| ❝ you'll be in love 'till it kills you both. you'll fight... and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver but you'll never be back to friends❞ |
-
louis was smoking when kris found him.
between losing the trail multiple times and the part of the city they were in had become unusually crowded, it took what felt like forever to find him. but when the regular intervals of ice steps finally ran out, kris recognized where she was. she and louis had come down into the area before leaving town the first time. there was a good bet she could find him.
and, almost ironically, he was in the same tree.
at first, as kris started to climb her way up, she didn't think louis noticed she was there. when she was maybe halfway up, she noticed how much frost had been left on the bark. it caused her to hesitate. ' what if something happens?' kris thought, beginning to freak herself out as she held herself there.
after a few seconds, louis glanced over. "do you need help?"
kris face reddened. "no."
louis rolled his eyes, then moved himself and extended his hand down. heat rising behind her cheeks, she took it and sat herself down close. it felt far too similar to their first time sitting in that place. but their conversation would hold no parallels.
"harry didn't mean anything back there." kris finally said.
louis laughed sarcastically. "yeah, sure."
"i'm serious. i don't think he-" she cut herself off as she noticed louis pulling something out of his pocket. she recognized the box.
louis glanced down at it, then at her. "what?"
"i thought you said you didn't smoke?" 'on multiple occasions'.
he shrugged. "didn't figure it was that big of a deal. no one else seems to give a shit about if we do it or not."
"you do. or, did, whatever."
again simply shrugging in response, louis tried to start up the lighter. kris exhaled, pushing her knees into her chest. she realized she had no idea what she could say to him. she didn't know how to comfort him or how to even relate to what was going on.
"i mean it, though." kris said, "i think harry is trying."
louis abandoned the distraction to answer. "i would figure he is, but..." heavy exhale. "it's frustrating. to have people think one type of pain is more serious than another."
she found fault with that; or, could, at least, see where others could find fault, regardless if she agreed or otherwise. "maybe he thought you didn't need the help. that you were smart or strong enough to take the strain."
that got a laugh out of him, but it was a bitter one. "yeah. clearly."
"have you two ever had a talk about this? i mean, you couldn't have been totally silent about this, not you."
louis finally managed to get a spark going with the lightly, faintly exhaling as he did. although the attempt's well-being ended when he tried to inhale and instead choked. he coughed, and kris still probably wouldn't have even smiled in a different context of the situation. after muttering something that sounded like " 's fucking terrible", louis focused on what kris had said.
"like he said, we all have to deal with him. i don't know, i guess i figured since he tends to focus on me most i'd get a little something more than empty promises of "he'll stop"."
kris had to think hard again for her response to sound somewhat competent. but louis exhaled and put his head in his hands. "this whole thing is stupid. i'm sorry i got you dragged into this, i didn't mean for this to happen."
"this isn't your fault, it isn't exclusively anyone's-"
"no, no i-i shouldn't have let you get involved in all this. any of this."
that punctured kris in a new way she wasn't familiar feeling from him. "so you'd rather have left me behind?"
"that's not how i-" louis stopped himself. "no. i didn't mean for it to come out like that. it's just, it's just weird right now."
"did i do anything, or say something?"
"no, of course not." he seemed adamant to stress that, finally looking up at her. "you haven't done anything, things are just... i guess a lot of things are going on that i don't know about. and it's really worrying me, you know?"
whatever anxiety kris had been able to suppress surfaced again, making her feel sick to her stomach. she reassured herself that he didn't know what she in particular was doing. ' you haven't done anything. ' .
as selfish as she thought it sounded, she asked, "what does that have to do with me?"
she didn't get a particularly bitter response, which was a relief.
"i feel like i'm dragging you into the crossfire of everything and you hardly know the details of anything. it's unfair to you to do that."
"i don't mind.."
"and i'm sure you don't, it's just you don't know these people like everyone else does. you don't know what's going to trigger a bad reaction or how people will handle certain things. yeah, eventually you're going to get to the point where you do know them well enough, but... i shouldn't have expected you to just jump right in like i did."
still, the underlying tones of what he said bothered kris immensely, burrowing under her skin. would he close himself off from her? shut himself away from everyone? she hadn't imagined the conversation taking this particular route- she was much fonder now of the idea of talking him down from fighting with his friend.
"look, i promise it's nothing you've done." louis assured her. "i have my own issues to work through, and, god, i don't know what i'm doing half the time; or saying, for that matter."
kris was quiet at first. the ill feeling was fading from her consciousness, though the emotion had done anything but been dampened. "do you want to be alone?" she finally asked.
he glanced up at her again. taking just about as long as she had, he said, "yeah."
without another word, kris moved herself and dropped down to the ground. something pulled in her stomach. she didn't want to look back at him.
but, when she was almost around the corner, kris did.
she and louis made eye contact almost instantaneously. he looked pained, spinning the lighter in his hands. another pang echoed inside her chest, making it feel empty and airless. she wanted to say something. ' you're not to blame for any of this, i don't blame you, harry doesn't blame you, we all know you're trying to keep this together. i don't want you to be alone'. it almost made her run right back.
almost. making a hard mental effort to do so, kris turned the corner and refused any thoughts about stopping or slowing down. she was hyper-aware of the bursts of ice escaping out her palms, falling on the ground as heavy as rocks and shattering like glass. eventually, she realized she had no idea where she was or where she was going, stopped, and looked around.
she was on the road that went back home.
sighing heavily, kris made herself turn back to find her way back. no matter how desperate she might've been to be on the move, she wouldn't go back to that house.
as she walked, her heart felt heavier and heavier. she wished she'd stayed, but her presence had only brought louis from angry to morose. he was just scared. everyone around was so incorrigible- in not only their attitudes but their varying opinions on what needed to be done- that nothing would ever change. they'd argue the same points and fight until they were wearing away to nothing.
they needed something to help them; a catalyst. and, coming to that conclusion, kris finally got what jacob meant. stopping, she held her hand up and studied it; the veins that stuck out near her knuckles. they meant something. with them she could help louis, could make him understand that she knew what she was doing.
kris hurried to get back.
--
"jacob?"
"what is it? you look upset."
"how ready are we? with your plan?"
"... nearly there, i think."
"i'm ready."
"are you sure?"
"yeah."
"... okay. i'll work a quick miracle. don't sleep, we'll start pretty early in the morning."
"okay."
--
not going to lie it's been a rough while for me and everyone i know and i think my thoughts/frustrations leaked into the story?? like especially in louis, is it noticeable or??
stats;
date- november 17th, 2014
words- 1,470
reads- 3,758
comments- 16
votes- 69