Unedited.
Embry POV.
Water continues to escape from out of my lungs and it feels like I'm coughing up the entire pacific ocean from out of my lungs. My throat is on fire. Tremendous pain can be felt from my chest whenever I breathe in or out.
My brain starts to register the reality of my situation.
I almost drowned. My body sunk underneath the bath water as my mind slipped away to a more pleasurable time in my life. I've managed to almost escape this hell of the present and return to a more pleasured filled past. How I so desperately wish that I was successful.
That way, my mind would be able to share an eternity with my love ones and be reunited with one of the people that I loved the most. Kaya.
I was almost there but Cyrus prevented my escape. He once again has captured me and is now holding me hostage.
It's really such a shame.
"You're not going anywhere, sunshine," His words ring inside of my head. He was right, not even death can save me.
Cyrus delicate but rough hands are still pushing down on to my chest clearing out my airway. He continues to pump into my lungs are water free and the exact moment that my breathing pattern becomes normal he waste no time smashing his body into my own as if he's afraid that I will somehow miraculously disappear.
Oh, I wish it was that easy.
Cyrus strong and masculine figure is clinging onto my wet and delicate frame like a second skin. The desperation in his heart can be felt by his touch.
His need for me can be felt by his tender touch.
At this moment, he needs to feel me. Cyrus needs to feel my heart rate moving up and down against his chest and my breath existing my lungs to fan his skin. Cyrus needs to feel that I'm alive. His emotions are as clear as an azure sky on the deepest summer day.
The worry and dreadful feeling that spread throughout his body moments ago is even clearer. It's crystal clear but, yet I feel absolutely nothing. I'm numb and I don't know how to feel about that.
"Fuck! Embry. I thought I lost you," he expresses is concern that I've already been able to identify. "I can't lose you," he whispers into my soaking wet hair.
"I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I'm so sorry," he say the exact words that I have wanted to hear for what seems like forever at this point, but Cyrus is a little to late.
His apology means nothing to me.
I couldn't care less about what he needs. If he needed me, he wouldn't have bought me to this point. He wouldn't have broken me.
The feeling of relief that he's feeling is pointless because even with air flowing in and out my body I'm still dead.
He says that he can't lose me but the truth is he has already lost me.
Cyrus lifts the back of my head up off the soaking wet marble floor before he holds me closer towards his masculine frame. He holds me for a long while and only pull apart to stare into my glossy eyes.
I wonder what he sees when he looks at me now.
Does he see how broken I've become? I wonder if he is aware that he's responsible for this wreckage. This is his fault. Does he even care? It doesn't really matter now, does it?
It really is such a shame. Before, Cyrus my mind could have been compared to a perfectly cut diamond, luminous and strong. I used to see things a lot differently, then most. I didn't see the world as the way I've been taught to visualize it. To me there was always a better way out of the darkness.
Nothing was ever what it appeared to be.
Now, I'm not so sure. I can't see past anything other than what I see. Cyrus makes me feel like buried treasure. I'm lost.
I'm perfectly aware that I sound like a bitter sour apple but can you blame me? Cyrus crushed my soul with his bare hands and I can't help but to feel a little more than resentment towards him because of it.
I have to be this way. It's the only way to protect myself.
It's really ironic when you really evaluate this entire situation. I was just drowning and in my mind Cyrus was the anchor instead of my actual savior. He's the tornado that I'd willing dived into. So, maybe he's really not the one to responsible for this sunken ship.
Just maybe, I am.
I did this to myself.
"Please talk to me, Sunshine," begs Cyrus, while lifting up my chin with a single firm finger. The desperation inside of his voice is sickly sweet.
Sweet because I know that he cares and sick because I secretly love that he does. I can't fall for it though....
He's nothing but a heart breaker and that's a proven fact. I can't allow him to further break my heart.
"Embry," he calls out loud and clear but I don't want to hear him. I don't want to hear the sound of his sirens singing voice. That sound alone makes my heart flutter uncontrollably inside of my chest. I hate that.
At this moment, I'd rather hear him growling and cursing at me about my suicidal behavior. That way, he won't be able to reel me back into the fantasy of Cyrus and Embry.
Matter of fact, I don't even want to look at him. He's so heartbreakingly beautiful, it hurts to keep staring at inside of his sunset filled eyes.
I'm tired of hurting because of him.
That's exactly why I slam my eyes shut. It's easier that way. I don't want to look at him because I may fall in.
To be quite honest, I'll be much happier if he just leaves me here, so I can once again pick myself up off the floor. It's not like it would be his first time doing it and I'm pretty sure it won't be his last.
Hopefully, Cyrus can take a hint and just leave me alone altogether.
But everyone knows that hope is hopeless when it comes to my mate. In further detail, he doesn't take the hint.
In fact, he does the opposite, by scooping me up from off the floor like my night and shining armor and then holds my soaked frame against the warmth of his strong and powerful chest taking my dead weight head on.
I can feel the moment he sinks down onto the bed and when he places his golden eyes back onto my face. His stare alone sparks fire into my soul, giving me the fever that only his stare can rise inside of me.
I can even feel his mind roaming for the right choice of words to speak. No matter, how ridiculously that may sound it's the Goddess honest truth.
The connection that I feel for Cyrus run's that deep. I can feel him within me. Cyrus places me down onto the bed and then lays directly beside me.
He trails a single finger along my jawline.
The sole reason that I shiver. That single action makes me shiver. Which is really insane because it's nothing but a ghost of a touch.
His touch. Cyrus soft and feather like touch.
My body knows that it belongs to him even when my mind refuses to acknowledge the truth.
I'm his and he knows it.
Cyrus has that much power over me. My entire being is begging me to receive his love if only for a second. Every part of my soul is calling out for me to accept his offer. I'm such a mess. I hate this. Our mate bond has officially become my bondage. That is the real reason why I'll never be able to escape him.
Our bond and the feelings that I feel for him runs so deep. I'm certain that I would be worn down and exhausted if I somehow manged to break free from either one of those soul ties.
Aren't you already worn down and exhausted my subconsciousness decides to speak up?
Yeah, I think to myself. I guess, I am.
"Embry," calls out Cyrus with a broken voice. I don't respond and my eyes are still glued shut. "I understand why you're upset and you have every right to be," he surprises me by saying. "I know that I don't have the right to ask anything of you. I lost that right the first time I treated you less than what your worth," his words stings.
"I just need for you to look at me when I say this to you. Please look at me, Embry," He implores.
"All I need is for you to look at me, Sunshine even if it's a second," promises Cyrus. The desperation inside of his voice is like poison. Slowly but surely, breaking all of my defenses once again.
Not this time I think to myself. I'll put up a much better fight.
I won't allow him to believe that I'm that easily swayed.
He needs to understand that his betrayal is unforgivable. Cyrus can't take a mate bond for granted one day and receive it back with ease on the next. It doesn't work like that.
I gave him the best of me, and he has chosen not to only take it but destroy it.
My broken heart is all I have left and I'm sorry, but he can't have that. The feeling is my daily reminder of what he did to me. I'm keeping it. I
"Please, Embry. I know it's too much to ask but please hear me out," he continues to supplicate. Why should I? He's right. Cyrus is asking for too much and I don't have it in me to give him shit.
I wish he would just fuck off.
No you don't my subconscious speaks up again, you're better than he is.
I am not.
"Embry, please." Do I hear something? It sounds like my shitty mate asking for me to do something for him. I think not.
"Just look at me," Cyrus voice once again breaks, sounding weak. Pity, that's how it felt when he broke my heart, weakened.
I wonder if my wolf would agree with my behavior. I still haven't felt her presence.
"Now your acting as if you're deaf," He mumbles and that pisses me off. He doesn't get to be sarcastic. Not anymore!
"Because pretending to be deaf is better than hearing any bullshit apology from you." I snap at him as my eyes snap open. My voice feels dry and sounds horse, rough. I guess, I can blame my broken voice box on Cyrus as well.
"Who said I was going to apologize, Sunshine," he manages to make me feel stupid as usual.
I admit I wasn't expecting that comeback.
"Because, you. You-,"
"Was very much so going to apologize," Cyrus tells me and manages to make me feel stupider. If that's even possible, I knew it from the beginning.
I don't know how he so quickly made me think otherwise even if it was for a second.
Because it's Cyrus I think to myself and ever since I met him. He has manged to always make me second guess myself.
I open my mouth to tell him off but my dry throat prevents me from speaking. Cyrus must have noticed my discomfort because he quickly places a glass filled with fresh water to my chapped lips and gently pushes the rim down, so I can take in the liquid with ease.
The water is cool and fresh but the flowing sensation of water sliding down my throat slightly burns and most certainly stings.
Still, I take my fill of his offering with no complaints. His full and lengthy eyes lashes fans his face angelic face as he watches me intensely with his golden eyes.
They truly do burn brighter than the early mornings sun. I almost get lost in the beauty of his stare.
Key Word: Almost. Into I realize that I shouldn't ravel in their beauty. No, matter how beautiful they truly are.
He's a monster remember he said it out of his own mouth. A dangerous one at that, and this is a cold world. The sooner I was to understand would be better for everyone. The world is not filled with rainbow, butterflies, and marshmallows made clouds he said.
This world is cold and dark. I need to get my head out of the clouds.
Whelp, I'm no longer floating in the hopes of his love. I'm actually almost drowned in it, literally. So I guess it's safe to say that not only do I understand what he was saying but I also agree with it.
At least, I thought that I did. That all seems to go out of the window when I stare at him.
Darn it and darn him. Cyrus damn sure knows how to make me forget the ultimate goal that's for sure.
Once done, Cyrus placed the glass down. Followed by, him placing a singer finger over top of his full and plumped lips. As if that action would shh me, and then he starts to speak before I could tell him that it doesn't.
"I understand why you hate me and you have every right to," Cyrus starts to explain and I just stare at him blankly. Cyrus is right I do have every reason to hate him and no one would blame me.
The problem is I don't. I don't hate him at all. Not even a little and that's exactly what I do hate. I hate that I still feel this connection to the monster after everything. He doesn't deserve my love but that doesn't mean he doesn't have it.
Feel free to judge! I know I'm a mess.
"But I don't want you to hate me," he continues to say. "I want you to give me another chance to treat you like you're supposed to be treated,"
Oh, really! "I want to be friends and,"
"Friends," I snort. "You can't be serious," he really can't be serious. "You made it perfectly clear that I'm nothing to you but yet you come at me with some bullshit ass apology and some we can be friends bull crap," I think not. Who the hell does he think he is? After everything, I've been thru.
After everything, he has put me through in this short period. He wants to be my friend. He is my mate!
"Yes," snaps back Cyrus. His eyes are now blazing and my eyes lock onto his balled up fist. Cyrus has no patience.
"I want to become friends. I want to get to know you better," he tells.
I smack my teeth at that like an insubordinate pup. The nerve he has. "Oh, now you want to get to know me. You really have some nerve," I growl while turning my body to face the other side of the room. I'm tired of looking at him. In fact, I'm tired of being in the same room with him.
"You're acting like a child," retorts my mate.
So what, if I am. I want to snap back but I don't. He's getting the silent treatment from now on. I refuse to waste another ounce of energy on him. I'm tired. So, very tired and I'll be damn if I lose another lick of rest because of Cyrus. He's not worth it. Plus, I know that he hates my silence.
Don't ask me how I just know. It's the stupid mate bond I suppose.
A long-drawn-out moment of silence passes between us before the weight shift on the other side of the bed.
"Like I said you have every right to hate me," Cyrus starts to explain himself once again. "But I don't want you to. Not even a little. Please believe me when I say that everything I've done was for your own good, or at least I thought it was. I just want a fresh start. A chance for the both of us to get to know one another better," he tells me. "I just want another chance."
"Did your friend give her a chance," I finally turn to face him. "Did you give me a chance?"
Cyrus closes his eyes and turns his head in a different direction as if my accusing eyes are too much for him. When he finally does open his eyes to look at me, he looks like a broken man.
"No I didn't give you a chance. You are a she-wolf, Embry. You will never have a place in my world and I'll never have a place in your world. I didn't know how to handle that. I still don't. I just wanted to make you stronger but I end up breaking you in the process and for that I'm sorry. II'll never forgive myself. You deserve the world, Sunshine," he confesses making my heart skip a million and one beats.
But I can't fall for it. I've got to be strong. That is what he wanted, right? A strong beloved well that's exactly what he shall get.
A strong beloved who doesn't want anything to do with him. Be careful what you wish for a wise wolf once said to me. I guess that applies to me and him.
"You are a phenomenal woman," Cyrus continues. " I don't deserve you,"
"No," I interrupt him. "You don't."
"Embry, please," he groans like he is in pain.
"Please what," I interrupt again, while pulling myself up off the bed. "You expect me to just forgive you for everything," I shout, abruptly losing my temper.
"I would have given anything to hear at least one kind word from you, just one. I have ripped my own heart out for you... And what did you do?" I ask him the one question that everyone already knows the answer to. "You stepped on it. I've been patient, the typical loving she-wolf mate. And it was all for nothing because in the end I'm the one who has lost everything" my voice cracks and my tears start to flow.
"I've lost my family, myself, and my world." Kaya was my world. My entire family is my world, but Celine and Kaya friendship means so much to me. He could never understand who or what they were to me. Never.
"I hate you," I shout, oh how I wish that my words hold just an ounce of the truth. I place my face into my hands and let it all out. I wish.... I wish. I wish.
"I'll never forgive you."
Not even a second later, Cyrus has my body placed into his safe and secure arms. Then, he cups the back of my head with his hands and gently stroke his rough but feather like fingers throughout my hair.
I want to push him away and tell him to leave me alone, but I can't. Not right now because I need him.
His touch feels so good. I melt. No, matter how hurt, or mad I am. Inside of his arms will always and forever feel like home. Always.
"She's gone," I let it all out. "She's gone. She's gone. She's gone."
"Shh," he tells me, while planting a gentle but firm kiss down on to my forehead, giving me the shivers.
"I don't know who she is, but I promise you that everything shall be okay. I'm sorry, Embry for everything. Hopefully one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me, until then I'll grovel," he says his last word with a deep sigh.
Wait! What? Did he just say that he would grovel? Cyrus the ruthless King just said that he will grovel. Wow!
If he said that under different circumstances I would burst out laughing but right now I don't have the energy to do anything. I don't even have the energy to cry anymore. I'm just tired.
My eyelids start to feel heavy as my mate continues on. "Just let me in," he whispers into my ear. "Allow me to understand exactly what you are feeling and then I can find a way to fix it." He tells me, "Let your guard down," His husky voice and the feel of his gently but rough finger touching my skin is calming and putting me down like how a mother rock a bye baby lullaby puts a pup to sleep.
Cyrus POV.
I hold my beloved close to my heart and watch her sleep peacefully. The smell of her wild flower and fresh, clean, and pleasant blended earth scent with the feel of her delicately soft and porcelain like skin inside of my arms feel like home. This is the closet that I have been to her since everything has transpired.
Based upon Embry's attitude I know that I must soak up every second. Times like this is highly appreciated and extremely valuable to me I must cherish them.
During our plane ride, I told Embry that her home was where I go. I lied.
The truth is Embry is my home. Wherever she goes I'll follow. I'm only at home when she is in my arms and that's the blood honest truth. I wish I could stay like this forever.
Unfortunately, I can't. Duty calls and I must answer. No matter, how hard it is.
I admire every inch of her beauty for just a second. Briefly, trailing my fingers over her pink and plumped warm lips. As usual, a sudden jab of electricity travels through my finger as I come in contact with her smooth skin, and she shivers.
It's one of those things that always happens whenever I touch her and I love it.
I love the fact that my touch makes her shiver.
I continue to trace her lips and then my finger make their way up to her thick and full brows They are so wild and exotic. They are one of her best features. Well, every feature painted on to Embry's goddess given face is her best feature. Embry is the best of everything.
She is so delicate and so soft. I meant what I said to her. She is really a phenomenal woman and I can only hope that one day she will find it in her heart to forgive me, until then I shall grovel.
No matter, how long it takes. I'll stay on my knees, puckering up for Embry. Fuck! At this point, I'll crawl and beg for forgiveness if that's what it takes.
So what if it makes me a pussy. All I know is that now that I found her I can't live without her.
Embry will be the death of me. She has no clue how much power she has over me.
All she has to do is let me in. My finger's makes their way to trace over Embry's forehead. This is the first time since I met her that I've had the chance to really get inside of her head.
Everyone knows that I have the power to make supernatural do whatever I want them to do. But only a few know that I can get inside of their head, I mean really get inside of their head to see what they are seeing and sometimes I can hear what they are thinking.
A lot of vampires can read humans thoughts but only a few can see and hear what supernaturals can see and think. My good friend Seneca has the power to get into supernatural heads as well. He can also manipulate ones dream and make their worse nightmares a reality.
I can't manipulate ones dream but I can view it as long as they are not strong enough to keep me out of their head.
Embry has proven to be not only strong enough to keep me out of her head but also strong enough to disobey my compulsion.
I wonder if it's because she is my mate or if her will power has a different meaning. I don't know.
It's really doesn't matter at this moment of time because Embry guard is down, meaning she has let me in.
I'll be a fool if I don't take this chance. There is no telling if I'll ever get another opportunity to get inside of her pretty little head.
With that in mind, I start to gently stroke her forehead and dive in.
<🌪>
Awake Friday. Please don't forget to hit that golden star ⭐️ comment and follow. Today is double update for Wattpad and Instagram. My next update shall be Wednesday. If you haven't followed me on Pinterest for The Awakening Series.
Follow me.
U: Queenofthewalk. The link is on my profile.