"SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT."
Louella stumbled back to her seat after what felt like ten hours. Her hair was frazzled from the constant action of running her hand through it. She leaned against the back of her chair and her head was faced up towards the ceiling; eyes shut in brief exhaustion. I remained silent and let her have her moment of peace. I worried that she was working herself too hard and I wanted to speak up and tell her to go home and take the rest of the day off but she was stubborn and I knew she would never listen. Louella was a hard-worker and she was determined to achieve her goals in the future which were – hopefully – to be become a psychologist.
"It's okay," I said when she poked one eye open to peek at me, "I don't mind waiting for you."
"It took a lot longer than we had hoped," she sighed and shook her head in annoyance, "I hate group work. Honestly, why is it a thing?"
My lips twitched and I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess the lecturers thought it was a good idea to try and make us be friends with everyone."
"I don't want more friends," she grumbled, "I have you. Who else do I need?"
Although the comment was said casually, it still left a comforting sensation swirl around in my heart and I angled my face away from hers so I didn't have to hide my growing smile that lit up my entire face. It didn't go amiss the way she didn't mention Milo. She left his name out on purpose and there was a reason for that – one I had yet to figure out.
"Is he your classmate then?" I tried to casually phrase the question but I winced when there was underlying sense of jealousy. Thankfully, Louella didn't seem to pick up on it and she straightened herself up and nodded.
"Yeah. His name's Ren," she said, "He's nice enough I guess."
"You guess?" I echoed and immediately frowned, "Did he do something?"
"No, no, no," Louella quickly shook her head but smiled at the protectiveness of my words, "I promise, Étienne. He's sweet, you know? Just. . . too nice for me. It feels like I'm talking to a robot sometimes."
It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. The dark cloud that seemed to linger around my head cleared and the mood I had gotten myself into while glaring over at them for the past hour dissipated. I leaned back in my chair and stretched my arms towards the ceiling, exhaling a tired yawn. My neck was sore from constantly being bent over and I cracked it while rotating it sideways – making Louella cringe at the noise and she blocked her ears while I did the same to my knuckles.
"You're disgusting," she complained, "God, I hate that sound."
I flashed her a grin, "It feels so good though."
"It makes me so uncomfortable," she shuddered dramatically and I rolled my eyes at her reaction, "It's like you're doing it to me."
A mischievous smirk crossed my lips and I playfully edged closer to her. Louella blinked and her eyes widened at the glint I displayed. Although a smile was tugging on her mouth, she held her hands up in surrender and pushed her seat back until it hit the stone wall behind her. Realizing she had nowhere to run, she softened her gaze and pouted her bottom lip in an attempt to beg for mercy.
"Étienne, come on. Don't do this to me," she squealed quietly and her chin disappeared under her neck when I pretended to reach over to her. Her eyes slammed shut and a giggle escaped through her lips. The sound was joyous and it had the power to make even the coldest man break into a grin.
"Okay, okay," I backed away from her with an exaggerated sigh, "I won't do anything."
Louella breathed in relief. She pushed the wild strands of dark hair out of her face and glanced down at her deserted notes before groaning. I had finished most of what I needed to do but even an hours' worth of work felt incredibly draining. Suddenly, all the memes online about college students became scarily relatable once I had started.
"I have no motivation to do any more work," she protested and slumped forward so that her shoulders were drooping, "I kind of just want to ditch."
Seeing the tired and disinterested expression on her face, I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth for a moment before clearing my throat and slamming my textbook close.
"Let's do it then," I announced and Louella raised a confused eyebrow at me.
"Hm?"
"Let's go," I repeated, "Come on. It's past one so we can grab some early lunch or something and just chill on our orange couches downstairs. You know it's tradition."
"We haven't been there in so long," she recalled with a laugh, "Remember how the security lady would always run out and tell us to shut up because we were too loud?"
The memories were fond and although it was usually the two of us just casually sitting there, we spent hours every single day talking about the most random things. We didn't need to go out on some big adventure or night-out. Instead, we were perfectly happy to simply be in one another's company. Louella would lie down and take up the entire couch while I would sit on the cold ground, cross-legged, and complain for her to make me some room to sit.
"No one even studies down there," I rolled my eyes, "The entrance is right there too. It's too noisy with everyone coming in and out."
"I know. I think the old lady just hated us and wanted to see us leave," she agreed with me in a whisper. Sudden excitement lit up her eyes and she gestured for me to stand up with her.
"Come on then," she beamed, "Can we stop by The Raisin and pick up some chocolate-chip cookies? We haven't had them in so long!"
Her enthusiasm was infective and I found myself feeling excited again. It had been so long since I had seen Louella and I realized that she was my Kryptonite. It didn't matter that I hadn't seen her for a year or that we had barely even talked during that period. The distance did nothing to quench my growing feelings for her. To me, she was one of a kind and I knew that was something almost everyone said about their significant others, but it was true. She had a heart of gold that everyone wanted to bask in but many didn't get blessed with knowing what that felt like. She was complex and sometimes even I struggled to understand her, having known her for nearly my entire life, but it was the immense passion that she carried around with her that made it all worth it.
"Of course we can," I nodded, "We'll get some of those gummy sweet things that you like too."
She clasped her hands together and I had never seen her pack up her belongings faster than this but it was an amusing sight to watch. She all-but threw everything into her bag without caring if they were going to crumple and zipped it up. Within seconds, she was facing me with an expectant stare.
"Why are you still sitting there?" she groaned, "Slow-poke."
"I'm coming, I'm coming," I raised my hands in defence, "Give me two seconds."
***
"I'm so disgusted right now."
Louella's entire face was scrunched up and she glared in repulse at her half-eaten cookie on the couch. I clamped a hand over my mouth to stifle my chuckles and innocently took another bite out of mine while she watched. She shot me a deadpanned stare and flopped back on the couch with an annoyed huff and angrily snapped off the head of one of her dinosaur jellies.
"They told me it was chocolate – not raisin," she complained, "Why did you get a chocolate one and I didn't?"
"I think they like me more," I shrugged.
"I've been there more than you!" she threw her hands in the air in frustration, "They would probably be out of business if it weren't for me."
"Okay, I think you're giving yourself a little too much credit," I scoffed, "You're not their only customer."
"I might as well be," Louella argued back, "Have you seen the place? It's completely deserted."
"Because you used to buy out all of their cookies, maybe?" I questioned with an undertone of sarcasm, "It's pretty much the only thing people used to buy from there."
Louella peered at me with a tiny smirk playing at her lips, "Well, what can I say? You snooze you lose."
"And now you get the torture of eating a raisin cookie instead of a chocolate one like me," I grinned in satisfaction when her face dropped and her eyes were immediately glued on to the large, round cookie with small, milk chocolate chips embedded throughout. It was warm and small tendrils of steam still wafted up in the air from it. It melted right from the moment I took a bite.
It was hard to sit there with a straight face when she was practically drooling all over her shirt. She wet her lips and gulped when a rumble sounded from her stomach. Sniggering, I broke off half of the cookie which I hadn't touched and offered it to her.
"Here," I stifled a laugh, "I don't know how much longer I can stand you drooling."
"I'm not drooling!" she defended with a furious blush. Her cheeks were a dark red shade but she didn't think twice before taking it out of my grasp and her eyes averted to the ground.
"Thanks," she said.
Sitting here with her, the distance was small but felt so much wider. I wanted to be able to close the gap and be right next to here – less than an inch of space between us. I wanted to be able to wrap my arms around her shoulders and they ached at my sides because I wasn't able to. I didn't have the right to do that. It felt agonizing and sometimes made me want to let loose a loud scream. Every interaction of ours replayed over and over in my mind and I had given into it – there was no way of stopping. The teasing, jokes and playful fights. Our memories didn't lie. They were real and mine, but you weren't.
She curled up on the couch and tucked her legs underneath herself. She looked lost and her eyes were far away while she munched on her food. Minuscule crumbs fell over her top but she didn't even notice that. I wondered what she was thinking so deeply about and could only dream that it was of me. Was there ever a point during the day where she would, maybe in the middle of talking with her other friends or family? Did she ever come across something that reminded her of me? Because, for me, I always did. Be it a joke, a phrase, a place, a food – almost anything.
In the mornings while having coffee, I would remember how she always put five spoons of sugar in hers because she hated the bitterness of it. I asked her why she drank it and she would laugh and tell me that it gave her energy. Or when we went walking outside on a particularly windy day, her eyes would tear up and it made her look as though she was crying. I always poked fun at her for it so she started carrying out tissues with her. Even more, when we bantered over text, she would always insult me with some kind of fruit or vegetable because she said she felt too mean using actual curses.
"I thought I was the day-dreamer here," I teased when I noticed a crinkle between her brows. Louella blinked at the intrusion of her thoughts and she forced herself back to reality.
"Right," she breathed a laugh, "Sorry about that. Guess I got too caught up for a moment."
"Careful, you wouldn't want to use that brain of yours too much. God knows its supply is limited."
"Hardy har har," Louella mocked with narrowed eyes, "Aren't you hilarious?"
"I like to think of myself as a comedian, yes," I said and pretended to bow while I was half-slumped on the ground.
She nudged me with the tip of her shoe and I smiled up at her in response.
"Okay Jerry Seinfeld," she mocked, "Whatever you say."
****