WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT, AVOID IF THIS IS A SENSITIVE SUBJECT FOR YOU!!
Also I wrote this because as of writing it I just needed to get my bottled up emotions out and this is what came out.
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Worthless.
Ungrateful.
Disappointing.
Forgetful.
Idiotic.
Just disappear.
No one cares.
No one would notice.
Just drop dead already.
Jump already.
"Maybe they're right. I'm a loser. Just a mat for people to walk on. Who'd even notice the mat disappearing?" As the words escaped my lips, I climbed up onto the ledge of the roof. Looking down I noticed the crowd that began to form. Phones recording and taking pictures as I stood there. Soon the whole student body stood below watching me. I close my eyes as I hold my arms out, ready to just disappear from the world. Leaning forward as the weight on my feet disappeared, falling down. The air felt wonderful, but it all lasted for a second.
My body was pulled back by a pair of strong arms. Instead of falling onto the hard pavement, I fell back onto somebody. My eyes snapped open as I see the sky above me. "Huh...?" I questioned softly as I get away from the person that stopped me. "That was unexpected." I tell myself as I turned around to look at who saved me. I see the most popular boy in school on the ground. This confused me.
"Are you stupid?!" He yells at me, catching me off guard. He gets up as he glared at me. "What the hell would that accomplish? Huh?!" He continues to yell. "My death, what else?" I respond without hesitation. "That's the whole point of it." My answer causes him to clench his fists.
"Why the hell are you trying to kill yourself?!"
Those words stung. I didn't know why, but it hurt hearing him say them. For some reason I couldn't answer him even though I've been able to answer the question countless times before. For once my mind was blank. Devoid of any thoughts. Except one. Why? Just why. No matter how it's asked no answer would form. I just couldn't think of why.
Tears filled my eyes as my body started to shake. "It hurts." I finally respond. Yes, that's why. "It hurts too much." I tell him as the tears roll down my cheeks. "I just want it to stop hurting." My words became so soft as I looked at him through my tearful gaze. His eyes softened as he could see the pain. He pulls me into a hug. As soon as his arms were around me, I sobbed loudly.
"It's okay to hurt, but this isn't the answer. You may think that you're alone, but there are always people there for you. You don't always have to be strong. Your life is worth living no matter how hard it gets. There's always something that'll bring you down to the lowest you can be, but you can't let that stop you from rising up to become the greatest you. Don't let them take your light away. Especially since you shine so bright without realizing it. So cry your heart out until you feel better."
His words just broke me. I didn't feel as if I deserved his kindness. It felt so nice to have someone especially when it felt as if I had no one. "Thank you." I say through the hiccups as I tried to calm down. Yet tears kept flowing out until there was no more tears to cry.
~3 hours later~
"Whoa! Sehun you're on the news!" I hear a voice say as Sehun, the most popular boy in my school, guides me towards the voice. "Yeah! Our little brother is on the news!" I look at Sehun confused as I hear a different voice call him their little brother. "Hyungs! Turn off the news! Also don't calm me your little brother!" He loudly commands as we enter the large living room. I see eight boys in various spots in the room. "Ooo! He brought home a girl!" One says in a loud and teasing manner. "She's the girl from the news." Another says as the tv channel gets changed to some variety show. I flinch at the mention of being on the news. Sehun noticed this causing him to glare at his hyungs. "Shut up!" He yells at them, though he just didn't want to bring up what happened without my approval.
"Sehun oppa, it's okay." I tell him as I gently place my hand on his shoulder. He looks at me with such soft eyes. "You sure?" He asks as he stares into my eyes. I softly smile at him. "Yeah. It's bound to be brought up. I can't avoid it. I tried jumping off our school building after all." My words cause the room to become eerily quiet. I look over at the other boys who were just staring at us.
Before I knew it, I was pulled into a big group hug. I squeaked loudly as I was surrounded by boys. "Hyungs! You're smothering her!" Sehun tells them, which causes them to let me go. I laugh loudly at what just happened. A genuine laugh. This confused all the boys even Sehun. "You guys truly are like a family." I say in between my laughs. This brings a smile to Sehun's face. He's happy that I'm happy.
A small step towards feeling fine. It may take some time, but it will be worth it in the end. Especially with those who bring out the best in me.