Concealer = A heavily pigmented product like foundation, but this is much heavier in coverage and meant for concealing things like dark circles under the eyes or a zit or any impurity of the skin. I don't use it much because it's not very useful without foundation, but I've been known to hide dark circles under my eyes with it, especially at conventions or when I need to look good for something.
Spending lunch with Amber was... Wow.
Of course, as soon as I got off the bus this morning, I immediately told Elliot and Izzy what had happened and they both reacted like I expected them to, telling me to not let this chance slip. Even though I have no idea what 'chance' I really have or need or could let slip. It's not like I was planning on doing anything really, I just wanted to make Amber smile last weekend. And then, meeting her this morning, it was fun. And her going to help me out with my maths is giving me butterflies in my stomach, but even that doesn't have to mean anything. Nothing has to mean anything.
And then there is the small issue of hiding from her that I was the one who sent her the makeup... The makeup she was wearing today, I recognised the shade of the eyeshadows. I have no idea how I can ever tell her that, and after meeting like this, I have no idea how to bring it up either. It's only gotten weirder and more awkward...
Elliot is over at Izzy's place this weekend, so I can't hang out with them, and I don't know if I should try to message some of the people I met through Izzy. They're nice, but I don't know if I'd be imposing myself onto them if I call them up now. Plus, most of them also have girlfriends and such to hang out with over the weekend. So, likely, they've got other things to do too.
I guess I can just spend the weekend with my manga and games or something. I'm not brave enough to ask Amber if she wants to hang out and I know that she'll be busy with her filming, she told me as much. Though, she didn't really specify it was her makeup channel, she called it her 'filming hobby' and of course she has no idea that I already know what she does. Again, the hiding stuff from her thing...
I get out of the bus and cross the rows and rows of bus stops at the train station to get to the bus to my neighbourhood as I hear my name in a loud girly voice. "Myaaaa!" Moments later, two girls are standing in front of me. One of them, Fleur, is wearing a white dress with red dots on it and a big summer hat, the other, Alex, is in jeans and a tank top, her hair pulled back. They've both got big backpacks with them, probably for the weekend.
"Hey." I give them both a quick hug. Fleur and Alex are friends of Izzy who I met a couple of weeks back. "I had no idea that you two would be here this weekend." Alex lives in Groningen too, but Fleur lives about an hour away by bus in Emmen. "Elliot is over at Izzy's place, so you're out of luck."
Alex' grin widens. "I was wondering where your platonic other half was."
"Yeah, not here." I shrug. "Where is yours?" Alex is usually with her best friend Troy.
Fleur snorts and Alex' smile also grows. "He's got detention for being late too often in the last week."
"Why?" Do I even want to know? Because the look in their eyes is definitely evil.
"New Destruction of Elysium expansion, he's been playing until much too late and then not waking up on time." Alex shakes her head.
"Ah. Yeah." They're all all serious gamers, Alex, Fleur, Izzy and their friends, their videogames are everything to them.
"Do you want to join us?" Fleur pulls her backpack higher up.
"To play Destruction of Elysium?" I frown. It's not really my thing.
"No." Fleur lets out a bright laugh. "We're actually meeting up with Troy and Cerise in about half an hour. We're going to enjoy the weather in the park and then we're going out for pizza. All of us together, not just Alex and me." Cerise is another one of their friends, she's closer to my age, while the others are a couple of years younger, they're still in secondary school.
"There will be a lot of talk of DoE, right? I'm not sure if I'm up for that." It'll just remind me that I'm not part of that part of their lives and I don't feel like being the third, or fifth, wheel all evening.
"I'll talk makeup and clothes and manga and anime and console games all afternoon with you. I promise." Fleur flashes me the most innocent of smiles. "Please? Unless you have somewhere else to be."
I shake my head. I don't. And I guess that going out with them is much more fun than spending the afternoon by myself. "Fine. I'll join you. I'm just not as dressed up for nice things as you are." I eye Fleur and Alex lets out a laugh.
"She always dresses like this and this is 'low key' for her. Mostly." Alex takes my one arm as Fleur takes my other arm. "Let's go, I need something cold and some shade, stat."
How these two just take me into their group of friends, I know I can be friendly, but these two are something else... I guess it's good. This way I can't get all into my head about Amber or be bored by myself.
I grin, feeling a little silly being surrounded by Fleur and Alex like this, like I'm their big sister or something, but it's also fun, feeling included. It eases my nerves and gives a bubbly feeling inside.
This is going to be a great evening.
***
I pack my bag early om Monday morning. I'd promised Amber that I'd meet her before my class this afternoon. She's got something in the morning and then also class in the afternoon, but she said she had time in between the two, so we're meeting up in that time so that we don't have to both keep travelling to and from things. It's more efficient like this, plus, I guess, it'll put me in a studious mood, potentially.
I spent most of Friday with Fleur and Alex and their friends and then most of Saturday playing Soul Calibur with Cerise, who apparently doesn't live too far away from me and was in desperate need for some distractions herself, and then yesterday I freaked out as I tried to get as much done on a report I'm supposed to hand in this week. I'm almost done with it, but it'll still take a couple of evenings of hard work...
But none of that matters right now, today is about maths with Amber first and then about science in class. Those two things are going to take enough from my brain as it is. But it was also really sweet of Amber to offer to help me out with my maths, and no matter how awkward I felt, I just couldn't turn her down. I'll just have to figure out how to tell her about the makeup I sent her and me being M in some way today before this takes even longer and things get even more awkward. Great.
The screen of my phone lights up, and I see I've got a message from Izzy. 'We've got a gaming convention coming up in a couple of weeks, are you joining us?'
'Sure. But I'm not going in cosplay.' No way, not my thing. Just need to get that out there with that girl, before she gets ideas.
'Fair enough. Just wanted to make sure that you were coming. Do you have tickets yet?'
Do I have tickets yet? Do I have tickets to one of the biggest gaming conventions of the year? One of the biggest ones in this country anyway. 'Of course. Had them since the day orders opened.'
'Of course. Shouldn't have doubted you. Just forgot to ask Elliot about it, but I should have expected it.' She sends me a whole stream of blushing and grinning emoticons.
'You should have.' I send her a winking emoticon as I pull the bag on my back, and grab my keys. Physically ready to leave, not mentally yet.
'You off to see your girl?' She won't stop asking that, calling Amber 'my girl'.
'She's not my girl, you know that.'
'I'm fairly sure you're the only one thinking that.' Izzy is way too into romance stories, really.
'Me and her both. Which means that the two people this whole thing is actually about both don't think this is anything but two people who barely know each other meeting up and one of them helping the other with her homework.' I let out a deep sigh and pocket my phone. I'm not going to argue with her any longer. It's no use.
Last summer, when Elliot and Izzy met at AmAnime, an anime convention, it was so obvious that they only had eyes for each other. It was clear the moment they met. It was clear that they would become a couple really fast. But I'm not them, Amber is not them. We're not like that. Just because we talked doesn't mean that there is more between us.
I'm just someone who looks up to Amber for what she does, running a really successful makeup channel, and she... she just helps me out because she's a nice person.
And sure, there is the thing with me helping her pick out some makeup and then sending her new, and not exactly cheap, makeup... But that has nothing to do with any of this, right?
I don't know. I've been having a hard time reading Amber, but when I saw her interact with Luuk, I saw a new side to her, a much easier side. She seemed so much more relaxed around him.
And who's saying that those two aren't a couple already? They may just not be very touchy-feely in public, that doesn't mean a thing. It means nothing, it proves nothing.
I stop in the middle of the path down the front garden, not sure if I feel happy or sad by that thought, that Amber and Luuk may be in a relationship or not...
Izzy and Elliot really need to stop, they make me confused.
***
Amber asked me to meet her near the university library. I can't get into the library because I'm not a university student, but we're going to the normal library, which is only around the corner.
When I see her stand in front of the building, waiting around and talking animatedly with a group of guys, I get that fluttery feeling in my stomach again.
Luuk is the first one to spot me and waves me over with a big grin. "Hey, you're here!"
"Hi." I look around the group but they're not really paying me much attention. In the end I just end up catching Amber's eyes and she's smiling sweetly at me. "Yeah, I guess I'm brave enough to do this whole thing."
Luuk laughs. "Sure. Let's call it that, brave." He shrugs as he grins. "Me and the others are going inside, back to work. Good luck with everything." And he's off, the other two guys follow him back inside, not having said anything to me. Okay, whatever.
"Hey." Amber's voice is quiet. "Thank you for coming."
"No, thank you for helping me. I have to admit, I'm a pretty bad student. I apologise in advance." I smile at her and her smile widens as she nods, her eyes shining some.
"We'll see about that. Luuk says I'm a pretty good teacher, but then... he's biased." We start walking towards the public library, which is around the corner.
"Why is that?"
"We've known each other too long. And we were usually at the top of our grade in maths, just on different topics." She smiles softly. "I don't think you should believe the advise on teaching about something from someone who already is really good at the thing in question." She glances my way and then looks ahead again. "But enough about that. What are you good at? I know you're not good at maths, and what I understand, most numbers things, but what are you good at?"
I shrug. "Being supportive of people?" I don't know. There were few subjects in school that I was in any way 'good' at. Sure, I was in pre-university classes, I'm 'smart' but that was because the subjects I took were either ones I was only decently good at, good enough to pass for exams, and then there were the subjects I always struggled at and had to put a lot of work and time into, like maths and such. "I guess I'm a cheerleader sort of person?"
"That's a pretty good skill to have for a teacher, don't you think?" She smiles. "Probably more important than even knowing everything to is about a subject, knowing how to get people excited and interested in something."
"Really?" I look at her and she meets my eyes for a moment. "I guess?"
"Yeah." She looks to the library entrance. "Being able to support someone is much more important. Because it means you can help them get better at things, even if your knowledge doesn't reach that far, or if you have no idea about the subject at all. Helping others reach the best of who they can be is a great skill."
"I guess. I never thought of it like that." I never considered it that way, that being able to be supportive is an important skill, maybe even more important than perfect mastery of a subject.
And now I'm reminded of the way that I've been trying to be supportive of Amber, and the things I've done that I've not told her about yet. Like that I sent her the almost candy pink lipstick she's wearing today...
Things like that.
No, it's not my best skill. I suck at being supportive, because I'm too chicken to admit to doing it...