Author: shivangi_bohra03
Reviewer: Shivani_SwaSan
Cover :
Your cover is very sweet and simple. I like the choice of photos of Omkara and Gauri by the cover maker. They give an insight of how their characterization and tale in your story is going to be. My only concern is the font and placement of the title in your cover. That text needs to be blended in the cover, and the title shouldn't be put vertically. Maybe with a little more work, cover would be better. But overall, I like the cover. Credit goes to the editor!
Title :
DILLAGI -- Mostly, one word titles are more preferable and they have more capacity in making us generate our own assumptions. Here, too, it managed to make me develop my own imaginations and ideas about how your story is going to be. It's suiting the plot you have chosen, so, a good work in choosing the title for your story dear. ❤
Plot/Storyline :
Just like the title and cover, the plot is very sweet and simple too. I admire the way you started your story by introducing your readers to the female lead of your book -- Gauri. You explained her thoughts very well and I appreciate how you let us know about Gauri's place in modelling industry.
I love Gauri and Omkara's encounter -- unexpected and cute! But here I felt something missing. When Gauri lied to Mr Ajay about her date with Omkara infront of him, I felt there was lack of reaction from Omkara. Like he wasn't shocked hearing about the date thing that wasn't true. Maybe you can explain his reaction when you plan on editing the story. Also, I think more descriptions were needed on Omkara's (the main hero) entry and how he feels about Gauri.
The rest of the chapters were fine too, but the major concern is the lack of reaction from your protagonists towards the main situation. Honestly I didn't expect Gauri to be so casual after knowing that she had a night stand (maybe not) with Omkara, and being unaware if they even had one. In that situation, no matter how much the girl is swayed by the hot guy, she's still bound to show atleast some shock. But in Gauri's case she wasn't much shocked about it. On the contrary, it felt like she was fine with it, which seems unrealistic and too clichè.
At some places, descriptions of their reactions are much needed. Also, you need to pay attention on Omkara's characterization too. The story is quite new as of now, and RiKara's love story is yet to begin, so maybe I can't say much. But still, I enjoyed reading till where I could (5 chapters). Keep writing more because you have the potential ❤
Grammar :
Your grammar and sentence formation is fine. But honestly, I was troubled at some places where you wrote Gauri's POV in past tense and her mind thoughts in present tense. Either you need to write her POV and all the events taking place in present tense, or else her mind thoughts in past tense too.
One more thing, if a person is saying something, (dialogue) don't leave the line incomplete and continue in the next line. That seems a bit distracting and breaks the flow.
Other than that, you have a smooth grip on grammar. Keep it up dear.
Fascination :
I was fascinated by the storyline and after part 3, I was actually eager to see how they will react, knowing they just had a one night stand. So at some places, you really gave me chills and curiosity to read what happened further. Special mention - Gauri and Bhavya's bonding. I loved their scenes a lot!
You just need to try making the story more intriguing. Concentrate a bit more on their reactions and emotions, and also narrations at a few places are needed, and we are good to go!
I think blurb needs to be more eye catching. That way, people will automatically want to start reading what's inside. ❤
Overall :
T
he originality of the story (plot) is simple but at the same time the storyline is quite good too. Just pay more attention on the points mentioned above, dear.
PS : When I actually saw your profile, I came to know that you are a new writer in this platform. I want to let you know that you are amazing because you decided to pen down your thoughts, ideas and imaginations and share them with everyone (in fandom). So don't worry about the errors that have been pointed out here. They're completely alright because this is just the beginning. You'll keep learning and improving as you go on. My best wishes to you dear. ❤
Every writer is amazing!
Payment
Follow me and comments on my first ficlet 'Celebrating The Unity' in my book SWASAN : A Beautiful Journey.
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