I'm going under and this time
I fear there's no one to save me
The choking feeling surrounds you and consumes every inch of your body, putting a heavy force on it.
This all or nothing really
Got a way of driving me crazy
Images of her flash through your brain and flicker in the space in front of you, spiralling your vision.
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
Your arms wrap around the pillow, hugging it close. The images turn to scenes which then turn into memory's, bringing on another wave of pain.
It's easy to say
But it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way
You numbed all the pain
You squeeze her hand tightly, mirroring the wide smile on her face. Light shines from the candles lit on your table at the small restaurant.
"This is perfect Nat. I couldn't have asked for better." She blushes lightly and looks down at the food on the table.
"I'm glad you like it Y/n" She smiles, looking back up at you, and you can't help but let it spread onto your own face.
"I love it"
And now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
You don't move throughout the entire day. No movies, no Netflix, no book. Just the sky slowly changing from light to dark. Yet it offers you no solitude, for even it brings back memories.
I let my my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to
Being someone you loved
The warm hold of the redhead kept you warm as you gazed up at the stars. Unable to refrain yourself, you shift your attention to her, finding her already staring at you.
Nothing is said as the two of you lean in, meeting in the middle in a crash of emotions.
"I love you Nat"
"I love you too"
I'm going under and this time
I fear there's no one to turn to
It crushes you, knowing that, if she really wanted too, she could have saved it. But she didn't. You had tried so hard, too hard, and she had done nothing- content watching you fall apart.
This all or nothing way of loving
Got me sleeping without you
You press a light kiss to the sleeping Russians forehead and hug her tighter, praying that no nightmares would invade her slumber. She needed to sleep after a week of getting none. The mission had been hard and she missed you, was what she had told you.
You didn't mind. You understood that she needed to rest. But in the morning, when she just brushed of your concerned questions and reassurances, you can't stop the doubt pulling at you stomach.
Now I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
You know now that she never fully trusted anyone, you included. But back then, you were too in love to realise, to happy to care.
If only you had realised, if only you had cared.
It's easy to say
But it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way
You helped me escape
Everywhere you looked there was people. People laughing, people drinking, people singing. People.
It was suffocating. You couldn't think straight. Your breath was speeding up and-
A flash of red hair and green eyes. Natasha. You focus on her, drowning out the other people.
A huge smile is plastered on her face and she is taking shot after shot with Tony, mumbling incoherent drunk words.
In the corner of your brain, you realised that this was the first time you had seen her all night.
She was just drunk. She just wanted to get drunk and she knew you wouldn't want too.
That was what you told yourself.
And now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
And as the sun sets, you almost laugh, thinking about how naive you were back then. You had to learn somehow, you suppose. But it could've been less painful.
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to
Being someone you loved
Friday rolls around, bringing movie night with it. Natasha comes in after you do, having been assigned the role of getting food.
After placing the bowls of popcorn on the small table, she stands up and looks for a seat. You shuffle over, assuming she would sit with you.
She doesn't though, she walks over to Steve and settles next to him, leaving a cold gap at your side.
She hadn't seen him for days. He had just come back from a mission and she hadn't seen him for a long time. She had been with you all weekend.
Or at least that's what you hoped it was.
And I
Tend to close my eyes
When it hurts sometimes
I fall into your
You sink further into the mattress, blankets hugging your body tightly. The ghost of her touch tickles over you and you feel phantom arms wrapping around your chest, squeezing tightly. Too tightly.
It starts to crush your lungs and you gasp for air, thrashing around desperately. I didn't stop though, and you eventually accepted that it never would.
Arms
I'll be safe in your sound
'Til I come back around
And you were right. I didn't stop. I didn't get easier, it didn't get harder, it just was.
For now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And your not here
To get me through it all
She finally approached you one night, a speech prepared. The words on her lips, ready to be voiced. But when she saw your face, hopeful yet sad, broken yet willing to try, her heart leapt and she had to swallow it back down.
"I'm so sorry Y/n"
And just like that the light disappeared from her eyes, all traces of life gone.
I let my guard down
And you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to
Being someone you loved
When someone finally knocks on your door, you let them in. You weren't ready to see her yet and, when you did, it sent a pang of pain through your heart.
"I'm so sorry Y/n"
You look up at her, eyes full of hope, willing to try again.
But now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And your not here
To get me through it all
"I don't love you anymore"
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to
Being someone you loved
"I love you"
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to
Being someone you loved
A/n
This song is just..... woah. It's called Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi. I'll leave it at the top.
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