YOONGI'S POV
I was awakened by the loud coughing of a passenger on board. He sounded like he was about to throw his guts out. What the fuck. We flew first class for this.
I glanced at the passenger right next to me. She seemed to be undisturbed. She was breathing steadily, still sound asleep, her hands buried underneath her right ear like a baby. She must have been missing a lot of sleep lately.
I gently tuck away strands of her hair covering her eyes. I've been longing for this moment. Looking at every single detail of the face of the person I love even more than my own mother. This face right here has cost me a lot and yet I find myself still gambling.
"Here's your meal of choice and your complimentary wine sir." The flight attendant suddenly appeared beside me totally ruining my moment. As she courteously placed the food on the nearby table, this curious cat tried to take a peek beneath the cap I was wearing. I cleared my throat out loud and said my thanks. Good thing she was smart enough to get what I mean.
I headed for the comfort room to wake up my sleeping legs. The crew on the far-end corner watched my every move as I approached the john. They started whispering among themselves when I walked past them. This airline should teach their crew some manners.
I turned on the faucet and let the water flow while I check myself in the mirror.
Damn. I could really use some shaving.
I am bare-faced right now. I don't mind really because I hate putting even powder on my face. But right now, I want to look decent enough with her around. I didn't even bring a balm with me and I'm pale as fuck. I wish there's a way to give my face some color. I tried pinching my cheeks but it didn't really help. I groaned and decided washing my face is the best thing I could do.
She loved me at my best. She has to love me at my worst too.
We'll be landing in Seoul in an hour and for the past three, I've been so deep in thought on how to go about Plan #2. I really thought I was flying back alone.
This entire day was such a rollercoaster ride for me. Rollercoaster is even an understatement.
RECALL
The moment I closed the door behind me, I felt myself being torched in flames. She spat those words out completely thoughtless of how I would feel. Well, she does have the right to do so actually. But still, I couldn't quite digest the thought that it all took place in a short span of time. I was already there trying to lay out all my cards and I ended up screwing it just because I don't know how to fucking construct my sentences!
Just make up your mind already.
Why did I fucking say that??! It sounded like a total asshole! Motherf---... I groaned in my stupidity. I walked out of the village with the glummest cloud hovering over me.
I wish I always know the right things to say.
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AT THE HOTEL
I spent the rest of the afternoon sulking in my hotel room. I sprawled on the floor next to the bed contemplating the next thing to do if she doesn't wind up in my doorway in the next five hours.
The analog clock on the wall appeared to be ticking so loud as its hands moved by the second. I felt sick to my stomach.
I messed up. I messed up again. And there's no way to reverse it this time around.
Originally, I was supposed to fly back to Seoul at seven this morning. But I just had to reschedule due to the sudden turnout of events. I know the guys have been loathing me since I got on the plane and with the change I did at the last minute, I just might have to live on my own. Fingers crossed they still got everything handled or I may lose my job as well.
Fuck. What the fuck am I doing? I pulled hard on the roots of my hair hoping this could bring me back to sanity. I'm dragging everyone down with me. I hate myself for being like this!
How many times do you have to risk everything for her Yoongi??! All these fucking complications just because of her! All because of her!
I hit my head hard on the mattress.
But I wanted this. I tried walking away twice and it only made me miserable. I don't wanna live the rest of my life in regrets so I have to do this!
It's the last shot I'll ever take to make her mine. And if I can't make that happen, ...
then it's all over. I swear I'll put a stop to this feeling if it's the last thing I do.
_______________________________________
And the clock strikes 6. Still no Rozie. Not even a shadow.
6:05 Still, no one is ringing the doorbell.
6:10 Nada. It's still me and this fucking clock.
6:15 I should be at the airport by now.
6:20 All this ticking is making me furious!
6:25 She's not coming.
No, she is! Ten more minutes. Just have a little more faith. She'll be here any minute now.
My foot has been tapping the floor non-stop. I'm stressed. No. I'm panicking!
I'm all set. My duffel bag is just a grab away. With the help of a friend, her VISA was just one quick fix. A one-way ticket to Seoul? Booked! I took care of everything so it would all run as smoothly as possible. All I need is for her to magically appear in that fucking doorway and we'll leave this place in a flash.
6:35 I'm standing right outside of the door now. My eyes fixed at the elevator, praying to all the gods out there to reveal her to me once those doors open.
6:40 I'm right in front of the freaking elevator! After so much hesitation, I finally managed to press the button.
She has already given you her answer. And it's a NO. You're just foolish enough to believe that she was gonna change her mind.
Every breath seemed to weigh a ton as I try to get a grip of myself when the truth slowly dawned upon me. But as the elevator reached the floor where I was, there's still a little flicker of hope that she'd be right behind these doors. I balled my hands into fists as the doors began to open.
And to no surprise, she isn't there.
My shoulders fell at once. There's no use waiting for someone who has no plan of showing up. I'm such an idiot.
I booked a cab on my way down feeling like the world is on my shoulders.
It's over. It's over. It's over.
I repeated the words in my head just to make me stop myself from thinking otherwise.
I placed the card key of the room at the concierge and dragged myself to the big sliding doors. I could feel a big lump in my throat as I waited in the hotel lobby. I had to forcefully clear my throat three times just to get rid of it but it was no good. My vision began to blur from the fucking tears in my eyes. I had to bite my lip real hard just to stop them from falling. I balled my hand into a fist and placed it on my lips to stop the trembling coupled with quick deep breaths.
I looked up at the evening sky to keep the tears in place. As much as my eyes could see through the haze, it was starless. It was only the moon up there and the plane passing through the dark heavens.
Aish. A tear began to fall and the rest just came along with it. I quickly dabbed each one with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. Good thing the cab finally arrived because I couldn't stop myself from falling apart any longer. I tossed my bag inside as soon as I opened the door. I kept my head down and got myself settled. I was about to close the door but missed the handle twice.
What the fuck!
Only to realize the door was held wide open.
"Got room for one more? Sorry, I'm late." She smiled showing off her pearly whites.
I was too close to fainting. I thought this only happens in the movies. I didn't even get to answer. I just scooted over to the other side and let her join me. My eyes were glued to her.
"I.. I... I thought you weren't coming." I managed to blurt out.
"Me too." She smiled again and this time my heart melted. I don't really consider myself religious but damn, the gods have heard me begging!
"Are you guys together?" The cab driver asked. I totally forgot there was another person with us. But I couldn't speak. I was still so overwhelmed with what just happened.
"Yes. To the airport. And please take the expressway." She responded. When she glanced over me, her hand brushed my cheek. "Have you been crying?" Her eyes furrowed together.
"I... " I was at a loss for words. As my eyes begin to blur once more, I took her in a tight embrace. The fruity scent of her hair filled me up. Thankfully, she remained still and let me have the moment.
"I'm sorry about.." I cut her off.
"Sssh... You're here now. That's all that matters."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Incheon International Airport. Local time is 11:30 in the evening and the temperature is 11 degrees." The captain announced.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and noticed she was already awake.
"Slept well?" She looked puffy from all the sleeping, her eyes still adjusting to the light around us. I smiled to myself. She's too adorable.
Passengers began to line up in the hallway the moment the crew opened both exits. I took our bags from the compartment and quickly made way for the man who was still coughing his lungs out even after we landed.
He should at least cover his mouth you know. I feel disgusted.
"Give me my bag." She said behind me.
"No. I got it." I smiled. She smiled in return.
We finally got off the plane and head straight to the arrival hall.
"Do you want to grab something to eat? You slept through the whole flight. I'm sure you're hungry."
She didn't answer. When I glanced behind me, I realized I was talking to myself. She was standing by the glass window, her hands clasped together. An anxious look displayed on her face as her eyes scanned the view outside.
I stood right next to her but she didn't seem to notice. She was staring blankly at the darkness.
"You okay?"
"Oh." She smiled shyly. "Sorry. It's just. I'm here now. This is crazy."
"I think it's too late for second thoughts by now."
She nervously fiddled with the ends of her hair. "I'm not having second thoughts. I..well... I just don't know how to go on from here."
I should say that. You have no idea how much trouble I got myself into.
"Start with this." I reached out my hand to her. Her gaze shifted from my hand and back to my eyes, seeming confused.
"Hold on to me and promise you're never letting go." I know people could start recognizing me if we stayed here much longer but I knew she was filled with so much uncertainty. I had to make her realize that choosing to be with me was the best choice she's ever made.
"You've taken a big step already. There's no turning back now."
She seemed to be looking for an answer in my eyes. A go signal to take my hand and forget about the rest of the world.
"I'm here Rozie. Just trust me." I added. I want to make her feel secure in the best way I can. If only she could see through my heart, she'd realize how much I'm in love with her. I'm filled with so much of her, there's just no space for anyone else. I may have uncertainties myself but I'm never gonna love like this again. That I'm sure of... It's her. Only her.
And I guess somehow, I got through to her. She softly took my hand and said.
"No turning back." Her hand was cold proving how apprehensive she was.
I knew she was still unsure with the way she said it but I'm glad she took a risk on me. I caressed her hand with my thumb and she started to slowly warm-up. We held on to each other's hands a little longer until I heard something grumbled. I laughed out loud when I realized where it came from.
She looked so ashamed of herself, her hands covered her tummy. She smiled sheepishly at me. Don't worry babe. There's really nothing you can do to turn me off apparently.
"Come on. I know you're starving."
I held her hand tightly as we rode the escalator on our way out of the airport.
With her hand in mine, I'm totally ecstatic. This feels way better than performing at the Billboards.
I haven't given it much thought on where to take her and how to go about the setup with the guys, Big Hit, and the fans.
But hell. She's with me! The rest will just have to wait.
To be continued...