30 - i promise -
--
After telling Aera all I could, I left the hallway we were standing in and started to make my way back over to the living room; per her suggestion, of course. After the heavy topic, she said that it would help me loosen up if I just had a little fun. I guess that was what I was here for, anyway.
To loosen up. To let go of stress from finals; from everything that was going on. And maybe I deserved it, maybe I didn't, but I was starting to think that it was such a bad idea anymore. Maybe I just needed to loosen up.
Taeyong must have noticed something change from beside me because he suddenly turned to me as we walked. But, I didn't look at him. I knew my eyes were showing what I was thinking about, and I didn't want to talk about that.
"Dohyeong, have fun, okay?"
I snuck a look over at him, and almost melted at his expression. One eyebrow was slightly raised, and the look in his eyes was humourous. I enjoyed it, but I couldn't fathom why he still cared about me so much when everything else was so hard.
When I didn't say anything, he stopped. I stopped a few steps after him too, and, for some reason, I expected him to be angry. There was something about the situation that was frustrating in a way I couldn't explain; like there was something hanging in the air that was a little too high for me reach. Maybe I just assumed that he felt it too.
But, instead, he just reached out his arms.
I couldn't help but smile, his actions genuinely surprising me to the point where I didn't know what to say for a moment. He kept the humourous look in his eye as I raised a brow, a silent question.
"What?"
He didn't answer me verbally, just gesturing closer to himself with his hands. My cheeks were on fire at that point, I'm sure.
I wasted no more time in moving closer to him, letting his arms envelop me. I hugged him back tightly almost right away and just let my heart beat quickly, deciding not to even fight it this time around. Tears began to peek at my eyes, but I closed them as they began to spill over, not wanting to let him know any more of my troubles.
But, they ceased when he just hugged me tighter, his head leaning down so he could whisper in my ear.
"Tell me if you want to leave,"
God, Taeyong, why are you being so confusing?
"...Would you hate it if I said I did?"
He took a step back, his hands landing on my shoulders as he looked me in the eye. I was flustered but too exhausted to bother looking away.
"How could I?" He asked, smiling and suddenly reminding me of the days where I yearned to see it. How times have changed.
He walked out with me after that, his arm loosely hanging down by my lower back as we waned through the crowded house. It was a blur from there - the faces I saw, the few brief greetings I exchanged, the car ride home, the shivers.
I would change it if I could, my sudden bad mood. But, somehow, him next to me made me not want to.
--
I let myself fall on my bed with a loud sigh.
"Tell me what's wrong, Dohyeong,"
I have the type of thoughts right now that makes me want to kick and scream.
"I.. I'm all over the place," I admitted, staring up at the ceiling as I was greeted by silence. "I was fine earlier. I was really excited to go there, and have a fun time, but something just changed, you know?"
He nodded, seeming to understand already.
"Was it the crowds? The drinking?"
I couldn't suppress a laugh.
"You're probably too observant for your own good, you know,"
He cracked a smile. "I get that a lot. You seemed pretty bummed after you talked with Aera, too,"
"I don't know what to tell her," I said sitting up to look at him as I leaned back on my elbows. "She stresses me out, with her logical thinking and such. And finals, too- I thought that would help. I still don't even know what's going on with the two of us, either,"
"You prepped a lot for exams, I believe you'll do well,"
I just leaned back and stared at the ceiling again. "I sure hope so,"
"As for the two of us, I told you not to worry about it. It's my battle to fight. We'll work something out, and I believe that,"
"But it's not," I trailed off. "I can't stand being here and not knowing what's going on, you know."
His look was unreadable as he looked at me from where he was sitting, mere inches away from me.
"Please don't do this by yourself. You always say it's too dangerous for me, too risky, and that it's not my fight. But I don't want to it to be that way anymore,"
His eyes softened.
"As if turning you down isn't hard enough. It's even harder when we want the same thing." He mumbled, leaning back so the back of his head almost touched the nape of his neck.
"You don't want to be left behind," he said, seeming like it more to himself than me. "And I don't want to leave you behind, but-"
"Sometimes what we want doesn't always work out," He turned to me and slid his fingers between mine, a sign of comfort, I was sure.
"I need you to be safe. I don't want them - anyone - to put you under harm. I believe in you and your abilities, but against them, a human is no match."
he wants my help, I thought, he wants me to be safe.
But I'm just human.
It was a little cruel, the placement of our roles, but I couldn't change it. I felt a little small at that moment, but I still forced a nod. Knowing that he wanted my help after all was comforting, and knowing that his refusal leading up to now was nothing more than a concern for my safety lifted my urge ever so slightly.
But it still didn't budge me much.
"As always, Dohyeong, just tell me what you're thinking," He said, finally picking his head up to look at me. The look in his eyes was almost lazy, but his tone of voice was the same consoling fruity voice that I'd come to know.
He noticed my struggle, and in a quiet voice, he asked, "What is it that you want? What can I do?"
"...I want you,"
He went still at those words, and though I realised how it sounded, I didn't dare backtrack.
His grip on my hand tightened slightly. "You - you do?"
He looked away fast, his expression cracking the most I'd ever seen it. He almost looked vulnerable.
"I can't... I want- I want you safe,"
He let go of my hand, but I held it a little tighter. His pained expression must be mirrored on my own face.
I tried to convince myself that what I was about to say was metaphorical, but as soon as it left my lips, I wasn't sure anymore.
"Don't you want me, too?"
Words were obviously trying to escape his throat, but he couldn't seem to speak. I'd never seen him so tongue-tied, but I guess I understood. He didn't answer for a few long moments, and my heart began to sink.
Maybe I was wrong.
At least, until he took my hand and pulled me into yet another tight embrace.
"Of course I do," He whispered this into my ear. "If only it were that easy,"
I had been so conflicted on how to respond to everything that had been developing lately. I couldn't get around the sudden affectionate gazes, the comfortable atmospheres we both created, not even the kindness he displayed. But he was my guardian angel, so maybe I didn't want to admit it just yet.
Everything was on the rocks, on a tightrope almost too thin to see. We walked a dangerous path, but it seemed too late to turn back now.
When he pulled away from me, he looked back into my eyes with such clarity that everything else seemed to go out of focus.
"Nothing can happen without trust," He said, his hands resting respectfully around my hips. "I want to be close to you, Dohyeong. But, with how everything is going now,"
He shook his head.
"Dealing with this is the biggest thing in my life right now. But you - you have other things to worry about. You're still young, you have a life to plan. And whether it includes me or not, it's just something that needs to happen,"
I was quiet, but I knew that he made a point.
"..Okay,"
He gave me a relieved smile.
"But, Taeyong, can I ask you something?"
He nodded, saying I could.
"What's- what's going to happen?" I got this out, a little nervous but still grateful that I could finally get out the question.
He was still for a moment and didn't reply. But, just when I was expecting the worst, he took a few steps back and began to dig around in the pocket inside his suit jacket.
"I don't know." He admitted. "I really don't know. But, promise me that we can work everything out when this is all over,"
I furrowed my brows as he held out his hand, and took a closer look at what was sitting in his palm. It was a simple thin silver band, nothing even engraved on it.
But I still knew what it was. "What? Taeyong, you-"
Before I could finish, he held up his left hand, where a similar ring sat around one of his fingers.
"Promise me?"
--
en: this chapter is so easy to misunderstand!! i didn't realise that until I went back and edited it, but by saying 'I want you' she's talking about how she wants him there freely, without boundaries. His responses to 'don't you want me too?' are all saying, 'yes, I want to be here with you, but if I do that then you won't be safe, so how can I?' There is nothing romantic about this exchange!!!
AN: little bit of a short chapter,, but can you guys tell that I was starved for fluff between the two of them?? it's a disease. also, y'all the promise ring is totally a last minute idea, but is definitely needed for what's coming up ;)))))
also, yes, thanks to @ya_boi_holly for making literally most of the decisions this chapter, you basically filled in all of the plot points. you finally got my credit lol