They say you do not become a woman or a man until you have lost your mother.
I had always heard this statement but right now, at that very moment, being faced by the harsh realities of the possibility of losing my mother, l felt it's gravity.
I ran past Sis Mavy in silent panick, my heartbeat racing, l saw my parents bedroom door open, they weren't in, l rushed to the main door and found dad struggling to open the door with mama on his arms.
I squeezed myself between them and unlocked the door.
He pressed the car keys on my hand "bring the car over while l hold her"
I rushed to the garage and all of a sudden l was hit by confusion, l forcefully attempted to open the Toyota Rush with keys for Toyota Belta. The alarm went off. Crap.
"Ntando what's taking so long" dad shouted.
"I'm coming!" I said scurrying over to the right car, l reversed it back to the veranda were l had left dad waiting with mum but he was already in the driveway, quickly l parked the car and helped him put her in the back seat,
"Hold her" he instructed and l got in the back seat with her, her head on my lap.
"Dad the Rush- the alarm-"
"Leave it" he said, getting behind the wheel and driving off while the Toyota rush continued screaming alarm that disturbed at most our 3 direct neighbors, thank Goodness for big yards.
The gate was closed. Great.
"Do you have the gate keys" dad asked eyes widening at me.
"No, should l go and get-"
Before l finished my question he was already outside the car, I turned to look behind and saw him running, Sis'Mavy appeared also running towards him waving the gate keys, as if grabbing the button stick on a relay race, dad grabbed them, Sis Mavy followed him, dad paused at the gate, appearing confused with the bunch of keys in his hands.
Sis Mavy grabbed the keys back from him and unlocked the gate then slid it open. Dad rushed back to the car.
I looked at mama, she was still, lifeless, l lowered my head to her face, l couldn't feel her breathe. At that point all thoughts of checking her pulse had evaporated from my mind.
I couldn't feel her breath meant she wasn't breathing.
"Dad she isn't breathing!"
Dad stepped on the accelerator, silent tears streamed down my face, how we got to the hospital alive ourselves, given the crazy speed we were using, was a pure blur.
*******
We got to the hospital, dad once more carried mama, l rushed in and l don't know what l said to the nurse, whatever l said he understood because next he was calling for a stretcher and another pair of nurses joined him.
They rushed to dad and put mama on the stretcher. The other 2 nurses did preliminary checks on mum while the third nurse asked dad for a couple of details.
I followed the stretcher as it went inside the hospital corridors and stopped when they entered an examination room because the third nurse who was following directed me to go to the waiting room.
I found dad there. Seated on one of the sofas, looking sad. Very sad. Never had l seen my father with such a fallen expression. His shoulders slumped, his head bowed, his hands clasped, fingers interlocking.
I didn't know what to do either, so l sat there next to him.
After a while, he looked up at me, his eyes blood shot red, had he beeen crying?
By then my own tears had long since dried.
"Have you called your brothers? Your aunt?" He said, clearing his voice that was heavy laden with emotion.
"No l don't have my phone" l said.
"Okay"
He was silent for a while too, as though in a trance. After a while he said, "l don't have my phone either"
Had the circumstances been different, this was going to be funny.
About 40 minutes later a nurse came in the waiting room, we got up,
"How is she nurse?"
"Who?" She asked.
"My wife" dad said absentmindedly.
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm looking for the driver of a white Toyota belta, number plates 'adm 3220' it's blocking our entrance."
"That's ours" l said, "Dad let me go and remove it while you talk to the nurse"
Dad looked so far away, as though he could see past the walls surrounding us.
"Dad?"
I tapped his shoulder.
"Right, the keys" he rummaged his pockets and produced the keys. I was about to grab them and go when he stopped and said, "my cellphone is in the car"
"Okay dad"
He remained still, and after a moment finally handed me over the keys.
"How is my wife" he asked the nurse.
"If you give me her details, name,when she was brought in, and her condition l may be able to trace her for you"
Dad once more did not respond, both the nurse and l looked at him, unsure if he heard anything. A tear trickled down his eye.
"Sir please have a seat, l will bring you some sweet tea to help with the shock" the nurse said, then she turned to me, "may l have the patients details please? You are related?"
"Yes she's my mother, this is my father"
The nurse gave me a piece of paper to write mama's information. She returned a couple of minutes later with 2 cups of tea and handed them over to us.
"I don't want tea, l want my wife" dad said, tears streaming.
To say l was shocked at his reaction would be the greatest understatement ever. My heart swelled in my chest, it hurt so bad to see him like this, l began crying too.
"Please drink the tea" the nurse said, "it will help with the shock"
I brought the cup to my lips and tasted the tea, it was warm but so sweet it was uncomfortable to drink. The nurse encouraged us to drink more. So we did.
"Once you feel okay, please go and remove your car from the entrance" she said, "meanwhile I'm going to check for your mother's information"
I nodded, and placed the half empty cup of tea down and followed her out.
I got to the car and found a good parking spot for it, that would be easy to find.
Then suddenly the intensity of all that had happened hit me on a new wave, l bawled like a baby. I threw my hands on the steering wheel and the hoot horned. Great.
I lowered the chair instead and cried some more, the image of mama lifeless on my lap scarred my thoughts, seeing her still on the stretcher, as the nurses pushed her away from us, my heart broke even more.
I could not begin to imagine a daybreak without mama. I cried some more.
After a while l got myself together, l needed to be strong for my dad. So l started looking for his phone, when l found it l went back in the hospital building.
I went back in the waiting room, dad was still there, but he wasn't alone. Aunt Sara and Uncle Roy had joined him. Aunt Sara was holding dad's hand with both of hers. When l entered they all looked at me.
Aunt Sara was first to speak "Ntando look at what you have done"
Sorry. What?
"No Sara, don't say that to the child" Uncle Roy said.
"But she should know the truth, all this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for her stupid war with her mother"
Finally l found my voice, "what do you mean it's my fault?"
Fresh tears fell on Aunt Sara's face as she narrated what she said dad had told them, "after you stormed off the dining room we talked briefly with your parents and asked them to give you space and time, then we left. You mother didn't take it well, your reaction, the exchange of words, the possibility that you want to do exactly what will hurt her the most by marrying Gilbert. She came to your room but you had locked yourself in. She went into her bedroom and cried some more telling your father how stressed she was, then after a while she got up saying she was feeling thirsty but then she collapsed. The doctor was here a few minutes before you came back in Ntando, he said she suffered a heart attack-"
At that l gasped and my hands covered my mouth.
"No"
"Yes" aunt Sara nodded.
"Is she going to be okay?"
"Yes, fortunately it's a mild one"
Thank goodness. "I haven't told Ngqabutho and Ishmael" l said.
"I have already called them" Uncle Roy said, "have a seat Ntando, you seem drained."
I took back the cup of sweet tea the nurse had given us, which by now was cold and l finished it off. It didn't calm me down much.
I thought long and hard over what Aunt Sara had just said. Then l was no longer sad, l was now angry all over again, this woman l called mother was out to make my life hell. Either she marries me off to a stranger or she dies and makes me the bad guy.
I leaned back on my chair, folded my arms on my chest and looked at Aunt Sara and dad seated in front of me. After a while l finally spoke up.
"Mama's heart attack is not my fault, she brought it upon herself."