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shawnmendes Best friend❤️ So thankful to have you in my life
samaracavelli We got this💪🏼
mendesupdates are you guys dating omg
sydneykidd oh this is a fucking joke
smupdatesww She is so pretty omg
imogenvoss please date
shawnsarmy ^definitely not ew
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// s o n g o f t h e c h a p t e r //
//// l e t y o u l o v e m e // r i t a o r a ////
(literally the anthem of falyn and shawn)
"How'd it go?" Imogen asked as soon as I entered the apartment.
Casey had made it home from work and he was sitting at the counter, finishing up some work he got home.
"Good. He's not angry or anything." I said. "He wants to be involved."
"That's great, Falyn. See? You're not alone."
"I don't know if I want him to be." I said, sitting next to Casey.
"What? Falyn, you were scared about doing this alone but now the actual father of your baby wants to be involved and you say no?" She put her hands on the counter and I looked at her sideways.
"You do realize he's famous, right? Even if he were involved, it's not like he'd be completely involved, Immy." I told her. I was starting to get worked up. Why was nobody seeing my point of view?
"From what you've told me, he seems like a genuine dude. Just give him a chance and if he bails, he bails. You'll still have us. You can't be picky about this Falyn. You're having a kid." She snapped and I sighed, letting my head drop.
I know I couldn't be picky, but there was just an entire book of things that could go wrong if I let Shawn get involved. Most of them were starting to look selfish to me, but still valid.
"I'm gonna head to bed, there's a lot I need to do tomorrow." I said, before standing up and walking towards the guest room.
When I got to my room, I pulled out my journal. Ever since this whole ordeal happened, I had been writing everything down in hopes to clear my thoughts and help me better understand what was going on in my life.
Things That Could Go Wrong
1. People will accuse you of lying if they find out
2. His fans will hate you
3. His family will hate him
4. His management hates him and drops him
5. He decides he hates me and leaves
6. He leaves
I guess my worst fear was that he would just leave one day. I could save myself from getting attached and getting hurt when he left if I didn't get involved at all.
But that was so wrong. I couldn't keep him from his own kid just because of my own insecurity.
The next morning, I woke up to a few texts from Shawn. I wasn't looking forward to meeting his family and his manager, just because I was afraid of how they'd look at me. I also didn't think at all about what Shawn had told me.
The reason I didn't is because I already had my answer. I had this deep feeling that Shawn's only reason for wanting to get together was because I was pregnant and he felt bad. That's the thing though, you don't get with someone just because they're pregnant. The relationship ends before it can start, or it's just filled with endless arguing because you're not truly in love.
Hopefully, he'd understand where I was coming from.
baby daddy: I'll pick you up in an hour and we can get some breakfast and then we'll head to my parents
me: oh joy lol, see u soon
I texted him Imogen's address and apartment number and got up to start getting ready. I couldn't even hide the fact that I was nervous. What were his parents gonna think of me?
I'm sure they imagined the day Shawn would bring a girl home and introduce her as his sweet and loving girlfriend. Definitely not bring a girl home and say, "Hey, this was my one night stand, I accidentally got her pregnant, hope you don't mind."
mom: immy said you ran in to Mendes last night? call when you can love you
me: meeting up w him now, ill call when I get home love you too
I was standing in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water, waiting for Shawn when I had that feeling that I had grown to freaking hate. I calmly set my glass down on the counter and walked towards the bathroom and sat right next to the toilet waiting for everything to come up.
I was in the midst of throwing my guts up, thanks to the child growing in me, when I heard Imogen's voice followed by another. I assumed it was Casey, I prayed it was Casey but that was not the case.
"Imogen, don't let him in here." I said, sighing as Shawn stepped into the bathroom.
He sat directly next to me, pulling my hair into his hand as he rubbed my back, "I told you, I'm here for it all."
"Stop, this is so ugly. Please, go." I sighed, resting my head in my hands.
"It's life." He replied and sat with me until I felt like I had thrown up every organ in my body.
I re brushed my teeth and tied my hair up, and we were off to his parents where I'd meet his parents and manager. I was more scared of the manager part than I was of the parents part. When you hear manager you automatically think of someone scary.
"Did you tell them anything?" I asked.
"No, just that I had a problem and I was bringing you over."
"Great, now they're just gonna assume I'm a problem, which I am." I said, slouching down in the chair.
"I don't know why you think you're a problem. I want you in my life, but you just keep trying to bail on me." He said, glancing over at me.
"If I bail on you first, you don't get the chance to bail on me and a kid." I replied.
"I'm not gonna do that. I don't know why you don't understand that." He sighed and I didn't say anything after that.
When we got to his parents and we got out of the car, I stopped and stared at the house. I didn't want to move. I don't think I could move.
I was still trying to process the fact that I somehow got knocked up by Shawn Mendes and now was forced to get involved with his entire family.
"Come on." He held his hand out to me but all I did was link my arm with his and hold onto it for dear life. If I didn't, I'd probably fall over from how nervous and shaky I was.
He opened the door and we walked into his parents' house and towards the kitchen where everyone was already sitting. His parents stood up and gave him a hug, and his manager did right after his parents.
"You must be Falyn." His mom said to me.
I reacted with a smile and held my hand out for her to shake, but she pulled me into a hug instead.
"Better known as the where were you in the morning girl," His manager said with a small laugh. He held his hand out for me to shake, "I'm Andrew. Pleasure to meet you."
I shook his dad's hand and we all sat around the table. There was an awkward silence as I tried to not make eye contact with anybody and let Shawn do the talking, but he didn't say a word.
"Is this you telling us that you're together? Because that's fine, Shawn." Andrew said, "I'm glad you found her... however you found her."
"Not exactly," Shawn replied with a sigh, "I'm not sure how to say this."
"Don't tell us she's pregnant." He said in a joking manner, but we didn't laugh and I kept my head down.
"Oh, god." His mom said, putting her hands over her mouth. Almost the exact same way my mom reacted. This couldn't go any worse than it already was.
"I don't understand. And you're positive it's yours?" He asked Shawn.
"Of course," Shawn said.
"How do you know she's not lying about it? You seem to have forgotten your social status, Shawn." Andrew snapped.
"Because I know her." He snapped back. "She wouldn't lie about something like this."
I took a second to glance at Karen and she and Manny were already staring at me. I looked down again, my eyes starting to water. I was starting to get stressed. I attempted to control my breathing as I listened to them bicker back and forth.
"You don't know her, that's the thing! You don't know a one night stand. She could be a psycho for all we know." Andrew was yelling at his point, slapping his hands on the table every once in a while.
I wanted to speak up and defend myself, but I couldn't move. It felt like I was frozen. All I felt were tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
"You don't know us. This wasn't a one night stand. We weren't drunk or incompetent. We knew what we were doing."
"So where has she been the past 5 months, then? If you 'knew' what you were doing, don't you think it would have been a good idea for you to use protection?" Andrew was talking to Shawn like he was dumb and I hated it.
"Look, we messed up, okay? Accidents happen-"
"You don't understand how big of an accident this is, Shawn." Andrew said. "How are we supposed to explain this to anybody? Your entire career is about to crash. This girl," He stopped and pointed at me, "Could be lying. She probably is lying. What are you seeking? Fame? Money? Are you even pregnant at all or are you just lying?"
I now had tears streaming down my face, but I finally spoke up. "I have a name first of all. I'm very fine on my own, so I don't need fame and I certainly don't need money. I have no reason to lie and I'll gladly give you a paternity test-"
"No, Fal, you don't have to d-"
"Shawn, let me finish." I sighed, keeping my focus on Andrew, "I don't want this in the public eye. So if anybody asks, it's not his. We're not dating so I don't see why anyone would assume it's his anyways. I didn't even want him involved but he's dragging me into this, okay? So, if you could talk to us like we're human beings, that would be greatly appreciated."
He got quiet and stared between Shawn and I and I took a deep breath, "I need some air, I'm sorry." I stood up and walked away from the table, wiping away at my tears as I walked towards the front door.
Right before I shut the door, I heard Andrew and Shawn start yelling at each other again. I paced on the front porch trying to collect my thoughts. This is exactly what I was afraid of. Half of the things I said would go wrong, was starting to go wrong.
"Shawn, please just give me a minute. I'm fine." I said, counting to wipe my tears away with the sleeve of my hoodie. They never seemed to stop falling. I don't ever cry and when I do, it's definitely not this much, so I'm assuming it's all of the hormones going through my body.
"Just me," I heard Karen say in a soft voice.
"I'm sorry." I said, giving my best attempt at a smile.
She sat next to me and rested her hands in her lap, "I don't think you're lying. As a matter of fact, I know you're not lying."
"I am so sorry this happened." I said, resting my head in my hands as I continued to have an emotional breakdown.
"It happens. Shawn's been trying to find you for a while, you know? I don't know what happened between you guys that night, but it must've been special. Maybe this is the universe's way of trying to put you two together." Karen explained, turning to face me.
"I don't see it that way." I replied. "Everyone else sees it that way except for me."
"You're the one carrying the child, you get to see it however you want to. It's not easy raising a child or even being pregnant and alone. I'm glad you found Shawn," She told me, "Whether you two end up together or not, I know this baby is gonna be loved."
Karen and I talked about when she was pregnant and her experiences while we waited for Shawn, Manny and Andrew to quit arguing. I could hear them slightly, but I did my best not to listen.
"How did your parents react?"
"Well, they weren't happy, but they were understanding. They still don't know that Shawn wants to be involved, I just haven't had the chance to tell them. Everything is changing so fast. Im not sure after this, he's gonna want to."
"I raised Shawn differently. He's had a dream of having kids as well, and this may not have been an ideal time for him, but it's still something he wanted. He's always gonna be involved and excited to be a dad." Karen said and I smiled.
"That's something we have in common."
"Shawn had told me about you. A few days before he went to LA. He really liked you, Falyn. I don't know what happened or why you left, but I know you have your own reasons. I've never seen him get that way over a girl especially after knowing you for so short."
As she was telling me all these things, my heart started to race. Everything she was telling me I could relate to. I had never gotten that way over a boy, and especially after knowing him for so short. I've never been one to do a one night stand, but I did. Because Shawn was so different than everyone else I had ever met.
"I just don't want us to feel forced to be together because we're having a baby, you know?" I asked. "Those relationships never work."
"Just ease into things. If it happens, it happens." She answered. This was the conversation I needed to hear right now. My mom not being here was really hard, so having some sort of motherly figure walking me through this while I was here in Toronto was relieving in a way.
"May I?" She held her hands out and I knew she just wanted to feel my small little bump. Something I hadn't even done before, because I was still in the process of accepting the fact that I had a human growing inside of me.
Once I nodded, she placed her hands on the side of my belly and I watched as her entire expression changed. Her eyes were filled with love as they brimmed with tears.
"I haven't even done that, yet." I admitted to her as my eyes began watering again.
"How far along?" She asked.
"17 weeks." I answered.
"And you haven't felt your own baby? The baby can sense things like that. She needs to know that she's loved. She can sense when you're sleeping alone and that makes her feel lonely. Make sure she knows she's loved." Karen said as she felt different areas of my belly.
"She? How are you so sure?" I asked as she took my hands.
"A grandmother always knows." She shot me a wink and then placed my hands on the sides of my belly.
Just feeling and finally processing I was pregnant was an experience that felt so weird. Feeling my belly made everything more real. I didn't try to stop myself from crying again, because at this point it was inevitable.
Karen pulled me into a hug and that's finally when the front door opened and Andrew walked out. He turned to face me and I stood up, unsure of what he would say to me. I just wanted to be able to show him that I don't care what he thinks and I'm definitely not afraid of him.
"I just wanted to say sorry for the things I said. If Shawn trusts you so do I. I just think it's best if we do a paternity test-"
"If you want the test you can have it, okay? I made that clear."
"Andrew, I think you should just leave her alone for a little bit." Karen said.
"Can I talk to you?" Shawn peeked his head out from the door and I nodded.
He lead me into the backyard where we could talk privately and he put his hands on my shoulders. "Everything is okay. It's fine. We're gonna do this."
"This is exactly what I didn't want to happen, Shawn." I said, crossing my arms.
"Listen, we'll make your appointments, we'll do all the fun pregnancy stuff, we'll work out dates so I can come visit you or vice versa. We'll make a plan, okay? We're in this together, but you have to trust me." He started numbering things off on his fingers and it felt like my head was gonna explode.
"I do trust you, but-"
"No, buts." He said, placing a hand on my cheek. "We're in it together. We're just two friends having a baby right?"
"Shawn-"
"Falyn, please just say it." He said. "We're doing this together."
I feel like it took me forever to respond, but when I finally did, I actually felt good about it. I felt confident in what I was saying. Listening to Karen made me feel 100x better and it made me realize everything Shawn had told me was true.
"Okay... we're in this together."
IM CRYING
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