AURORA
Four months had blazed by since Rian, and I had joined the scouts and to say we had been put through our paces would be an understatement. I had thought that the cadet corps workout regimes had been a gruelling experience, but Walls was I wrong. My body ached in ways it never had before, but as time passed, I felt myself becoming stronger. Section Commander Miche ran us through ODM drill after ODM drill to ensure maximum efficiency from his unit, countless hours spent performing the same manoeuvres and tactics until they became seared into my muscle memory.
The day had come when during another ODM drill when the Miche squad had performed our offensive without needing direction. It had been as effortless as breathing; my body knew exactly what to do and how to do it without my brain needing to decide anything. It had tasted like freedom.
Commander Erwin had observed us himself that day and had decided it was time we ran a mock expedition to Wall Rose with Section Commander Hange and Captain Levi's Squads, and that's where we were heading today. The aim of today's mission was to cross the lands between Headquarters and Wall Rose using the long-range scouting formation. 'Titans' had been erected around the landscape to make the exercise as realistic as possible. All going well, we would then learn how to scale Wall Rose with ODM gear. This was all in preparation for the real deal in a month when we would be attempting to establish a supply line from Trost district to Shiganshina. The Ultimate long-term goal was to find a way to plug Wall Maria and reclaim the land we had lost three years ago. No easy feat.
Miche had spent the last week hammering home every last detail about the Long-Range Scouting formation, from smoke signals to our positions, he left nothing to chance. Our rookie status meant little to the scouts, Miche was the tip of the spear for the vanguard's centre rank, his extraordinary sense of smell literally made him a walking Titan detector. His job was to alert the formation to Titans before ever encountering them, and as such he was the lucky bastard first into the fray when it came to entering Titan territory.
Of course, being a member of Miche's unit meant I also was to be another rank in the vanguard. The forward centre right flank to be exact, Rian was to be the forward centre-left. We would be on Miche's wings in the formation. Gelgar was to be the far forward right and Nanaba the far forward left, if Miche was the tip of the spear, we were its head. After that, it was the right- and left-wing spotters who would make the flanks for the entire formation.
When it came down to it, we would be responsible for alerting the rest of the formation to any head-on threats, and more importantly, we were the first line of defence for Erwin's command squad who would be the next rank behind us. Without them, the entire formation would collapse, and we would be helpless beyond the safety of walls. No pressure.
Evasion was the aim of the game, when we saw a Titan, we would send up a red flare alerting the rest of the formation to its position and move on. Once Commander Erwin had a decent read of our surroundings, he would fire a green flare and change our route accordingly. Of course, today's training wouldn't be able to account for Abnormals. Titans that did not follow the typical behavioural pattern of the average Titan, they often ignored a lone human in favour of larger groups, greedy bastards. In the formation the centre ranks and the command squad held the higher human density, making abnormals a problem. If one or more reared their ugly heads, then they would have to be engaged and being in the vanguard, it put me at a higher risk of having to be the one doing the engaging. Lucky me.
We had all geared up this morning after Erwin had deemed the weather today to be the most advantageous to our training and I had dressed and had eaten breakfast on the go heading towards the stables. Miche had been waiting for me to arrive and went over the plan with Gelgar, Nanaba, myself and Rian one more time before ordering us to mount up.
I had familiarised myself with the new horse Miche had chosen for me the day after I had arrived at headquarters. He was large and towered over me but was also robust, fast and dependable and as such, I had named him Kano. Miche had shown me how to mount and dismount him without needing any assistance, and I had been genuinely grateful. I was sure Captain Levi had thought I was weak when I couldn't even mount my horse and the feel of his hands on my waist when he had lifted me up to the beast had been enough to nearly make head my explode with sheer embarrassment. At least now I didn't have to have a repeat of that fiasco.
Kano had an excellent spirit and responded to me well, he moved precisely where I needed him to without requiring me to assert authority on his reigns. He always returned when I whistled for him and had even reared up once in my defence during training when Hange had dropped out the trees and scared the shit out of me, as Miche had said, he was a good horse for a Vanguard rank. So, as I now sat on his back, waiting to move out, I had complete faith in him.
Commander Erwin sat mounted on his horse at the head of the procession, today his command squad consisted of Section commander Hange, her XO Moblit Berner and Captain Levi. Once Erwin gave the signal for the long-range formation, I would ride past them and take up my position. A little bundle of excitement hit my stomach as I glanced at the back of Levi's dark head. I had been a piss poor excuse of a rider before joining the scouts, but with all the time Miche had taken to teach me, I had become a confident and capable rider. Some ridiculous part of me wanted Captain Levi to see that I wasn't a liability on horseback anymore and an even smaller, more ridiculous part wanted him to be proud. I almost groaned in nausea at the thought.
Pathetic.
Our interactions over the last four months had been confusing and somewhat alarming. I'm not sure when I had begun, but more often than not, I found myself looking for him. In the mess hall, the training grounds, the gym, the living quarters, the stables, whenever he was there, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from spotting him. The most confusing thing, however, was that every time I would steal these idiotic glances at him, I would catch him staring at me too. Ordinary people look away once someone caught them staring, not the Captain though. His eyes would meet mine, and I would be trapped in his gaze, unable to look elsewhere. The longer he held me with his cold grey eyes, the stronger the feeling of heat would grow in my gut.
On one such occasion, I had been sat in the mess hall with Rian, Eld and Moblit animatedly discussing blade techniques when I had felt his gaze on me. I had met his eyes as was quickly becoming our custom but instead of our usual weird staring match, this time his lips parted revealing a tiny hint of his white teeth and his eyes had burned with such an intensity I hadn't known what to do. My body had reacted involuntarily, heat shot and twisted in my stomach and oddly, I had felt it resonated between my legs in an uncomfortable but definitely not unpleasant way. Heat had spread across my face, and I had jumped up from the table hastily causing poor Eld to fall back off his seat. Helping him up, I had made some excuse about forgetting to help Nanaba with the horses and had fled like a coward.
I had never felt anything like it before, and frankly, I hadn't understood it. Later that night in my dorm, I asked Nanaba what the feeling was while leaving out who had caused it, as she helped me tame my tangled curls and the hairbrush had snagged in my hair, making me wince in pain.
"Your twenty, aren't you?" Nanaba had asked, an awkward look on her face. I had not understood how that was relevant. "Didn't your mother not teach you about sexuality? Surely you must have had a relationship or at least fooled around before now" she had continued on; the heat had spread across my face when I had realised it was those feelings she was talking about. A topic I knew plenty about thanks to soldiers talking, but first-hand experience? I had none.
"I never knew my mother" I had explained. "My grandfather frightened all the local boys. The woman who helped raise me was eaten by Titans before she got around to the whole marriage and babies' topic; I ran for my life from Shiganshina to be faced with the prospect of starving and freezing in the winter wastelands, grieved the loss of half my family and then enlisted to feed the other half that survived and then joined the scouts. Not much time to even think about fooling around with boys never mind relationships". Nanaba had sighed and come around to kneel in front of me, she had gently tucked my hair behind my ear. My chest had squeezed painfully, Carla used to do that too.
"I guess not". Nanaba had smiled at me sadly then. "You're feeling sexual attraction for whoever this man is, your body wants to, you know... do things" she had gestured obscenely, and I had burst out laughing.
"Well, Shit"
Nanaba had laughed and patted my head before returning to my hair. I had known then that I was doomed, had it been any other man I may have been able to move on but not with him. Not with those eyes.
Commander Erwin gave the signal to set off, pulling me from my thoughts. I nudged Kano forward and began to ride with the rest of the procession and as soon as we made open country, Erwin threw his hand out.
"Deploy the Long-Range Formation now!" he commanded. I squeezed my thighs on Kano's flanks, and he broke into a full canter. I was glad I had braided my hair into its usual crown braid because with the speed Kano was running my hair would have obscured my sight. I guided him past the command squad, keeping my eyes forward and not looking at him and quickly got into position, keeping my eyes peeled for 'Titans'.
Try not to fuck this up Aurora, he's right behind you.
**********
The exercise had gone flawlessly. We had ridden all morning and judging by the sun it was just after midday when we came to the foot of Wall Rose. I had spotted four 'Titans' on my route and had sent up red flares to alert the formation, the commander had redirected countless times, but the formation moved as smoothly as when we first began.
Guiding Kano to follow along the length of the wall, I looked up in awe. I had grown up in the shadow of Wall Maria and had seen Wall Rose when we had been housed as refugees, but this was the first time that I would actually be on top of the damn thing, never mind scaling it with using ODM gear. This would be a bad time to develop a fear of heights.
I continued along the wall and spotted Miche just up ahead who had stopped and was dismounting. Pulling to a stop next to him, Miche nodded to me in greeting, I was about to ask him how we would be going about scaling the wall when a gut-wrenching feeling tore through me, making me gasp.
No! Not again!
I had felt this before, it wasn't something I could forget, even in my dreams, I remembered the skin-crawling sensation. I had felt it moments before the Colossal Titan had kicked in the Shiganshina gate, I had not stopped feeling it as Titans had poured in and destroyed my home. My eyes widened, nerve endings lighting on fire, sending the jolts of electric throughout my body. My teeth clenched as my muscles unlocked, ready to attack. A sturdy pair of hands pulled me from Kano's back, instinct took over and I lashed out. Section Commander Miche moved his head to the side, narrowly avoiding my fist. He restrained my arms behind my back in what I assumed was supposed to be a tight hold, however with the way my body was feeling I was only aware of one thing. My eyes zeroed in on a spot on the wall that had my insides reeling in fear, I knew just on the other side a Titan was there.
"What's going on? The other one is doing the exact same thing except he isn't as easy to hold down! Eld and Gunther had to restrain him!" I faintly heard Oluo say, my mind too focused on the threat.
Rian?
I was aware others had begun to crowd around while the Titan on the other side of the wall started to move. A red haze tinted my sight, and I felt an overwhelming need to tear something apart with my blades. It was unfiltered rage, that was how my mind rationalised fear, by turning it into anger. I knew I was starting to push against Miche's hold because I heard him grunt in effort to keep me still.
I had not prepared for this. I knew I would be facing Titan's again, but I had not once thought about how that would make me feel. That day flooded back into my mind, the people screaming, the blood and gore everywhere we turned. The fires that raged. Our destroyed home. Grandfather's broken body. The smell of death. Carla. How dare that thing come so close to us? How dare they take my home from me!
Pain shot across my face forcing my head down to the side. It took me a moment to realise I had been struck. I lifted my head back up just in time to see Captain Levi's fist flying towards my face and connecting with my mouth, the taste of blood welling under my tongue, and I fell to my knees as Miche released his hold on me and I spat the red liquid out. The red haze had retreated, and I could think clearly. I could still feel the Titan, but my emotions were firmly in check. Looking up I saw the towering figure of Miche blocking my view of the crowd of scouts and Captain Levi.
"That's enough" Miche's voiced commanded firmly, leaving no room for argument. Unfortunately, Levi didn't agree.
"Nothing teaches discipline like pain. She needed bringing to heel" Levi's monotone drawled. He was right, I had needed reigning in. I had lost my head to rage, which out there beyond the walls would have gotten me and more importantly, my comrades killed.
Miche lunged forward and grabbed the front of Levi's cloak and I scrambled to my feet, pushing myself in-between, forcing Miche to release Levi. Miche dead-eyed the Captain before saying "Not with my soldiers". I dared a glance at Levi to see him staring at my split lip before looking down at his bloody fist, his eyebrows furrowed together.
"What's the meaning of this?" Commander Erwin's voice rang out, he was fast approaching me, and behind him, Rian was held between Gunther and Eld, the latter of the two sporting a quickly forming bruise across his jaw. Erwin came to stand still, and his face was grave, this man would have answers.
They are going to think I'm mad but if Rian is behaving the same, does that mean he can feel that thing too?
My eyes darted between Erwin, Levi and Miche before finding Rian's eyes to which he gave a slight nod of his head, I pulled in a calming breath, the air stinging my lip. I closed my eyes and thought about how I was going to explain this without sounding like a lunatic.
"There is a Titan on the other side of that section of the wall" I pointed to where the strange feeling of danger was coming from and Erwin looked to where I had shown him, his large eyebrows pulled so close together they had become one.
"There are hundreds of Titans on the other side of that wall Sparhawke," Erwin said unsure as to what I was getting at. I looked back to Rian who nodded more forcefully this time, encouraging me to continue.
"No sir, I mean a Titan is clawing at that section of the wall, I can feel it. I don't know how or why but I know it's a Titan. I've felt this before back in Shiganshina. Please, sir, go look for yourself" I pleaded with my eyes. Erwin seemed to stare at me for a lifetime before he nodded to Levi and the Captain attached his hooks into the wall, rapidly climbing before disappearing over the top. A few heartbeats passed and then Levi swung down from the wall using his gas to slow his descent before landing gracefully on his feet.
"A thirteen-meter titan is attempting to claw its way through the wall exactly where she said it would be" Captain Levi stated before eyeing me curiously. Erwin's eyes widened a fraction before he spun around to address Rian.
"And you? Can you feel that Titan too?"
"Yes, sir," Rian said firmly. "I can only describe it as knowing that danger is close by."
"That would explain their reactions, Erwin, Fight or flight instincts kicking in" Miche added. Commander Erwin seemed to be deep in thought, he looked between Rian and me before looking back to Miche.
"You did say they smelt different. Your nose is as sharp as ever it seems. Help them both to the top of the wall, we will show them how to scale it later, I have a theory I'd like to test out".
What is that supposed to mean?
Erwin gestured for Gunther and Eld to release Rian who looked apologetically at Eld. Suddenly I felt a strong-arm wrap around my waist tightly, and before I could react, I was in the air and ascending rapidly. I knew of course who held me in a bruising grip because little shivers erupted all along my body. Landing on top of the wall, Levi steadied me, his hand lingering on my waist. I had never been this close to him before, and when I turned slightly, his face was inches from mine, his hand reached up and gently wiped some blood away from my chin and I swallowed hard.
"I shouldn't have hit so hard" he murmured before dropping his hand and stepping away just in time for Hange followed by Miche and Erwin flew above the ledge with Rian held between them.
As always impeccable timing brother.
***************
Upon the top of the wall, Commander Erwin had Rian and me scan the breath-taking view. To my horror, I had been able to detect the presence of three Titans that were not clear to see by the naked eye, Miche had confirmed their presence with his acute sense of smell and Rian had only been able to sense one other Titan. Turns out we were freaks with the ability to detect when Titans were near.
"It's called fear conditioning," Erwin said, rubbing his chin, eyes staring off into the lands of Wall Maria, the wheels in his head-turning.
"Care to let the rest of us know where your head is at" Levi snapped at Erwin. His mood had been souring more and more with each glance to my face.
"Do you remember a few years ago when an earthquake hit inside wall Sheena, and all the animals acted strangely?" Erwin asked.
"I don't see what that has to do with this," Miche said, uncertainty plain on his face and I looked to Rian who was frowning in confusion.
Me too Rian, me too.
"OOOOOH! I get it! Your thinking their senses are heightened like Miche's to form a new sense for danger, right!?" Hange clapped excitedly, bouncing up and down on the spot like a child entering a candy shop.
"Exactly" Erwin smiled. A calculating look in his eyes. "Just before that earthquake, all the animals went silent, it was eerily quiet. They had sensed the shift in their environment and knew that danger was near. It's called fear conditioning, and I believe it's what we're dealing with now. Aurora's range on this is the same as Miche's sense of smell and Rian's seems to be limited to the same distance as his field of vision but is no less acute. The fact they both have this suggests it's a family trait. They reacted so strongly down there because they weren't expecting the threat to suddenly appear, Miche's right, it was fight or flight instinct taking over."
I tried to comprehend all of this. What Erwin was saying made some sense, I had felt threatened, and I had gone into attack mode; however, I had grown up in Shiganshina. Before the fall those walls had been surrounded by Titans. How had I not been able to use this extra sense before when they had been near the walls?
Because you hadn't needed to then.
I had only ever been in danger when the Colossal Titan appeared to breach the wall and then every day after I had known I would never be safe again. Everything I had done since that day had been beyond ordinary, I tried not to think on it, but it had been there in the back of my mind. The way I fought was so instinctual, my body's ability to act because it knew what needed to be done, even the way I fought with ODM gear, I was fast and strong. Yes, some of that was down to training and repetition, but when it boiled down to basics, I had always had a special skill for violence.
Family trait. We are special.
Laughter burst out of my lips as I began to manically cackle at the absurdity of it all. That lying old bastard. All those lectures on blood and preparation. The way he had looked at me after he found those slavers. He had known all along, hadn't he?
"Aurora what are you doing?!" Rian demanded grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking. I grabbed the front of his cloak with both my hands and met his wide eyes with my wild ones.
"That old fucker knew. He knew all along that this was inside us!" I snarled. The more I thought about it, the more I was sure. What else had he been hiding?
"I don't under..."
"Our Grandfather Rian, what did we really know about him?" I interrupted. "Remember what he said as he bled out onto the rubble. We are special. Don't let all that we are die here. That bastard knew we were different. We light the way! Endless lectures on the importance of blood, and here was me thinking he was talking about family. All those beatings to teach us to control fear and dominate the fight, he knew we had this in us all along! The way we fight, the way we use ODM gear it's not normal, we're not normal. He knew Rian. He knew and said nothing!"
Tears began to fall from my eyes as I looked in Rian's face and I could see he knew I was right. We had known all along. I suddenly became aware again that we were not actually alone and I looked over to our companions and the looks on their faces said everything I need to know.
They had known we were different too.