Calum's POV:
I can tell she's nervous. Her hands started shaking even before she seen this house that holds such darkness for her. It kills me to see her like this.
It killed me to see the look on her face when she seen the picture on my phone earlier, too. Guilt and regret and pain all took their turns displaying themselves via her blue eyes that I've grown so fond of.
I'm snapped back to the present by Jackie telling me to have a seat at the table where her mum and brother are sat.
"Hi, honey." her mum says with a weak smile.
"Hi." Jackie mutters, picking at her fingernails.
"I'm Kat," she says, extending her hand to me, "I don't think we've met."
"Yes, you have. You were just too high to remember." Jackie interjects angrily. I realize that I'd be pissed, too if I were Jackie. I wouldn't be willing to give Kat another chance either. I would distance myself from her as much as I could and never look back. I wonder why Jackie hasn't left yet, I also wonder if I have something to do with that. I hope I do.
"I'm Calum, Jackie's boyfriend." I say, shaking her mum's hand before resting my hand on Jackie's thigh under the table, my thumb rubbing circles gently onto the denim of her jeans.
"I didn't know you had a boyfriend." she smiles artificially at Jackie.
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, mom." Jackie shoots back with raised eyebrows and burning eyes.
"I've been going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings." Kat says.
Jackie scoffs, "Have you now?"
Her mom nods in response and Tyler just slumps back into the dining chair. Him and I exchange a look, we both know what's coming, we also both know there's nothing we can do to stop them.
"Well, that would've been a damn good idea when me and him," she gestures over to Tyler, "were left to fend for ourselves now wouldn't it've been, mommy dearest?"
"Jackie, I - " her brother tries to interrupt but she silences him with her hand and a look that could kill.
"Look, I get why you acted the way you did. I get why you did the things you did. I get why you went fucking crazy. I get it." she pauses and stands from the table, pressing one hand flat to the surface and leaning over her mum, "But one of your kids died that day. Not all three. We needed you and you weren't there. You were never there."
Jackie lifts her hand from the table to tuck a piece of her fringe behind her ear and her mum flinches.
"You see what he did to you? What he did to us? What you let him do to us?" Jackie adds quietly, shaking her head slowly. I watch her brown hair sway from side to side ever so gently and marvel at how beautiful she looks even without trying, how beautiful she is even when she's angry.
"I know. I have no excuse. You're right. I'm sorry, I really am. Nothing I do can ever make up for it, but please believe me when I tell you how sorry I am." her mum says with watery eyes.
"You're right. Nothing you do can ever make up for it." Jackie huffs, sitting back down.
"I never meant to hurt you." her mum adds.
"Yeah, sure." Jackie scoffs at her.
I don't know what to do right now. Should I let them talk to one another like this? Should I let them talk alone? Should I suggest that we leave?
"I'm sorry that I blamed you." her mum squeaks unevenly.
"Why?" Jackie asks with narrowed eyes, "Why now? Because dad's dead? Do you feel some weird sense of freedom that you didn't feel before? Because nothing, and I mean nothing you say or do can take back all of the shit that you let him say and do to us before he died."
"I didn't know what to do!" her mum wails and I see the tears start their trek down her narrow face.
When I see Jackie cry my world caves in and liquid fire flows through my veins, but I have absolutely no desire to comfort Kat.
"For Christ's sake, mom! How about take care of your damn kids?!" Jackie wails, slamming her hand on the table.
"I tried, I really did try."
"No, you didn't." Jackie's voice cracks, "And that's the worst part of it all - you didn't try. You didn't care enough to try."
I just sit there, observing and trying to be as invisible as possible. The only reason I really came here was to protect Jackie. I don't know from what, exactly now that her dad's gone, but I felt like I needed to be here for her, to shield her from harm. But I realize now that I can't shield her from everything. There are some things that I can't protect her from, and this discussion with her mum is one of those things. So I wait on the metaphorical sidelines for the moment that she needs me, should it arise.
Her mum shields her face and starts sobbing as Jackie switches her attention to Tyler.
"I came here to talk to you." she says pointedly.
"What's up?" he asks her with a nod.
"Let's go outside." she says, glaring at her mom.
She grasps my hand tightly and stands from the table, Tyler on our heels.
Jackie opens a rickety wood door leading to the cramped backyard that consists mostly of overgrown weeds and dirt. There's an old red wagon parked at the far end of the yard and Jackie's nose scrunches when she sees it.
"You okay?" I ask her.
"Yeah. You?" she asks with a quirked brow.
"Always, babe." It's true. I'll always be okay so long as she's okay. My state depends on hers, which scares and exhilarates me simultaneously.
"What's going on?" Tyler asks her.
"How long are you here for?"
"I leave day after tomorrow." he says with a dark look moving over his features.
"Is Uncle Adam still here?" she asks.
"Yeah, he'll be here for a while, I think. He's gonna be helping mom with the whole narcotic meeting thing since I can't stay."
"Okay." she pauses, and Tyler starts again.
"I totally agree with every single damn thing you said in there but if we treat her like shit she's never gonna change, Jack." he tells her.
"She's never gonna change no matter what. That's naive thinking." she digs the toe of her converse into the earth.
"We need to give her a chance." he sighs.
"Give her a chance?! Did you have to live alone with her and dad? No, you didn't. Don't tell me what I need to do, Tyler. God knows I didn't tell you."
"I know." he raises an eyebrow at her.
"You wanna go for lunch or something?" she looks up at him.
"I can't leave her alone right now. She's got pills stashed everywhere. I found a bottle in the sugar container yesterday."
Jackie just laughs, "Does that surprise you? Because it shouldn't."
"Not in the least." he sets his jaw.
"Can I ask you a question?" she glances over to me then locks eyes with him.
"Of course."
"Was he drunk?" she winces as the word tumble from her crimson lips.
She hasn't asked any questions since the accident and I don't know anything other than what Ashton told me the day that it happened.
"Who?" he asks her and I can tell that he's just stalling.
"You know who." she raises her eyebrows at him.
He just nods in response and I watch Jackie's eyes screw shut with anger.
"Nobody else was involved, right?" she asks with her eyes still clamped shut as if that will protect her from the answer. I wish it were that easy, I really do. I wish you could just shut your eyes and have the malice-filled world fall away piece by piece only to return when your eyes open once again. I wholeheartedly wish that it were true for her sake. I watch her cross her fingers at her sides as she awaits his answer and I move to hold her.
"Nope, just him." he says sharply.
Jackie curses into my chest with a heavy exhale as her hands fist my flannel shirt.
She releases me and pushes away in one swift movement, "Okay, well I guess this is bye then, huh?" she says, looking up at him.
"For now."
"That's what you said last year." she bites her lip.
"I know." he repeats as he hugs her, "I love you, Jack."
"I love you too. But I don't like you much." she laughs lightly.
"Take care of her, alright?" he says, shaking my hand.
"I will." I tell him and mean it with every ounce of my being.
"Okay." she says, dismissing the situation and walking back into the house, straight for the front door.
"Jacqueline - " her mum tries to stop her but she doesn't stop or even slow. She keeps going full force until she gets out into the front yard. She crouches down on the patchy grass and I hear her breathing. In and out, in and out, in and out, at a practiced steady and deep pace.
I sit cross-legged on the grass next to her. I'm surprised by her strength, surprised that she didn't fall apart when her mum did. I wonder how many times she's had that same exact talk with her, how many times she's told her mum that she needed her only to be ignored and dismissed. The thought makes my blood boil and I sync my breathing to Jackie's.
"I get it now." I say, picking at the overgrown plant blades.
"Get what?" she asks, peeking over at me.
"Why you hate this house." I meet her blue eyes with my brown ones.
"I don't hate the house, I hate the people that lived in it." she sighs, standing straight and shaking her hands dramatically. "Talk about an adrenaline rush." she giggles.
"I'm proud of you." I tell her once we're in the car.
"For what?" she laughs.
"Standing up for yourself and not believing everything that you're told. Especially about me." I look over at her and see a smile slowly spread across her face.
A/N: This is almost to 1000 reads. That's absolutely amazing.
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