"Jessica, come with me! It's gonna be so much fun!", my cousin Katie said to me on the phone. I was looking out of my Mom's old bedroom window, where she spent most of her childhood and I spent some of mine. Katie was standing opposite of me, in front of her bedroom window of the house she has lived in her whole life. I, on the other hand, had moved away before starting primary school, because, as my dad claimed, the job opportunities were better in Central London, than in a small town in Cheshire. Katie had been bugging my about this stupid party the whole day and at the end, she was still waiting for an answer from me whether I was willing to go or not. I didn't feel like going, exactly how I hadn't felt like going anywhere this past year, but she was starting to get to me "You need to get out of that old stinky room and live a little."
"Hey, you know I like staying in here. Even if I'm gonna stay in here the whole summer", I defended myself. Yes, all this furniture may be a little too vintage for most people's liking, but I adored everything in this room, from the dusted record player to the torn up posters on the walls, just because it once belonged to her. That was also why I never wanted to leave it ever again. It was my safe space, the room I felt the most comfortable in and where I felt closest to her. Still, there was another thing keeping me from living a little, as Katie had phrased it, which was my dearest farther, who would have liked it just as much as I did if I stayed in this room all summer long. "Also, I doubt that my dad is gonna allow me to go to a party, you know how he is."
"Don't use him as an excuse to get out of this! Just give Uncle W those puppy eyes and he'll let his little princess go", she said mimicking the puppy eyes she was talking about through the window, making me roll my eyes. What she didn't know was that, ever since about a year ago, those puppy eyes weren't working anymore, at least not as easy as they did when I was still a child aka his little princess. "I need you there! I can't go alone and you need to have some fun. You're sixteen, for god's sake! Be a normal teenager for once."
"I feel offended", I said jokingly, sticking my tongue out to her, just like I did when we were kids. Katie was two years older than me, but so much more independent - or should I say rebellious? When she was ten and I was eight, she had convinced me to stay a night out in the fields. We had gotten in so much trouble, but she didn't care so much what other people might think of and, unlike me, she wasn't as scared of her parents. She loved them, they loved her, all three of them were still as close as ever. "But if it means so much to you-"
"It would mean the world to me", with her fingers she drew a heart in the air, making me laugh. I loved her too, she had always been there for me this past year of my life, more than my dad in that matter, which was also why I decided to care more about her and her wish to go to this party with me, than about his opinion. Maybe this was exactly what I needed, to be a normal teenager. "But you can't go out wearing THAT", she pointed at the knitted sweater my grandma made and that I was wearing. I didn't think there was necessarily something wrong with my outfit, but maybe she was right. It wasn't very fitting for a party. "Get ready and meet me outside in thirty minutes. I promise it's gonna be worth it."
"Dad, you don't mind if I go out with Katie tonight, do you?", I asked carefully, when I reached the kitchen, where my dad and my grandma were having their evening tea. It was already past eight, two hours after dinner. Usually that meant that they were not gonna see me again until the next morning, but this time I had other plans than locking myself up with a good book or an old vinyl. Like Katie demanded, I changed into something more presentable, which consisted of a white Iron Maiden shirt - I loved wearing those - and a blue denim skirt from my mom's teen years.
"Woah, that's completely out of the question!", my father said in a strict tone, that I had already expected, dropping his biscuit down on the porcelain plate in front of him. "You're way too young to go out! And what are you wearing? That's totally inappropriate!" Inappropriate? There was nothing inappropriate about my outfit. Unlike most skirts the girls in my school were wearing on a daily basis, mine was covering my butt and unlike most shirts the girl in my school were wearing on a daily basis, mine was covering my stomach. I would have never worn what they wore to party, all they wanted to archive from this was to get with the boys.
"I'm 16 years old!", I said, a little louder than I anticipated, but I had a feeling he didn't want me to be sixteen. He didn't want me to be independent. He didn't want me to grow up, but it was time he understood that I had grown up and that I was gonna grow up even more. Sometimes you just had to say it out loud, incase the realization came too late and he was never gonna let me go to any party ever again. "I'm not a child anymore!"
"Don't you take that tone of voice with me, young lady!", he declared and I regretted my sudden outburst of emotions. Maybe I should have just stayed in my mothers room. That way, we weren't fighting at least. "As long as you live under my house, you'll obey my rules!" Rules. He said rules as if he was the king of this family. And what even was the word obey supposed to mean? I was always respecting him and doing what he was telling me to do. Did he even see that I never meant to upset him? When had our relationship become that distant?
"Well, technically we're not at home so-", I said sarcastically, which perhaps wasn't the best move because it angered him even more. That was right, we were at my grandparents house, three hours away from our place. Although I must admit that the old farmstead where we were staying in during summer holiday felt more like a home to me than the modern flat that we lived in in London where my dad was always working non stop, leaving me alone most of the time.
"-JESSICA!", he exclaimed throwing his hands on the kitchen table, making me flinch. His porcelain cup full of tea tipped over, spilling the tea all over the kitchen table, which my grandma began to clean up immediately. When he called me Jessica I always knew that he was mad at me, otherwise he always called me by nickname, Jess. My parents picked the nickname out for me when I was child, that's what my mom had told me. Lately though, my dad was switching to Jessica more often.
"Please, dad", I said rushing to his side, falling down on my knees. A little dramatic, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right? "I promise I won't do anything crazy and I'll be home by midnight", I continued to convince him. A few minutes ago, I didn't even want to go to this party and now I was making up reasons why he should let me go. "Katie's gonna take care of me, she's older and more responsible. I'm gonna be just down the street. It's the house next to the old candy store. Just a few of Katie's friends from school are gonna be there. Not many people, normal people. Nice people."
I didn't even know what people were gonna be there and if they were really that nice, but I needed to some up with some valid reasons on why I should go, saying please wasn't really enough, because after all this pleading, he still showed no reaction whatsoever. It felt like talking to a brick wall, when he was like this. Actually I hoped there were not gonna be any people I knew, because then they would know what happened or ask about it and I couldn't stand that. I just hoped Katie wouldn't ditch me for some random boy. Unfortunately my dad still hadn't said anything so I had no other choice than to play my final card. "When Mom was my age-"
"Till 12 o'clock and not A SECOND later!", my dad interrupted me and my eyes lit up, because that meant that I was allowed to go, not stay very long, but allowed to go. My joker had worked. I knew my parents met at a party in university. Other than that, I had no idea whether she would go to parties when she was my age or not. I just figured, since they met at a party, my dad would perhaps understand the significance one night could have on your entire life.
"Thank you! Of course!", I said enthusiastically, standing up to give him a hug, that I stopped from actually happening last minutes. Instead, I gave my grandmother a hug instead, in order to say goodbye. "Don't worry I'm not gonna be late. See you!" Triumphantly, I stormed out of the house, waiting for my dear cousin. It was a triumph, not because I was actually happy to be forced to socialize, but because my dad gave me some freedom for once.
Grinning from ear to ear, Katie came running down her front porch after she spotted me in her front yard. She was wearing the tiniest pair of hot pants I had ever seen and a very deep neckline. My dad would have never let me leave the house like that, but again mine wasn't hers. Hers was my mom's brother, which should have explained a lot. My Mom had alway been all about giving your child the space and freedom they needed to explore the world and to find themselves. Surprisingly, I was gonna take advantage of that mentality soon enough. "Told you he'd give in."
"Yeah, but it took a lot of work. I had to use the Mom joker", I said to her, as we began walking down the street where we had been drawing with chalk about ten years ago. It was still bright outside, the sun was slowly setting as we were making our way to the party through the oh so familiar and at the same time foreign alleys. The summer air was warm and light, but sometimes a colder breezy would brush over my bare arms. Perhaps I should have brought a jacket. Katie winced, gritting her teeth, not because of the wind, but because she knew I hated using my mother as an excuse, but there was one more thing I needed to confess. "And I had to promise him I'd be home by midnight"
"What a bummer", Katie sighed rolling her eyes and I shot her a dirty look. My dad was giving me a little more freedom, I had to accept the restrictions that came along with it. Katie needed to accept them too, even though it made me sound like the absolute worst accompaniment ever. I didn't want to be a party popper, but Katie had no other, so either I was gonna be home by midnight or I was gonna be home all night long. She must have realized that, because she now smiled empathetically. "But that's not gonna be a problem. You'll be back to locking yourself up in these four walls covered in seventies wallpaper at when the clock in the steeple strikes twelve."
"I love your outfit by the way, but something's missing", Katie turned to me after awhile, with a cheeky smile plastered along her beautiful, almost grown up face. Something's missing? Shoes, socks, tights, underwear, skirt, shirt, I was wearing it all. All of the sudden, she pulled a small black thing out of her back pocket. I stared at it questioningly, wondering what she wanted me to do with it, until she took off the topped I realized that it was a lipstick, a red one to be exact. I usually just wore a clear lip gloss or a simple balm, never would I have ever thought about touching a red lipstick. "Oh my god, it's just a lipstick! Don't look at it like it's a condom!"
"That's very bright", I commented in fear. "I'm not sure that fits me and if my dad would see this- He already complained about my outfit", I explained to her, but really I was just way too shy to have a lip colour draw that much attention to me. I wasn't as bold as the colour most of the time, even though I wished I was. It was quite ironic to me, that she joked about me looking at it like it was a condom, because that was another thing I had yet to make my first experience with, but that was a conversation for another time. For now, a lipstick freaked me out just as much.
"Jessica, it will suit you perfectly. Trust me", she said handing me the lipstick and I took it from her to stare at if for a few second, before deciding to apply it to my lips. Weirdly enough, I trusted her, not only because she was older and bolder, but because this, introducing a teen to such things as make up, would have been something a mother would do for her daughter. I didn't have that privilege, so Katie, and that might sound weird because she was just two years older than me, was the person in my life closest to that kind of relationship.
"I'm just gonna use the bathroom real quick", that's what Katie had told me about half an hour ago and since then, I had been standing there alone in this crowed living room full of sweaty teenagers grinding on each other or playing stupid little games like truth or dare. I was debating on wether I should chime in on any conversations that were happening around me, but all they did was gossip about people from their school, people I didn't know, so I decided to explore a little bit and maybe find a place where I could be in peace for a while, where I could regain some energy to socialize.
There was a door to my right that I hadn't noticed. It wasn't fully closed, so I thought whoever the owner of that house was wouldn't mind if I took a look inside. The room I entered was overall mostly unlit, my shadow to be seen on the worn-down wooden floor of what seemed like an office room. I could see the outlines of an enormous desk behind a leather chair and a massive book shelf on the left side. As my gaze shifted to the right side, I noticed that I wasn't the only one who sought refuge in this undisturbed area. Well, it was undisturbed until I barged in and frightened at the sight of a dark, probably male, silhouette.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't think somebody would be in here", I said shyly to the unrecognizable stranger, before I turned around, initially to leave the room again. I had this weird habit of getting myself into situations like that. Situations I wanted to escape as quickly as possible. So that what I thought was the best thing to do. Awkwardly I muttered, "I'm just gonna go."
"I don't mind a little company", the stranger that turned out to be indeed a guy said, making me stop in my tracks. His voice was melodic and deep, but not deep enough for me to not notice his age that must have been around mine. "What's such a pretty girl like you doing in an empty room?"
"Escaping the mess of drunken teenagers at a party where she doesn't even know anyone", I said turning back around, leaving the door slightly open. I was intrigued, mostly because I knew exactly what kind of boy I accidentally ran into. Two phrases were enough for me. Such a pretty girl like you. Ew, I could have thrown up right there, but - good for me, bad for him - I was suddenly in the mood for some teasing. I was not gonna see any of the people at the party a second time anyway, might as well have some fun with a narcissistic teenage boy. Those were my favorites, to mess with of course. "And what's such a slimy creep like you doing in an empty room?"
"Waiting until the next mess of drunken teenager stumbles in here, to keep them from throwing up in that expensive vase", he responded with a cheeky grin, which made me think that he got my humor. The moon lit up his figure, allowing me to observe his appearance. The boy in front of me was tall and lanky, wearing just as simple pair of black jeans and a white T-Shirt. But what mostly caught my eye as his hair, his dark curls to be exact. One of them fell in his face, that was dominated by his piercing eyes. "No, actually I just needed a moment of silence"
"Well, it's not really silent in here. The music is blasting, but I know what you mean", I stated, listening to the background noise of Empire State of Mind coming from next doors. "Is this your house?"
"Nah, I'm as foreign here as you are", he said, smiling and although I couldn't see his expression that well, I had a feeling that his smile was genuine. "My friends dragged me along. I'm not that much of a party goer."
"Me too", I said, now smiling as well. "So I'm guessing you don't go to the same school as my cousin Katie?"
"Never heard of her", he said shrugging his shoulders. Then he was also not going to the same school, if so, he would have known her for sure, she had that kind of personality. "But I do go to school, in Holmes Chapel and on the side I work in a bakery. What about you?"
"I go to school, in London and on the side I watch all ten seasons of Friends on DVD everyday", I said sarcastically, mimicking him, causing him to laugh. Guess I can be funny, when I don't lay in bed by myself drinking hot chocolate all day.
"Nice", he said with a smirk. "And what are you gonna do after school?", he asked further and I was surprised by his interest. If anything, this boy knew how to do small talk. I was glad he was keeping the conversation going, because I surprisingly felt comfortable talking to this random person at a party. He seemed pretty sober in comparison to the people next door's, which I was happy about. Not that I had anything against alcohol, but my dad would kill me he knew there that drinking was involved.
"What do you mean, like what I'm gonna do at uni?", I asked and he nodded. My answer shot out of my mouth immediately, as if it had been practiced many, as if what i'm gonna do with my life was nothing worth thinking about, "Business Studies."
"Okay and what to you want to do?", he said, raising an eyebrow at me, making me speechless. What? I had just told him. "Oh, come on!", he said chuckling as he casually leaned against the wall to his left. "That's not what a sixteen year old dreams about."
"Hey, how are you sure about that?", I said laughing at his confidence. "Maybe I've wanted to be the head of a company ever since I was a little child?"
"There was not a single spark in your eyes when you said that", he answered in a more serious, making me stop laughing abruptly, which seemed to be a confirmation for him. "So, what would you do if you could do anything, if there were no risks and no judgement?"
If there were no risks and no judgement? No one has ever asked me that before, most certainly not my dad. For him, it was not about dreaming, it was about what was the most realistic. It was not about what I loved the most, it was what he thought I would make the most money of. That I could gain even more money and success with my real dream, wasn't enough for him, because it was just a possibility, not a fact.
Ever since I was a little child, I wanted to be a singer and an actress. I was belting Defying Gravity, when I didn't even know, what gravity was. I saw Wicked when I was twelve, so It was no surprise, that in middle school I started acting and discovered my joy in playing roles. A star is born, some might say, but not my dad. Why would I have wanted to tell this a complete stranger?
"Brodway", I blurted out, still lost in thoughts. "I mean musical theatre, I'd do musical theatre. I'm a dumb innocent british girl from a small town near London, which secretly dreams of being on Broadway. Embarrassing, I know."
"No, not at all", he said giving me a reassuring smile. "Actually mine's not far off. If anything, I'm used to people telling me that I'm being delusional."
"Really? Then tell me, what would you do?", I asked crossing my arms. "And I'm expecting to see a spark in your eyes!" He chuckled softly, which seemed like music to my ears. I leaned against the wall to my right, waiting for his response.
"I wanna be a rockstar", he said and didn't disappoint me concerning the so-called spark. "Not the drug addict, dies at age 27 type, but the sells out arenas, writes all of his songs by himself type of rockstar."
"And all the girls that will love you and will chase after you, screaming their lungs out aren't a reason for that?", I asked trying to draw him out of his shell. His intentions couldn't have been that pure. He would have been way too good for this world.
"No, I want to make music, inspire people and bring people together" he said honestly and I suddenly felt bad for my sarcasm. "Embarrassing, I know."
"I don't know how you sing, but you seem as if you would be a great role model", I complimented him, without even knowing much about him. "Do you have any idea how exactly you're gonna do that though?"
"Okay, don't laugh at me, but I've had an audition for the X-Factor a few weeks ago", he admitted with gritted teeth, as if it was something to be ashamed for.
"The casting show? That's amazing!", I exclaimed enthusiastically. I had loved watching that show, since I had been chirping Beauty and the Beast in my pink bedroom covered in posters of disney princesses.
"Don't get to too excited I'm not sure if I'm gonna make it into the show", he sighed. "-or if I do want to make it. There's a possibility that everyone will laugh at me either way."
"What? Is someone suddenly scared of risks and judgement?", I mocked him, because he had been the confident one of us just a few seconds ago.
"I guess I just don't know of I'm good enough at this age, maybe I'd rather drop out and practice for another year", he explained. "I mean I sill got plenty of time, don't I?"
"You never know how much time you got left-", I stopped talking to take a deep breath, "Your world can come crumbling down in just an instant", I told him as my eyes got watery at the memory of when that instant came for me, where my world started crumbling down.
I bit my lip to stop myself from crying in front this boy I just met and I most certainly didn't want him to start asking questions about my sudden mood change. He must have noticed that, because he just nodded, accepting what I said. "Then what's stopping YOU?", he asked turning the conversation around.
He doesn't give up that easily, does he?
"My dad", I confessed. "I love him, but he's become so overprotective. He doesn't want me to choose such an unpredictable career path. He works in Business and I don't want to disappoint him", I said, although I had no idea what on earth made open myself up to this random guy and what on earth made me want get closer him, but he had this charisma that I had yet to discover, which attracted me in some sort of way.
With this charisma he could certainly convince the judges. For some reason, I believed he could be a rockstar, actually I believed in him more than I believed in myself. "I get that, but pleasing people who are not you should never be your number one priority, following your dream should be. Business can be your plan B", he suggested.
"Okay, then let's make a deal, stranger", I said, stepping closer to him. "I'm gonna apply to a school of dramatic arts when you promise to give everything in that d*mn tv show, because you are gonna make it, that's for sure."
"Deal", he said with a smirk, also taking a step closer to me. He held out his pinky for me to interlock with mine, which I did, his eyes not leaving mine. His hand felt soft, the usually insignificant touch creating a warm feeling in my stomach. For a few second we were just shaking our fingers like idiots.
When he finally cleared his throat, instead of letting go, he dropped our hands and drew his thumb over the back of my hand. Since my theatre performance of Peter Pan in 4th grade, I hadn't been in such close contact with a male human being. But I was also not averse. It felt good - good, exciting and comforting at the same time. Until all oft the sudden, he started leaning in, until his face was just inches away from mine. Unable to move, I looked up into his green eyes and noticed they were locked on my lips.
"Woah, what are you doing?!", I said placing my hand on his shoulder to stop him from getting closer. That I wasn't averse did not mean that I was comfortable with THAT. Although I had promised myself to act like a normal teenager for once. Normal teenager do this kind of stuff, right? "I don't even know your name?!", I said, coming up with an excuse.
"You said it yourself, I'm a slimy creep", he said, chuckling, causing a smile to form on my face. Yeah, seems like I wasn't that far off. "Nice to meet you, I'm Harry", he then said shaking my hand, making me giggle. Harry, huh? Interesting name. "And who, pray, are you?"
"Jessica", I replied with a smirk. "Nice to meet you too."
"Can I kiss you now, Jessica?", he asked, as he started leaning in again.
I didn't know if I should give in. Half an hour ago, I had never seen him in my life and then he suddenly wanted to kiss me. I had revealed more about myself to him than I did to anyone else. Maybe he really was a flirty womanizer and maybe that was his intention all along, but maybe I wanted to prove myself that I'm not as boring as Katie thinks and maybe I also felt magically drawn to this curly haired boy, that was sharing this darkened room with me.
"You may", I said with a grin, not knowing what I was getting myself into, before he closed the gap between us. His soft lips met mine softly as one he steadied my back with one of his hands. It wasn't a spectacular kiss, but it was sweet and memorable. And short-
"-Jessica, are you coming?!", Katie suddenly called through the now fully open door, breaking the two of us apart. I looked at her, then back at Harry, then at the clock behind him. It was already past midnight. My eyes widened, so did Harry, but he had no idea that my father was actually gonna kill me.
"Sorry, I have to go", I said panicking and started making my way out of the room. He opened his mouth, as if he was gonna say something, but he didn't stand a chance. "See you on tv!", I shouted to him one last time, before leaving the party.
"Who was that cutie you were with?", Katie asked, when we were walking back to my grandparents house, or more like running because we were already too late. I couldn't see anything in the pitch black darkness of the night, only a few streetlights made it able for me to recognize the cold dusty sidewalk that lead back to the house where I spent the best summers of my childhood.
In my memory of that time the pitch black darkness that had become my life was non-existent. Instead my memory luckily consisted of the view of yellow sunflowers on a sunny day and the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I was only sixteen, but still I craved for those times, the easier times. The times when we were all together.
"No one, a stranger", I denied, the feeling of being caught doing something forbidden rising. It hadn't really been forbidden though, okay maybe it had been, at least when it came to my dad. If he would have known I had that close contact with a male human being, he would have never let me leave the house ever again.
"Since when do you go out kissing strangers?", she asked raising an eyebrow, making me stop in my tracks. I should have known but for some reason only then I realized that she had seen me kissing that random guy at party where she had brought me.
"You saw that?!", I exclaimed in horror. I placed my hand on her shoulder to keep her from walking any further. What I had wanted from her next was gonna need all her focus and attention on. "Please, don't tell my dad!"
"Why would I?", she sniffed, shrugging her shoulders. When I said she had that kind of personality, I meant that she was bubbly, loud, energetic, but also sometimes rash, insensitive and a little too much. I had every reason to believe that she would tell my farther, it wouldn't have been a surprised if it just slipped out of her mouth the next day at breakfast. "But tell me you at least asked for his number."
"I didn't", I said quietly, staring at the ground. I left like Cinderella, except I was still wearing both my shoes. When would we've had enough time to exchange numbers?
"Aww, don't be sad. I'm sure you'll meet again somewhere", she said swinging her arm around me in a comforting way. What she said wasn't really comforting though, because if I would have believed that, I would have been nothing a dumb innocent British girl.
In the middle of writing this FIRST Chapter, I found out that Harry TURNED DOWN the offer to play the role of prince Erik. WHY?! I'm devastated, especially after one ENTIRE day of thinking that he officially signed on to play the role. We're all clowns. Okay, I know this means that HS2 is coming soon, but I'm just saying that concert tickets are way more expensive than cinema tickets. Of course, I am excited for new music, but I would have loved just to stare at Harry for two hours straight in a movie. Well, seems like not all dreams do come true.
Also, I don't know if it makes sense to continue with this story, although the whole plot is already planned ahead. So I'm probably gonna wait until someone's ACTUALLY reading this and is giving some kind of feedback. Some of the following chapters are already written, but I don't want to be the only one who reads them. Obviously this is just the first chapter and it's probably not that interesting, but important to explain the background of the story. Every seemingly boring detail might have a significance in the future.
𝒥𝒶𝒸𝓀𝒾𝑒