Dear Diary,
He's okay! Anakin is okay!
But he already left.
So let me just say, I've never felt such a horrible feeling of fear until I saw my husband lying motionless in that lonely little medical room.
Its been thirteen days of pre torture for me. Every day I saw Anakin's still body lying in that bed; battling death.
I'm going to tell you everything that happened so get comfortable...
Bail led me through the glowing halls of the Medical Center. My heart was thumping out of my chest as I numbly followed him to the room were Anakin was. "I'll wait out here," He told me quietly. I kept my eyes from meeting his. I didn't want him to see the pain in them. "Thank you, Bail."
I cracked open the door to the room and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
There he was; motionless, frozen, asleep. But to me he looked dead.
I slowly placed my feet in front of each other until I was by his bedside. I knelt down as the tears flooded my eyes, "Anakin... Oh Ani..." I whispered. My throat felt like cotton.
The room was dimly lit by a single light above the bed. Around me was darkness, and silence.
The only soft sound was the slow, mechanical beep of the monitor that told me my husband was still alive.
I looked down at Anakin and took in his still features. His face was pale and emotionless. His eyelids were dark and sunken. When first saw them, I had a cold feeling that they would never open.
His usual confident smile was replaced by a neutral expression that looked so peaceful and still, yet possessed a haunting look of death. A thin sheet lay over his comatose form. I buried my face in his chest, but instead of the warm, soothing heartbeat, there was a cold silence.
It was heart breaking. I cried right there all night by his side. Hoping, praying, that those long eyelashes of his would flicker open and restore the life to his body.
But that quiet night passed. Then another night, then another. I lost count of the days. I didn't eat, I didn't drink. Not until Bail made me. Between visits, I cried. When I was by Anakin's side, I cried harder.
Four days ago, I was laying next to my still husband in the small bed. The tears stained my cheeks as I watched Anakin not move. You get so used to seeing people do things, that once they stop doing them, you realize how still they become.
Anakin didn't smile, he didn't laugh the laugh that I loved so much, he didn't open his eyes, he didn't shiver from the drafty room, he didn't fidget when I played with his golden locks of hair. His chest didn't rise and fall with each breath of sleep, his pulse didn't thump when I held his hand, or kiss his temple. He didn't speak the beautiful poetry of his words that he spoke when I was around. But worst of all, he didn't hear me when I whispered the words I had wanted to tell him for four months.
"We're going to have a baby Anakin. You're going to be a father."
I whispered the words over and over; hoping that the news would somehow awaken him from his endless sleep. I went on for hours about our baby. "If it's a boy, we should name him Luke. He'll have blond hair like his father's. And beautiful, blue eyes. He'll be thoughtful and wise. He'll do great things." I would brush Anakin's bangs from his forehead and lightly kiss him. Praying he would wake. "And if we have a daughter, she'll be beautiful. Her eyes will be full of life just like her father's. She be strong minded and will stand up for herself. Just like her father..."
It was this morning that Bail told me Anakin was out of his coma. Relief flooded me and I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. He was alive.
I asked if I could go see him but Bail said that Anakin was already being flown back to Felucia to finish his recovery.
I'm still outraged that after two weeks of being unconscious, my husband is sent back to work! I didn't even say goodbye.
Although I know Anakin is awake, the agonizing memory of his pale face and dead features still overwhelms my mind.
Love, Mrs. Skywalker + 1