside. Even the other guys. But not me!
Ugh! My mother is so aggravating when she wants. So she had finally taken her leave. The cake was out of the oven, freshly baked. Vanilla in flavor, large enough to barely scrape the inside of the oven and rectangular in shape. I don't know to where my mother disappeared, but it finally gave me the chance to get in.
"I just want little taste!" I cried pathetically, upset that he was being this way as he went back to giving the frosting a few more turns. He stopped to glare at me.
"Oh, I'll give you something to taste." A smirk curled my lips against my better judgement. Despite it only being a joke, I did hear the underlying threat that I took into stride.
"That a promise, baby?" I teased, gently trailing a finger along his back, from his shoulder heading further, and further down south. I could hear his heart rate speed up and my smirk fell as I quickly dropped my hand away.
He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Don't call me that. It's weird."
Ignoring what I had just felt and thinking better of bringing it up, I leaned against the counter. By now, there was barely a foot's distance between us as his scent invaded my senses. Spicy and sweet. A breath of cool, fresh air mixed in with vanilla. I kept my gaze focused on his face, a smile slowly working at my jaw when he tried to keep extra focused on his task, fighting back the blush that was slowly coloring his neck, cheeks and ears.
I was almost tempted to lean over and kiss his face just to see what he'd do.
Probably something along the lines of bloody murder but at least I would die contentedly.
"Can you stop being a creep? That isn't normal." He shot me a quick glare before shifting the large bowl aside. My eyes trailed to the two bowls, one holding white frosting and the other held blue.
I chuckled at his response, dragging over a stool and plopping down, maintaining the distance of less than a foot. And because my legs were so long, he was practically standing between them. If he realized it, he chose not to say anything.
"Would you hate me if I called you B?" Because personally, I was getting tired of calling him by name all the damn time. Why does everyone else get to call him cute nicknames and I'm stuck with just Bennett? West calls him B. Even freaking Tucker Corbin does and his tone is usually very affectionate when he uses that nickname.
"No. But it's only because I don't know you well enough. It'll be weird."
Hmm...
"What about Benny-baby?" I teased, earning myself a glare that practically told me to go vanish somewhere.
"Do you want me to add a special extra ingredient to the frosting?"
"Like what? Some love, perhaps."
"Bleach!" he deadpanned, and I feigned hurt, placing a hand to my chest.
"You're really intent on hurting me today." I retorted, giving him my best puppy eyes. Bennett growled lowly out of irritation, his lip curling as he shot me a glare. Unfortunately, my teasing and fun was cut abruptly when my mother came flouncing into the kitchen radiating megawatts of joy that instantly blew when she saw me. She pointed her finger at me, and I rolled my eyes.
"Mom, he's my mate. I didn't invite him here for you." I argued, barely holding back a snort when she stared at me in bewilderment, her jaw hanging open a little at what my tone insinuated. The small woman immediately stormed over and picked up a metal spoon.
"Carter Kristian Hayes! What do you take me for?" she scolded, playfully swatting the spoon at me which I dodged easily. "How dare you speak to your mother like that? Shameless young man!"
"Ouch! Mom!" I cried when she caught me in the side with the spoon, a sharp little pain that had me itching a moment later. "You made my skin itch!" I whined as she wiggled the spoon in my direction. She swatted the spoon again, but I dodged and sought refuge on the other side of the counter, using Bennett as a shield.
"She didn't want you in here." Bennett suddenly defended, making me stare at him owlishly and my jaw hung in ultimate betrayal.
"How dare you?" I whispered. "Out of everyone here, you're supposed to be on my side!" Bennett only raised an eyebrow.
"Why?" he drawled dryly, clearly amused.
"Because! We are mates, mister!" I retorted, wriggling a finger at him. He only rolled his eyes, shaking his head letting slip a tiny chuckle as he pulled the large cake closer to the middle of the counter.
"She wanted it to be a surprise." he informed, indicating the cake while he met my gaze. "You know, since it's your birthday."
Okay, that shut me up.
But not for long as a teasing smirk curled my lips. Stepping closer until we were literally inches apart, he glanced up jumping a little when he realized the proximity. He stepped back a little, but I didn't let him get away, gripping onto his shirt to keep him close.
"You were okay with that. You wanted to surprise me, too?"
I felt something in him jump in response. This time, I couldn't place it, nor did it feel familiar. This was a completely new, emotional response. It made me curious but at the same time, worried. I didn't know whether it was good or bad and it was in times like this, I truly wish I could read his mind.
Find out what's going on in that pretty head of his.
"Leave the boy alone, child!" My smirk fell away, dropping so low to a frown when I realized my father had also stepped into the kitchen and decided to team up against me. My father motioned to me with a dull movement of his wrist. "Shoo! Scram! We turn our backs for two minutes and you're harassing the kid."
"I do no such thing!" I retorted, aghast and my father only raised an eyebrow in challenge as if to say, 'Tell it someone who'll believe you'.
"You hurt me, dad. You hurt me." Acting melodramatic, I shook my head. My father only smirked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Good. Now go sulk in a corner and let Bennett do what he needs to do."
Realizing I was on the losing end here with both my parents against me, my eyes sought out my mate silently begging for his aid. He only grinned, giving me a small wave, his demeanor saying, 'Catch you later, loser!'
Huffing, I stomped my way out of the kitchen and then out to the patio where the others were still frolicking in and around the pool. Plopping down on a patio chair, I pouted like an angry toddler and didn't care that my defeat was amusing to those bastards.
"What's wrong with you now?" Sky queried and a moment later, Asher and his vulgar ass added his two cents from the pool. By now, Nathaniel was long gone and the last I saw him, he was in the living room playing games on dad's iPad.
"Yeah, where's your pretty boyfriend? Not giving you any ass, is he?"
"Ash!" his mate scolded sharply. The sub earned himself a glare from me and the idiot only laughed, falling back into the water in a backstroke.
I swear, Asher has no fucking filter sometimes.
Glancing over to Sky, who sat with Jace, and then Dale with his little mate seated between his legs. Laken quietly sat playing games on his phone and a towel was draped over his shoulders which the dominant was using to dry the sub's drenched blonde hair.
Sky, Jace, and Dale were looking at me expectantly. Groaning, I rolled my eyes. "He kicked me out of the kitchen."
"In all honesty, I'm sure you deserved it." Sky retorted in Bennett's defense. How could he know that? He wasn't there to witness the fact that my mother and father were assholes who had successfully roped my own mate in against me. Sky gave me a dry stare.
"Don't look at me like that!" he barked, making me frown. "You're so obsessed with him it's both unhealthy and worrying. Poor guy! Gods have mercy on him should you two ever get serious."
No, please do not tell me that I came out here only have my friends also team up against me?
"You're not the psychotic, jealous type of guy, are you?" West queried cautiously from his perch on the pool's edge. His tone said he was in obvious concern for his best friend and if I'm being completely honest, there was an underlying tone I couldn't quite understand.
"No, I'm not!"
"Pfft! Says the guy who beat up his current mate for stealing his ex-mate." Laken scoffed, not bothering to look away from his game. His dominant mate grinned, leaning forward to press a kiss to his sub's hair.
"Okay, you got me." I said. "I could've handled it better. But in his defense, Bennett had no clue about Kelly and me. He was played just as I was."
"How do you figure?"
Our heads snapped to the unexpected voice. Bennett was making his way out to the patio and he stopped a foot away from me. Hip cocked, and arms crossed over his chest, he gave me an expectant stare that was filled with quiet amusement.
I only giddily grinned up at him, noting the roll of his eyes. Is he clueless about his effect on me? "Have you met you?" He grunted in annoyance walking off in the direction of the pool. I watched as he exchanged a few words with West and Asher, but he didn't take a seat near the pool's edge. It was covered in water all thanks to those hooligans I call my friends. And West.
He wasn't a friend. Far from it. Associate by affiliation is much better. He's still an asshole and the only reasons I tolerate him outside of pack politics was due to his being Asher's mate, and the best friend to my mate.
Glancing over, I realized all four of them were staring at me with dry stares.
"What?"
"Have you met you?" Laken retorted, trying to mimic my voice, the sub's reaction eliciting chuckles from the other three. Dale leaned forward, hugging his small mate from behind.
"Oh, shush it!" I retorted, my cheeks heating up now that I realized how cheesy it sounded coming from another's mouth. No wonder he was annoyed. "But in all fairness, I'm being serious."
"I can't say otherwise." Jace suddenly spoke up. "I haven't really spoken to him before outside of pack politics and didn't get the chance to since he showed up this morning." He said, shooting me an accusatory glare. Sky mirrored his mate's expression.
"I didn't invite him here for you guys." I drawled, tired of repeating myself.
"Maybe." Laken piped in, placing his phone off to the side. "But you could at least not be so stingy. Some of us actually want to talk to your mate, ya know!"
Smirking, I placed a hand to my chest. "I'm sorry. I don't share."
"Don't share what?" Bennett asked suddenly, dragging over a chair and coming to sit near me.
"Mates." I stated firmly before any one of those idiots had a chance to say otherwise. "I don't share my mate with anyone." Bennett raised an eyebrow, stretching his legs and wriggling his toes.
"Well...no one wants that. But sometimes, there isn't anything you can do if that person doesn't want you."
He's talking about him, isn't he?
His unexpected trip down memory lane left us dumbfounded and speechless to the point, all movement around seemed to stop. Asher wasn't splashing about like a wild animal in the pool, and it had gotten so quiet, we could clearly hear the waves beating the shoreline beyond the wall.
"We don't talk about that, B!" West said firmly, his gaze pointed at the pool water. There was in irritated edge to his voice, almost like anger.
Was this Chester Alexander so horrible a person? That he managed to make Jaxon West- a pretty horrible person in my opinion- hate him too? Then again, if Bennett is his best friend, he would have every right to be angry.
"I'm just saying the truth." Bennett replied quietly, keeping his gaze pointed at the tiled patio flooring as he wriggled his toes again, arms akimbo. I heard West growl in irritation, but he chose not to press the matter further, quietly slipping into the pool. Asher gave his mate an uneasy smile but the dominant swiftly ignored it, swimming to the other end.
"Walk with me." I offered, getting up. Bennett glanced up with a frown.
"I just sat down."
"Just...get up." I ordered, my voice firm yet gentle and leaving no room for disobedience. Bennett huffed, but complied anyway as he followed me around the side of the house along the narrow cobblestone pathway that led to the front.
Thank gods we got away from that tension. I know he hadn't meant to make things awkward, but it made me wonder. Did Chester really not love Bennett?
"Where are we going, now?" he asked as we left the house and yard altogether. I simply shrugged.
"Just around the neighborhood. You might like it." And while we continued to walk in relative silence, my gaze kept wandering to him.
What's not to love?
Obviously, his ex was an idiot. I barely knew Bennett and already treasured our bond. They had been friends for years. How could he know Bennett and not find anything worth loving? Only two weeks and I could make a list of everything I loved about him.
His hair is pretty. His skin is pretty. He has pretty eyes. The perfect height for me, if I do say so myself. I love that he's reserved and doesn't speak unless he has something worthwhile to say because it just means that when he speaks, it's meaningful. I love that he has a feisty side that isn't afraid to tease. I love his honesty, something that's so incredibly rare in this world. I love his humility. I love that he isn't the type to carelessly throw his affection about. I love that he's confident in a reserved, attractive fashion, and...
You know, I could just say I'm crazy about him.
If this is what I got in just two weeks and proudly admitted it, I was only going to fall deeper. Naturally.
"I'm guessing you finished the cake." I said, hoping to slash the silence. It was not an awkward, uncomfortable silence but I just wanted to start a conversation. Bennett chuckled.
"Nope. Your mom wants to frost it. I showed her the basics but still, it might not be perfect."
Another bout of silence fell upon us as we continued to walk, and by now, we were half a block away from my family's beach house. The sun was setting casting the sky in an orange hue. This was becoming too toxic.
Every little thing made me that more infatuated with him and the sun was not helping.
How can I not have any reaction, any palpitations when he looks like a freaking model who just walked off a billboard? The sunlight falling across his skin, peeking out from behind the houses only accentuated his already raw, exquisite physical beauty.
"Stop being a creep, Carter!" Bennett suddenly snapped not even looking my way. I blinked.
"What did I do?" I queried, my confusion deepening when he glanced to me with a stern glare.
"I can feel you staring. And don't think I wasn't aware of it earlier as well."
Ground open up swallow me whole! Oh my gods! I need to be more careful. My face was on fire and I tried my best to hide it but failed miserably. So, I decided to go with the next best option.
Own it and play along.
"Hate to break it to you, babe, but people appreciate pretty things."
"I told you not to call me that. And," he made a gagging sound, doubling over as if he were about to throw up, "that was so cheesy I'll be sick for days!" he continued, making another gagging sound before breaking out into a fit of laughter.
I raised an eyebrow. "Like you could do any better." His laughter sobered and he ruffled the side of his hair, that simple action causing my face to heat up and my heart to skip beat.
Oh shit!
Bennett glanced to me out the corner of his eye with a knowing smirk pulling at his lips. The little bugger!
"Obviously, where you're concerned, there is no need for me to flirt." he stated, teasing at my obvious attraction toward him.
He will be the death of me. That much is certain because while he doesn't seem like the type to flirt, his teasing sure as hell will kill me.
"You are very cruel, Bennett Reid." I stated, chuckling.
"I beg to differ. I know some truly cruel people. Alive and dead."
Honestly, I didn't want him dwelling on the past. Past is past and it should stay there. But it was bothering the living shit out of me because it made me angry. How the fuck can you know someone for that long and then turn about and hurt them?
Especially when they turn out to be your mate? For the life of me I couldn't understand it. How the hell could Chester call Bennett 'friend' and just turn to not love him? Was he fucking retarded or something? I'm not saying he should've been like me, but I mean, come on!
There had to have been at least one quality Bennett possessed that the asshole could love.
"Can I ask you about that?" Bennett frowned at the question. "About your statement back there."
"Oh." He shrugged his shoulders in a nonchalant manner as if he didn't care about it. You can't fool me. "I meant it."
I thought about that for a moment, thinking about the conversation that eventually led to that statement. We were joking about, but I had meant it. I don't like sharing mates. Why the fuck else would that person be mine if another could easily have them?
Hold on...
Nobody wants to share their mate with another. But he'd said that there was nothing you could do if your mate didn't want you.
A thought crossed my mind and it made my blood boil. I was so unbelievably angry that I actually scared myself.
"Did...Bennett," I paused, carefully choosing my next words. He frowned, coming to a halt and turning about to face me when he realized I had stopped walking alongside him as my glare stayed pointed to the pavement. "Did Chester cheat on you?"
I locked gazes with him but only for a moment because he expelled a deep breath and glanced away. Tucking his hands into his pockets, his eyes followed the car that strolled by blasting a Sia song. I can't remember the name, but the chorus had the word 'flames' in it.
Once the car was far away enough that we could speak easily, he turned his gaze back to me.
"Too many times. And always with the same person."
You know, I really hate people who cheat. When I was with Kelly, I was completely faithful to her. I never once looked at anyone else. I didn't understand it. Was I so horrible a mate that she would cheat? If she didn't love me, why didn't she talk to me? Why cheat?
"I hate cheaters." he said suddenly as if somehow knowing I felt the same. "It isn't a good feeling knowing that the person you love can't stand you. It's not a nice feeling knowing that they won't touch you but would gladly do so with another. That's why I broke up with Kelly as soon as I learned she had a mate. I know what it felt like and it damn near destroyed me. You didn't deserve to go through that hell."
I didn't know how to feel about except maybe thankful. I'm glad he didn't choose to stay with her and make me hate him more than I did before. I'm really glad he broke it off and didn't bother getting closer to her. That would have just complicated everything. Ex or not, Kelly would be an enemy if their relationship had grown into something more. And I didn't care if I once loved her or if her father was Crescent Hill's beta.
Werewolves are possessive bastards and we were ever more so when it came to our mates. Mates were rocks. Anchors. A mate is where home is. And unfortunately for what could've been Kelly and me, I found that anchor in Bennett. He was doing a far better job than she ever did without realizing it.
I hesitated at my next question as there came the dreadful feeling that his response might just piss me off. I could sense his quiet trepidation as he continued looking at me, as though silently chanting that I don't ask the forbidden question.
"Did you know the person?" I took note of his dejected sigh, the slump in his shoulders as he lowered his gaze, awkwardly rubbing his head. The smirk he gave next was too much. It was filled with so much heartbreak that I suddenly didn't find knowing that name important. But he spoke before I had a chance to stop him and his reply shattered me.
"Her name is Mandy Reid."
We didn't spend a long time out after that, barely any words exchanged between us. Bennett was worried about me as we walked back into the house, him following me directly into the kitchen. The house was vacant since everyone was out on the patio, and a barbeque was going.
The glass doors that let out onto the patio was left slightly ajar, so their voices weren't all that muffled, and the scent of barbequed meat wafted into the kitchen.
"Are you alright?" Bennett asked, leaning against the island counter, his eyes carefully watching me as I angrily ripped off the cap of a bottled water. I didn't say anything as I drank.
I couldn't even look at him without feeling disgusted.
Everything made such perfect sense now and it just continued to shatter me the more I thought about his reality. A reality he would have endured alone that made him build walls to keep people out. It explained why he wanted nothing to do with me, and why he'd said those words. And as if reliving that moment, his words echoed through my mind.
'I don't need to be associated with people involved with Mandy, Cheryl or Vince'.
'Because you were involved with my sister'.
Have you ever had that dream where you were falling from a really high place? And no matter how much you tried to wake up, you just got more scared because the ground was coming up to meet you? That's how I felt. Except, there was no waking up from what I'd done.
It was my painful reality. I'd done to my mate what his ex had done to him. He lived that pain twice in one lifetime.
"Carter?" His quiet, dejected tone caught my attention and his question that followed didn't do anything good for me either. "Are you angry?"
"What do you think?" I retorted, barely registering the edge to my tone. "I feel disgusted." And it was true. Now more than ever, I was tempted to soak, for maybe days, in a tub of soap water, bubble bath and even holy water if it would cleanse me, body and soul. Having learned this bit of information about Mandy, I felt so unworthy of his attention. I felt that by being with him, I would only contaminate and defile him.
Just then, something drew me out of my trance and pity party. I felt something jolt and realized immediately that it had come from the boy standing at least two feet away. His anxiety was sparking while he kept his gaze lowered as he fiddled with his fingers. Something I noticed he did quite often when he fought back that anxiety.
"I'm gonna head to bed." he stated rather suddenly, causing me to frown. He hasn't even eaten yet. And it wasn't that late. It was just past the hour of six.
"Are you sure? You're not hungry?"
"I'm fine. Just tired."
Somehow I felt there was a hidden meaning behind those words. He's lying. And he's not fine. I get the feeling he uses that excuse too many times to avoid giving proper answers.
"Are you okay? You seem a little upset."
"I'm fine. I just wanna lie down." he restated, this time more firmly.
I hope he's not taking offense to what I said. Mate bond or not, I would feel disgusted with myself learning about what his own sister had done to him. She successfully sabotaged his relationship with his ex and knowing her, she probably looked for every opportunity to throw it in his face.
What's sad is that Bennett didn't even stand a chance at making it work. Maybe if Mandy was out of the picture, he'd have a better chance to prove his love. Maybe he'd have a better shot at showing Chester he was worth the bastard's attention.
And somehow I felt as though the Bennett Reid who existed then is nowhere in the boy currently trying to escape me. He must've been the innocent type and I could definitely see it.
Gods! If I had him then too, I'd probably love him more than I do now.
"Bennett." I called, but he ignored me, moving around the corner and into the corridor. I went after him, catching him between the stairwell and the wall, resorting to grabbing his hand to stop him. He did but refused to meet my gaze.
"I already told you; do not feel as though you have to hide things from me. Why are you upset? And don't tell me it's because of what I said. I wasn't referring to you."
Only then did he turn his head to look at me. "Then who? I've had it thrown in my face enough. I don't need it from you too."
Who the fuck would tell him that?
"I'm disgusted in myself."
He turned about so that his body was facing me as he raised an eyebrow. "Why?" he patronized.
"I'm just like him." I returned, and he frowned glancing down. Up until now, I hadn't realized our hands were still linked until he gently slipped his away. I already missed that contact because the bond was no longer zapping at my hormones or bringing a type of homey warmth to roost inside me.
"You are nothing like him." He replied quietly, keeping his gaze lowered to the floor. How could he say that? I still felt like a monster. Maybe Chester and I hadn't done the exact same thing, but I still made fun of his condition and exaggerated the truth with lies.
"I went with her. And I should've known better when she couldn't stop talking about you in such a condescending manner-"
Bennett held his hand up, cutting me off. "Do not place yourself on his level. You're not like him."
Then why do I feel like it? He lost his ex to her. She stole him from her brother and now, she had tried to do same with us.
"He didn't want me. And he didn't care about me much less love me. He went with her after he realized our bond and he didn't care what it did to me. See the difference?"
"He was a goddamn idiot!" Dumb fool didn't even realize what he had. I shrugged. "But I still feel like I did wrong by you."
Bennett scoffed, traces of a little smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. He leaned against the wall as he crossed his arms over his chest, and quietly shook his head.
"You didn't know we would be..." he trailed, gesturing between us almost as if afraid to use the word.
We are mates. Why can't he just say it?
"It doesn't change that I feel horrible about my poor decision."
"I get it." he said suddenly, in a tone that said he completely understood the reason behind why I went with her. "You were grieving and in need of a rebound. My sister makes herself easy to reel in. And given how you were rejected, being with someone who hates me as much seemed like the right thing at the time. I get it."
How is he so calm, and not bothered? Openly speaking about something like this?
Doesn't make it okay, though. The exaggerations of the truth with lies when we knew nothing about the why. Bennett stared at me for a moment before smiling a full smile, and I caught the knowing gleam in his eyes when he glanced up at me. No doubt, if he didn't feel my overwhelming giddiness at that smile, he sure as hell heard my heart skip a beat. I returned a sheepish grin and he shook his head.
"Don't dwell too much on it and start thinking you're anything like him."
Then tell me how it is that we're so different. Sure, the asshole might not have wanted Bennett while I do, but it doesn't change the fact that we both, at one point or another, slept with his fucking sister.
"You did more for me in six days that he ever did in seven years. That alone is saying a lot."
This had me curious now, and my head was getting a little big. Complimenting me that way does nothing good for my ego. "Oh?" I started, raising an eyebrow, "What did he do then?" Bennett laughed softly hearing the smugness of my tone.
What? Usually, when people find out their significant other has an ex, they always try to one-up the ex as if saying, 'I'm better and that asshole possibly can't treat you better I can'.
Bennett shrugged, then chuckled as if he was remembering something. "He was the jealous, possessive type. He was very insecure."
"What gave him the right? He was the one cheating." I reminded firmly, then raised an eyebrow as a thought occurred to me. "Were you?"
He rolled his eyes. "Be serious, Carter." he scolded making me laugh and hold my hands in a gesture of surrender. "No. He was...quick to remind me of who I belong to. And he was always angry."
What gave him the fucking right? I swear, the more I hear about this fucker the more I'm glad he's dead. And I hope his death was painful and slow, too, and that he was left to rot for days out in the open before he was buried ten feet under. Just because.
Hmph!
"Why?"
Bennett chuckled again as if finding a memory funny as he shrugged. "Zain Walker is a pretty good friend of mine. Blackwater and Black Rock used to live in territories side by side before the first raid. It took nothing for us meet at the borders or even sneak across. Ever since we were kids, Zain liked me-"
"Whoa! Hold up! Zain Walker has a thing for you!"
Do I need to kill him? And I don't care who he reports to. I don't share.
"Don't interrupt me!" Bennett scolded, glaring at me, only, it wasn't as icy cold as the ones he used to send me. It was warmer, but still stern and scolding. "Anyway, I was in a pretty bad place during that one year. Jax was busy keeping my little brother happy and I had no one else to turn to about him. So, of course, Zain was always there-" Bennett stopped talking as the toilet in the bathroom just a few feet away suddenly flushed, making us frown. A moment or two later, West emerged, stretching his arms over his head.
"It's funny you should mention Zain." he said, walking closer and his words peaked my curiosity. "Zain's twin also has a thing for B. Davin, you know him, right?" he directed toward me.
"What?" I practically shouted. West stepped back a little, and Bennett was shaking his head in his hand.
"Yeah..." West drawled as though oblivious to my rising temper. Well...knowing West, he probably is. Or he's doing it on purpose.
"I don't think they ever got past the crush that eventually blossomed." He shook his head, sadly. Motherfucker! He's purposefully doing it!
"We were having a private conversation here, Jax." my mate interrupted, grabbing our attention. The dumbass grinned like an idiot, provocatively patting my shoulder. I shot him a quiet glare as Bennett pinned him with a firm stare. "Is there something you need, buddy?"
Said idiot stiffened, his shoulder-patting coming to a halt. I frowned at him.
"Yes..." he said uneasily, awkwardly fluffing the side of his hair before glancing to me. "I shit in your toilet and it won't go down. There's literally a lump of poop floating in the toilet."
"Yet you're touching me with your shit fingers?"
West paused, grinning for a moment before he held out his hands toward my face making me step back immediately. "I arrived empty handed! Consider this an intimate gift." he stated, waving his hands in my face. I sought refuge, pulling Bennett in front of me to act as a body shield away from West's shit fingers but he didn't budge, nor did he seem bothered when West smiled at him softly, gently patting his cheeks with his fingers.
Shaking my head, I spoke up, grabbing West's attention. "I'll notify my dad. Now, get lost." He scowled, pulling his hands back to his sides and away from my mate's face.
"Rude!"
"Jax." Bennett called firmly. Idiot rolled his eyes at me but smiled at his best friend before taking his leave.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I cleared my throat returning the focus to our conversation. "So, Davin and Zain have a thing for you? Is this going to create unwanted problems?"
"Only if you act like a brat." His response made me scoff and he smirked, returning to leaning against the wall before chuckling softly. "That was one reason he was always so angry whenever he found out I was with Zain or saw me speaking to him. He was under the impression I cheated."
Hypocritical bastard! He had the balls to accuse Bennett of cheating while he was running around sleeping with his mate's sister?
"So, why didn't he reject you if he didn't want you? Why put you through that? Did he even know you could tell when he'd been with someone who wasn't you?"
"He could. He made sure to rub salt in the wound every time he slept with her. And, I don't know." He shrugged, glancing down to his feet. "I once tried rejecting him because I couldn't handle how it made me feel. He never accepted it or returned it. And he never told me why."
Did Chester possess a shred of decency? Why would he do something like that? In fact, I wondered, what the hell could have been so bad about Bennett that made the fucker think it would be acceptable to treat his mate that way. Was Bennett even capable of doing something that would elicit such hatred? Chester did not love him and went to extreme measures to ensure Bennett knew it.
But then, I remembered something. What sparked this conversation in the first place, and just the thought of it didn't just make me angry. It broke me.
"Did Chester ever say he was disgusted with you?"
"He didn't need to. His eyes said it every time he looked at me."
Why? Just why? How could he hurt his mate that way and have the audacity to go day after day as if nothing had happened? How could someone be that heartless?
My breathing was shaky from the anger I felt, and the profound heartbreak I could imagine he suffered in silence.
"He didn't deserve you. Ahh!" I exclaimed, throwing my head back as if trying to expel the unwanted anger. How I wish I had the power to make them suffer. The people who had hurt him. The people who made him put up so many walls as his only defense mechanism.
"Do you have any idea how many times I questioned myself this past week?" I asked randomly, locking gazes with his confused expression. "I kept asking myself if I would ever be good enough for you. All the things I did, it made me feel like such a monster-"
"If you were a monster, you would have ignored every subtle cue that betrayed what I tried to show." Bennett interrupted, his expression firm and serious, yet his gaze was so incredibly soft. Then, he smiled a smile that reached his eyes and it made me swoon. "You paid attention to me. You spoke to me and listened even when all I wanted was for you to disappear. And when things got bad, you took me away from the source of the trouble and made sure to keep my mind off it. He never did that. All he ever did was cause me trouble and pain. You're nothing like him. Even today. It's your birthday and all you care about is if I'm having fun...which reminds me..."
Bennett wriggled a finger as if remembering something. "I got you something. I completely forgot."
He turned, heading up the steps, and like a dutiful soul, I quietly followed. Bennett went to the room he was staying in and left the door open, allowing me the chance to hover there as he grabbed up his bag and rummaged through the pockets. A moment later, he pulled out a light blue envelope.
His expression was coy, and a furious blush ravished his cheeks, neck and ears as he approached, keeping his gaze glued to the floor when he held the envelope toward me.
"I-It's not much. But...I didn't want to show up empty handed."
Why is he so fucking adorable? And he's not even trying! What the hell? Or am I just biased?
"You didn't have to. You being here is enough for me." His cheeks flushed a darker shade of red and honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't slapped me yet for making him feel embarrassed. "Should I open it now?"
He kept his gaze everywhere else but me, wringing his hands together. "If you want..."
He's trying to kill me. There is no other explanation why he would be reacting this way when he very well knew his effect on me.
Deciding to distract myself from the fierce blush creeping onto my face as a result of his, I opened the envelope to lay eyes on quite an interest birthday greetings card. Blue as the main color scheme, it was covered with small drawings of duckling using various communications methods and words were scribbled near each picture.
It was a fun little card that showed the duckling's failed attempts at saying happy birthday. He tried to call, but he didn't have a number. He tried to send an email, but his computer died. He hoped to find a birthday gift, but he didn't know have enough change. So, he settled for the simplest way.
A chuckle escaped me as I closed the card. "It's cute. Where did you find this?"
Bennett ruffled his hair coyly. "Um, it's why we ran late this morning. I went looking about for something and I figured this one was quite nice."
Fuck! I can't handle it anymore!
Leaning forward, I tilted my head just as Bennett glanced up with a frown. My lips brushed his cheek ever so lightly and I heard his irregular heartbeat, and the quiet gasp that escaped his lips. Moving away, his face was now redder than ever as he stood there frozen as though struggling to come to terms with what just happened.
"Thanks for the gift. I'll go put it away." His gaze barely flickered as he struggled to find the right reaction as I went into my room just across from his and put the card and envelope in my bag. Bennett was still standing in the same spot, still struggling to process and react accordingly.
"Are you going to stand there all night?"
Finally, he snapped out of his trance, snapping his furious glare to me. "W-Why did you do t-that?" he stuttered, his cheeks blazing probably because his voice didn't sound as assertive as he'd hoped.
It's so satisfying seeing him all flustered because of something I did. The usually reserved, and put together Bennett Reid, crumbling to pieces from a mere kiss. The wonders it did my ego.
I gave him a prideful smirk as I stepped closer noting the way he stiffened at my approach and became alert at our proximity.
"Because, I like you. A lot."
The door slammed shut in my face a heartbeat later, and I couldn't help but quietly laugh. I heard him slump against the wood, his irregular, haywire heartbeat, and his soft pants.
"Bennett?" I called, trying to sound sincere and concerned, desperately hiding the amusement and happiness and tried to slip through my tone.
"Just...go away!" he shouted urgently; his tone laced with embarrassment.
"Alright, fine. I'll be waiting downstairs. Don't make me come drag you to eat something. Okay?"
I heard nothing from the other side for a few heartbeats. And then...
"Okay." came his quiet reply.
Satisfied with the outcome of this day so far, and that it had gone over better than anticipated, I headed downstairs and into the kitchen, then out onto the patio where those idiots were making a ruckus over setting up fireworks.
"Where's Bennett, sweetie?" mom asked from her spot near dad. They were both manning the grill, mom holding out a glass dish in which dad was transferring pieces of meat from grill to dish.
"Hoping to find his dignity."