Pain is an understatement.
I groan once the light hits my eyes.
Everything is blurry. For a second, I didn't know who or where I was. I don't remember how I got into bed or how there were torn clothes all over the room. Then, everything processes.
I am in my bedroom.
There are more than four walls around me.
The bathroom is to the left.
The balcony is to the right.
The thing on top of me is a ceiling followed by a blanket.
The thing under me is a pillow and mattress.
I slowly sit up, feeling the aching sensation that follows, and everything seems clear now.
I'm naked.
The man beside me is also nak-
I take a double-take to see the man resting peacefully on his stomach beside me. There was uncertainty and a small gap between us, allowing the fresh air to breathe in between as a result of the boiling temperature between us.
My mouth slightly parted as the muscles on his broad back tightened with each shift.
Everything is definitely crystal clear.
Anthony and I did the dirty laundry last night...that's an expression, obviously.
Afterward, we attempted to cuddle, but I think I kicked him on the other side of the bed because he was too sweaty and hot. The burning sensation in my body did not help either. In conclusion, he slept on his side, and I slept like a baby on mine.
I close my eyes, covering my face with the blanket in an attempt to hide the glee. I cannot believe we did it! Placing a hand on my aching back, I'm grateful Anthony, is not the type to do a morning round because he seems to knock out. Then again, I don't think I'm a morning workout kind of person.
The sheets seem to shuffle lightly before Anthony's face reveals itself. His eyes were in a scrunching manner, hair in disarray probably from my constant hair-pulling last night. There was a thin line resting on where a smile should be. He was goddam tired. "Five more minutes," he grumbles, before burying his face into the pillow.
I cover my mouth when a snicker escapes, due to his sudden baby-like complaint. I poke his bicep to receive a muffled sound in return. Resting back down on the bed, I inched closer to Anthony and began running my fingers down the tattoos on his arm. At that moment, I can only feel one thing, tranquility.
"My legs hurt," I complain.
"I'll call someone to book you a spa day."
"But, I want you to massage me," I joke, acting like a spoiled wife.
Anthony is oddly extremely obedient. He grunts before sitting upward, allowing me to see all of his glory before he places his hands on my thighs, causing me to yelp in surprise. He began massaging my legs. I close my eyes and groan when he hits a sore spot but exhales a moan when a pleasurable squeeze makes its appearance.
Allowing my sights to return, Anthony's eyes were still shut. He is definitely not a romantic person after several rounds of good lovemaking.
Anthony fell on top of me, and his weight took all my air away. I pound a fist on his back. "Sleep."
I blew the strand of hair from my face and shifted my body till his chest was against my back. Looking at the trashcan, it's filled with used condoms. There's a knock on the door. Anthony lazily grabbed the blanket and threw it over us before saying: "Enter."
My face grew excessively red as two maids and a butler entered. Anthony, even warm breath against my neck, suggests that he was not mildly disturbed by the intruders.
One maid began cleaning up the bathroom, which, from what I can remember, was a huge mess. Anthony and I decided to be adventurous in there before our big bang.
The others scurry around the bedroom, picking up the dirty, torn-up clothes. To my horror, she went towards the trashcan and changed it without a single flinch at the content inside.
I want to die.
Steadily, the butler walks towards us while I grip the blanket. I was not blinking. He set down a tray containing two cups of water and pills. "This will aid you with minor pain," he informs me.
I want to die right now.
Another butler enters the room, much to my already horror self. The scent of coffee and tea crash into my system as he settles it on the other side of the bedroom.
One by one, they finished their duties and left the now neat bedroom. I turned my body to look at Anthony, who was still sleeping, not disturbed by anything that occurred.
After the pain settles, I roll out of bed, which isn't difficult considering Anthony removed himself from me not too long ago. I'm assuming we aren't the cuddling type of couple, which is fine with me considering Anthony's heat production.
One step after another, I reached the bedroom - my shoulder slumped when I saw two pairs of neatly folded robes on the sink counter. The workers around here really thought of everything.
Slowly, I step into the tub, turning the water on high and letting it beat over my head in steamy pleasure. Closing my eyes to the water as the warmth soaks into my skin, I lean against the cold tiles as my weak legs threaten to break. Pushing a few buttons on the wall, I decided it was bath day. The door cracked open, and I didn't even flinch, engrossed as I was with the water cascading around my body and massaging my muscles.
"Mio cuore," Anthony sounds tired still. "What are you doing?"
I crack an eyelid, watching him. Because I had seen Anthony's glorious body multiple times, I didn't even flinch; instead, I embraced it as my eyes scanned every single inch. "Sitting."
His lazy eyes flash down my body before going back to my face. He is definitely turned on, despite the emotionless features. I watch him as the water runs over my skin. Slowly, I raise my hands and cup his cheek, leaning close to kiss him, feeling his hands slide over my body, pulling me close to him. Anthony crawls into the bathtub with me.
Huh, I guess we are the morning types.
After we finished our cleaning session, I sat in front of him as his arms laced around my waist. His chin is on my exposed wet shoulder as our eyes continue watching the scene in front of us.
"I know you're spoiling to give me a spanking," Anthony whispers into my ear.
I scowl at his statement, but I know there was a smile on my face. After our little fun time, we got out of the bathtub, and all I could do was stare at his good bubbles.
I think he misunderstood and thought I wanted to slap it.
Well, I kind of want to do that.
Maybe, I'm a secret sadist?
"All these entertainment will only rot your brain," he said, snapping me out of my delusions.
"You aren't good for my heart, but here we are." I understand that words are mushy.
I can feel his smile against my neck.
Afterward, Anthony left to attend to his business. I turn a blind eye and pretend I don't know what he is doing. Anthony knows I'm turning a blind eye. Somehow, we reach a silent conclusion that it's for the better for me not to know anything.
I went on my toes and kissed his cheek. "Don't be too late tonight," I said, my mind probably twisted in a way where I forced myself to continue thinking that Anthony is not a Maranzano but rather a Winston.
A powerful businessman, not the boss of the Italian mafia.
That way, I can keep a little of my sanity.
Although, I understand.
Deep down, I understand, that my methods of thinking are horrible.
I sat on the chair, with fresh clothes, eyes resting against the vanity mirror as the brush rush through the tangles. Amid the silence, I look around the table to see extravagant perfumes and makeup. I placed down the brush and stood up, seeing the pieces of jewelry resting inside the glass case. My fingers stroll past the carefully made clothing, each stitch filled with cautious details.
Everything...was brought by blood.
I slap my hands on my cheeks. "Snap out of it, Angelica. Don't be like that. This is your life now, and you just got to learn to deal with it," I told myself.
Leaving the closet, I head towards the bedroom only to prance around the room. Once I finished my prancing, I decided to grab some food. Even though we were given food this morning, much to my discomfort, I was still hungry.
Before I leave the room, a string seems to snap. "His gift!" I yell to myself and rush towards the bed. Struggling, I reached for the item; I felt it resting on the tip of my finger. Curling against it, I slowly push it out.
I held the neatly wrapped gift on my lap and smiled. I stood up and decided to give Anthony his gift. Stumbling my way down the hallway, I can hear the kids yelling from the kitchen. They are really loud, but everyone doesn't seem to mind.
Making my way between the double door, I set the box down on top of the table. Seeing how some documents were in disarray, I grabbed them and stacked them neatly. I began humming to myself as I took a stroll around the office. I've never been in here without Anthony, so I couldn't take my time to explore it.
The office was painted silver-grey, scattered with red. There was only a single window that rested behind Anthony's desk. On the wooden desk sat a folded laptop and stacks of papers. In a corner, the air conditioner was blasting, into the illuminating room. A couch settles in the middle of the room, surrounding a coffee table. A bookshelf, bursting with books, was in a corner, accompanied by changing age-old wine.
I smile to myself as I skip around the room before I settle on the swirling chair. I picked up the pen from the container and pretended to write on some documents. "Come in," I deepen my voice, not wavering my eyes away from the paper.
Immediately, I drown in boastful laughter, unable to keep up my persona as Anthony.
I rock my slippers on top of his desk, knowing if he caught me, then he would be giving me a spanking tonight. I began spinning the chair, but my foot caught against something. Naturally, I grab whatever I can to keep myself sturdy only to hold a drawer handle.
The drawer flips out and decides to hit me in the forehead. I groan at the pain, while the tears dampen the edge of my eyes. "Oh, balls." I tap my head to feel a small stray of blood.
Shaking off the tingly sensation, I grab the drawer to put it back into its original place. Placing the drawer in position, something caught my eye. I place the wooden box down and reach my hand inside the desk to feel something soft.
I pull it out.
It's an old teddy bear.
"Why would Anthony have something like this?" I question, knowing Anthony is not the type to hold something so childish.
I ran my fingers down the bear. The clothes were tattered and tarnished. Cracked were seen on the beary surface, broken where the color had run dry - It was saddening, heartbreaking to be bearing witness to such a site. I couldn't stop staring at it, endlessly, bottomlessly in the blackened eyes.
It's so familiar - so very familiar.
My heart thumps, feeling a painful sensation. Like the grey clouds swirling above us, my insides were in chaos as I lost to the mindless dark orbs.
Something is bothering me.
Something feels so wrong, so invalid; I couldn't tell what.
I tried to pinpoint the cause of this unexplained pain, but only a troublesome swirl roamed inside me.
Everything is so confusing.
Why do I feel so attached to this bear?
Sensing something in the middle of the bear, I turn it around and remove the clothing to see a small zipper. With shaky fingers, I grab it, and the back parted. When I saw a little paper inside, I slipped it out to reveal a crumpled photo.
"Hey, kid, you lost?"
"Here. Stop crying. I hate it when kids cry."
"Mommy and daddy said not to take stuff from strangers."
"You're a very smart girl for listening to your parents."
"Hungry, Angel?"
"Angel?"
"I won't bite you."
"Kid, I'm too old for you."
"Aren't you going to eat it?"
"Mommy and Daddy said pizza is bad for me."
"Don't be angry."
"I'm better now that you're here, Angel."
"Are you okay?"
"These nice men will take you home, Angel."
"I'm ready for the red lollipop now."
"I'm not a stranger anymore?"
"No, you aren't."
"Thank you, my prince."
"I'm no prince."
"Yes, you are. You're my prince. You rescue me."
"Wait for me, my prince. I'll grow up to be a very pretty girl."
"Smile, my prince!"
That moment I realized I'd misinterpreted his actions, his words, his expressions for me...as if he'd been speaking a language I couldn't understand...that moment my heart seemingly sewed together...painful, but complete.
I held the bear firmly onto my chest as the photo of Mom, and I dropped to the ground.
It was a hot summer day.
"I don't want to go in! Not without daddy!" I stomp my little feet as my arms twirl into rope-like features across my white princess-like dress outline with a tinted shade of red.
The sky was dotted with a few white clouds as Mom leaned towards me; her large brown hat shaded her squinting eyes. She sighs. "Pumpkin; Daddy is busy with work."
The entrance is seen in the distance, and the long lines seemingly refuse to move. People were becoming increasingly excited and impatient as they took a few steps forward every so often. "B-But, Daddy, promise me will be here with us! He promises! He promises!" I was behaving like a spoiled five years old I am.
So as the only daughter of a wealthy family, I did what all wealthy spoilt to the core daughters do when she doesn't get her way - I cried - extremely loud. My wailing could be heard feet away as I scrunched my small fists against my red face. "D-Daddy p-promise! He-He promise, Mommy!"
Faint music could be heard from the tall walled gates with happy screams. Mom wipes my cheeks with her thumb as the bystanders continue watching what should've been a joyous occasion. "Aw, pumpkin. Mommy, sorry." She placed her hands over her face and began crying, louder than me.
I increase the sound of my voice.
She increased hers.
I wail louder.
She cried even louder than me.
We were in a crying competition.
I stopped crying.
She continued to cry.
I grabbed her shirt. "Mommy! Mommy! Stop crying! You're embarrassing me! Stop! We can go in! We can go in!"
She peeks through her fingers and tilts her head, causing her long dark hair to sway against the light wind. "Weally?" she said childishly.
I quickly nodded. "Really! Really!"
"And no more crying?"
I shook my head. "No more! No more!"
Immediately, she removed her hands, and I saw a huge grin on her face. It took me seconds to realize that my mother tricked me. I folded my arms. "You twix me!"
She pinches my tears-filled cheeks. "Yes, I'll buy you some Twix inside." She always manages to twist the words into something humorous.
Mom stood up and straightened out her flowy dress after she wiped off my tears. She held my hand as we walked closer to the entrance, and the massive structures of the rides could be seen.
We spent the whole weekend, riding the rides, and eating sweets and snacks. Ice creams wobbled over the cones and dripped down our fingers as they melted. I tug on Mom's dress. "Look! Look! Us! Mommy! Us!" I point at one of the screens.
Mom walks me toward the multiple screens and purchases the photos. My mood dampens as I look at the screen beside us, seeing a happy family of three. The girl in the center, held both her mom's and dad's hands as she smiled.
Mom intervened in my sight with a photo of us. "Tada!" Her smile disappeared when she saw my face. Mom sighed. "Look, Pumpkin!" She pointed behind me, and I turned to see a game booth. "Mommy is going to win you something. Do you want a stuffed animal?"
I smiled wearily and nodded before she took me away. With mom skills, it only took her two tries before the bell rang, and the man screamed of her victory. Each time she shoots the ball into the basket, my mood seems to brighten as I cheer her on. "What do you want?" she asks, before lifting me upward.
I glance around, searching for the prize. "That!" I pointed at a bear.
The man smiles before going to grab the small bear. "Here you go, kiddo," he said while handing it to me.
I embrace the bear tightly.
"Check the back," the man said, and I turned it around. "There is a small zipper so you can keep any secret you want inside kiddo," he winks.
I turned towards Mom. "I want the picture, Mommy," I said. She tilted her head before searching through her purse. Mom handed me the photo. "Pen, please!" She searched her purse again before giving me a pen.
With my best writing skill, I wrote:
Angelica loves mommy fourever.
The door creaked open, and I knew exactly who it was that entered the room. His footsteps held a tendency to create soundless sounds throughout the room. The volume of tip-tapping increases as it closes our distance.
My eyes met with his leathered shoes. "I thought I told you to not enter this room without me."
Moreover, as I looked up through my glassy eyes, I pondered on the thought, attempting to find reasoning. How could I ever forget? How could I ever forget about the man that saved my life?
I held the bear closer to my chest, praying it would hide my heartbeats. "Did you remember this whole time?"
Anthony got down on a knee as he picked up the photo. "Why do you always insist on asking questions you already know the answer to?"
"Why?" I want to know why he held onto a girl like me this whole time, despite meeting each other only once.
"Because of how you look at me."
The tears slip down. "How I look at you?"
"Innocent."
I didn't understand, but at the same time, I did. The memories of Anthony's mother came into play.
Anthony's mother continues staring at me, and I soon realize it wasn't in a detest look a pitiful one rather. "I can see why Anthony fell for you now," her words once more surprised me.
"What's your thoughts?"
"You got something Gabriella doesn't have."
"What is it?"
"Innocence."
"I-I'm not an innocent girl."
"To people like us, you are. Moreover, that's exactly what Anthony doesn't need - innocence. Whenever he looks at you, it's a reminder of something he never has and never will."
His lip curls upward, into a graceful manner, a genuine smile, "You look at me like I was a blank canvas - like I was your hero." Anthony rests his back against the desk, hanging a single elbow on his knee. "Mio cuore, I live a life where everyone sees me as the villain. You cannot imagine how it feels to meet someone who...see me differently."
The bear dropped to the ground with a thud that rang against the ears as I clung my arms around his shoulders. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I want you to fall for the man as I am now, not the memories of me."