JUNG HOSEOK'S POV
"JI-WON WAIT UP!!" I call to her while laughing in a nervous excitement. She was running ahead of me, and we were both heading to my house after school.
"HURRY UP THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!!" She screams back, not slowing down for me. I'm forced to start running after her, and we sprint the last block to my house while giggling and flinging our backpacks around. It reminds me of when we were in elementary school, and we ran home after school to catch our shows on time. Except now, something much more important awaits at home.
"The letter isn't going anywhere, you know." I pant a chuckle when we reach my front door. She ignores me and just tries to hide the excited grin on her face. Her leg bounces and she plays with her thumbs. "Jesus, you're more nervous than me." I say, although on the inside I feel like I'm standing on the end of a cliff.
"I'm sorry, I'm just, we've just..." She takes a breath for a moment to calm herself a bit and collect her words. I smile at her enthusiasm. "We've been waiting for the moment since we were little kids, opening our acceptance letters. We fantasized about sharing a dorm and having all our classes together, working part time together, living the college life..." She rambles, looking me right in the eye. She sighs, happily and sadly at once. "I just can't believe it's happening so soon. We're all grown up."
I stare at her for a few moments and blurt the honest truth. "I'm terrified."
"Don't be." She says, taking my hand and squeezing it. "I'm 10000% sure you got in."
Not for acceptance, idiot. I'm terrified for the future, for losing you.
I take a deep breath and smile, and we both burst out laughing at what a nervous wreck we are. I finally open the door and we walk inside, and I'd be lying if I said my knees weren't shaking.
Just like my mom had said on the phone when she excitedly called me during class, there was a stack of mail on the kitchen's island. Ji-won and I sprint there, stumbling together as we practically collapse into the kitchen. My heart was beating faster than lightning mcfuckingqueen, and we rapidly look through all the envelopes, looking for the right one. When I hear her gasp so loud like she's been shot, I know she found it.
She stuck her hand up, holding the letter in the air. "IT HAS YOUR NAME ON IT! THIS IS THE ONE!!!!" She screams horribly.
"Shut the fuck up the neighbors are gonna call the cops!" I yell, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her to her senses.
"OPEN IT HOBI OPEN IT!!!!" She continues screeching, shoving it in my face and bouncing more.
My hands are shaking as I take it from her, and she crosses her arms, biting her lip, attempting to contain herself. I stare at the letter for a few long seconds. I look up at Ji-won, and we lock eyes, sharing a moment of hopefulness. We nod at the same time, and with a deep breath, I rip the seal.
Sweat is added to the shakiness in my hands and it's difficult for me to get the letter open. Once I do, Ji-won moves to stand next to me and we read together.
𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘰𝘬, 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘜𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘭. 𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 20xx.
"YOU DID IT OH MY GOD-" Ji-won squeals as she gasps next to me. I can't help but start screaming in excitement, and she lunges at me in a huge hug, jumping and wrapping her legs around my waist and embracing me tightly. We're screaming together and spinning in circles, laughing and getting teary. I almost don't even notice amongst all our own chaos that out of no where my parents pop out from our pantry. This time I scream from surprise and almost drop Ji-won, but quickly recover as everyone envelopes me in a huge hug, congratulating me and honestly making me feel so proud.
"I-I thought you guys were at work." I stammer once the hug loosens after an eternity of laughing and yelling joyously. Although my cheeks hurt at this point, I can't seem to wipe the grin of my face. My mother beams at me.
"We wouldn't miss your big moment for the world."
"Smile for the camera!" My dad adds, and I gasp and cover my face, embarrassed when I realize they've been recording the whole thing. I'll ask them to send it to me later, and I'll probably watch Ji-won hugging me over and over and over, tormenting myself. Maybe I already do that enough with our old pictures, though.
Nonetheless, I was too happy and proud at the moment to worry about any of that. I had just gotten into my dream university. This is the one part of life that really went as always had been planned.
I glanced to Ji-won. Will she continue with our plan too?
Every time I asked her recently, she avoided the topic of college. Whenever I asked where she genuinely wanted to go, she just responds with "I have many options."
I don't want to add to her guilt of leaving Korea, if she decides to, like Principle Choi recommends. Apparently there's much better Universities abroad, although Seoul is still a great place to study. Not great enough for Ji-won's impossible standards, I guess.
I really don't want to hold back her fullest potential, especially when it comes to something so important, like choosing a University to attend.
But God dammit, I'd probably die on the way to the airport, before I could even see her goodbye. I can't lose her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SONG JI-WON'S POV
Hoseok and I make our way to my house after all the excitement settles down. I know that now it's my turn to be the center of the same scene. My heart is beating wildly, and although I'm smiling and laughing while chatting with Hobi, on the inside I'm being overwhelmed with anxiety, more now than ever.
I know I'll probably be accepted into all 11 Universities I applied to- that's not what I'm worried about. The problem is that I still haven't decided where I want to go.
Actually, let's rephrase that. I want to go to University of Seoul with Hoseok, more than anything, but unfortunately it ranks 20th in the country, which isn't nearly good enough for my parents' and teachers' expectations.
I haven't decided where I need to go. To meet everyone's expectations, to stay true to my fullest potential. In my eyes, Seoul National University is an amazing option. I would still live in my city, and although we wouldn't be on the same campus, I would still see Hoseok really often. We'd be 30 minutes apart at the max. I don't see what the big deal is about not going there, really. It's ranked number 1 in South Korea, and 60th worldwide.
But of course, Tsinghua University is 25th worldwide, Tokyo is 27th, and Peking is 30th. It makes a huge difference...
But will I really let a rank decide my future? Decide who I will stay close to, decide the rest of my life? Will I let 35 stupid ranks tear me apart from my family, friends, lover, and home?
In my eyes, that's more pathetic than "lowering my standards", as Principle Choi put it. The only thing I'd regret in the future is letting the people around me choose my life rather than myself.
But they do it for my own good... They're much wiser than me, their words and lectures must have more sense to them than I understand. A ranking must mean more than I wish it did.
"Ji-won?" Hoseok asks, and I snap my attention toward him. "You seem so distracted, are you alright?"
I'm about to nod, but then I remember that there's no reason to lie to him. I sigh. "I haven't figured anything out. My mind is a mess, and I'm completely undecided for where I should go. I just feel rushed and overwhelmed and-"
He cuts me off before I can continue stressing myself. "Just remember, wherever you go, I'll support you. You'll find happiness and get a good education regardless of anything."
I stare into his warm eyes, and for a moment almost want to cry. A pang of pain hits my heart, looking at the shine on his pupils and the curl of his eyelashes.
"You are my happiness." I whisper, caught up in his eyes, in my thoughts. "You, and Jungkook, and my family, and Haru, and the guys, and Seoul. This is my home." I say, voice cracking as my lip quivers. "I don't know what life's like outside here. And I'm scared, Hobi, to see what's on the other side."
His eyebrows furrow as he grabs my hand and pulls me toward him into a hug, embracing me as I let out a sob. I try to keep my cries collected but it's impossible when someone so strong and perfect is holding me as if I'm all that matters. He makes me feel so safe. I never want to leave his side.
Why does it feel like the world is working against me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JEON JUNGKOOK'S POV
Ji-won had rushed home with Hoseok to open their acceptance letters together, and I tried to seen nonchalant about it as I hugged and briefly kissed her goodbye at the end of the school day. Instead, I headed to Jin's house with the rest of the guys, to open Haru and his letters and to hang out for a while.
It felt a little unfamiliar with the two of them missing, since we usually all hung out together now. Still fun and chill like always, but I just missed her. And although I try to ignore it, I have to admit my jealousy.
Not about her being with Hoseok. No, I don't really mind them that much anymore. If anything, he has everything to be jealous of, although he's much better than me at hiding it. You'd think he never even liked her by how casual he acts whenever me and Ji-won kiss or hug or flirt or hold hands. Good for him, then. We've just gotten used to each other's constant present around the same girl. It's better now that everything's cleared and settled too.
No, what I'm jealous about is the fact that they can open their letters together. Hoseok was never the smartest, but he had A's and B'a all of high school. Even throughout this year he's cleaned up his act a lot too. In that aspect, we grew similarly. The point is, his academic records for high school are good enough to get him where he wants to go for University. I'm a different story.
I've improved plenty this year, but that can never make up for my entire life before Senior year. I never realized how serious the consequences would be until now.
So I can't open my letters with her, or my parents, or brother, or friends. No one, because all they'll be is disappointed in me when I don't get accepted into anything. I'm genuinely terrified to look at the letters.
Ji-won and Hoseok get to share their happy acceptance memories together, but me? I'm back at home now, sitting alone in my room, blinds closed. The letters sit in a neat pile of 7 on my desk. I'm almost positive every single one of them will be a decline.
I sigh, looking around my room and mindlessly stalling. What's the point, better to get it over with.
I walk over and pick up the first one, tearing it open carelessly. This one's from Sogang University. I chuckle bitterly, embarrassed now that I even bothered applying there. What made me think they'd even read my application? They'd skip it right after glancing at my transcript.
It read, as painfully expected:
𝘑𝘦𝘰𝘯 𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘰𝘰𝘬,
𝘞𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘵, 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘚𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘜𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺. 𝘜𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴...
I let the letter drop to the floor without reading further, not surprised in the slightest. Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass...
The next one was from Soonchunhyang University. To my surprise, a flicker of hope suddenly existed in the back of my mind. I remember my odds had been better when I was applying for this one, and even if it wasn't in Seoul, it wasn't more than an hour away, I think.
I tear open the letter, my hands shaking slightly. There is possibility. I close my eyes and take a breath before reading the beginning line of the letter.
Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass...
I reread it over and over, trying not to show my disappointment, although no one is watching. I stare at it for a long time, mainly because now I'm even more terrified to look at the rest. I unconsciously clench the letter tight in my fist, wrinkling it as I shame myself internally. I throw the paper to the ground.
The next was Sunchon National. I told myself not to expect a miracle of acceptance, but somehow that didn't dull the pain of denial.
The next 3 continued the trend. Unfortunately, however, you did not quite meet all the required preconditions...
I quickly wipe at my eyes and take a shaky breath. Hot tears roll down my cheeks and dot the worthless letters. Why did I never try harder, why did I waste so much time??
I grab the last letter, and my heart is pounding viciously. If this one is also a denial, I'm fucked. I won't go to college. My parents will fucking kill me, Ji-won will be ashamed, and I'll have to get my shit together before the reality of failure reaches me.
I tear open the final letter desperately, not able to keep myself in suspense for any longer. I rush to unfold it and try to focus my vision to the opening line:
𝘑𝘦𝘰𝘯 𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘰𝘰𝘬,
𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘬𝘺𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘜𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺.𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 20xx.
I blink once, twice, twelve times. I reread it once, twice, twelve times. I check the back, then the front again. I check the addresses, the signatures. It's real. This is real.
Holy fucking shit, I'm going to college.