⚠ Mentions of Physical Abuse ⚠
⚠ Verbal Abuse ⚠
⚠May seem self-harmish ⚠
Fem!Reader x Joker
Determining who was a friend and who wasn't was something (Y/n) always struggled with.
She'd label someone as a friend and think that they were a friend, only to realize a year or two later that she was being hoodwinked.
Friendships always felt one-sided. One second she would be laughing with them and smiling about something and the next she'd be at home wondering if she was annoying them or not.
The idea of being a nuisance always kept her up at night.
(Y/n) never valued herself because no one ever stayed.
No one ever confided in her.
No one ever noticed her absence.
No one ever asked how she felt.
They'd just keep ber around, use her, and then leave.
After her last "friend" robbed her and stabbed her multiple times, her doctor had sent her off to visit a therapist.
His excuse was, We've got enough psychopaths in the world. I don't want to see anymore.
So she went.
Her therapist, Dr. Gray, wasn't exactly the nicest or most friendly, but she was honest.
(Y/n) couldn't hate her for that.
All she had to do was answer her questions, show her journal, and then make an appointment for next week.
"So how are you feeling today, (Y/n)?"
"I've had better days."
"How so?"
She shrugged. "I just don't feel happy."
"How are things with your mom?"
"O-Ok." She dug her nails into her palms.
Dr. Gray arched a brow as the (nationality ex. Italian) woman started playing with her long sleeves.
"It's a tad warm for a hoodie, don't you think?"
"..."
Dr. Gray sighed. "Still no friends?"
(Y/n) froze at the word and Dr. Gray immediately tensed up. "..."
"Fuck. Sorry. Trigger word." She scribbled down a few notes. "Are you interacting with other people?"
"N-Not really."
Her therapist sighed realizing that the whole session was now compromised due to her slipping up. "Did you bring your journal?"
She held it out for the woman.
It was the same sketch over and over.
This was something that always seemed to make her therapist think that she was still stuck in the past.
She didn't understand what betrayal felt like.
She didn't understand how bad her meltdowns were around people or how much she hated living with her mother.
Dr. Gray treated every problem she had like it was trivial.
The woman continued to thumb through the book, examining each sketch of the same picture.
One stick figure stabbing another while red ink colored in the blood.
"You're still reliving that night."
(Y/n) bit her nails while staring at her doodles.
Scribbles of words were incoherently jotted down around some of the most recent sketches.
The woman leaned in and frowned. "What does this say?"
"Those are my bad thoughts."
"..." The woman arched a brow before squinting her eyes. "Fate."
"..."
"Eliza."
"..."
"Rogers."
"..."
"Soleil."
"..."
"Marie."
"..."
"Davidson."
"..."
"July-" The woman glanced up when she heard a loud snap.
(Y/n) had broken one of the arms off of the chair.
"Stop."
"Stop?"
"Stop. Reading. It."
"Are these people?"
"Stop."
"Why do you hold on to these people (Y/n)?"
(Y/n) snatched away the notebook as her eyes got watery. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME GET BETTER."
"I am helping you." Dr. Gray frowned. "You seem to have some sort of attachment to these names."
Since her first session, Dr. Gray had never seen this much emotion.
(Y/n) was typically cool, calm, and collected.
However, in this moment, she looked like she was trapped in a cage with lions.
These people had clearly done some damage.
"BULLSHIT." She spat. "YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT ANTAGONIZE ME THIS ENTIRE SESSION!"
"I'm sorry you feel that way, (Y/n)."
(Y/n) got up and ran out of the office, ignoring the looks everyone was giving her as tears blurred her vision.
(Y/n)'s muscles locked up as she crashed into someone, knocking them off their feet.
As they both hit the ground, the man let out a pained groan. "Ouch."
(Y/n) curled up in a ball as she let out a stream of shaky apologies.
"It's okay." A soft hand touched her back. "A-Are you okay?"
"..." She didn't respond as her shivers became worse.
"Are you hurt?"
"Gray! Your patient is having a meltdown out here!"
The sound of clicking heels pulled (Y/n) out of the black hole she was in and she quickly scrambled to her feet before running out of the building.
Arthur's session with Dr. Gray had been the same as usual.
How are you?
How was work?
Did he make any friends?
Did he have any negative thought?
Same shit. Different day.
However, something new was on his mind today.
The woman that had crashed into him earlier....her face was burned into his brain.
How could someone so beautiful be going to a place like this?
She seemed distressed.
He frowned as he walked down the street with a brown paper bag in tow as he headed to an address on a crumpled envelope.
It had fallen out of the young woman's notebook when they collided.
He had intended on giving it back then, but she was gone before he got the chance.
Once he arrived, he walked inside the rundown apartment and walked up a flight of stairs.
Once he reached the 3rd floor he approached the apartment number on the envelope.
315.
He bit his bottom lip as the sounds of shouting echoed from inside the apartment. He raised his hand to knock before the door was ripped open.
He stepped back as he came face to face with the woman he had seen earlier.
She looked drained, a few bloody welts decorating her now exposed arms.
"H-Hey?"
She froze where she stood as she examined him.
"I just came to bring you something you dropped." He tilted his head before smiling.
She relaxed a little once her eyes saw the envelope.
"T-Thank you."
"(Y/N)!"
She stiffened again as her eyes started to water. "Uh-" she gently grasped the envelope. "Bye."
His heart ached as he watched her start to close the door.
"I-I brought ice cream..."
The door paused. "For what?"
"You."
"Why?"
"Y-You looked like you were having a bad day."
She opened the door a little. "Oh."
"Here." He held it out for her and she grabbed it with a shaky hand.
"Thank you....?"
"Arthur." He nodded before shoving his hands in his pockets. "Arthur Fleck."
"(Y/n) (L/n)."
He nodded.
"(Y/N)! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU! I NEED MY CIGARETTES!"
She tensed up again. "I gotta go."
He nodded. "Can I see you again?"
"Meet me outside at midnight." She whispered before slamming the door.
He glanced at the clock hanging in the hall.
He could wonder around Gotham until then.
He did a mini fist pump before quickly leaving the building.
He hoped that she'd be able to eat some of the ice cream before seeing him.
Ice cream always cheered him up, when he could afford it.
He stared at the sky and smoked a cigarette before staring at the people walking by.
People were so interesting.
Everyone had habits and he loved picking each one apart.
Whether it be how they walk or acknowledged people.
He blew out another cloud before slipping into his mind.
Time flew and at some point it became cold and dark.
Arthur had no idea what time it was, but he wasn't leaving until he saw (Y/n).
He heard the entrance door groan before soft footsteps made him look up.
"Hi." She eyed him hesitantly before sitting down on the furthest end of the bench, pulling her jacket tightly around herself.
He watched her breath form a small cloud in the cold as she shivered.
"Hey." He smiled before putting out his cigarette. "Who was that earlier?"
"My mom."
"Why was she so angry?"
"She's always like that."
"Did she hurt you?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Are you cold?"
She nodded. "..."
He held out his jacket and she eyed it.
"Here."
"Why are you being so nice?"
"I-I'm just being myself..." He dangled the jacket out for her. "Isn't this what people do for others when they're cold?"
"Not really."
"I saw it in a movie once."
"..."
"I can't really read..."
"..."
"Have you seen any movies where the guy gives a girl his jacket?"
"I guess."
"So it's normal, yea?"
"Maybe."
"Then take it."
"But won't you be cold?"
He shrugged. "I'm the reason you're out here."
She still seemed reluctant.
"It doesn't smell bad." He pressed it against his nose. "I promise!"
That earned a small smile and she gently took it from him and put it on.
"Thanks."
He nodded before looking up at her. "So you go to the center for Dr. Gray?"
"Yeah."
"Why do you go there?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well...I go there because I've got PTSD...brain damage....and a series of other problems." He paused before laughing. "She's been with me since I got out of Arkham."
"Why'd you go to Arkham?"
"I don't really know." He puffed his cheeks. "What about you, though?" He furrowed his brows. "Why do you go?"
"Uh-"she hesitated. "I struggle with making....making..... relationships... with people....or maybe I just don't understand what a healthy one is...but..." She looked down. "Someone I used to be close to robbed me and stabbed me 47 times."
"..."
"In short, it fucked my mind up."
"How does someone close to you..."
"I don't know."
"..."
"..."
"Do you ever want revenge or wish bad things upon them?"
"I feel nothing."
"Nothing?"
"I just feel exceptionally empty." Her eyes flickered down to the pavement, moving away from her lap. "I sometimes get angry or really sad...but in the end....I feel empty."
He stared at her. "..."
"Maybe it's because I let that person become a part of my world...and they destroyed it."
"..."
"I'm too scared to fix anything."
"..."
"I used to want her to apologize... I thought hearing her beg for forgiveness would heal me...but-"
"..."
"..."
Arthur frowned as he watched her sink into her mind. "But what?"
"She doesn't regret stabbing me."
"She doesn't?"
"No."
"Who did this to you?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Well...maybe you'll trust me enough in the future to tell me."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Maybe."
"..."
"..."
He sighed. "Well this was a good start to a great frien-"
"Please don't say that word."
"What word?"
"That f word."
He furrowed his brows. "Huh?"
"Saying that f word triggers me."
"Frie-"
"Yes. That word." (Y/n) cut him off and he immediately covered his mouth.
"Sorry."
"..." She started pulling off his jacket. "I'm going back inside."
"Already?"
"I don't want my absence to be noticed." She gave it back to him, her shivers quickly returning as the chilly air embraced her.
"Oh."
"Goodnight Arthur."
"Goodnight (Y/n)."
"Can I get a hug?"
"How about a handshake?"
He seemed deflated, but (Y/n) ignored it.
Her arms were burning from today's punishment.
Arthur nodded before holding out his hand, his usual smile returning to his face as she gently shook it.
"Thanks again for returning that envelope."
"No problem."
She smiled before retreating to her apartment.
Little did she know that she was being watched from her apartment window.