"Okay! In 5, 6, 7, 8! 1, 2, 3, 4..."
Lisa's scrutinizing eyes go over with the whole flow of the cotillion routine. They were already quite prepared, just perfecting and cleaning the messy parts of the steps especially when it comes to where the dancers form two circles. The girls moved one step to the right and with that came their exchanging of partners.
Once she saw Jennie getting partnered up with Jinwoo, it felt like she was intruding the cousins' privacy. She met Chaeyoung's eyes for a second as she was dancing with Seungyoon. Then her gaze settled on Jisoo who was staring after Jennie and Jinwoo's way with longing. She can tell something was up between the three but she kept her mouth shut. There was no need to point it out.
Not when her Jennie unnie seems too easy to snap at any moment.
"Just listen, okay?" Jinwoo started in a hushed tone for others not to hear them. "It's not what you think it is. We weren't doing anything wrong. Jisoo and I--"
"Yeah. I heard you, oppa. It's not wrong." Jennie cut him off as they waltzed together. "You're obviously just spending time with the girl you like and I was stupid to go butting in, right?"
"We were spending time but it's not like we would have done something else after that."
"Because I've disturbed you?"
"Jennie--"
"If you two really want to continue your relationship, you could've said so. I wouldn't have acted like a cockblock and stopped you minutes away before you start getting down--"
"That's enough, Jennie!"
Jinwoo's loud voice echoed on the dance floor, getting all attention from their peers. He let go of his cousin already and the younger girl sported a face with mild surprise. Yet Jinwoo could tell... seeing him lose his nerves with her was something Jennie expected out of him and their talk.
Their friends locked gazes before they settled on the pair. They had felt the strange vibe between the once too close and unbreakable bond. Jisoo stopped dancing and everyone else's had done the same. The music continued playing but even with that on, they could tell the atmosphere was plain awkward.
"You're crossing the line, young lady."
"Me? The one crossing the line now?" Jennie smiled and dusted his shoulder as if it wasn't spotless, prompting her to come closer. "You don't know what you're talking about. Besides, I'm only having my fun with all this."
"And you do? Do you even know how you're acting like a cranky child whose toy got stolen away? This is not fun in any way."
The older one's voice remained resilient despite Jennie's taunting and their obvious audience in the room. He'd want nothing but to wipe off that smirk and the undeniably mask his cousin chose to wear like sweet perfume she favored to use everyday if she wanted to. But Jennie never really liked the use of such scent and if it was worn... it would've been by force and for a purpose.
Jisoo bit her lip as she had long pulled away from Bobby's hold. She would have to cross three pairs to get to Jennie and Jinwoo but she took the risk. It's not like she was going to eavesdrop just because they talked in low voices earlier but it wasn't like the cousins even cared to be subtle in their heated argument. She knew she had a part in all these and Jinwoo was just trying to resolve what she should've been putting much effort to as well.
Just as she had gotten closer to them, Jennie caught sight of her in her peripheral vision. The corner of her lips tugged up a bit but she didn't acknowledge her. Her attention was still set at her cousin.
"But my toy got stolen away. I'll give you that, Jinwoo oppa." The younger girl only smiled even when Jinwoo's frown became deeper as Jisoo heard the words. "Since you've been having your own fun behind my back... why can't I do the same especially when it's out in the open? I'm not the one hiding and lying between us."
"Jennie--"
Jennie jerked back so fast as soon as Jisoo placed her hand on her shoulder. Both girls were with wide eyes and there was a brief moment of the older girl only deciphering what the hell just happened. She wasn't sure if it was out of shock or disgust or just her presence being unwanted as Jennie stared back into her.
"Jennie-ah."
"Lisa!" Jinwoo closed his eyes as his cousin started her way towards the center of the room, ignoring his call all along. "You all can go home. Stop all these. It's enough for the fucking cotillion."
The blonde girl furrowed her eyebrows and followed just behind her. "But, unnie, we have to do at least three more rundowns before it's perfect. Then tomorrow's the last day to clean it all up--"
"Fine. Suit yourself. But I'm ditching this." She threw a glance at her best friend then to the couple she just left on their own. "Whoever hell knows why I agreed to this in the first place."
"Well for your birthday and--"
"You know what, I don't give a damn. This sucks. The dance sucks. Everything fucking sucks."
As soon as the girl left, silence befallen the room before some murmurs ensued. There was a little next to nothing with the turmoil going inside of Jisoo's head of the obvious distress that dawned on Lisa's face. Jinwoo took the steps this time and patted the blonde girl and gave an encouraging smile. He went out of the room without saying another word and it didn't take anyone to guess just where he was going to.
"Hey." Insistent pokes pulled Lisa from her musing and her eyes found Chaeyoung's small smile. It was as if their position's exchanged as she recalled how she had pestered the latter before. "Come on. You said we had three more runs to go before we get everything right."
"Jennie unnie just said we should just go home."
"Yeah but... I could use a help from twirling. Me and partner do." Chaeyoung gestured to Sana who waved at them. "Also, she said she still can't get that one step before we reached the chorus."
"Oh and I'm still confused about that one change we did." Donghyuk commented as he joined the two girls while rubbing his nape. "Maybe another run?"
"Well... then..."
Lisa put a huge smile on her face and started directing the other dancers once more. Jisoo could see other students moving towards the younger girl, fussing all around her and distracting her from different sides. Even Bobby was already joking around near her.
"I guess you can say I feel bad too."
The black haired girl turned to her left and saw Mino watching the scene beside her. "You can also feel bad?"
"I had hope but you screwed it up big time. Even Jinwoo hyung can't save you from it. Hell... he can't even do anything this time. Not when he played a huge part to it."
She glared at him, the anger that got pent up firing towards Mino. "And it pleases you that I did? That we pissed of your Jennie more than ever?"
"No. For all its worth... you did let me see her for awhile." He smiled a bit then shook his head. "Guess I could thank you for that."
'Does he need to rub it to my face? Rub his I-told-you-so shit to me?'
"Are you sarcastically thanking me?"
"No, I'm not. As much as an asshole I sound or am..." He sighed and shrugged before walking backwards. "This is me thanking you for letting us see a glimpse of Jennie before making her disappear for good."
Mino gave a smile and Jisoo didn't know how to feel about it because it seemed like he was actually grateful somehow.
~***~
"How many times do I have to tell you that Jisoo and I are not in a relationship?"
"How many times do I have to tell you I don't care about that at all?"
"Jennie, will you listen to me first?"
"You know what I can't understand, oppa?" The younger Kim opened her eyes from her relaxed position in her sofa. "You told me you like her. You told me you can't see any reason why you should stop feeling that way. I gave you reasons but that didn't seem enough to wake you up."
"What do you mean?"
"Kim Jisoo isn't who you think she is. And I'm telling you the truth!"
Jinwoo regarded her with a fixed stare. He breathed out slowly but stayed rooted on his spot. Jennie looked far more agitated than he has ever seen her though this time things weren't thrown away. Her bed was still untouched, books and papers aren't scattered on the floor and he hadn't seen pieces of broken glasses.
It was much better compared to the worst thing he had expected.
"No, you're not."
Jennie scoffed and stood up. "So you're saying I'm lying? You're the liar, oppa."
"You have no right to call me a liar, Jennie. In fact, between the two of us... you're the one hiding things to yourself and outright lying."
"Shame on you to throw that back at me--"
"What's your relationship with Jisoo?"
Jennie stared at him as Jinwoo waited for her answer. Arms crossed and his whole stance showed nothing but patience, Jinwoo expected his cousin to finally fess up. To finally tell the truth that had her acting out too differently.
"Nothing." She said and mirrord his arms as if she wasn't fazed at all. "We are nothing."
"I don't believe that. I don't believe you."
"Then what do you believe in? Oh wait... Wow! Now I get it." The younger one exclaimed before she started laughing, causing the frown on her cousin's face. "Did she tell you?"
Jinwoo blinked in confusion as he wasn't sure what she was pertaining to. There have been many things that Jisoo could've told him. He wasn't about to blindly guess which one of it did Jennie find too amusing at the moment.
"Tell me what?"
"That we fuck around? That we or should I say... I do dirty things with her whenever I want to?"
"Jennie--"
"Or did she tell you where and how to touch her just to have her screaming all night long?" Jennie smirked as she approached him closer. He didn't like the hollow look she casted upon him because he thought that got rid off already. "Did you like it? Was it good? Were you pleased that well--"
"Enough, Jennie! Stop that!"
"Oh come on!" She scoffed and shrugged her shoulders as a wide smile was plastered on her face. "I just want to know how much you're enjoying it to have the woman you like and for her to fucking like you back!"
Jinwoo clenched his fingers tight, his knuckles turning white with every spite that his cousin uses. He breathed through his nose and the words he thought of might combust the latter but he decided to risk it. "Are you jealous? Or should I say... angry?"
"Why the hell would I be angry?"
"Well then let me explain it to you wide and clear. You don't like me being with Jisoo, talking about her, courting her and actually dating her! For pete's sake, Jennie, you kissed her right in front of me just so you can stop me from going after her!" He had disbelief smile as Jennie's eyes glared rather than just stare at him. "You say the dumbest things I've ever heard, do things that are so untypical of you and you reasoned out that you're all doing it because of me."
She scoffed and put her hands up in surrender. "Then I'm sorry if I fucking care so much about you, I just want you to end up with someone worthy--!"
"Oh don't give me that bullshit! You know that Jisoo's far more worthy than anyone who had come close to us. And I like her, okay?! I like Kim Jisoo! But even if I do..." Jinwoo opened his mouth then closed it again. He sighed and shook his head, showing just how he was having difficulty in proceeding with what he wants to say. "I'd never have thought to go that far for someone. I don't have it in me to act as if I own her and proclaim it with indignation by directly using the name of someone older than me. But you did. You did all of that! So if you're telling me that--"
Jinwoo got cut off by a loud burst of laughter. Jennie made an applause and he watched as she bend over her knees as she kept going. He pressed his lips in a thin line because this Jennie was starting to wear his patience. More than ever.
Jennie cleared her throat and waved a hand. "Are you saying what I think you're fucking saying, Jinwoo oppa?"
"You're different with her and--"
"And what? Now you think I have some feelings for her? That I'm... what? Competition to you for her?" She smiled in a way that Jinwoo wasn't ever going to believe. "If you want her then go have her! Say it loud and clear! Don't tiptoe behind my back!"
"The point here is that you're the one who wants her, Jennie! You're the one who likes her, maybe even loves her! And I don't know why you can't see that!" He gestured to her in exasperation as he continued, "I don't know why you think you're the same person as you were the last time I saw you! Why you still think you're not capable of feeling anything and still denying it to my face--!"
"I do feel, okay?! If that's what you want to hear well then congratulations, oppa, I am not a numb person because I fucking felt the betrayal!"
Jennie was heaving hard that Jinwoo thought of moving towards her side and calming her down. It almost made him drop everything and act like how he always used to do. Yet he stood his ground as if he knew before this could happen and nothing should change his mind.
"Is it because of me? Or because of Jisoo?"
She blinked once then twice before a frown settled on her face. "What the hell--"
"All the times I've known you, this is the first time you put someone else above me. You always say that it's for my own good like how I am with you but, Jennie... you put yourself first this time. You put what you actually want instead of what you think I need."
"Good! Now we all know what a selfish bitch I am and somehow, you're quite petty, oppa--"
"No, you're not getting my point! Jennie, you could've spent the whole Christmas Eve with me, you could've done your silly tricks to kick your P.A. out so it'll be easy for you to go knocking at my door during the night when you can't get a wink of sleep, or you can even spend time with me in shopping or whatever frivolous stuff you waste your parents money for. But you don't." Jinwoo paused for a bit and started once more before the latter could interrupt him. "You don't do any of that and instead I find you doing things you've never done in the past years! I see you actually making friends and finally not giving a fuck to what people think despite you proclaiming you don't for years. I see you finally changing--!"
"If you're angry because of that, then don't be now because I'm not planning on continuing that--"
"I'm not angry, okay?!"
The older Kim knew they were raising voices and it seemed the opposite of how he should handle the situation. But this was where all the tension he's been feeling for days coming right up and there's no way of stopping it. When he said he wants to see Jennie's emotion, he was fine to anything that expresses Jennie's actual feelings.
"I'm glad for it but at least be honest with yourself. Everything that you've been doing now is not for me but it's for you. It's because it's what you want. It's because you want... Kim Jisoo." He explained in a much calmer way while Jennie tried to put her poker face and not succeeding at it enough. "You know that but you just don't realize how much you really do. And I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand waiting around for you to figure just how serious it is that you're changing because you're passionately in--"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence."
Jennie's voice cut him off, cold and distant yet sure. There was that quality that exuded command and superiority even when they both know who's older between them. It doesn't matter because it was quite obvious why such thing feels like that. Jennie might bend for him sometimes but she was raised to be on top of everyone else.
"I am not in any way doing that. And you should know your place, Jinwoo oppa." Jinwoo could've backed down from her tone but he didn't. "It's one thing to say your suspicions about my life when you already disappeared from it."
He gulped hard because after everything that had happened... his cousin letting him know how he had chosen something else over her made Jennie felt abandoned. It made her feel what he promised he won't ever do. It strained their relationship when Jinwoo had done what people Jennie used to care for did to her as a child.
"It's fucking one thing entirely to assume about my feelings."
"Jennie--"
"Fuck off."
Jinwoo widened his eyes and it didn't matter if Jennie was actually the one who left the room afterwards. It didn't matter if what happened was the opposite as he heard the door slam shut behind him. Jennie knew it'd take her to move mountains for Jinwoo to leave her when she's upset and apparently she needed to be left alone.
It didn't seem to matter at all to Jinwoo because for the first time after years... Jennie treated him like how she would've done with complete strangers. He was no stranger to this attitude. Yet he wasn't good in being at its receiving end.
It's been too long since that happened and he didn't really want to go back to that time when she snapped at him like that. He could remember how hopeless was his cousin's case. He didn't want that repeating but it just felt like it did.
A phone ringing and vibrating inside his pockets brought Jinwoo out of his reminiscing. It was about to be its fifth ring when he saw the person calling. He immediately answered the phone, internally cursing for not being able to do so within three rings.
The man on the other line will surely think something's wrong. No... he already thought of that. His words and tone was enough to make Jinwoo swallow harder than he had with his cousin.
"No, sir. Everything's fine. I mean..." Jinwoo pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose. He sighed in a subtle way that it be unnoticeable then smiled in a particular way before he continued, "Pardon me. What I mean to say is everything is going as planned. You have nothing to worry about. Your daughter is right where you want her to be."
~***~
"Hey stranger."
The girl staring out from the balcony looked at the raven haired girl approaching her. She stared at Park Chaeyoung for awhile like she was some angel in disguise sent to comfort her. The corner of her lips tugged up in a small smile even when she didn't intend it to.
"We're in the state where you're the one giving me sweet nicknames?"
"There's nothing sweet about the word stranger, you know."
"Didn't you know? That's how usually relationship works. From strangers to friends to lovers." Lisa said in such a dispirited voice that was so unlike her. "Then strangers again."
The newcomer didn't slow down in her tracks even when she noticed how down the other girl is. "Why the long face?"
"I'm not sad, chipmunk." She gave her a smile, one that looked forced but also genuine at the same time, then looked outside again. "Maybe one day we'll all be back to strangers and it's like we never spent so much time making good memories. I don't have time to be sad because it'll ruin what I've been building all this time."
Chaeyoung sat opposite the blonde girl. The whimsical thoughts might have been brought by that scene which happened earlier. She could tell Lisa was greatly affected by it, could see that she was still being feeling down despite the energy she showed afterwards. Jennie had much impact on the younger girl.
"Wanna talk about it?" It took about a good 5 seconds before Lisa met her eyes. "I'm all ears."
"You're all mine?"
"What?" Chaeyoung blinked in surprise because that wasn't what she had said at all.
The latter laughed and shook her head. "I thought you said I'm all yours."
"I said I'm all ears, Lalisa."
"Aww poo. That could've made me smile if you agreed to what I heard. Would've felt better."
"But you laughed. Didn't you say it's a thousand times better to laugh it out instead of smiling?" She smiled a bit as she traced some patterns on the smooth granite they were sitting on.
Lisa remembered exactly when and where that pizza place was and how she pulled stupid stunts to get a smile from the once red haired girl. The resounding laugh was soemthing she engraved to memory, something that she considers as the best ones for safe keeping. It was something like an achievement that granted her of that innocent fluttery feeling that had been going around. That she had been expecting to feel only not with the girl she thought she was just playfully flirting with.
She breathed out slowly. She squinted her eyes and pointed at the latter's face. Particularly on Chaeyoung's lips. "Is that smile finally for me?"
"Does it cheers you up?"
"Hmm... maybe?"
"Then..." Chaeyoung pursed her lips and gave an even fuller smile this time that did wonders for the other girl. "Yeah I guess."
"But a kiss, sweetheart, will do tremendous cheering up--"
"In your dreams, Lisa."
She nodded and pouted as she opened her mouth to say, "In your dreams, Lisa."
The two girls locked gazes and, within a beat, bursted out laughing. It was getting late, the stars already scattered in the dark sky yet it seemed as if Lisa and Chaeyoung had no intentions to leave. The blonde girl closed her eyes briefly and the latter only watched.
"I'll keep dreaming then."
Chaeyoung bit her bottom lip. She continued her stargazing and swerved away from the mesmerizing view her eyes can't seem to stop looking at. "You shouldn't just keep dreaming, you know. You should make your move too and try reaching it. You're a talented dancer and you're amazing no matter what people say. It'll be such a waste if you let yourself be stopped by a setback or words that were simply said out of anger. Anger and something else entirely that isn't meant for you."
"So you don't think I suck?" Her eyes remained closed and the words were said in a soft whisper.
"Yes. You don't seem so bad in doing your passion, Lalisa."
Lisa's lips moved from a small smile to a wide one that was something Chaeyoung prefers more than anything. More than her smirks that always exude confidence and flirtation. This one had her seeing the latter's shy side especially when it goes together with a blush that was visible even in night.
Maybe she was distracting the blonde girl from her being disheartened. Maybe she was actually cheering her up. Nevertheless, Chaeyoung preferred Lisa not showing how much affected she is with words that shouldn't bug her at all. She preferred Lisa being all happy again instead of this.
"So you think I should make a move and kiss you too?"
The slightly older girl rolled her eyes though she kept the smile on her face. "I'll hit you if you do."
"So you said if I do that..." She leaned in a bit, seeing Chaeyoung widen her eyes in response. "But maybe I can just try and you'll follow through?"
"I'll follow through with a push for you to fall off of me from this balcony."
"Funny you say that, because I'm actually falling into you instead, honeypie."
As their typical banter began once more, the normal flow of their conversation resumed. It was as if Chaeyoung and Lisa conversing was a quarter of bantering, a quarter of flirting, a quarter of trying to kill each other off and a quarter of Chaeyoung not killing Lisa while the latter urges her to. They were talking loud and it was easy to find them through their voices. Some time soon, Jisoo entered their space and two pair of eyes turned to her.
Jisoo held a palm up as if to wave at them. "There you are. I was finding for you two."
"I'm here."
"Chipmunk chased after me in here."
"That's a lie. Geez." Chaeyoung crossed her arms as she eyed the all too smiley girl. She then stared at Jisoo who looked troubled. With just one look, she already had a clear hunch why yet she still had to ask anyway. "What's the matter, unnie?"
"Do you need some heart to heart talk, beautiful? Apparently Chaeyoung excels in that too." Lisa said as she came over towards the oldest girl's side, an arm wrapping around her shoulders.
Jisoo gazed from Lisa to Chaeyoung then at the ground before speaking up. "Actually I was gonna ask if..."
"If?"
The two younger girls talked at the same time. Their attention was solely focused on her that Jisoo almost thought twice of bringing it up. She just shrugged and smiled as if she wasn't bothered by anything. "If your gowns fitted you two. Just wondering and... yeah just wanna ask and talk to you two somehow."
"Why... of course, yes. The event's for the day after tomorrow." The blonde girl replied nonchantly. "It had to be hanging inside my closet or else I'd be damned. Wouldn't want to do last minute scavenging for gowns, you know."
"How much did you buy it for?"
Chaeyoung interrupted Lisa as she thought of the price. "Wait... you don't have anything to wear yet, haven't you?"
The smaller girl bit her lip and it was with no difficulty for her best friend to figure it all out. When the idea sank inside Lisa's head, her face became shocked and her arms fall onto her sides. Jisoo rubbed her nape and smiled quite sheepishly.
"Oh noooo. Jisoo unnie!!"
"Why are you just telling this to us now?!"
"We should buy something like right fucking now! Come on!"
"All the malls and shopping places would have closed at this time! Unnie! You could've told us like ages ago!"
Jisoo now have both her hands up in surrender when the other two were clearly increasing her panic instead of calming her down. She knew she shouldn't have let it drag this far. But she was preoccupied with making sure everything's going to be perfect for the grand debut... and too preoccupied with her feelings for the said event's celebrant.
"Guys! I just asked, okay? Chill! I've got everything all handled!"
"Really?"
Jisoo stared up as Chaeyoung and Lisa might already be working on the same brain as they asked at the same time. "Yeah. I've got shoes already."
"That covers your problem from the toe to your ankle... it does not cover your entire 5 flat height!" Lisa exclaimed with an aghast expression.
"For your information, I am 5 feet and 2--"
"That's not really the point! You're still small and this problem could swallow you whole!"
"Yah Lalisa! Stop bullying Jisoo unnie." Chaeyoung intervened and went over to Jisoo's side. "Just because she only looks about 5 feet doesn't guarantee you to point that out."
The older girl was being towered by the two giants and nodded her head. She parted from them and laughed sarcastically. "Gee. Thanks, Chaeng. That's a lot of support but you just pointed that out too."
Both girls clapped their hands and surprised Jisoo yet again. They locked gazes, Lisa smiling with meaningful look while Chaeyoung just rolled her eyes. The taller black haired girl put both her hands against Jisoo's shoulder.
"Okay. You gotta stay calm, Jisoo unnie."
"Just so you know I wasn't the one screaming and making a bigger scene--"
"By tomorrow, we're going to take you out and buy with the short time left that we have," she paused and exhaled as if she passed an obstacle of Jisoo cutting her off. "Then we'll buy everything else that will exactly make you look like you've been prepared for the event the whole--"
"Winter vacation!"
"Don't finish my sentence, Manoban."
"Already did, sweetheart. My bad." The blonde girl winked at Chaeyoung and smiled. "See? We finish each other's sentences!"
Chaeyoung retorted back at her and this caused Jisoo to watch them like some table tennis match. There was a small bubble of laughter brewing inside her that she didn't dare to stop. It was a good feeling. After everything that has been continuously happening, the stress and the slight ache in her chest... spending time with the two younger girls was a breather.
Lisa halted in her smart comeback when she saw Jisoo gearing towards a hug with her. She welcomed it and locked gazes with Chaeyoung. She patted the shorter girl's head and gestured the other girl to join in the hug too.
"Come here, Chipmunk. We all love warm hugs."
"You and your Frozen references..."
"As if you didn't cry when Olaf melted."
"I wasn't the only one! You cried when Elsa melted Anna's frozen heart."
"Stop being a slowpoke and get over here, Ariel."
Jisoo laughed with those words and being cuddled close by them, causing her to tear up. It was comforting and she indeed loves warm hugs more than she would admit. It wasn't awkward at all for the three of them to hold onto each other like this. It was warm and maybe she was getting emotional but at least it didn't feel like she was alone.
She hates that she was getting emotional but she hates it even more that all that melting and frozen heart talk reminded her of the girl currently missing from their group hug.
~***~
Jisoo just arrived right back in her room with a big box designed with some intricate flower designs was settled by her bed. This was all too familiar again and she could feel her heart picking up its pace. As much as she didn't want to get her hopes up, she wanted the package to be from Jennie just like last Christmas.
She walked towards it and picked up the plain white card. The message inside was type written, the paper devoid from any scent and the words so very unlike how Jennie would have expressed her thoughts. Another person came into mind while she felt grateful yet slightly disappointed.
To make up for everything I've done that caused you to be sad... I'm truly sorry. This might not be enough for all of that but I imagined you wearing this. I think you'll look beautiful in it.
Jisoo opened the box and got a peek on what it contained. She hitched her breath as she held the long dress up. It was miracously white, a little touch of pink just to give some color, beads and glittery chiffon clearly calling for attention. It was flowy and the long sleeves were made out of pure lace, giving that sophisticated vibe. One look at it told her that the dress would fit and her wearing it in the occasion would also make her fit into a place full of people used to luxurious things.
Another small box inside had accessories which included extravagant things starting from a shimmering headband to studded earings and necklaces that Jisoo could tell would complete the outfit. She was grateful it wasn't a ball gown because it would look like a wedding dress instead. She didn't want to be the center of attention but this long dress seemed to be made just for her. Every piece of fabric and ornament inside the box seemed to be made for her.
It was simple but stunning that she would simply pick it out if she ever saw it from a shop. She searched for any signs of it being branded to know just how much someone spent on her. She found nothing that gave away its source for design and perfection which was quite weird. It was as if the sender didn't want her to know just how much was spent on her.
There was a part of her that hoped it was some infamous and expensive brand. Not because she wanted something that would state it costs millions of won but because it would give way who gave it to her. If it was Chanel or Gucci... Jisoo would easily know it was Jennie and that the latter still cared enough to make sure she won't go in her childish pajamas to the party.
Yet seeing the note, the totality of the gift and how everything just fits to her taste perfectly... it seemed like Jinwoo would've been the one to leave her such a surprise. Who else would've known her all too well? The message alone could be the clue all along since it was enough to point the man out. He was so sorry about that encounter they had with Jennie and everything else that followed.
Jisoo placed everything back in its proper place and thought of thanking Kim Jinwoo for being such a huge help. She knew that the latter will deny any act to return the gift so the least she can do is to show gratefulness personally. She walked out of her room, ears perking up from the instrumental sound coming from down the hallway.
'That piano playing...'
The black haired girl can't help the urge to follow were the music was coming from. It was very faint, courtesy of the soundproof walls but she was lured to idle outside the door of the music room. Her chest constricted in that way that had her gulping down.
A part of her knew that the person inside was none other than the girl she had been pining for. When she closed her eyes she could imagine the younger girl's frame in front of the piano, fingers moving with such expertise against its keys. The sudden loud disruption had Jisoo opening her eyes and holding onto the knob automatically.
Jennie, even when she isn't visible to her eyes, was still oozing the mood she had been carrying the past few days. It was as if the dissonance from the piano is enought proof for it. Jisoo braced herself for anything that will be thrown at her once the younger girl sees her. She heaved a breath and took a deep one in as she entered the room without any invitation.
It was either Jennie was locked up in her own world to not give a damn about Jisoo getting closer or she just really doesn't give a damn. The older girl suspected it was the latter and the thought hurts. Every step her foot takes felt shaking like her own resolve. It was just more or less 35 steps to get her, not that Jisoo was conscious of her counting down. But her surrounding was too quiet in contrast to her own head and heart.
Like a fish out of water, her mouth went agape and shut in the duration that Jennie was merely feeling the white keys. It looked as if she was about to play something and Jisoo could imagine the thunderous sound the instrument will make once more if she even spouts a word. After what seemed like forever, a dreary and undisturbed silence... she finally chose to speak up.
"Jennie, it's getting late. It's not good if you stay up late. You should... you should sleep."
"What is it to you?" Jennie didn't even glance at her, not even through her peripheral vision.
"I'm just worried that you'll--"
"You should just worry about yourself and don't mind me." Jisoo watched as Jennie started playing a crestfallen classical music piece. The latter was soulful in playing it that she just wants her to stop. There was a difference of heaven and earth when compared to the first time she heard Jennie playing. "You don't really have to do that and suffer and everything. Don't put too much of yourself in what's just supposed to be work for you. I can manage on my own just fine."
'What..? She's saying that again? Is she for real?'
"That again, Jennie? You're drawing the line again?"
"We got carried away along the way but..." Jennie lifted her fingers up and away from the keys. "Isn't that what it should've been in the first place? Am I wrong?"
The last note resounded and with it came the younger girl finally turning to her. She held her gaze and Jisoo hated the fact that Jennie looked unaffected, bored even. That she had that poker face back on. That she can even look at ease while stating a truth that could hurt Jisoo deeply.
"You're right."
She reluctantly agreed because after all this time... it was only her who obviously wanted more and pursued it. She was the one who wanted to know for who Jennie really is. She was the one who thought the latter feels the same for her. Who wants more than what should have just been.
A job. Nothing more and nothing less. Something that shouldn't get too personal.
"Whatever happened in the past, just forget all of that. It shouldn't matter to you anyway. You don't really have to care about me so stop it. Let's just keep everything professional this time. Or at least pretend it's just that." The younger girl nodded towards the exit. "There's the door. You can see yourself out. Thank you for your hardwork today, Ms. Kim. I'll see you tomorrow."
Without further ado, Jennie went back to her playing the piano. She didn't scream at her, didn't curse at her, didn't even show any sign of that anger Jisoo expected to see. Her words were simply dismissing and the way she regarded her just crushed Jisoo from the inside. They were so far from being like this. From not calling each other's first name freely.
Just as Jisoo's feet were on their way to drag her far from Jennie, they stopped as soon as Jisoo can't fathom everything anymore. She turned back and, filled with vigor, straight up addressed the younger girl again. A hand placing itself on the latter's shoulder had her interrupting the music filling the room.
"You know what? Let's clear that up. Again. Because I'm supposed to work for you, you can tell me what time to wake up and sleep. You can tell me to fix your things and I'd do it in a heartbeat. You can tell me to help you with your schoolworks. You can tell me to do an errand even with a time limit. Order me around with anything that I can physically do... fine!"
Jisoo's voice was getting louder out of the frustration and hurt she had just been bearing on a different level. Jennie blinked twice but didn't say a thing. She only watched her so Jisoo readied herself for the words she doesn't have a control over once she starts saying them.
"But you can't tell me what to not care or feel about. You can't tell me to stop reaching out to you every time I see you down or when there's something completely off about you. You can't make me forget something important that you said or do or fucking let me experience with you because you think it shouldn't matter to me. You can't do that because I'll be the one to decide for myself."
She stared her straight into those brown orbs that expressed so many things to her. She wanted it to come back to life. She wanted it to converse in what seemed like a thousand of shades of one color, bridging from something vivid to deep. Just like how there exist different sides of Jennie that make her who she is that she let Jisoo discover in countless times.
"So other than the fact that you can order me around with things... whatever I think or feel, you can't control that because I'll deal with that myself. Because pretending not to care about you wasn't included in the job description and I don't plan to do it even if I was paid millions of money! And I'm way past not giving a damn about you, Jennie, because I fucking like you!"
Jisoo's confession tumbled out of her mouth, surprising her more than anyone else. This was totally unplanned. She didn't want her feelings for Jennie being laid out like this, out of fury and in exasperated way, as if she can't take another day or second because she'll burst. Jennie stared at her, like she's trying to figure out what Jisoo was going on about... like Jisoo didn't just pour her heart out in such a rush.
"What did you just say?"
Instead of repeating those three words again, Jisoo grabbed Jennie so hard, the latter was literally pulled off her feet. She crashed their mouths together in that frenzied way, it almost hurt. It spiked that surge of electricity surging from where their skin touch, where their lips met.
It was almost forceful. The older girl would've described it as her forcing her way into Jennie's warm cavern. As her forcing herself for Jennie to accept her completely even when hands didn't go near her. It was almost as if she wanted Jennie to accept her raw and true and all over the place, like how her feelings have been the whole time.
She took the initiative and when she felt the palm of the younger girl's hand skimming her sides, she angled herself for a deeper kiss. This time, it was reciprocated in a totally different way as Jennie's tongue caressed instead of fighting for domination. It was soothing her in a way, calming her nerves and taming her as if Jennie was her own sedative. As if it was all she needs to make everything feels okay and not the fiery ravenous kiss that she thought she wanted. That she thought they'd be sharing before everything goes out of hand... like how a part of her might've wanted too.
Just when she could feel her chest tightening, aching in that pleasureable way because of being held and kissed by Jennie... the younger girl pulled back. Her eyebrows were furrowing a bit as she appraised Jisoo's face that asks her, begs her of anything else just not condemnation. She had put herself out of her own shell, her buried thoughts out in the open and her feelings in a transparent glass that even Jennie, who stayed oblivious and mummed about it the whole time, would clearly perceive everything.
"I like you."
"You..." Jennie trailed off with a surprised tone and what appeared to be a vulnerable look. She stared at her and though Jisoo can't tell what makes it off, she nodded solemnly. She gaped her mouth before her voice came out. "You like me?"
'I like you so much that it hurts.'
She smiled shyly because she has hope. Even with how everything went. "Yes. I do."
Jennie pulled back even more, creating a distance that didn't suck all the air out of her. Then she laughed, the once all too amazing sound that makes Jisoo giddy had it turning her smile into a straight line. It punctured a hole into her heart when the younger girl didn't stop her reactions that were far from what Jisoo thinks to be a good sign. It broke her heart into pieces when the girl she likes shook her head and smirked in that way that Jisoo didn't like at all.
"So now that you like me... what do you expect me to say?" Jennie asked with an amused face while chuckling darkly. "I like you too?"
If it was possible... Jisoo felt her heart twitch, felt it throbbing through its small pieces as the younger girl's eyes were menacing than she had ever seen them. "What..?"
"Is this part of your plan, Jisoo? Once you said it... I'm obliged to say the same thing?"
'Plan? What does that mean? Does she know about Jinwoo oppa's plan? What is she talking about?'
"What plan? Jennie, I don't understand--"
"Don't you remember? You did that too before. You said you trust me so you got me saying I trust you too. Now you like me... so what?" She shrugged nonchantly and pursed her lips. That soft and vulnerable look Jisoo saw earlier seemed to have disappeared altogether. "You want to hear an I like you back? Do you really think you'd get that from me?"
Jisoo was not sure if Jennie was talking seriously or teasing her in an extremely bad way. It felt like an insult, like she was being mocked for feeling this way towards her. It felt worse than rejection especially when it came from Jennie's own lips.
"You got it wrong. I wasn't thinking of that--"
"What comes next? An I love you?" She cut Jisoo's mumblings off, not letting the older girl say anything clearly. As if she wasn't interrupting something important. "Do you expect me to say I love you too?"
Jisoo shook her head hard and tried to get closer to the younger girl. "No! That's not why I--!"
"Do you want me to say all those words now to get this over with? Is that what you intend to have before we go back to acting like how we really should be?"
'She got it wrong. This is wrong. It's not Jennie. This isn't her. This isn't what I want...'
Jisoo gulped a lump in her throat as she stared into the latter's eyes. It felt as if she was pleading and she honestly wished that was easily seen. That Jennie would see everything she was giving to her as the most genuine thing she would ever let anyone have.
"I only want to say I like you. I'm not forcing you to say it back or... Jennie, I don't..."
'This isn't how it's supposed to be. This is so wrong. This isn't...'
Jisoo was at lost for words. She had taken a step back unconsciously while Jennie came close. She reached a hand out then tucked Jisoo's hair behind her ear. It was too gentle and careful but it ailed her. Jennie's touch made her want to lean towards it more but the latter's smile wasn't the one she'd like to see. It was the one making her feel as if she hit the tip of the iceberg and ended up drowning in freezing water. Not the comfortable cup of hot chocolate that warms her senses like before.
It was too much of the cold and unfeeling Jennie Kim. Her words were heard but Jennie wasn't listening to them. She wasn't listening to her as if her words didn't mean anything. She wasn't listening at all or reciprocating in what Jisoo thought she would have been.
"I'm not that naive, Jisoo. I'm not falling for that again. So enough of your good intentions. Enough of those jawdropping speeches that you always seem to have prepared and say perfectly. Enough of all that... of what must be just a fucking infatuation you have for me."
Jisoo wanted to say that it was indeed good intentions. She wanted to deny too that it wasn't just an infatuation. But she didn't even have time to voice a single word out as Jennie stared at her squaredly in the eye. And all words were gone, in contrast to what Jennie had said, as there weren't any speeches that she prepared beforehand that could possibly save her from this. Because other than the silent treatment and isolation that the younger girl let her feel earlier, there was that finality coming from all over Jennie as if... their time had been concluded already. As if she was ending everything before anything even started.
"For old time's sake, for all your efforts and for all the work you've exerted just for this job and being sponsored by my family... I won't pull a tantrum to get you fired. I won't pull those stunts I've done with others that came before you. I'd give that to you because I have to admit you've helped me a lot."
"Jennie..."
Jisoo tried to hold Jennie's hand only to have the latter stopping her as she gripped on her wrist first. Jennie stared at the small contact before she returned her arm on Jisoo's side where they once were seconds ago. The space between them was only a short distance but it was as if they were worlds apart. As if it was impossible to get near to each other again.
"But I don't want you having sex with me again. I don't want you kissing me anymore or holding me like how we both agreed to before. I don't even want you touching me in any way that you think you still can." She gulped for a moment then gave a smile as if that was just a mere pause for her to understand her thoroughly. "So save that pretty face for someone else and have them instead to fall head over heels for you. Have them returning those feelings you think you have for me, that you think I would give you back. Because I'm not falling for that."
Jennie leaned in, whispering right against Jisoo's ear where it's almost impossible to block out any sound. Where it's heartbreakingly possible to have the younger girl's brutal words pushed through her senses. To send towards her heart a loud and clear response for her sudden yet too sincere confession.
"I'm not falling for you, Kim Jisoo."
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