A/N
MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYSSSS!!🥰🎄 I wish you all much love and peace❤️❤️ enjoy!
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Y/N's POV.
I've written so many letters, tried to e-mail you, all I ask is why you dodging me?
And he's not any better, I could do you better than he can
I see the way you are with me I know that you ain't satisfied
But it's like you don't even remember
[Chorus]
It's like I don't even matter on your birthday, for the holidays
Got me going crazy, you're on my mind
It's like I don't even matter, your love is gone, girl you're done with me
Do you think about us, I miss you so much, it's like I don't even matter
[Verse 2]
I miss the smell of your perfume, I lay by the fireplace
I guess tonight is the night I miss your touch
Baby, I need you, the only love I have in my heart is for you
Can't even live, can't even live with the pain I feel inside
This is real
Why you giving up? Can you see me? Am I invisible?
I see the way you are with me I know that you ain't satisfied
But it's like you don't even remember
[Chorus]
It's like I don't even matter on your birthday, for the holidays
Got me going crazy, you're on my mind
It's like I don't even matter, your love is gone, girl you're done with me
Do you think about us, I miss you so much, it's like I don't even matter.....
I could still hear the song in my head. It's a song I wrote a little after Camila and I separated. It still hurts to even think about it honestly. So sometimes I just play it to hear. I shows all my emotions and thoughts in one song.
I sighed and buried my head in my hands. Sitting up on the large custom made bed I could feel a headache coming.
I woke up feeling extra down today. Nothing felt right. Not my body nor my mind at this point. I feel like I'm stuck in a damn nightmare that I can't get out of. Every night I have the same dreams about my past. It's really fucked up that I know I'm the one who made things like this and now I can't change the outcome.
Things are the way they are because of me. That's all I think about.
I stretched my sore body before getting up from the bed. I pushed myself up from the bed and did my morning routine. After I got in the shower and brushed my teeth, I got dressed and grabbed my phone from the nightstand heading downstairs.
I had my phone in my hand as I walked down the stairs. Checking some emails and text messages.
My life has really become the same boring cycle over the year. I wake up and get dressed, check my overdraft emails and messages then I work on my music.
Without my music I probably would have gone insane by now. That's the only thing keeping me here, my music and my kids of course.
Speaking of kids. I need to call Camila and see what's up with her ass.
I went through my phone to find Camila's number I debated for a second but I know regardless of our situation we need to talk.
Calling her the phone and it rang twice then went straight to voicemail. I frowned before trying it again.
"Hey Camila it's Y/N." I spoke once she finally picked up.
"Yeah I know that Y/N, what do you need."
I frowned at the phone as I stood holding onto the counter.
"Excuse me. Camila you know exactly what I need."
"No not really." She said dryly I took a deep breath trying to hold in my anger.
"I need to see my daughter. That's what I need."
"Well you know your days."
I took a deep breath before saying anything else. "Camila you need to stop being like this, it shouldn't matter about my damn days. I'm free and I want to see her and that's what matters."
"Yeah that's what matters to you. Y/N you need to realize that not everything is about you, things don't just happen on your time. She's my child as well and we have things planned."
I frowned moving the phone from my face trying to make sure I heard right. I know she wasn't talking to me like that. See this is exactly what I was talking about when I said things have changed between us.
"You know what Camila, I'm so sick and tired of your bullshit! I really am! I never did you like this and for you to act like I'm some fuckin stranger not letting me see her is just wrong!"
"Are you done now because I really can't handle this right now."
"Handle what exactly! Me wanting to spend time with my daughter! It that seriously too much for you now."
"You know what Y/N I got to go."
"Oh hell no! I'm not done talking!" What makes her think she can talk to me anyway and then hang up like I'm just supposed to forget about it.
"Y/N-
She stopped talking and I heard some loud noises in the back. Sounded like somebody was yelling.
"Camila." I said sternly but she still didn't answer. "Camila I know your ass hear me! Who the hell you got in that house with my child!"
"Y/N I got to go." I don't know if it was just me but she sounded different just now. Like she was stressed or tired.
"Camila we're not done-" before I could even get the rest of my sentence out I heard the loud beep letting me know she had hung up.
I groaned throwing my head back. I'm so damn aggravated right now. Why can't she see that Royalty is the one who's suffering from all this. She's getting the short end of the stick because her parents can't get it together.
I hate it for her. I hate that she's got to go through hell now. And it's all my fault.
But just now on the phone with Camila, I could tell something was off. I've known her for so long and that shit just didn't sit well with me.
•
"I'm coming!" I yelled out at the door. After my call with Camila I immediately started working in more music.
I ended up falling asleep and now I've woke up to someone banging on my door. It had to be somebody close to me because they wouldn't just give my hotel number out.
"Aye I said I'm coming!" I swung open the door to see Rosa standing there glaring at me.
"Oh hey Rose."
"Do not hey me Y/N. Did you just forget all about rehearsal today."
My eyes widened and I sighed. "Shit my bad I completely forgot."
"Yeah I can see that. But what I want to know is how the hell did you forget. This is your tour Y/N."
I rolled my eyes as I turned away from her making my way into the living room.
"You've been in this damn hotel all day."
"I'm just not having a good morning." I shrugged.
"Is it the stress of the tour? Because if it is you know we only have a few more dates left before your free."
I shook my head and sighed. "Nah it's not that. I love performing for my fans. It's honestly deeper than that."
She raised her eyebrow at me as she finally took a seat on the couch across from me.
"Is it trouble with India?" I shook my head. "Because I thought that girl had finally gotten some sense into her head and now she's starting at-"
I couldn't help but to chuckle at her outburst. "Close but no, it's actually Camila."
"Camila?" She asked surprised.
"Mmhm we just can't seem to get shit together."
"Well what's going on?"
"I really don't know Rosa, she's changed over the year. It's like she don't give a damn about nobody but herself!" I said getting angrier as I spoke.
"Why do you think that is?"
"I wish I knew but the way things are going now I'm going to have to do something. She not even letting Ro come around me until it's my "day." Which is fucking stupid." I rolled my eyes at the thought of our previous conversation from earlier.
"You know what I think." I looked over at her waiting for her to continue. "I think that you two need to talk. I mean you guys have always had a great understanding, so something must be wrong."
I nodded. "Yeah, a talk face to face is definitely needed."
"Want me to try and set something up for you?" Rosa asked and I shrugged.
"You can try but I'm not so sure it'll work. But I guess we'll see."
"It's going to work. You know why?"
"Why Rose?"
She reached over and slapped the back of my head. "Because I'm going to do anything to get you out of this funk you've been in. It's been too long, and you need to get it together."
I sighed knowing that she was right. But I can't change how I feel.
"I know Rosa you're right. Things have just been hard for me."
"And I get that, I really do. But you still have a life to live, for your kids, your fans. People want to see you happy again."
"I know." I whispered more to myself.
My life is crazy. This life that I've chosen, the things that come with it. More importantly the things I've chosen to do with my life.
It's crazy...
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A/N
You guyssss I know I took a minute to update but I really just want to get things right. I hate to rush anything😭
But I have the next chapters ready and after looking over them I'll publish.
Please stick with me guys, I promise things are going slow right now. But they'll pick up soon😉 TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THINGS ARE GOING TO GET MESSYYY😥
What do you all think about Camila?? How do you feel about the way she's acting🤔 Is something going on with her?
I hope you all are still enjoying this book so far🙂 be ready for what's to come......I don't think you'll expect it😳
Thanks so much for reading/voting💋also sorry for any mistakes..🤧
NEXT UPDATE SOON!