JEAN
It's over.
This is not how I imagined my life would end. One stupid day and I'd have been in the interior. One blasted day. What was the point in everything I had done for the last 3 years, I worked my ass off to leave this shithole of a city, and now it looks like I'll die here anyway. How's that for irony.
"Hey, jean. What are we gonna do?" Connie asked nervously as his eyes darted about the streets.
Damned if I know.
A small group of us had amassed on this rooftop like an all you can eat buffet and the cherry on top? We had no gas left. So, what are we going to do? Sit and get eaten, that's what.
"We can't do anything. They finally gave us the order to withdraw and were all out of gas of course" I sighed deeply "I can't believe this is how it's going to end because of those damned cowards".
Could have been in the interior.
"Do you mean the supply depo? What is going on? Where are they?" Connie rambled as his hysteria began to bubble over and yet I couldn't help but add to it, best to get the poison out before I kick the bucket.
"They all lost their will to fight. I can understand why but they abandoned their duty to supply us, barricading themselves inside HQ and of course, Titans have swarmed the places which means we can't get the gas ourselves" I almost scoffed, of course Titans would swarm the only strategically valuable area in Trost.
"Then why are we waiting! We gotta go! Start thinning their numbers, so we gotta chance! Sitting here on this roof is totally pointless. Eventually, the Titans are gonna come for us!" Connie flapped his arms around him to exaggerate his already obvious point "We don't have much gas left we will waste what little we've got if we try to run and without our mobility were completely screwed"
He chooses now to have his head screwed on. What timing.
"You're using your head for once, Connie. Nice going. But I'm not sure we've got the numbers needed to pull this thing off. The veterans and the vanguard force have all been killed. How exactly do a bunch of rookies pull off a suicide mission like this?" I argued, "I mean let's assume half of our force even survives the initial assault. Then what? The supply room is probably crawling with Titans in the 3- or 4-meter range. I don't see us accomplishing much in there."
Why was I even debating this, it was over.
"It's hopeless" Connie dropped to his knees in despair as his slow working brain caught up to what I had figured out 10 minutes ago. My life had barely begun, and this was my defining moment. Eaten on a rooftop, it wasn't even original.
"God what a dull life this turned out to be" I muttered. The memory of Mikasa on the back of that tall redhaired man, Rylan or something, flitted through my brain suddenly like a point of light in a dark tunnel. She had been happy that day, it had been the first time I had seen her laugh and smile as she roughhoused with that man and Eren while Armin and another red haired girl watched on happily.
I never even got to tell her just how I feel.
"Come on, guys, we can do it! If we all work together, we can make this happen, I know we can! Alright, I'll take the lead" Sasha began grabbing people's arms to try and motivate them but what was the point? Why waste time-fighting the inevitable when we can sit back and have front row seats to the show?
Giving up with the few cadets standing around her, Sasha ran over to the huddled mess of blonde hair in the corner that was staring vacantly into nothing. I don't even want to know what that one saw, I'll just leave it to my imagination.
"Armin it's time to go," Sasha said gently as she reached down to shake him, no use there though, he wasn't any good to anyone now, which was a shame. He may have clung to Eren and Mikasa like a child does its parents, but I couldn't fault the head on his shoulders. Had he not gone nuts he may have been able to actually come up with a plan.
"Reiner, do we move out?" Annie tugged on Reiner's arm to get his attention and the big blonde looked over the city skyline critically before turning to the tiny, scary girl.
"Not yet, we have to let them gather up first."
"It's no use there too many of them" Marco jumped to his feet and grasped Reiner's arm "I don't think any of us are going to survive this. I've come to accept that, but it's just I wanted my death to mean something"
Marco sighed in defeat and on the verge of tears as his he came to the realisation that his life meant nothing.
Me too, Marco, me too.
Suddenly gasps erupted throughout our small gathering. and the last and only person I wanted to see here landed on the edge of the rooftop and searched the crowd of cadets with panicked eyes.
She's here.
"Mikasa weren't you with the rear guard," I asked dumbfounded
That's the first thing I say to her on the verge of our imminent death? Idiot.
I reached a hand out to touch her, the idea not entirely sinking in that she was really here but no sooner as I felt my fingertips gently brush her jacket, she pushed past me and went straight for Annie.
"Annie, I know how bad things have gotten, and it's selfish to put personal matters in the forefront but have you seen Eren's squad?"Mikasa's tone had a note of desperation underlying it, and of course it would be about Eren.
"Some squads made it back, but I don't know about Eren's" Annie shrugged as she subtly backed away from Mikasa and looked to Reiner for help as Mikasa began to look around her frantically.
"I think Armin is over there" Reiner gestured with this thumb over to what remained of Armin and his sanity and I had a bad feeling as I watched Mikasa rush over to the catatonic mess and kneel down in front of him.
"Armin" she said gently pulling his arms free from his around his head "Armin are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"
He didn't give her an answer; instead, he just stared at her with wide, fearful eyes and my bad feeling grew stronger.
"Where is Eren? Armin?" Mikasa asked softly, her eyes intent on Armin.
"We were... The cadets of squad 34, Thomas Wagner, Nack Tierce, Samuel Zeremski, Mina Carolina and Eren Yaeger. These brave 5 upheld their duties. They died valiantly on the field of battle" Armin broke down into heart-wrenching sobs.
Ah shit.
"Please no" Sasha whispered; her face stricken with grief.
"His whole squad was wiped out" I muttered as the words fell out of my mouth.
All gone, just like that in a single afternoon. Eren was in the top ten, if he couldn't make it then what was the point in all of this. How were we ever supposed to fight back? We've been raised like pigs to the slaughterhouse because no matter how hard we trained in the last three years it made no difference in the end, there was no beating them.
"The same will happen to us if we try to take on those Titans." A cadet cried out in fear and Armin seemed to wake from his madness lunging forward to cling to Mikasa's arm.
"I'm so sorry, Mikasa. It should have been me that died and not Eren. I couldn't do a thing, I'm worthless" he wailed as he began to fall back inside himself, the guilt eating him up from the inside.
Poor bastard.
"Armin. Calm yourself. We haven't got time for you to get emotional right now" Mikasa drawled emotionlessly as she shook off Armin's hand.
"What...?" Armin mumbled, looking at her with wide tearful eyes.
"On your feet" Mikasa snapped as she dragged him up his feet before turning to Marco who recoiled slightly from the dead look in her eyes "Marco, if we eliminate or bypass the titans at HQ then we can refuel our gear allowing us to get back over the wall. Is that assessment correct?"
"Well err yeah, I guess so sure, but there is just too many of them out there even with you on point" Marco shook his head as he looked at her like she was crazy and she was, you could see it in her eyes, she had just lost everything.
God damn it Eren, why did you have to go and get eaten!
"I can do it" Mikasa declared "I'm strong! Real strong. None of you come close, do you hear me! I am a warrior! Know this, I have the power to slay all of the Titans that block our path. Even if I have to do it alone. As far as I'm concerned, I'm surrounded by a bunch of unskilled cowardly worms. You disappoint me. You can just sit here and twiddle your thumbs and watch how it's done."
Please don't do this.
"Wait, Mikasa, are you out of your mind that's crazy?" someone protested. My heart was aching looking at her, can't any of them see? She's holding onto the one thing she has now. Revenge.
"You can't be seriously taking them out by yourself-"
"There's no way you can hope to beat -"
One menacing look from Mikasa silenced all protests.
"If I can't beat them, then I die. But if I win, I live. And the only way to win is to fight" Mikasa's lips were moving, but it was Eren's words leaving them and when she ran and dove off the edge of the roof I knew I couldn't let her do this alone.
Eren you little shit, even beyond the grave you're still a pain in my ass.
"You know I was expecting something more motivational. Your way with words was kind of a let-down" I muttered as I withdrew my blades, I can't believe I was about to do this.
I blame everything about this on you Eren!
"Don't just stand there! We weren't taught to let our comrades fight alone! Unless you are a coward in which case stay out of my way! Hurry up! Follow Mikasa. Avoid fighting if you can! Get to HQ before you run out of gas!" I snarled at the snivelling cadets and without waiting for their response, I took off after Mikasa. I could do this; I'm going to die, but I could do this. I could follow her until the very end.
It wasn't long before I heard the ODM gear of the others, but I didn't care, I kept Mikasa in my sights as she was ripped through the air like a bullet, carving through every Titan that dared to cross her path. She was running on pure adrenaline, and it wouldn't last forever.
"Woah Mikasa is a badass. How is she going so fast?" Connie gasped in awe. Too fast, she was going too fast and looking below, I could see Armin watching her also with eyes full of fear. As if on cue a spluttering noise sounded from Mikasa's ODM gear signalling her gas reserves failing and I watched in horror as she began to fall from the sky in slow motion until she disappeared into the streets below.
"Mikasa!" Armin screamed as he corrected his course to go after her. There was no way they would survive without Mikasa in the air, they would both die unless they got help. Cursing myself for not the first time today I began to turn back.
Hold on, I'm coming!
"Jean!" Connie shouted as he cut off my path "You lead the rest to HQ, I will go after Armin!".
"I'll go with you!" I argued, I had to do this, I had to save her.
"Don't be stupid! There are still titans everywhere! You gotta help the others!" Connie protested and without waiting for my reply he took off in the direction Armin had gone and left me with a decision to make. Without Mikasa, this plan went to shit, but without leadership, they would all die. One life or the many. Mikasa or everyone else. Sparing one last glance in the direction she had fallen, I silently prayed she would survive as I continued on with the plan for HQ.
Shit.
MIKASA
I didn't feel the impact as my body collided with the cold damp ground. I didn't feel the sting of the cobbles grazing my palms as I pulled myself up. I didn't feel anything besides the overwhelming feeling of my guilt crushing my soul. All that I had done, all I had wanted, all that I lived for had died with him. I made a promise to protect him, I promised his mother, I promised Aurora and Rian. I had failed them all but it matters little now, soon I would pay the price for my failure.
The booming footsteps shook the earth as the Titan neared its prey, closer and closer it came and yet I couldn't think of nothing but that day out in the fields when everything had been right in the world. Eren's sleeping form, Rian stroking his hair, Aurora smiling down upon him. All that we had done together, the pain we had suffered and yet I couldn't bring myself to hate any of it. This world is cruel, but it's also beautiful.
It was a good life.
The Titan had closed in on its prey, its hand was reaching out, blocking out the sun. I let my eyes fall closed and pictured his smile and defiant teal eyes when the flash of red hair cut through his image and I felt the guilt crushing me again.
Please forgive me.
The air shifted around me as the Titan's fingers began to close in. Any moment now, and it would be over. Just a few more heartbeats and I would be with him again.
As soon as I felt the gentle caress of the Titan's fingers, my body reacted. Snapping my eyes open, I saw the severed, bloody fingers rolling across the floor and the blood-covered blade in my hands. The Titan reached out for me again, and this time my body evaded its grasp but was unable to avoid being slammed back into the wall behind me.
Why?
I had already given up; I had made my peace with my decision, so why? Why am I struggling? Why do I keep getting up? Why am I still fighting? I mean I've lost any reason to keep going so what keeps pushing me?
Fight! Kill or be killed. It's the only way to live.
Eren's rage filled eyes burned in my minds eye as his words rolled around in my head. I tried so hard to stay with him, the only time I could breathe easy was when he was near. But he's not here anymore. I'll never see him laugh again; I'll never see him smile; but if I die, I'll never remember him either. Is that why I keep fighting because he's never coming back? He told me I had to fight so if I let myself die; would I be dishonouring his memory? Another flash of Eren unwrapping his scarf slammed my mind, the same one wrapped around my neck now.
I'm so sorry, Eren. I'm through giving up. I'll never give up again. Because if I die, these memories of you die with me. That's why I'll do whatever it takes to win. I'll keep you alive in my heart, and not a single Titan is going to stop me from doing that.
Rising to my feet I turned to face my closest opponent, another 15 meters was approaching to my rear, but all I had to do was get through this one, and then I would be free to run. Gripping my dulled blade tight with both hands, I readied myself to attack. I had done this before, the only difference was this monster was bigger, I just had to wait for the right moment.
Steady....steady...Now.
As I lunged forward to strike the ground beneath me shook so violently that I was propelled into the air. I barely had time to see the giant foot slamming down to my left before a massive Titan moved over me and slammed his fist into the Titan I had just been about to attack, knocking it off its feet.
What!?
I slammed back onto the ground and looked up in terrified awe at the monster above me. This Titan was different, a chiselled form with dark brown hair and exposed teeth, it wasn't so much his looks it was how he was holding himself; it was a combat stance and I barely had time to recover when a guttural scream tore through his throat so loud and primal that I had to cover my ears to stop the pain.
Stalking over to the felled Titan, he began stomping over and over on its nape, blood arcing through the air and splattered all of the walls. The sight was truly gruesome and yet I couldn't turn away.
He's killing ... He's killing the other Titan.
Suddenly a mass of steam erupted from the dying Titan signalling the destruction of its weak spot and standing tall, the victorious Titan scanned the horizon but not once did his focus shift to me.
Had he saved me?
Before I had time to contemplate the meaning of what had just happened, something collided with my body and lifted me into the air away from my Titan saviour. Crashing onto the nearest rooftop, I scrambled to my feet, ready to fight when Armin's wide blue eyes were right in front of me, searching my body head to toe.
"Mikasa are you okay?" Armin panted as he got his bearings and I stared at him in shock realising he had come for me. I was about to chew him out for risking his life when Connie came clattering onto the rooftop putting and end to path of thought.
"Are you guys alright?" he asked as he skittishly looked around and I nodded in confirmation "Then we better get out of here."
Spinning on his heel, he made to run for the roof edge but then jumped back two paces as the Titan that had saved me was approaching another Titan of equal height.
"Crap two 15-meter titans!" Connie shouted in alarm before looking around in a panic, no doubt looking for the best exit.
"No that one's different" I pointed to my dark-haired saviour who was now squaring up to the Titan in front of him. Another primal scream tore from its throat before bringing his fists up and adopting a fighting stance, I had only seen two others take before.
Rian... Aurora...
The two Titans faced each other for a moment before the dark-haired Titan lunged forward and struck the other Titan so hard that his head ripped clean off and flew into the church building five streets away. Collapsing to the ground, the smoke had barely begun to rise from the fallen Titan when the dark-haired Titan stomped on the back of its mutilated neck.
"It just finished it off. It knew exactly where the week spot was" Armin said astonished.
"Come on guys, it's time to split" Connie shouted, the urgency edging into his tone "The Last thing we need is him coming our way."
"No. He has no reaction to us" Armin mused as he watched the spectacle in front of us "Any other titan would have been on top of us by now."
"It seemed to understand the skill of hand to hand combat. What is that thing? That move was like something Rian had shown us once, do you remember Armin?" I pressed, and Armin nodded, this was no ordinary titan that's for sure. What are the chances of a Titan like him existing?
"Just chalk it up as another abnormal. Hell, there always an unpleasant surprise right. Forget about it lets get out of here" Connie advised as he ran to the edge of the rooftop ready to engage his ODM gear.
"Wait a minute hold on! Mikasa's tanks are empty" Armin fretted as he pointed at my tanks. He was right they were empty, all because I didn't use sparingly.
"What! What are we gonna do! We can't clear HQ without your help!" Connie shouted as he clutched his head.
"There's only one thing to do" Armin dropped to one knee and began to remove his gas canisters "I know there isn't very much left in them, but it's better than your empty ones."
"Armin!" I gasped in horror, what was he doing!?
"This is the only choice; it would be a complete waste if I kept them. But use this gas more sparingly, everyone's lives are riding on you" Armin pressed as he continued to remove his canisters, completely ignoring my protests and reached forward to replace mine. This was because of my own stupidity, he was sacrificing himself because of my selfishness.
What have I done?
I lead the attack without any regards for their lives at all, I had bated them with twisted words and called them cowards. I was reckless with my own life without thinking of the consequences or who would suffer for my actions, I lost track of what I had been taught.
Oh Eren, I'm so ashamed.
"There got it. The ODM gear is functional, and I restocked your blades. Just...just leave me this one okay" Armin whispered as he picked up my dulled blade and gripped it tight in his shaking hand "It's just I'd rather this be my end than being eaten alive. If Aurora and Rian make it back, please... Please tell them I'm sorry and that I tried to be brave"
He means to kill himself.
Darting forward, I grabbed the blade from his hand and tossed it over the side of the building.
"Why did you..." he whispered in horror as the blade clattered to the street below. Kneeling in front of him I turned his head towards mine so I could look into his eyes.
"I will not leave you behind" I swore as I pulled him to his feet and gave him a hard look, I was not losing anyone else today. Nodding, Armin moved to check our gear in preparation to leave and I couldn't help but think about the dark-haired abnormal.
What was he? Are there any more like him? I have never heard of a titan killing another titan, no one has. But it struck a chord deep inside me, something so familiar, something so primal. It was then I suddenly understood why I couldn't shake this overwhelming feeling.
He was the embodiment of everything I had felt since our home had been taken from us. I had borne witness to the manifestation of humanities rage.