_______________________________
"And if you're still breathing,
you're the lucky ones
'Cause most of us are heaving through
corrupted lungs."
Youth - Daughter
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XXV.
\\ REPEAT //
Arden spent the weekend locked away in her house, fearful of everything she had seen at the bonfire. Her mom was gone on a trip with a friend so it was just her by herself in the house. She didn't even hear much from Rowan, Hailey, and Elisia...and figured that they must be handling what they saw in their own ways.
Arden's mom had come back that morning, practically glowing from having a nice weekend away. It made Arden happy to see her like that...she hadn't seen her that way in a long time. They didn't have a lot of time to catch up when she got back so her mom couldn't tell her all about it, but she said that they would talk when Arden got home from school. She also said she had some news as well so Arden was curious as to what that news would be.
But first, she had to get through the school day. First period, she found herself sitting in her seat, waiting for class to get started.
Rowan walked in a few minutes after she did and sat in the seat next to her. Right away, Arden noticed that she had cut her hair above her shoulders.
"Nice haircut," Arden smiled to her, "It looks badass."
Rowan took a strand in her fingers, glancing down at it and smiling almost sadly.
"Thanks," Rowan looked back up at her, "I needed a change."
Arden nodded, understanding that completely. She couldn't tell her how many times she had to talk herself of getting another tattoo this weekend. A tattoo she didn't really need...she talked herself out of it, telling herself that she just wanted the feeling of the needle to distract herself from the pain she felt inside.
"I talked to Elisia on the way in. I didn't get any messages and neither did she." Rowan told her, "Did you?"
"No," Arden shook her head, "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
She was never relaxed anymore. She felt anxiety when her phone chimed and felt anxiety when it was quiet.
"Have you heard from Hailey?" Rowan asked curiously, "I texted her like a million times. Elisia said she hadn't heard from her either."
"I haven't talked to her," Arden shook her head again, "But I'm sure we'll see her after class."
"I'm just worried..." Rowan admitted, "The bonfire...I've never seen Hailey like that before. But...I texted her and told her to meet at the lockers before Nicki's assembly."
She nodded, almost having forgot that Nicki's assembly was today. It still felt surreal that she was gone.
"What are we going to do about Zoe?" Arden asked her, "That was obviously her in the Cobra mask at the bonfire."
Rowan and Arden looked over at the seat where Zoe usually sat. They both seemed to realize that she was probably not coming today. If she was, she would be sitting there by now.
"And I'm pretty sure Sean was there too." Rowan said, looking back at her.
Arden's mind went back to the bonfire, and she remembered seeing a figure in a red hoodie. One that looked exactly like Sean's. And even though the hood was up, she remembered the curly strands of hair that stuck out...again, hair that looked a lot like his.
"Yeah, me too." Arden nodded, "Maybe that's why Hailey was so freaked out? Maybe she recognized him too?"
Rowan bit the inside of her cheek, looking like she was in deep thought for a moment, and then took out her phone, beginning to type something out.
"Who are you texting?" Arden asked her curiously.
"Zoe," Rowan replied determinedly, "I'm gonna find out where she is. It's time to end this once and for all."
Arden nodded in agreement, and with that, the final bell rang and all of the students filled in to their seats just as the teacher walked in. But it wasn't Ms. Dawson who normally taught their class, it was another teacher. Arden frowned a little, wondering where Ms. Dawson was.
"Good morning, I'm filling in for Ms. Dawson for a while," She started, "Let's get started."
She picked up the attendance seat and started calling the names. As she did so, Arden looked down at her notebook, her mind drifting off along the lines of the paper. She wondered where Zoe could be. And why they hadn't heard from Hailey all weekend.
"Rowan?"
She looked up from her phone, "Here."
"Zoe." The teacher called, "Zoe DeSaul."
When she got no response, she continued on with the roll. Rowan and Arden gave each other a look, both knowing it couldn't be a coincidence that Zoe wasn't here today. Arden had no doubt in her mind that it was her in the Cobra mask at the bonfire...and she wanted to know what the hell Zoe wanted.
"Brandon," the name called Arden out of her thoughts when the teacher said it, "Brandon Darrow?"
Arden's head lifted up from her notebook and a sick feeling settled in her stomach as she looked over at the desk he'd sat in, now vacant. She could feel her chest clenching as she thought about him sitting in juvie right now instead of in class.
"He got busted." A kid in class said, "He's locked up."
Laughter broke out amongst the students, but it was a distant noise in the background for Arden. Her eyes remind on the seat across from her, her mind flashing back to that night when he came to her house.
"Okay, alright." The teacher quieted the class, then continued on with calling roll, "Arden."
Arden could still feel the ache in her chest where it felt like he ripped it open that night. And she could see the scared look in his eyes as they took him away in the cop car.
"Arden Danvers."
Rowan nudged Arden with her foot, "Arden?"
Snapping her out of her thoughts, Arden looked away from Brandon's seat and raised her hand, looking up at the teacher.
"Sorry..." She apologized, "I'm here."
The teacher nodded, marking her present, and then continued calling the roll. Arden could feel Rowan staring at her but she kept her head down, her mind going back to playing through all the moments with Brandon, wondering how the hell she got to here.
@ @ @
The rest of class was kinda a blur, Arden didn't hear hardly any of the lesson because her mind wouldn't stop plunging her into memories, worries, and wonderings. When the bell rang, snapping her out of them, she was more than happy to get away from them.
As Rowan and Arden left the room, they were met with Elisia outside the hall waiting for them. She joined at their side as they walked down the hall towards Hailey's locker to meet Hailey.
"Zoe wasn't in class," Rowan said as they walked out, "I texted her but King Cobra messaged back."
Elisia sighed, "Well then she definitely wants us to know she's KC."
"Yeah...maybe Stinger can dig up some more dirt on Zoe." Rowan nodded.
They all leaned up against Hailey's locker, waiting for her to get there so they could all head to the assembly for Nicki together.
Then Arden looked at Elisia curiously, "Where's Ms. Dawson by the way?"
"Oh, um, she...got called up for deployment. She got shipped off this weekend." Elisia told them, "It's weird. I didn't realize how much I liked having her right next door until she left. Now without Jake and without Ash, it's..."
Arden looked over at her, imagining how alone and scared she might feel when there was no one there at her apartment.
"Hey, you know if you ever need company, you're welcome at my place any time." Arden told her, "Yeah?"
Elisia nodded appreciatively, "Thanks."
Rowan frowned, looking all around the halls for Hailey, who was no where to be seen.
"Where is she?" Rowan asked wearily.
"It's Hailey," Elisia pointed out, "She's always late."
"Yeah but...she wouldn't miss Nicki's assembly." Rowan said wearily.
The hallways were emptying as people headed towards the gym for the assembly. And if they didn't go now, they were going to be late.
"If she doesn't show up, we'll go by her place after later and check on her." Arden said, "Until then...let's just...get through today, okay?"
Rowan and Elisia both nodded, and the three of them headed down the hall, making their way inside the gymnasium. Walking in, most everyone was already seated in the bleachers. In the middle of the gym, there was a podium set up and a little off to the side, the principle, a few guidance counselors, and a couple teachers were sitting.
The three of them took their seats just as the principle walked up to the podium and started, silencing the room as she began speaking.
"This week is suicide prevention week." The Principle addressed the students, "It is alarming and tragic that we have lost two students to suicide this semester: Nicki Sullivan and Dunbar Rakes. We recognize that this is a complicated and sensitive subject, so we want to have an open dialogue starting today."
Arden glanced around the room at all of the faces in the bleachers. Some of them looked sad, others were bored and not paying attention, others just looked...blank. In her mind she wondered what an "open dialogue" would really do. Kids these days didn't want to talk about it...and when they did, half the time it wasn't to an adult. It was with other students. And sometimes, those other students were struggling just as much.
"If you are confused or scared, if you need to talk to someone, we have counselors who will listen in a safe and private environment." She continued, "If you are suffering from depression, ask for help. Depression is treatable and you deserve a chance to find healing."
"And pay attention to your peers. Someone close to you might be depressed or thinking about taking their own life. And there are several warning signs for suicide." She said, "This includes increased use of alcohol or drugs, acting recklessly, isolation from family and friends. But if you are concerned that someone is thinking about suicide, it's okay to ask them the hard question: are you thinking about taking your own life? And it's important to really listen."
Arden wondered if asking the important question was as easy as what the principle had just said. If it was easy, why did no one ask it? Why was it so scary to ask?
"A student who's suffered a painful loss wants to speak with you today." The principle said, "This is Tessa Mitchell, Nicki Sullivan's cousin."
Rowan, Elisia and Arden looked at each other sadly. Arden had forgotten that Tessa was related to Nicki...and as she watched her walk up to the microphone, she felt her heart ache when she saw the look of loss and pain in her eyes as Tessa looked out at the crowd of students.
"Um...my cousin Nicki killed herself only a few weeks ago." Tessa swallowed, "We didn't hang out all the time, only on weekends when our moms got together. I mean...we barely paid attention to each other at school but...Nicki's my best friend. So, I wanted to talk to you guys today because right before Nicki took her own life, a video was released. And you all saw it, I know you did. I can't imagine how exposed and vulnerable Nicki must have felt that night. How embarrassed and scared she must have been, knowing that everybody was talking about that video, watching it."
Tessa continued, pushing past the tears, as she looked out into the faces in the crowd.
"There are all these signs that somebody may be thinking about hurting themselves, but today I want to talk to you guys about the connection between suicide and bullying." She swallowed, "Releasing someone's private video is hateful, and anyone who commented on that video or watched that video is a bully."
Arden remembered the night the video was released. The night of the play. Even though she didn't watch it, Arden had seen how ruthless the comments had been.
Then guilt gnawed at her stomach, wondering if she had checked on Nicki more often after the video released, if that would have changed anything.
"And look, I've made some mistakes too, but we all have to be more careful about what we put online and whose life it may ruin. Because I—...I can't imagine how Nicki must have felt that night. Her parents were out of town and she was all alone. And she...didn't leave a note. I don't know why she—...I'm not sure why she didn't leave a note..."
Tessa's voice croaked and she drifted off, unable to continue. The principle came up to her, comforting her as she helped Tessa back to her seat.
Then they continued on with the service for Nicki, talking about how great of a person she was and the things she accomplished in the short time she was here. It was still hard to believe this was all real...that Nicki was gone.
Soon, the assembly was over and it was time to head to their next class. Arden's heart felt heavy as they walked down the bleachers and started shuffling out the gym doors.
"Arden, hey."
Turning around, she saw Hawk walking up to her, and she smiled when she saw him.
"Hey Hawk."
Something looked off about him, like he was concerned about something. Arden could see it in his eyes.
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" He asked her.
Rowan and Elisia gave her a look as if asking her if everything was okay. Arden wasn't sure what he wanted to talk about, but it looked like he really needed to talk.
"You guys go ahead," Arden told them, "I'll catch up."
They nodded, heading up the hallway and leaving the two of them to talk. Once they were gone, Arden turned back to Hawk, wondering what he wanted to talk about.
"What's up?" She looked up at him.
"I was just wondering if you had heard from Hailey?" He asked, "It's weird, she hasn't been responding to any of my texts all weekend."
Arden tried her best not to frown. So it wasn't just them that Hailey had been ignoring.
"I haven't heard from her either," She told him honestly, "But I'm sure she's okay, she's just been going through some stuff lately. If I hear from her, I'll let you know, okay?"
Hawk still seemed weary, and Arden thought it was sweet that he was worried about her. She recalled the conversation she had at the coffee shop with Hailey, where she told Arden about him and how he made her feel. That day...where they both shared our feelings on the boys in their life. That was when Arden was hurting because she was trying to avoid Brandon because she thought she was protecting him from the threats of the Zoo. Little did she know...it was her who had needed protection from him.
"Are you okay?" Hawk suddenly asked.
Arden slipped out of her thoughts and she looked up at Hawk, realizing he must have noticed how her mood had fallen into this never-ending spiral she had been in since she had found out the truth about Brandon.
Arden had told Hawk in the last few weeks about her feelings for Brandon, how she felt herself being drawn to him. And Hawk must have understood how the news of Brandon being expelled for planning a school shooting was affecting her. Even if he didn't know the whole story of what happened.
"Today during English, our new teacher was taking roll and..." Arden sighed, "I don't know...when she called out Brandon's name I just...everything I tried to push down came flooding back."
Hawk's eyes softened sympathetically, "You had feelings for him, that's understandable."
"Yeah but I shouldn't have." She shook her head, "I made a mistake. What he did...I don't think I can forgive him for it."
Hawk looked at her, and she knew he thought she was talking about forgiving Brandon for planning a school shooting. But the pain ran deeper than that...the forgiveness she wasn't sure she could find...was forgiving Brandon for making her feel the way that she felt for him.
"I think the question that bothers you...the one you're struggling with..." Hawk said knowingly, "Is do you want to?"
The question hit Arden hard, because every part of her knew that it was true. Hawk was right, once again showing her that he always seemed to understand her. Just like in those months after Nicki's party.
"You've been such a good friend to me, Hawk." She smiled appreciatively, "Thank you."
He smiled, "Of course, I'm always here if you need me."
The final warning bell rang, letting them know that they had to get to their next class. So, they both said their goodbyes and headed to class, and Arden tried to push all her worries and anxieties down so she could get through the day.
@ @ @
After school, Rowan got a text from Stinger saying that he had some information and to meet at some new address they had never been to. So, Rowan, Elisia, and Arden headed to the address and then planned to stop by Hailey's house afterwards to check on her. And maybe Stinger might be able to give them some good news to tell Hailey...news that might make her feel better.
They arrived at the address Stinger sent to them, and when they walked in, they saw it was an old bar, but Stinger had definitely decked it out way more than the abandoned church. There was a bunch of neon lights and decorations scattered about, making this place feel a lot more like Stinger.
"Nice digs." Elisia commented, a hint of amusement in her voice.
"Feds were trailing my IP so I had to split." Stinger said, "I only live in bars and churches."
"Well this place certainly is an upgrade, that's for sure." Arden said, looking around.
They walked over to a bar counter where Stinger had his laptops set up, where he was leant against it.
"What did you find?" Rowan asked.
"Nothing, it's like Zoe DeSaul doesn't exist." Stinger told them, "No address, no social security number, no birth certificate..."
"Well then, good thing it's really easy to swipe personal files from the admin office." Rowan said, "Oh and she has a Flash account. Her last post said camp."
She held up her phone, showing her latest picture of a camp...and Arden's lips parted a little, remembering something.
"Is that Camp Terrerro?" Arden frowned, "What if Zoe went to camp with Brandon, Sean, Trevor and Dunbar? There's gotta be something about that camp, it keeps popping up."
Rowan and Elisia nodded, agreeing with her. Everything seemed to be coming back to Camp Terrerro, there had to be some connection.
"Where is Hailey?" Stinger asked curiously.
The three of them gave each other a weary glance.
"She was acting really weird after the bonfire. She didn't go to school today, she wont return our calls." Rowan said, "We're positive Sean was there at the bonfire so...maybe that really messed Hailey up."
Stinger's eyebrows furrowed a little, "Yeah so you saw people standing around a fire wearing masks, and then what?"
"And then we just turned and ran." Arden told him.
"They didn't even chase us...which is even creepier." Elisia shuddered a bit, "And we all got a text at the bonfire."
"Yeah mine said 'welcome to the emptiness, we're here to hollow you out'." Rowan said.
Then Elisia, "Mine said 'warning: we're watching and we're listening."
Then Arden sighed, "Mine said...'this is only the beginning. There's more to come.'
"And Hailey's said...'Be afraid. Be very afraid. He's coming.' Rowan told him.
Stinger looked at them wearily, taking in all of the threats made against them. Even he seemed worried about what was coming for us next...and it made Arden's stomach churn slightly.
Rowan's phone chimed and she glanced down at her screen, frowning for a moment before her lips parted in surprise.
"Hey, Zoe posted a few seconds ago." Rowan said, then frowned, "I texted her in class saying 'where are you?' and look at the caption."
It was a looped video of Zoe at some ballet studio, and when Arden looked at the caption, her lips parted.
"Here I am." She read.
Stinger looked at it too, and he recognized something in the post.
"It's geotagged." Stinger said, clicking on it, "Burque Dance and Ballet Studio. That studio's downtown."
"I'll go." Elisia said.
Arden also said, "I'll go too."
"No, you should go by Hailey's to check on her." Elisia said in concern, "We haven't heard from her all weekend. Someone needs to make sure she's okay."
Arden wanted to argue, knowing Elisia going alone wasn't the best idea. But she also knew she was right. They had no idea what was going on with Hailey and needed to find out.
And she saw that the dance studio wasn't far from Hailey's house. If anything went wrong, she could rush over there real quick.
"Okay, fine..." Arden relented, "But if anything happens, you call me, okay? I'll be close by so I can rush over if you need me. And don't take any risks. Yes, it would be ideal to find Zoe but it's not worth putting you in danger."
Elisia nodded, "Okay."
"I'll go get Zoe's address from school." Rowan said, "Meet at the ditch after?"
They all nodded, having laid out their plans for the rest of the afternoon. If all went well, Elisia will find Zoe, Arden will have found out if Hailey was okay or not, and Rowan would have more information at who Zoe really was.
If none of that happened, what would they do then?
________________________________
"My eyes are damp from the words you left
Ringing in my head,
when you broke my chest."