James' POV...
I am still standing here, far away from her. After she cut the call I made, she's still there inside the booth, crying... Damn! This is grave and you cannot judge my feeling as melodramatic because you have no idea about the intensity I've got in yearning for a moment to be so close to her. And when I say close, I meant to place her in my arms. To wrap my whole body to protect her from what is causing her pain. I wanted to console her but how when the pain that she is enduring right now is the one I created. With all my honesty, I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry because... because... Damn! Why should I be angry with her? If she was enjoying his company, what was the point of getting mad at her? She was not my sister, neither my girlfriend. I am becoming pathetic, right?? No James... You are becoming possessive.
Fuck!! This isn't what I wanted to happen tonight. I could have done better than this. I had planned it all the whole day but I ruined the possibility. I thought I am good at this stuff but with her, I failed. I can't accept this. Yeah, she's a hundred percent pain in my arse! And you know what? I could have even ignored it because I am used to these kinds of women's whims and tantrums. Women who swoon over me were whipping themselves up with such fantastic caprices, a product of their own volition to get my attention and give them their fair share of my sweetest consolation. That was the easiest way to comfort them and definitely the easiest way out to end those petty affairs but tonight is different. I felt regretful for what I had caused her and the situation seemed irreversible. Realizing what I have done, I found it a sucking irritation in my ego especially knowing this woman, far from her awareness, can summon out the vulnerable side of me which I was trying to hide for years.
Shit! There's the chink... from the light coming off the telephone booth, I can see how she rushed out to accept solace volunteered by his open arms. She was sobbing in his shoulders and I can see how he enjoyed caressing her hair. Damn!!! That one should be me! I should be that one caressing and comforting her. Those arms should be mine wrapped protectively all over her distress.
The scene not very far from where I am standing is like a grime in my eyes. I should better walk inside the pub and refresh myself from this pathetic shit. I need something to doze me off from this... this................... well, you choose whatever derogatory word you want to describe this piece of night. I should go because the longer I stand and watch them together, the more intense I am getting galled almost ripping apart my sanity. This is no good.
Seeing that my objective didn't met my expectation, there was nothing better to do than admit that I made one step back from my plan of incurring a method I thought was appropriate. I thought I was doing a feasibility study of connecting my brain and heart to retrieve myself from my past or-- better say-- to forget what I should have done before, and then start anew which I thought I was actually doing right now. And you know what's running through my head at this very moment? I think this will going to be a long battle to play... just like COC. Those who play this game can relate to the idea which I was trying to imply although it's ironic that I don't play this game. I am simply just an anonymous benefactor...
So this will going to be a clash between the clan of my heart and the clan of my brain. And frankly speaking, it is a battle that will surely put me into a big trouble. I had not seen this coming to me. I was avoiding this kind of pit in my life after what I had gone through in my past. I thought I had promised myself not to fall again but here is another black hole. No way! I am not going to repeat what I did before. I have all my ways to change my route. I'm just going to change my course but my objective will remain in the fore. I am not backing off and I am serious about it.
I'll give this a little time.
I entered the pub and went directly to the slab of the bar and pulled a stool to seat on.
"Hey man! Where have you been? I was looking for you for half an hour. Don't tell me you already brought the two chicks in heaven?"
It was Lorenz. He tapped me on my shoulder just right after I ordered my drink.
I didn't reply. I only gave him a dry laugh. He stepped in the wrong timing and that was an unfortunate event. I couldn't tell him what had happened because I know that this night would only be going to end in his merciful defense for that girl which I could never deny that I was at fault. I didn't plan about what had befallen tonight so in any way, I would not opt either to slice myself into half. I was already torn between my inner battle so I was not in the mood to hear any contingency plan to get back at her. I failed-- let it be-- but I won't back out. It's only the beginning. There's so much to conquer.
"Whoahh!!! What is that?? Don't tell me nothing happened... you didn't explore any celestial body tonight--"
"Cut that crap Lorenz!!! I am not in the mood. Why not go there and enjoy yourself with your girlfriend."
"As much as we wanted to but she's looking for Elizabeth and I wanted to ask if you have seen her but you're nowhere to be found, either... we thought she was dancing with Jerry but the guy said that two girls occupied his space and he lost her in the dance floor."
"Yeah! He probably lost her. For how poor she dances in the beat, she might have whirled from his arms and ended to another's arm."
Lorenz gawked at me. I don't mind what I had just said. I can smell the sudden infusion of his inquisitiveness as he gave me that long stare. I lifted my glass, took the liquor I needed to fill my night and then I heard him gave in.
"Now tell me James..."
He looked at me with his scrutinizing eyes. I waited for what he wanted to know from me but nothing. He just fixed that look on me which is a wordless insinuation of a pressing question which I was supposed to answer with honesty. But not for too long I gave in.
"What do you want to know?"
I asked with a clear intonation of irritation in my tone.
"What's behind that sardonic talk?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing means there is something. And don't forget, you're the one who brought us here. I was suspicious then what made you think we should come here when you don't even like the place."
Okay... Lorenz got me there. He's right. We used to go out at night in search for a thing like this and we often go past this pub. He asked me once why we didn't stop here instead of probing into another place. Really, I don't know why. I just don't like this place.
Or maybe now I know... because this place is where I am about to make a mistake and it happened to be true. I have made a girl cry few minutes ago that gave me a guilty conscience. Now it made sense. I never thought that it would happen.
"Why not drink with me?"
I changed the course of our conversation. I needed to divert my mood tonight. And thankfully, he dropped whatever he wanted to ask further.
"Okay but we cannot get drunk. You know... tomorrow is work--"
"Hey guys... Elizabeth has been found. Jerry found her outside. Maybe she felt a little bit suffocated here. You know, she's not used to this kind of place unlike me."
We turned our head. It was Abigail. She get one stool and sat beside my cousin.
"Oh, that's great! So where is she now?"
Lorenz asked while he ducked his head. I looked to his girlfriend waiting intently to hear her response.
"They went back on the dance floor. Elizabeth said she went outside to get a grip. This place is a lot crowded than the last one. She's not used to it."
That was all she said? Then she chose not to tell her friends what had happened before they found her. She's too good to keep it a secret. But what for? What good will it do to her? Ah, yeah... She is my employee so she chose to protect my image-- oh no! Not mine! How could I think of that? Of course it was hers that she was keeping intact. She hated me so how come that she will be thinking of my own welfare. Yeah, she decided not to tell what had happened to us because she wanted herself to stay out of what this night could bring forward.
I roamed my eyes directing them on the dance floor and again there she is with that guy. I can see how she enjoys that much as if nothing happened. Argh! Why can she laugh so easily with him and not with me? What is with that guy that I don't have? And why am I so affected with the situation?
"Now she's enjoying!"
It was Abigail. She seemed contented seeing Elizabeth laughing and smiling with that guy. I wanted to say something as much as I wanted to curse this evening but Abigail continued talking about her.
"Well, she needed it. She needs someone like him. Someone who could make her happy. She deserves to be."
"Why? Isn't she happy? Is she from a heartbreak?"
I heard Lorenz asked his girlfriend. I didn't realize I was interested to hear more from Abigail about her story until I found myself waiting for her reply. I can feel the eagerness rising up above my head.
"Nope... she's all legally single! She never had any relationship with anyone, yet. If she wanted to have one, she prefers one that is resulted from love. She never wished to engaged herself in a relationship beforehand and then explore within it if she can find love... She's never a fan of an experimental love, that is all I could assess about her. Even if she's my best friend I didn't want to dig in about her life. All I know based from what she said, she ran away from home. She did a hasty decision all by herself to protect her principle. She had escaped from being tied up forever to someone she hardly know."
"So she's a run-away bride, then..."
I found my tongue participating in their conversation. At that point in my life span, I didn't know what made me feel glad to hear she did a thing like that. Moreover, it was a funny discovery that I was satisfied to know that she's still single.
"I have no idea, James. But your personal assistant will never do a thing like that to shame her whole family. She always tells me how she loves and misses them. Maybe it was just one of those hard moments in her life that little did she know she was about to be engaged and so she escaped just ahead of time before she stands in front of the altar taking a vow with whoever man he was."
I looked at her direction again. If tonight was a dejection I'll see to it that tomorrow and the coming days will be an exultation. I have to ratify whatever I had ruined tonight. Now I have the reason or maybe more reasons than one to prove myself this time... To prove my heart that it can move on. And I want to do it with her. I know and I'm sure of myself that I want her.
Only her....