He wakes up in Natasha's lap, flickering his eyes open and closed, open and closed a few times to adjust to the light. "Hey hey," she coos, brushing the hair from his face. "It's okay."
"Wh—what happened—" just as the words left his mouth, Bucky remembered why he had fainted, why he was on the floor, and felt the need to vomit.
"It's okay— your.. your dads on his way to come get you, Buck. Everything's okay."
He shot upright in her arms, trying to pull away from her as he starts to sob. "N-no— let me— let me go!" He cries, thrashing his arm. "Let me go!"
"You know you like it, sweetheart."
"Bucky! It's okay- it's me- it's Nat, you're okay.." Natasha tries, grabbing Bucky's arm as he begins to shake, eyes wide with fear, lip trembling.
"No— don't.. don't touch me! Please— please I- don't want this!"
Rough hands travel down Bucky's body, touching and rubbing without permission.
Teeth and lips biting and sucking at his skin, hurting him, making him cry.
"STOP!" He screams. He could feel hands all over his body, tugging his hair, digging into his hips. He could hear his wails and cries as he begs for everything to just stop.
Bucky hides himself in the corner of the bathrooms, clutching at his shaking body, rocking back and forth, staring with bloodshot eyes down at the tiled ground. He just wants to be left alone, to be able to just leave without feeling guilty about it. He didn't want to feel this way any longer. He wanted out.
He knew that there was so many ways he could do it. Pills, rope, pistol, a knife, blade, jumping off a cliff or a bridge. There were so many options.
"Bucky?" Natasha's voice cuts softly through his thoughts, and he looks up to find her crawling towards him on her knees, hands up in surrender, letting him know she wasn't going to hurt or touch him in any way. "It's just me, Nat. I'm here to help, okay? You're not alone in this."
She comes to an easy and slow stop before him, sitting on her calves in which would mostly be uncomfortable. "I- I know that you're scared and that you think that you're never going to get through this. But.. you're so so strong and brave and... I can't stomach the thought of losing you to.. to this- to what that monster did to you.." she was full on crying now, not bothering to wipe away the tears or the snot. She was being real. Proving that this was real and what Bucky could feel was not. That she was there for him, that she wouldn't judge him or leave him.
"And I— I know that you have moments where you can still see and feel and hear everything that happened.... that it's making you feel that the best way to stop it is by ending it all... that you feel like you can't recover but.. I know in my heart that you can.." she whispers, and Bucky can't stop himself from falling into her arms. Weeping into her chest. "Bucky.. you've been through so much shit these past few months, shit that you didn't deserve but you pushed through it. And yes you're still going over things and getting used to it all, but you can get through this as well and you will get through this.. I.. I promise you.."
Bucky sniffles. "How— how can y-you be so sure?" He whispers, breaking away to look the girl in the eyes. "Whenever I'm alone... all I can think about... about is what happened.... I can still feel it.. I- I.."
"I just do." Natasha finishes. "I just know that you'll get through it, okay? You trust me... don't you?"
"Y-yes.."
"Then thrust me on this.. you will get through it. And whenever you're alone.. you.. you can call me or Bruce or T'Challa or Steve and we'll stay on the phone with you for as long as you need.. yeah?"
"Y-Yeah.. Okay.."
Once the boy had calmed himself down and they had gotten up off the floor, Natasha interlocks their hands, leading Bucky out to the school doors where Tony was waiting for them.
"Thank you so much for calling me, Nat." Tony mumbles, closing Bucky's door behind him. "I- I can't imagine how scary it must've been."
Natasha waves him off. "It's okay.. I.. I did panic a little bit but I'm fine. As long as Bucky's okay, I'm okay." She smiles, patting his shoulder. "Anyway, I should get to class before my parents are called."
"Oh— yes yes, go. Thanks so much again."
"No problem. Make sure he's okay.. yeah?"
Tony nods. "Of course." He gives the girl a tight lipped smile before getting into the Ute himself and driving them both home.
Tony leads Bucky quietly into the lounge, sitting him down on the couch and pressing a quick kiss to the crown of his head. "Do you.. do you want a hot chocolate?" He whispers.
Bucky nods softly. "Please."
"Okay.. I'll be two ticks."
Tony keeps his word and returns back into the lounge a few minutes later, clutching a mug that had steam flowing out the top.
He hands his son the mug of hot chocolate he had made for him, smiling at the small thank you that left the boys mouth before taking a sip. Tony takes a seat beside Bucky, leaving a small space between them just in case he didn't want to be smothered and sighs. "I know you probably don't want to talk about what happened in the bathrooms but... I.. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.. okay? I just— I want to know if your okay or if you aren't..."
Bucky places down the mug and bites his lower lip. "I.. I fainted.." He whispers. "And I woke up and Nat was sorta holding me in her lap and I freaked out... I— i- I felt.. I felt his hands-"
Tony wraps his arms around the boy in an instant as he begins to weep. "Shh Shh it's okay, it's okay I've got you.. I.. Ive got you.."
Bucky held on tightly to his father, whimpering and sniffling into his chest. "It just feels like I'm going in circles." He whispers. "I'm fine for a few days and then I'm back at where I started! It feels like I'm never going to recover from what that asshole did to me."
"You're not going in circles, Buck." Tony whispers. "You are making progress in a spiral."
"Wh— What?"
"I mean.. I mean that you do come back around to where you were at the start, since recovery and grieving take time," Tony explains, "but every time you come back around to that point you're a little higher up because you've got more experience, more knowledge, and more strength. You are making progress, Bucky."
Those simple yet meaningful words seem to sink into Bucky's bloodstream, flowing through his veins and hitting his heart. It creates another onslaught of tears and he grips tightly at his father's shirt, shaking.
They stayed like that until Bucky's sobs quietened into small sniffs. Tony pulls away, his face softening at the wide eyed expression on Bucky's tear stained face. "It's all gonna be okay.. I'm right here with you till the very end. I love you so so much Buck."
Bucky whimpers. "I- I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. I've put you through so much.. I- I can't imagine how you feel..- knowing that— that I feel the way I do— I-"
Tony hushes him. "Don't you dare apologise to me, James." He says sternly, holding Bucky close. "This isn't your fault. Not at all. You told him no. Repeatedly. And he didn't listen. There is no one to blame but him, okay? Stop blaming yourself over something you tried to stop."
"Yeah but— I.. could've tried harder! I could've stopped him faster!"
"Bucky-
"No dad. It's my fault this even happened.." He whispers, breaking away from the embrace and getting up on his feet. "I.. I shouldn't have punched him.. if I hadn't then this wouldn't have happened!"
Tony grabs his wrist before he can run off into his room and pulls him back down onto the couch. "Bucky, listen to me. None of this, and I mean NONE of this was your fault. You hear me? You said no countless of times, you tried to stop him, but he didn't listen. He did something disgusting to you and now he's serving his time in juvenile prison. He can't get to you."
Bucky's lip wobbles and the tears start spilling over his cheeks once again. He whimpers and falls into his father's chest, clutching at his shirt. Tony bites his lip, holding on tight to his son, hushing his gasps and sobs, rubbing small circles into his back. "It's okay it's okay, I'm here... I've got you.."
************
Hey doll, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you were xx ~ Steve
Bucky smiles gently at the message that buzzed him awake from his nap and grabs his phone from off of his bedside table, typing a quick response.
Hey! I haven't talked to you in ages haha.. yeah, I'm alright. Thanks. How are you holding up? How's your family? ~ Bucky
Was that too forward? Nah..
Yeah I'm alright. Tired. Barely got any sleep last night. My fam? Oh, their good. Mums gotten a new job and she's soooo much happier. Dads pretty good, happy for mum. And my siblings are just the same. Annoying haha ~ Steve
HAHA, literally me. Peter is an amazing brother, don't get me wrong, but he can be quite annoying at times and he's actually so fucking smart, like.. I think he's smarter than me. ~ Bucky
HAHAHA. How old is he exactly? ~ Steve
Bucky sighs.
...10 ~ Bucky
Oh wow. Why'd you think he's smarter than you? ~ Steve
I dunno. He comes home and talks about what he learnt in science and how cool it is and then there's me who comes home and goes straight to bed. Like, it makes me feel kinda dumb. ~ Bucky
That doesn't mean you're dumb. It just means you've been going through a lot and that you're just really tired. ~ Steve
Bucky smiles at the message and goes to respond when his door is slammed open and a shocked looking Peter runs into the room, throwing himself on top of his brother.
Bucky gasps and drops his phone to the floor. "Peter!" He cries. "What are you doing! You're too heavy!"
"I'm having a crisis!" Peter screams, sitting up and crossing his legs. "Please help me."
"What's wrong?"
Peter sucks in an over dramatic breath. "Dad and his boyfriend kept making out and making gross comments while I was in the car!"
Bucky gasps and begins to laugh, causing Peter to grumble and jump on top of his brother. "SHUT UP YOURE MEANT TO BE HELPING ME!"
The screaming only creates more laughter from Bucky. He ends up in a wheezing fit on the floor, clutching at his shirt as Peter glares at him from atop his bed. "I hate you." He mumbles, stomping out of the room.
"Um.. Bucky?" A soft voice comes from underneath the boy and he screams, scrambling away to find his phone underneath him and Steve's name on the screen.
Steve's laugh echoes throughout the room and Bucky's heart melts at the sound, a blush rising up his neck. "Steve?" Bucky whispers, picking up his phone and pressing it to his ear. "You.. you heard all that?"
"Yep.. I did."
"Oh my God.. I'm so sorry."
Steve laughs once more. "Doll, it's fine. It was actually bloody hilarious, but your poor brother."
Bucky giggles. "Yeah, poor Pete."
"Well anyway," Steve starts, "I should let you get back to whatever that was happening.."
"Oh.. okay, yeah."
"Okay, see ya doll."
Bucky went to whisper a goodbye, when he cuts himself off with a sigh. "Actually, Steve.."
Steve pauses. "Yeah?"
"I um.. I've got my drama performance in front of my school on Friday.. do you want.. do you want to come?"
"I'd love to. What time?"
Bucky had to keep himself from squealing in excitement. "Two o'clock on the dot." He says, clearing his throat to compose himself.
"Okay, cool. I'll be there."
********
"Steve's coming." Bucky suddenly announces.
Natasha and Wanda pause on what they're doing to the boys hair and grin at one another. "Oh really?" They tease. "You invited him?"
Bucky nods. "Yup. I actually accidentally butt dialed him while Peter was ranting to me about witnessing dad and Stephen making out and shit....
As he continues to ramble on about how he ended up popping the question, both girls can't help but smirk. They knew that whenever he went on and on about someone, he liked them.
"Hashtag stucky." Wanda signs, placing down the straighteners. "Does he realise his feelings?"
Natasha shakes her head. "No. he's so bloody oblivious with these things, so annoying. Like I can tell Steve has feelings for him."
"Yeah, it's pretty obvious."
"Guys, you do realise I can read sign language, right?" Bucky grumbles, getting up from the seat and tugging on his dress. He still couldn't get over the fact that Mrs Anderson thought it was great that he wanted to play Pricilla, when really, he was just doing it to make Clint feel more comfortable. "I don't like Steve, Steve doesn't like me, end of discussion."
"Oh come on." Wanda chuckles, zipping up the dress for him. "We're only teasing."
"No, you're being annoying. I have a...."
"Yes, we know." Natasha rolls her eyes. "You always say that. And we have eyes, you know. And ears."
"Then you'd be able to see with those eyes that Im practically in a.. thing..with T'Challa , not Steve."
"So oblivious." Both girls whisper and Bucky throws hair clips at them.
"Shut up!"
Mrs Anderson walks into the room just then and chuckles. "You guys ready- Wait- where's Clint and Pietro?" She questions.
"Here miss!" Pietro yells, hair ruffled and shirt halfway buttoned. "Sorry, got distracted."
"What? Sucking each other's faces off?" Wanda coos, earning a glare from her brother and the satisfactory blush upon Clint's cheeks.
"You bit-
"ANYWAY," Bucky hisses, giving Pietro a look. "Let Mrs Anderson talk."
"Thank you, Bucky." She begins, smiling gently at all of them. "I just thought I'd come get you now because the tech kids would like to hook you up to the microphones and show you where you'll be standing, if you're ready?"
All five teens nod. "Yup."
"Okay. Let's go."
Microphones ready and butterflies clear in their stomachs, the bell for assembly rings and in seconds students are piling into the seats.
Wanda was clutching nervously at the boys hand, holding it right over her chest where her heart was beating rapidly. "You'll be okay." Bucky whispers, "we'll be amazing, okay?"
She nods. "I- Okay.."
Smiling gently, Bucky steps forward slightly and looks around the gym, spotting Steve in the distance, standing and leaning up against a wall beside Miss Carter, a large grin on his lips as they speak.
Bucky also spots T'Challa in the mist of all the students, smirking and biting his lower lip at the sight of his 'friend' in a dress. The boy bites his lip and sends T'Challa a wink, causing the lift of his brow and shift in his seat.
What was he thinking about..?
Before Bucky could come up with a hypothesis on his 'friends' actions, his name is called and he's getting whisked away onto the stage to say the name of the play.
*******
~ Maddi❤️