Days has already passed, it's already the month of September. I have done my job in my mother's company. I say that it's terrible as hell.
The school has also started. And it becomes stressful than before. Kei and the others are rarely attending class, they are hell-bent in preparing for the Spring Tournament.
It saddens me whenever I think of the things Kei told me last time.
". . . it feels like I don't know who you are."
Surprising to me, yet I can't blame them. It's my fault for not being honest. I'm an ignorant and hypocritical person. It feels like I don't deserve anyone . . . on anything. I'd rather be alone than hanging out with those good people.
Lots of things are happening, and I'm also skipping classes. I don't go to school like every day. I have my own issues and the people in school are adding pressure to me.
The students around me are stupid. I am always attacked by some idiots—the puerile imbeciles. What's more ridiculous that they have the nerves of spouting nonsense. I have seen a lot of rude and aggressive people, to the extent of harming me already.
I can't seize their idiotic thinking; what goes through their thick skulls. It's because I can't comprehend their motives, I'm actually pestering myself to quit school.
Never in the class time that I would arrive in the homeroom without receiving any form of libel. There would be nasty doodles and scribbles written on my desk.
UGLY
KILL YOURSELF!
GET LOST
DIE
I don't want to care about it, but I guess it has already scarred my life. And I have always been rewarded by cruelty. Mirthful as it seems, but I can't do anything. I am already voiceless, to begin with. None would listen, because no one cared. And if someone actually cared, this matter will be disclosed.
What's more shameful is that . . . I don't really care as well.
And I can't hinder the fact that my health isn't in the excellent state. It worries me, but I try not to mind, because if I mind it, then the level of my stress will increase.
Both are hell.
I have been eating less than I expected. Maybe because of stress that I will feel so sick just to eat something. I got all used in leaving or staying the house without eating breakfast or lunch. I would eat very little at dinner. The worst habit I have that I drink coffee more often. I don't know if that sounds good, but it becomes my source of energy to get through the day.
There are times that I would almost faint in the middle of my exams; I can't last thirty minutes in P.E class; bullies and immature people would flock me up . . . Thus that reason why I'm always absent.
I'm aware that my grades are always failing. Those thoughts make me worried about how my mother would react because of this, I don't want to see her disappointed gazes towards me. Only by imagining it, I want to run away and will never return.
This is not getting fine . . .
I'm very anxious about everything, feeling very isolated.
I only sigh. Right on this day, I decided to go to school, but I never attend my classes. I only stay at the rooftop of the school building. I will only stare at the clear sky while imagining myself floating with the clouds. That will be very nice. I hope it will happen to me.
The day passes and I waste my time again. It's as though I only stared to nothing for a whole day. I sigh again.
At least, no one came to bitch my day.
I stand up from the rooftop floor and let out a big yawn. I wished I've done something productive. Che, now I'm regretting.
Well, whatever. Time to go back to the empty house.
I'm just walking until I reach the exit, but I never expect to meet the person I'm always annoyed with.
Yuhei Kurosaki the Student Council President. As usual, he's smiling at me. "Hey, rough day, isn't it?"
I got this passive look and never answer him. Let him talk to himself. I only continue walking and make passed of him.
Senpai only chuckled, always amused at me. "You're too cold for me, aren't you?"
"Geh," I facepalm, "What do you want, huh? You're ruining my day."
"Well," he says, following me as I walk, "I'd like to accompany you to your home, because we've got a lot of things to talk."
"Feh, not interested. Leave me alone."
"Okay, first of all," he persists, "You're getting a lot of complaints from your teachers, because your grades are getting a real pain."
"Like I could care less," I shrug off.
"As expected to the smart kid," he chuckles. "Unbothered by the boring lessons, how envious."
I scrunch my face up, "Really, did you come here to annoy me?"
"Not really. I'm worried about you."
I suspect his words, he seems sincere, though.
Exhaling a frustrated breath, I answer him, "If you're truly worried about me, then you'd know my condition right now. Especially the maltreatment of the students to me!"
My voice raises. I don't mean to release my anger to him, it's just stressing me out! And I don't feel sorry. I'd like to spit my accusations more.
Kurosaki-senpai only sighed, "Shea Hiou is beyond my control since he's the daughter of the Karasuno High School owner, she can do she wants."
"Figure so," I roll my eyes and continue walking.
"How about you, Yukizome-san? Why won't you take some actions? Your family connections are broader than her. If you only wanted to, you can shut the school down."
Uwah, this guy knows a lot about my family. My mother's family, I stand corrected. Her family owned one of the largest and most prestigious Law Firms internationally.
"You know that I can't," I tell him. "Something worst will happen.
He nods his head twice, "You really stand out, you know, Yukizome-san. No matter what kind of crowd you're in."
"That's why I'm not okay with that. I stand out too much, bullies would just come to attack me . . . Give me a break, mou."
"How's your health going?" he asks once again. "You had a CHD, right?"
I frown my forehead, "How do you know that I had a CHD?"
He smiles wryly, "Your cousin told me. Hanna Ashford, I remember."
I make a face. I'm just watching him walk as I stop my pace. This jerk, he knows a lot. Screw that witch Hanna!
Then grip my bag tightly and attack Yuhei Kurosaki!
I smack him with my things and make sure that it'll be hurt.
"H-Hey! Wha—aw! That hurts, Yukizome-san!"
"I don't care!" I bawl out, "I'm so irritated right now and I'm releasing it on you! You gosh darn bastard!"
While I'm just hitting him in a violent way, all of a sudden, there's a quick sharp pain jolted across my chest!
It hurts at first and then I just lose half of my strength, like water spilled out of the bottle.
"Are you okay, Yukizome-san?" He notices my frazzled state.
The constricted pain on my chest is not easing, but it's bearable, I can handle it.
"I . . . I'm f-fine," I whisper.
On my peripheral view, he's a bit frightened seeing my condition. He's trying to lessen my trouble.
"Oi, bastard!"
From behind, there's a menacing voice shouted. We both look where the voice came from. There, we see Ryunosuke Tanaka with Yuu Nishinoya, having punky facial expressions. Seems like they're not happy seeing what they've noticed.
Now that I've noticed, we're almost reaching Ukai-san's store.
Ryunosuke Tanaka and Yuu Nishinoya both reach our whereabouts, then they both hide me behind them.
"You scum," Ryuu-senpai says through gritted teeth, his eyes are scary as if he's initiating a fight. "What do you think you're doing to our precious kouhai, huh? You wanna fight, huh, you piece of trash?"
"N-No . . . Y-Yukizome-san is—"
"Shut up!" Nishinoya-senpai cut him off. "Stop making excuses, bastard! It's obvious that you're harassing her—"
"No! I don't!" Now Kurosaki-senpai is being bullied by the second years. What a lame sight.
"Tanaka! Noya!" Another voice appeared. It's the voice of Sawamura Daichi. He's fast approaching us, having a terrible rage on his face.
If they're here, then the whole club is present. I only look at them watching the commotion they built.
But I ignore them fast. I'm more focused on the unceasing pain on my chest.
All of the time, why only now?
"Oh, I'm just walking Yukizome-san to her home." Yuhei excuses, trying to explain to them.
I only let them converse as I'm only bowing my head down, because I don't really feel good. My hands are starting to jerk, hold it tight to prevent it from shaking.
Not really long when the Volleyball club bid their goodbye and I felt someone grabs my hand and find out it was Kurosaki-senpai, "Then, let's go. Does your home is still far?"
I can't answer him and only raise my head up, showing visible tears flooding my eyes.
"Y-Yukizome-san? What's wrong?" He incredulously says, worried why I'm crying.
My lips are quivering as I answer, " My vision . . ." and stifle a sob, "are getting really dark."
I can't hide my affright as my sights are getting really weird and slightly pixelated.
And just like that . . .
I felt everything around turned black . . . It is as though there's a short circuit happening my brain.
Everything goes very fast. The next thing happened to me when I sense like I'm underwater. I can see people above me in vague images. Then eventually, I can hear people calling for me.
"Yukizome-san! Yukizome-san!"
What's happening?
I have no idea . . . All I know that I'm a little bit exhausted, so I just fell asleep . . .
🌙🌙🌙
It feels very comfortable.
There's a gentle hand stroking my hair; caressing my head so dearly.
It's been a while since I felt this. It is a kind of a sensation I longed to feel again; something that in the verge of forgetting it.
But I'm glad that I can feel it again.
I stirred and wake up. As my eyes are opened, again, I'm back to the place I really hate—the hospital.
I passed out again, huh?
What is that particular feeling? Is it a dream? Maybe it is because it feels like it was my mother's hand. Heh, impossible.
I only lift my arm to reach the side table, I want to get my eyeglasses to see things clearly.
"Oh! Yukizome-san is awake~!"
I am surprised that I hear Shoyo's voice!
I wear my glasses and try to sit down, but another voice appears!
"Yukizome-san, you should stay lying on your bed." This time, it's Tadashi!
Huh? Why are they here? What?
"I'll call the doctor!" It's Hitoka's agitated voice and goes out of this room.
After just a little while, Kei shows up on my sight, sitting on the stool beside the gurney.
He laces his hand on his chin and plants his em bow on the bed, "Another bad eating habits, huh?"
"Oi, Tsukishima, don't stress her out." Surprisingly, Tobio Kageyama is here. I adjust my sights and see him in the waiting area while holding an onigiri.
"Heh, if that's what the King says, I'll follow." smugly, Kei sarcastically retorts.
"Shut up, aho!" Obviously, Tobio gets annoyed easily.
In just a moment, the door opens and it shows a doctor and nurse comes inside. The nurse is Ayame—the one who took care of me the last time I was confined here. They inclined my bed to a preferred angle.
"Yukizome-san, isn't it?" the doctor smiles. "I heard you had a CHD and—"
And I hate the nonsense chatter so I shut him up. "You have my diagnosis results, right? Lemme see."
Their jaws are dropped, hearing me speaking rudely. They're seemed appalled and gave the results.
I first check my EEG.
"Oh, my brain wave activity is nice," I uttered in surprise. "Low voltage and regular. The sine wave-like is only 10 alpha rhythm, which is the brain's healthy idling rhythm. No sign of a generalized tonic-clonic seizure."
I flip the page and see my ECG and CT Scan result. "My ECG is normal. Also, my sinoatrial node and atrial ventricle node are looking fine, fortunately. Ha ha. I'm still not dying. And there's still no sign of needing another TAVR transplant ." I face my doctor and other people with a bright smile, "Since my CT Scan is fine, then my chest x-ray and cardiac MRI will be fine as well! Then, can I go home now?"
"Y-You can read them?" The doctor stutters.
"Uhm, yeah . . . No." I reply sheepishly.
The doctor may be astounded, but Ayame-san is not. She's infuriated.
"Don't show how smart you are, no one's asking you!" She outrageously says, smacking me the head.
"Aw! Why did you hit me? I just wanna leave here!"
"It's your fault why you're here, so pay for it!" She turns her back while puffing some words that I don't understand. "And please, Yukizome-san, not every CHD patients have survived and come this far as you did, that's why take care of yourself, you rotten little brat! Argh, I'm annoyed."
What she says just saddens me. Yes, I've lived this far, but I'm not living a life. It has no sense in the end.
I only stay silent as the doctor speaks again, "You're aware of your psychogenic seizure or NEAD, right, Yukizome-san?" I only nod. "This is all about your mental health and getting the right treatment for it is difficult. When did you have the last episode?"
"It was two months ago," I reply, "It won't attack me unless I stressed myself too much."
A psychogenic seizure doesn't need medicinal drugs to get treated, all I need is to have someone who'll stay to help me cope up through this.
Emotions are messy, something not to be understood easily. That's why I hate opening this up, because people tend to think I'm crazy. I'm used to holding everything in and bottle it all up. And that triggers me to have a seizure. Lame . . . very lame.
Soon, everyone left. Well, maybe because it's getting late. I have my private room, thus it's fine to stay longer.
I'm all alone again. But it's fine. I'm always alone.
I stand up from the bed since I have an IV injected on me, I take it with me. I want to stargaze, I'm getting bored.
There's a couch placed near the sliding window and I open it. Cold wind welcomes me, sending small shivers to my skin. What a lovely smell of the night.
I sit down as I look outside. Without knowing, I smile brightly seeing the breathtaking celestial bodies.
And all of a sudden, the door creaks open. I pan my head where the door is. What's unexpected is that . . .
"Kei?!" I flabbergasted. "W-What are you doing here?"
He remains pokerfaced, "Why are you so surprised in seeing me? Eh? Are you going to jump from the window? Wrong timing, Your Highness?"
"Shut up! I'm not gonna jump, stupid!" I shriek out. "I'm counting stars!"
"Just kidding." he's kinda amused to me. "You really like astronomy, huh?"
I smile brightly, "Yes! Stargazing for me is definitely the best thing I could've possibly interested in. It's so freeing, like my problems are vanishing and I could forget the things I'm carrying . . . Haha, you know."
"Hmm, I see." He purses his lips.
"Why are you here, by the way? I thought you left with the others?"
"Well, I actually asked my mother to bring some stuff to you. So, she's on the way." He replies, "Don't mind me, I'll just wait for Mom and we'll leave immediately. Oh, I got your keys from your bag, so yeah, I'm sorry for taking it without permission."
"It's all right, though, you don't need to do that."
"I just did, Your Highness," Kei says and shows his tongue to tease me.
He goes near me and sat on my side. Kei also rests his elbow on the window pane.
Then it goes silent. Nobody's talking. I don't want to open a topic up. Maybe that's what he thinks, too; he doesn't want to be insensitive.
I only silently stare above, the moon is crescent and millions of stars are hanging beautifully on the sky. They're like a million of diamonds glittering above.
"You look so dull," Kei says in the middle of my fascination with the heavens.
I turn my head at the side where he is. I stare completely empty at him. For me to tell the truth, with all honesty, I don't know what to say. He's right. I look so dull.
"Sorry," I speak with doleful tone.
He only sighs, sensing the triggering outburst from me.
"Anyway," he prompts, "isn't that the Venus?"
Quickly, I gaze to the one he's pointing. The bright thing that's close to the moon, "Yeah, you're right! How'd you know?"
"Just confirming." He shrugs. "I heard from somewhere that it's the brightest celestial body at night, second to the moon."
I only smile once again, "Well, can you see that brightest star?" and I point something above.
"Where?" he knots his eyebrows, trying to figure what I'm pointing.
"That! That!" I squeal while laughing, I even grab his chin to help him find it.
"W-Wait a minute, you idiot!" he calmly interjected. "There are lots of stars tonight, like I can guess what you're pointing to."
"Eh, that's Sirius. How bad you don't know. But you're right, it's a night full of stars." Then I lift my arm upwards as if I can touch the sky. "So full of stars that I can write your name."
I glanced to him, and just find out that he's staring at me with his eyes gleamed by small luster of lights.
I grin at him and look above again. "K-E-I." Then I gesture my hand to spell his name.
"Uh-huh." Kei does what I did. "I can spell your name, too. Like, L-O . . ." he pauses, "S-E-R. Loser."
I grumbled and punch his arm, "Stop that, seriously."
Kei only smiles. An awkward smile that's hidden beneath a passive look.
"You have a nice name, you know? Kei: Firefly - you can create your own light; Tsukki: Moon - it lights the darkness." I tell him with an envious sigh. "Unlike me. Rain: Tears; Yuki: Snow - Bleakness. Both have depressing meaning . . . Both are covering the light . . ."
Kei, with his usual expression, is just staring at me. "Don't be that cynical, stupid." then he reaches for my head and ruffles my hair. "Rain also symbolizes blessing. As well as for yuki, the kanji word of it is 'Courage', thus you're blessed with courage."
Again, I am stunned by his words. Words that are surging like a raging sea, it emerges in me. It's like, for once in my life, I feel thankful for the name that's given to me.
Soon, Kei's mom appeared—bringing food and stuff I need for the night. Really, I'm grateful for this family. We're not blood-related, they're present when in my times of need.
"Right, Kei," his mother calls him, "can you buy some drinks for Yukizome-san? I've forgotten to bring one."
Kei doesn't answer but to oblige.
"You have such a nice son, Mrs. Tsukishima; even though he's a meanie," I tell her.
"You bet, dear." we both laugh. "Although it scares me sometimes that he grows up too fast."
Grow up too fast?
"What do you mean?"
"It'll be his birthday next week. He's turning sixteen on the 27th day of September."
"Eh? Really?" I gasp, filled with an emotional impact of immense surprise.
Why it shocks me, though? Nothing really. I just think that it'll be my turn to repay him. He has got me when I'm broken; and unexpectedly, he's with me in times when I'm hopeless.
It's just . . . when I find nothing to hide, and he'll be there to find me.
☔️
🌟 HandTheirEnd