people tend to fall into different categories in your life. for jaehyun, there were the people he couldn't live without (see: doyoung) and right on the other end of the scale, there was the one person he'd like to drop kick off a cliff.
"fuck," jaehyun inhaled on his way out of his apartment. he still had the taste of johnny on his lips and the thought of doyoung watching that giant of a man make out with his face made him feel slightly sick.
"doyoung!" jaehyun called, knocking on his next door neighbour's door, "doyoungie?" he had to get the chance to apologise, to explain what he actually felt. or at least to clear up the misunderstanding drunk johnny had just caused.
there was no response. but in the corner of his eye, just as he was about to admit defeat, jaehyun spotted the door that lead up to the apartment block rooftop, the tiniest bit still ajar, swinging open on its hinges. a flicker of hope still alive inside him, jaehyun shouldered on his hockey varsity jacket, and took the stairs two at a time up to the rooftop.
"...doyoung?"
it was gone midnight and the sky was dark and overcast, and there was that late night almost-november chill ever more present in the air. on the other side of the rooftop stood a lone figure gazing up at the clouded night sky, arms wrapped around himself, shivering.
"hey," jaehyun murmured as he drew closer, hot breath condensing on the icy air.
doyoung froze at the sound of his voice, but slowly moved his gaze to meet jaehyun's worried eyes. "...hey," he replied, voice barely a whisper in the wind.
jaehyun reached out to touch his arm, only to find doyoung's skin covered in goosebumps and cool to the touch. "you're freezing!" he exclaimed, immediately starting to take off his jacket, "doyoung, it's too cold to be up here."
"i-i'm fine," doyoung insisted, but his teeth chattered from the cold. it had only been a few minutes up on the rooftop before jaehyun had come up, but he was frozen to the core.
"come here, you big baby," jaehyun sighed, and guided doyoung's arms into the warm sleeves of the varsity jacket, "you've gotta let me take care of you sometimes too."
doyoung sniffed and snuggled his face into the collar of the jacket, glad of its warmth. "won't you be cold?" he pointed out, nodding towards jaehyun's exposed arms in that tank top he still wore.
jaehyun just shrugged and shot him a shy smile. "i think i'll be okay," he assured him, "i just need to say... what you saw back there..."
doyoung bristled at the mention of the events that took place only minutes before. seeing johnny kiss jaehyun like that, and sit in his lap, and touch his face... it ignited something deep within doyoung's chest, and the aching, burning sensation only grew worse the longer he looked. and still, he didn't know quite why he felt this way.
"none of it meant anything, okay?" jaehyun continued quickly, forcing doyoung to meet his gaze, "johnny got way too drunk tonight and things got out of hand, but i promise you there's nothing going on. he's my friend, but i really hate him sometimes... mostly when he gets drunk and emotional about something."
he wriggled his fingers into doyoung's hands and held them tight, and the expression on his face was sincere. doyoung wanted to look bashfully at the ground, but when he did all he saw was their connected hands and it made him feel all kinds of nervous.
"i shouldn't have come to your party," doyoung blurted, a little frown forming between his brows, "things were fine the way they were and i shouldn't have messed it all up-"
"hey," jaehyun interrupted softly, squeezing doyoung's hands, "you didn't mess anything up." letting go of the hands then, jaehyun wrapped his arms around doyoung's waist and pulled him into his embrace. sliding his hands under the warmth of his varsity jacket doyoung now wore, jaehyun's hands travelled over the thin shirt that separated his touch from doyoung's skin, holding him tight. he rested his chin on doyoung's shoulder and whispered, "i like things just as they are right now."
doyoung melted into jaehyun's embrace, the other boy's glow washing over the cold and taking away all his inhibitions. he looped his arms comfortably around jaehyun's neck and closed his eyes, breathing in the now familiar scent of his shampoo mixed with the tang of vodka and sweat. just being this close to jaehyun was enough to override doyoung's senses and make him forget all the pain.
"we should go back inside," doyoung mumbled then, though reluctant to pull away from jaehyun, "it's cold..."
jaehyun let out a laugh that sounded like sleigh bells, a bright grin spread across his face. "oh really?" he joked, "i didn't notice... come on then, doyoungie, let's go inside..."
doyoung couldn't stop himself from smiling at jaehyun's laugh, and the way he took his hand to lead the way inside. he almost couldn't work up the nerve to suggest, "we could go back to mine instead?"
"with everything that's going on at mine?" jaehyun snorted, "you don't even have to ask twice."
so doyoung opened the door, still in his bunny slippers, and welcomed jaehyun inside.
next door, meanwhile, was in total chaos. ten was still in the process of getting everyone to leave, and that task was proving to be very difficult when everyone was drunk and hard to convince.
"honestly," he huffed under his breath, "i decide not to drink to look after my health and this is what i get for it."
"phonny-hyung," mark said, appearing at the older boy's side as ten managed to kick out the last big group of partygoers from jaehyun's apartment.
"mhm?" ten turned to look up at mark with a tired sigh, but the blush that spread from mark's neck to the tips of his ears, and the cautious way he tugged at his sleeve, was enough to make ten smile again.
"that taeyong-hyung guy is behind the sofa," mark told him, breath catching in his throat at the way ten gazed into his eyes, "um, he looks kind of dead..."
"dead?" ten repeated in alarm, eyes widening. he grabbed mark by the hand and stalked over to the sofa in the living room, peering round the back.
mark was right - taeyong did look kind of dead. he was stretched out behind the sofa, passed out, inhaling and exhaling shallow breaths through his open mouth.
"hey," ten muttered, nudging taeyong's sleeping form with his foot. with no response, he knelt down instead and shook taeyong awake by the shoulders.
taeyong blinked his eyes open lazily, and began a fit of giggles and hysterics.
"oh god," said mark from where he was standing behind ten.
"you said it, sister," ten groaned. "taeyong? come on, we're gonna take you home, okay?"
taeyong just giggled again, eyelids drooping slightly, and latched onto ten's sleeve with one hand. mark's gaze shifted to that hand, and he instantly started to frown. he was the absolute worst when it came to hiding his feelings and he knew it.
"give me a hand, markie," ten said with a soft grunt as he tried to haul taeyong to his feet. taeyong wasn't in any respect a heavy person, but ten was in all respects a small person, and he couldn't lift him without mark's help.
"can't we just call him a taxi?" mark mumbled under his breath, his tone laced with jealousy.
ten didn't hear him. "come on, you baby, help me get him down to the car and i'll drop you home too."
there had been the faint sound of somebody vomitting in the bathroom but now it finally stopped. there was the noise of a flushing toilet, then footsteps, and then johnny seo emerged in the living room looking thoroughly ashamed of himself.
"oh, you," said ten, giving johnny a steely glare, "finally sobered up, have we? anyway, i'm taking taeyong and mark home, so look after the place until jaehyun gets back." he paused for a moment and then added, "if jaehyun even comes back."
"ten," johnny whined, "can you take me home too? i've fucked up my entire life in one night, i deserve to go home and cry myself to sleep, jesus."
he paused to peel off his shirt and lift it over his head, still soaked from all the water ten had chucked on him earlier. mark couldn't help himself from staring at the hockey player's toned, athletic figure, and his eyes narrowed in envy.
"no way are you going home," ten disagreed, shaking his head so that his black cat-ear headband almost fell off (mark put it quickly back into place behind his ears), "listen to that."
they fell into silence listening to a drunken wail of someone singing from the kitchen. whoever they were, their voice was annoyingly good.
"that," ten continued, "is your responsibility. you brought him here, so clean him up, take him for a pee, and let him get some sleep. we've all got college tomorrow."
johnny's brain stopped functioning for a second. "wait, who do you mean?" he asked dumbly.
ten rolled his eyes. "taeil, duh."
johnny's eyes shot right back towards the source of the singing. "that's taeil?!"
"looks like he's found a new fanboy," ten drawled. "whatever, i'm gonna get going before taeyong pukes on me or something."
"how do you even know where he lives?" johnny asked then, with high levels of scepticism.
ten shrugged, too tired to care. "we're on the same art course," he said, "group project."
"oh, so you've been to his place before?" johnny raised an eyebrow and fought of a smirk. "i'd be surprised if you two haven't been fucking around-"
"can we go please?" mark interrupted desperately. he was still holding taeyong up and it took all of his self control not to drop him on the floor. on purpose.
"thank you, markie," said ten pointedly, "stop stalling us, seo. see you in college."
and before johnny knew it, ten and mark were carrying taeyong down to ten's car, the door was closed, and he was alone in jaehyun's apartment. well, almost alone.
creeping slowly towards the voice coming from the kitchen, johnny tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but all it did was tangle up that neverending knot in the pit of his stomach. with a lot of the alcohol now out of his system, he had a lot of space in his brain to think about all the mistakes he'd made that night. the first being to invite taeil to that goddamn party in the first place.
"moony?"
taeil was a mess in the corner of the kitchen, yellow dress falling off one shoulder while he sang along to tale as old as time, slurring through the words as he went. johnny crouched down next to him and brushed the long wig out of taeil's eyes.
taeil squinted at him and suddenly became extremely clingy, throwing himself forward into johnny's lap and wrapping his arms around his bare torso. "i'm sleeeepy," he whined.
johnny felt a strange flutter in his chest. in the position they were in, taeil's lips were almost touching his exposed stomach, and his warm breath tickled johnny's skin. "i know, come on then..." he replied with a small sigh.
lifting taeil's arms to loop them around his neck, johnny scooped up the shorter boy, one arm around his waist and the other under his knees. he carried him to the bathroom first and set taeil down so that his back was resting against the bathtub so he would be less likely to topple over. johnny started rifling through jaehyun's drawers and cabinets, and eventually found a packet of face wipes.
"close your eyes, tae," he instructed, crouching down next to taeil again. johnny cupped taeil's face with one hand and started to gently wipe away all the makeup with the other, all the eyeshadow and mascara that had transformed him into a princess. finally, johnny wiped off the remainder of the smudged lipstick, thumb tracing over taeil's lips as he did so.
he must've had a lot of fun with taeyong that night. johnny almost felt his heart stop beating, and he swallowed the thought.
from that point onwards, johnny was filled with bitter determination and made it his mission to get taeil ready for bed, no matter how much it hurt inside. it's not like he could even make sense of all this anyway, so johnny focused on helping taeil use the bathroom and wash his face and take that damn wig off, and brush his teeth with the spare toothbrush jaehyun kept in its packaging at the back of the cupboard for emergencies like this.
"sleeeeepy!" taeil insisted again with a burst of giggles, clinging on tightly to johnny's arms.
"yeah, yeah, i get it," johnny sighed, though he was finding it hard to stay in a bad mood when taeil was looking so cutely up at him like that.
so johnny picked him up again and didn't put him down until they reached jaehyun's bedroom. johnny was sure he'd left a hoodie in there - the big cosy one he'd worn over his costume when he'd come over earlier. his eyes scanned the room for it and he was about to have a better look, but taeil wouldn't let go of him.
"moony, i'm looking for something for you to wear," johnny reasoned, giving taeil a look. "you have to let me go."
"noooooooo..." taeil protested, though his voice trailed off into a big yawn, which gave johnny the chance to pull away and search for the hoodie.
by the time johnny located the enormous black blob of a hoodie and turned back to taeil, the small drunk boy was curled up on one side, big eyes staring up at him.
"come back!" taeil demanded, reaching out towards johnny with that heart-wrenching dissatisfied pout.
"i'm coming, okay?" johnny fought of a chuckle as he knelt beside the bed, the soft fabric of the hoodie between his fingers. "now, moony, you're gonna get changed into this for me, got it?"
taeil rolled his eyes in the most comical way possible, and shrugged stubbornly. "no thank you," he refused.
"please?" johnny tried, feeling rather worn out at this point.
begging didn't work on taeil.
"you can't make me," taeil managed to taunt, though he tripped up on his words, mashing them together in a confused way.
johnny let out a huff and stood up then, crossing his arms over his bare chest and fixing taeil with a very serious look. "moon taeil," he said firmly, "don't you dare fucking mess with me. you will get changed, and you will get some sleep, and tomorrow we will continue like everything's completely normal. understood?"
taeil fell silent and started chewing on his lower lip, avoiding johnny's gaze. he rubbed at his eyes and almost looked like he could start crying when he mumbled, "meanie..."
johnny was breathing heavily at this point and he had to remind himself that drunk taeil behaved differently to normal taeil, and he therefore had to treat him differently. and its not like he could keep his shields up when taeil looked so tired and sad like that. "do you want me to help you?" johnny asked gently.
and that's how they ended up in such close proximity, with johnny pulling taeil's dress over his head, leaving him sitting on the end of the bed shivering in the cold. johnny guided his arms into the black hoodie and let taeil wriggle into it comfortably. god, that hoodie looked huge on taeil's body, the bottom coming down to mid thigh, and his hands disappearing under the sleeves.
johnny gulped.
"time for bed, moony," he said quietly, urging taeil under the covers and pulling them over his bare legs. "well, goodnight..."
"wait!" the sound of taeil's voice (coming as a surprise somewhere between a plead and a moan) made johnny turn back, freezing in his footsteps, "stay..."
johnny felt the outstretched hands clamouring after him, tugging at his arm and reaching further to brush over his abs and the waistband of his jeans. he could feel his insides melting at taeil's touch.
"stay here," taeil whined, pulling harder until johnny gave in, "sleep with me... i'm cold."
he was delirious, johnny kept telling himself. he didn't know what he was saying. he probably thought he was taeyong or someone else more deserving. but still, he found himself tugged onto the bed, crawling under the covers and basking in the warmth of their closeness.
"goodnight, taeil," johnny whispered.
he could feel the smaller boy curling into his side, legs tangling together, and taeil's hands tucked up close to his chest. they'd never been this close before, cuddled like this. johnny fought the urge to hook a leg around taeil's hips and spoon him from behind, keeping him held safe and tight. instead, he lay still, trying not to breathe too loudly, and praying he'd fall asleep as soon as possible.
"night night," taeil answered cutely, "...johnnyyy."
the apartment had fallen into silence. as taeil snuggled into his shoulder, draping an arm over johnny's torso, all johnny could hear was taeil's soft breaths in his ear, and the painful beating of his own heart.
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a/n: aite aite aite aite aite aite
i'm back to bring you a new update of johnny's self-inflicted pain :)
GOD SIMON SAYS IS SO GOOOOOOD
i have mock exams week after next so i shoulddddd be studying for them, but like idk i'll update whenever lol
johnil sleeping in the same bed is the biGGEST UWU AJDKSJSJSJ
but what's your favourite johnil moment in this book so far? ♡