*Trigger Warning*
The night rolled by so slowly that it honestly felt like the world had stopped turning at some point. My mind keeps wandering back to last night. To Mini. It all feels like a horrific nightmare, but no matter how much I scream, cry, and beg, I just can't wake up.
After what Jon and I saw, I begged him to just take me home, telling him that some police officers are regulars at the club, and although I wanted to get someone out there to get Mini, I knew that they would tell the guys at the club and that there was no saving Mini from that fall... forty fucking feet with nothing but rocks at the bottom...
When I got back to Jon's apartment, I called the police, made an anonymous tip, and went home. The next morning, I had to confirm what I had already known. Mini killed himself, and his suicide note left on his car windshield told everyone what he told me last night.
Everyone wanted to avoid work today, but Panda told us that everyone was needed today. He said he couldn't afford to close the club again. He might have been telling the truth, but I'm not too sure. Valentine's Day normally is a busy day, a lot of single guys and girls normally come in to see us.
Anyways, throughout the long night, there was such a somber feeling that hung over the club that it honestly felt more like a funeral home more than a strip club. Everyone had lower energy levels, even Lui. No one was in a talkative mood, not even Ze and I. It took so much strength to keep all of us from breaking down into tears that we were all tired... especially Tyler.
Tyler has been holding back tears for hours and has been more or least gone today. Everyone could tell that. And seeing him like this honestly killed me, because I knew how much he loved Mini. I could only imagine the shit going through his mind. I could only imagine how much he is blaming himself for something that he couldn't have avoided.
That I failed to stop.
The night dragged on for what honestly felt like days. However, it finally came to an end. We were able to kick people out. We were able to change our clothes. We were able to go home.
Home... Back to the apartments where Tyler left Mini... where he cried when he came back the night after and saw that he was gone... the pain in his voice at that time was heartbreaking enough. He was so scared and so worried. All he wanted was to make sure Mini was okay... and to hear that after I knew what had happened...
That pain doesn't matter anymore, I guess... because the tears of yesterday had nothing on the tears of this morning. Over the past year and a half I've hung out with Tyler, never had I seen him as defeated as this. Not when he was afraid of getting kicked out of college. Not when he had to stay up for days at a time to worry about homework, work, and classes. Not even when we lost everyone last year. Never had I seen him on his knees in tears... until this morning...
Looking over to him now, as he sits at Mini's vanity, just looking through the shit he had in the drawers so he could clean it out, he doesn't look the same. He looks like his world had been destroyed... I guess it has.
"Don't think about your family, just think about what this will do to Tyler. If you think it's unfair that he has to help you, think about how heartbroken he will be if you are gone. Don't you think he will think life is unfair?"
If Mini could have seen how his death would have affected Tyler, I wonder if it could have prevented it... I wonder if there was anything I could have said that would have prevented it.
"Evan?" I turn around and see Brock, Ze, and Lui standing next to me. "Aren't you going to finish changing?"
I sigh and rip out the panda ears, pulling out some of my hair in the process, and throwing them into my locker before I take off the crop top, switching it with a plain black t-shirt. I then slam my locker shut and turn back to the guys. Brock just reaches over and starts to gently rub my back. "I know that you're upset-"
"Save it," I quickly say as I push Brock's hand off of me. "I'm just sick and tired of hearing that someone I got close with is dead. Besides, I'm not the one everyone should be worried about." I then look over to Tyler as he stands up from Mini's vanity and shuts the drawer.
"He has a point," Lui says before he steps in front of us. "We may have been friends with him, but he was closer to Tyler."
"I couldn't imagine how he must feel," Ze says, looking down to the ground.
"I could," I then hear Brock whisper.
Without saying anything else, we all walk over and crowd around Tyler. Brock then gently grabs Tyler's shoulder and asks, "How are you feeling?"
"How do you fucking think," Tyler says, pulling his arm away. "I'm pissed, heartbroken, and confused. I just don't get why Mini did this and... and why he didn't tell me what was going on in his head. I was willing to do anything to help him, and he just... I just don't get why!?" His voice starts to rise as he continues to talk, and I can't help but notice that he's trying to hold back his tears. "I just don't get why he didn't tell me about his family, or what the police told him, or about that bastard giving him HIV! I was with him all day and night! I didn't care about how often I had to turn away from my homework, or how often I missed class, or how often he woke up in the middle of the night! I was willing to be there for him... was that not enough?"
"You can't blame yourself, Tyler," Brock tells him. "None of us knew what Mini was thinking. None of us knew that he was going to do this. If anyone knew, we would have tried to stop him, especially you."
"This is something that happens to a lot of victims of sexual assault," Ze adds in. "From what we saw, it honestly looked like the trauma triggered something in Mini. He may have had depression before all of this, and the trauma only made it worse, or maybe he developed depression from the trauma. When his family cut him off and he was diagnosed with HIV, it may have started leading him to some dark places. Places where he saw nothing but bad in every good thing he had. Then, when the lawyers made the plea deal, it was the final straw."
"Why did they make a plea deal with that asshole anyways," Lui asks.
"Because they told him exactly what I thought his lawyers were going to say. Because Mini worked in the sex industry and because he led him to the back room, he wanted it."
"How the hell do you know about all of this," Tyler asks.
Ze's eyes grow wide and he looks around to everyone. However, he sighs and hangs his head. "Well... I trust you guys enough, but I am begging you guy, please don't let it escape this group." Everyone nods and lean closer to him. Everyone, except me. I stare at him in shock as he finally says, "I've been dating this guy for a while now. We've gotten really close, and have been talking a lot. And... he works for the police department."
"Wait, you're dating a-" before Lui could yell out the final word, I quickly slap my hand over his mouth to keep him quiet.
"How long," Brock asks.
"A few months," Ze answers, his face starting to turn red from the attention.
"Was he the guy with the gay ass superman haircut," Tyler then asks.
"Do you really think it's gay? I think it's really cute. Especially after he takes a shower and he doesn't put anything in it. Then his hair gets nice and fluffy." The smile on his face starts getting bigger as he goes quiet, telling me that all he is doing is thinking about Mike. It's then that I see it again. The love just beaming in his eyes. The love that was still strong between them even after so many years together.
"Does he have access to Mini's case," Lui then asks when he finally pulls my hand off of his mouth.
Ze's head snaps back to us and he sighs before he looks away from us. "Yeah... actually, he came here looking for evidence after it happened, and he was put in charge of going over everything."
"Then why did that bastard get let off with a slap on the wrist," Tyler yells at him. "Why didn't your fucking boyfriend give them a strong enough case to get that bastard into court?!"
"He did all he could, Tyler. You need to realize, rape is one of the hardest cases to prove."
"Don't give me that bullshit!"
"Do you realize how this is a harder slap on the wrist than some rape cases are," Ze yells back. "I don't know if you've kept up with the fucking news, Tyler, but there are cases of rape where that son of a bitch doesn't have to spend time in jail, some where they only spend six months in it, some where they don't even have to register as a sex offender, and some where absolutely none happens to the bastard! Not probation, no registration as a sex offender, nothing! The fact that this guy got probation and will be registered is the best they could have done!"
"You know what would have been better though? Him going to jail!"
We can see the anger in both Ze and Tyler start to boil over, so Lui and Brock quickly grab Tyler and start to pull him away, towards the back door, while I pull Ze over to the curtains, just to get him away from Tyler. I can see a fire burning heavily in his eyes that he is trying to get control of, but he's struggling to do so.
"That fucking son of a bitch doesn't know how hard it is to be a fucking police officer," he growls. "The long hours, always being on call, even on your days off. The fact that you put your life on the line, sometimes getting shot at for just pulling up to an area that a crime was happening at, but you didn't even fucking know it was going down. The death threats from a criminal's family for arresting their kin, even if that bastard murdered someone over stupid shit. And then, the constant pressure of not fucking up a case, because if you fuck up, then the world points to you and calls you a worthless piece of shit because a case closed in a way that they didn't want it to be closed."
I try to calm Ze down by gently rubbing his back, however, it doesn't do him any good. After a bit, he turns away from and screams as he punches the brick wall next to us several times. When he stops, he just shakes his hand, and I can see how much it's starting to bleed already. "Ze!"
"It's fine," is all he says before he walks over to the couch and sits down for a bit. "I'm just so tired of people talking shit about police officers. I get that some are bad and are shit people and blah blah blah, but you'll find people like that everywhere. The only difference is that one has a gun, and they risk the chance every day and every night of not coming home... I risk the chance of Mike going to work, and I never get to see him again."
"Ze," I say before I walk over and sit next to him. "You know he didn't mean to throw all of the blame on Mike for what happened in Mini's case. Hell, it wasn't even Mike decision to not go to court."
"Exactly! He has no say in that! All he can do is find the evidence, and figure out who did the crime, that's it!"
"And I'm sure he will realize that later; but right now, he's hurting."
Ze sighs and looks down to his hand. "I know... I just wish I kept my mouth shut."
Just as fast as he sat down, he stands back up. "I should get this cleaned up as soon as I get home."
I nod and stand up as well, gently putting my hand back on Ze's back as we walk to the back door and walk out. However, as soon as we open the door, we're shocked to see everyone still in the parking lot. Not only that, but everyone is still, and they are all staring in one direction. I follow their eyes and let out a loud gasp at what I see before I start running around everyone.
When I finally get to where everyone is looking, I can't help but feel my blood turn cold as I see Tyler, standing next to my car, Brock and Lui standing just a few feet away from him, and Jonathan standing right in front of him.
"How the fuck do you know about all of that shit," Tyler yells at him. "I never told you shit about what happened here!"
"I know," Jonathan calmly says. "That actually why I'm here. I wanted to see," as he talks, I can see his eyes scan around. When they land on me, he stops talking and just gives me a warm smile.
Tyler follows his gaze, but when he sees me, his glare turns ice cold. He then quickly jumps in between Jon and I and pushes him away. "I already told you this shit once, you fucking retard! My co-workers are fucking off limits!"
"Look, Tyler, I'm not here to fight with you. I just wanted to make sure you and Evan were okay."
I feel my heart drop when he says my name and I start to see the gears slowly start to turn in Tyler's head. "What did you just say?"
"I just wanted to make sure that you and Evan were okay."
"How the fuck do you know Vanoss' name?"
Jon looks over to me, and I can only imagine what he is seeing. My horrified expression, my pale face from the blood being drained from my body. However, that isn't enough to stop him from saying, "Because, we've been dating for the last few months."
"You've what," I hear Tyler yell over the loud gasps that no one around us were even trying to hide.
"Look, I know that you don't want us to date for whatever reason, but you need to know. Evan and I have been dating since we met at Luke's party. Or, well, two days after. We've been working out really well. It's a healthy relationship; a few fights here and there, but we talk that shit out. We make each other happy and tell each other everything. He's even given me the courage to come out in our hometown. We honestly love each other."
Tyler stares at Jon for a while before he looks over his shoulder to me. I can see the anger boiling in his eye as he glares at me, making me shrink down to the size of an ant. I suddenly wish that I had gone back into the club when I saw Jon's truck.
"Is that true," Tyler growls at me. I just stare at him, afraid to speak. Afraid of how he will react.
Now is seriously not the time to be doing this.
"Tell me right now, Vanoss! Is that fucking true," he yells at me, causing me the flinch. My heart is pounding so hard. I feel like I'm shaking. I feel like I could have a panic attack. But somehow, I manage to nod my head, and that makes him look away from me.
"So, you two went behind my fucking back, and dated even after I told the both of you to stay away from each other?"
"Tyler, I get it. You didn't want us to date because thing could get awkward if we were to break up, and you didn't want to be in an uncomfortable thing if we were to break up or whatever, but Evan and I have been really good for each other. Besides, we're all adults here-"
"Shut the fu- wait... did you just say we're all adults here?"
Jon raises an eyebrow, but says, "Yeah. We're all adults here, and we can-"
"Shut the fuck up, you retard!" Tyler turns around to me and asks, "Did you not tell him?"
I feel a lump hit my throat, but I force out the words, "I was going to tell him."
"But you didn't?" I shake my head. Suddenly, Tyler starts shaking his head, and he starts laughing. This honestly scares me more than when he was yelling at us. "Holy fuck, you seriously think your in a fucking healthy relationship with this fucker!"
"What are you talking about," Jon asks, a bit considered.
"This mother fucker has been lying to you, dumbass!"
The pieces quickly fall into place, and I run over and grab Tyler's shoulder. "No, please don't," I beg, but Tyler pushes me behind him with just enough force that I trip over my own feet and hit the ground.
When I look up, I see Jon take a step towards me, but he is stopped by Tyler, who steps in front of us. "How old do you think Vanoss is?"
"What?"
"How old do you think he is?"
"He told me he was twenty-one."
Tyler starts laughing again, which echoes far too much in the packed parking lot. It's then that I can feel everyone's eyes stick to me. "Twenty-one," Tyler laughs as he turns back around and glares at me. "Is that how old you are now? You're old enough to drink and go clubbing all night? Is that it? You're old enough to fuck my friends now?!"
"Tyler please," I beg, trying not to cry as I start to pick myself up.
Tyler turns back to Jon and says, "Well there's something you should know before you put your dick in him if you haven't already. Vanoss has been lying to you about his age."
"What," Jon asks, confused.
"He's not twenty-one. This fucker isn't old enough to drink, or touch alcohol. Hell, he isn't even old enough to fucking vote. He's only seventeen."
"What," Jon asks, laughing. "That's the dumbest piece of bullshit you've ever pulled out of your ass, Tyler."
"You don't believe me," Tyler asks, turning to the side, but keeping his eyes on Jon. He then takes a few steps back, putting us in perfect view of each other as he says, "Why don't you ask him yourself?"
Jon looks over to me, and I melt. His beautiful blue eyes are practically pleading with me to tell him that what Tyler was saying was not true. "Ev?... How old are you?"
I can see hope shining in his eyes. Hope that I'll say twenty-one again. Hope that Tyler is lying. Hope that this is all some sick joke. However... almost everyone around us knows the truth. And the ones who don't... they're about to learn the truth.
Trying to fight back my tears, I keep my eyes locked with his as I say, "... I'm sorry... I wanted to tell you."
Instantly I see that shine dull out of his eyes as they grow wide in shock and horror. I can see that his mind is jumping back to the past few months. Every heated kiss we shared, every make-out session we had, every time he tried to make a move on me and he grabbed my hips or thigh. Every move, every kiss, every grab, every grind, it was all flashing back to him, and he had to cover his mouth before he turned away from me. He started shaking his head before he looked up to Brock and Lui. He then started looking around to everyone around us, and I see his face turn red and then pale.
He then looked back to Tyler and ask, "You've known?"
"Why do you think I didn't want you dating him?"
Jon looked back to me and I can see his beautiful blue eyes turn dark as he turns away and starts to walk away. Tears start to roll down my face as I run after him. "Jon, I'm sorry! Please believe me, I wanted to tell you!" When I catch up to him, I grab his arm, but he instantly pulls it away from me and he turns back to me.
"That's fucking bullshit, Evan," he yells at me. "Don't you dare tell me you were planning on saying shit to me when we've been dating for almost five fucking months! You had plenty of time to tell me the truth, and you fucking hid it from me! I flat out asked you how old you were and you lied to me!"
I flinch when he starts yelling, tears start falling faster, and I can feel my heart pounding so hard that it feels like it's going to break my ribcage. A fire is burning in his eyes, making me shrink even more than Tyler's glare did. I can see a mixture of feelings fueling that fire like dead trees in a wildfire. Anger, hurt, and embarrassment.
"Jon, please, just, let me explain. There's a reason I lied to you."
"I don't want to hear excuses, Evan! I don't want to hear any more lies, or whatever crap you try to pull out of your ass to get you out of this shit!"
"I swear, I'm not pulling anything. Please, just listen to me."
"Why are you even working in a place like this?! Why are you living in those apartments?! Was anything you ever told me true?!"
"I was trying to tell you all of this yesterday, Jon."
"Well, why didn't you?"
"You know why!"
"You could have told me after that!"
"I was in shock!"
"Right, right. And were you in shock over the past four fucking months we were dating?! Were you in shock when you started a fucking fight with me over not telling my family about you when I was still in the fucking closet?!"
I finally break eye contact with him after he says that. "Oh what?! I bring up a good fucking point and you go silent?! You had plenty of time to tell me this, and you stayed quiet! But when I was scared to come out, you still picked a fight with me for not telling my family about you!" He starts walking closer to me, causing me to look back up to him. "Speaking of families, where the fuck is yours?! Do you know how worried they probably are for you?!"
I look back down. "I have an idea for my mom, but I doubt my dad ever cared."
"Oh right; let me guess. Your dad was a hardass on you, and you got pissed off after he yelled at you for something stupid, so you ran away? Is that it?"
"What," I say, looking back up to him. "No! That's not even close!"
"How would I know if that's not true?! Hell, how can I believe anything else that comes out of your mouth?!" He shakes his head and turns away from me again, walking back to his truck. "I can't believe I got fucking played by a stupid seventeen-year-old."
"Stupid," I repeat, feeling my heart start to ache.
"Yes, stupid," Jon turns back to me and yells. "What?! You think because you have your own apartment, own your own car, and work at this place that you're suddenly smarter than the average teenager?! Wrong! No matter what problems you thought you had back at your parents' house, there were a million other things you could have done to fix those problems! You picked the easy way out! And after running away from home, you end up in a place like this, wearing hardly anything night after night, while grown men undress you with their fucking eyes! You're making them even bigger perverts than they really are, and that's fucked up! You could have ruined anyone's fucking life, and out of everyone in the fucking world, you picked me to fuck over! I did a lot of shit to you, but if we went any further, I would be arrested and called a pedophile! I would be on the sex offenders list! The chances of me joining the military would be destroyed! A lot of branches in the military will tell you that you can never join with something as big as this on your record! You could have literally destroyed my future!"
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up from how crushed I felt from his words. I never wanted any of that to happen. I didn't want to scare him or make him feel like this. God, I wish I told him sooner.
"Jon, I'm sorry."
"This isn't something a sorry can fucking fix, Evan!" He then unlocks and opens his truck door. "Stay the fuck away from me! If you couldn't fucking tell, we're fucking done!"
After he says that, he jumps into his truck and slams the door shut. Seconds later, I'm stuck, frozen in place as I watch him peel away, driving as fast as he could to get away from me.
I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I can hear whispers all around me. Slowly, I feel my heart beat less and less. I feel it start to crack, piece by piece. I feel my legs start to get weaker by each passing moment. I feel the tears start to gather up in the corners of my eyes, blurring my vision. It isn't until Brock walks up to me and calls my name that I finally break completely. I fall to my knees, feel my heart shatter completely in my chest, and cover my face with my hands as I start sobbing so loudly that it sounds like I'm screaming.
Brock, Lui, and Ze all run over and hug me tightly, all of them trying to claim me down. However, I just keep crying. It feels as if someone ripped my heart out of my chest. I feel as if I've lost everything. Even with everyone around me, I feel so cold and alone.
"You son of a bitch," I suddenly hear Brock yell before he lets me go. I look up and through my blurry vision, I see him run up to someone and slap them across their face, causing a loud smack to echo throughout the parking lot, mixing with my crying. "How could you do something so fucked up?!"
"Fucked up," I then hear Tyler yell. "How can you say what I did was fucked up?! He just fucked my God damn friend!"
"Dated, asshole! Not fucked! Dating someone under eighteen isn't illegal if they are close in age! Three years is still legal! They just couldn't have sex!"
"You expect me to believe-"
"They both had said they never had sex! They did things, but never had sex!"
"Well Delirious deserved to know the truth!"
"Then they should have been taken to the side you should have made Evan tell him! Look around! There are twenty-five people here, and they all watched as your friend was told something they all already knew, and watched him break up with Evan! You know what's worse than finding out that your boyfriend lied to you?! Finding out in front of an audience!"
"S-stop," I stutter out through my tears.
"I only did what I thought was right!"
"Well, there were a million better ways to go about it!"
"S-stop it," I say, a bit louder.
"Look, maybe I didn't do it in the best way possible, but how do you think I fucking feel about learning that two of my fucking friends went behind my back?!"
"Well, you're not winning any best friend awards tonight! After all, you only caused a break-up, humiliated two people, and caused one of them to collapse into a pile of tears in a puddle of oil!"
"Stop it," I say again, louder.
"I get that you're upset about losing Mini, and that your emotions are all on edge, but that doesn't mean you have to be a jackass to the people around you! Especially when they care about you and only want to help you! Jonathan came here because he was worried about how you were doing! Evan has always made it clear that he cares about you! And in return, you break them up! Imagine how Mini would feel if he could see you now!"
"Stop it," I scream out, finally getting them to stop and both turn to me. Tears still pour down my face with no way for me to stop them, but, through them, I say, "It's not his fault. He's right. I shouldn't have said yes to dating Jon. I should have told him the truth. I was being selfish. And now," I can't even finish the last sentence. I just feel my heart get stabbed the more I think about Jonathan's words. And the idea of him actually being gone, it just feels like there is actually a knife that's in my heart and it's being twisted around and around ripping it into pieces.
Ze starts hushing me, petting my hair and holding me close to him, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder, while Lui hugs me tightly and gently rubs my back.
Footsteps come closer to me and I feel someone slip their hand into my back pocket and pull out my car keys. I don't open my eyes to see who it was, nor do I even care at this point. However, I know that I had nothing to worry about when I hear Brock yell from behind me, "Alright, here's the deal! We are all going back home and we are not going to talk about this when Panda is around! You," Brock yells before I hear him throw something to someone. "I know damn well that you two came together, so I want you to drive Evan's car back to the apartments!"
"Why don't we just leave it here for the night?"
"When has Evan ever left his car here?! He worked every day and saved up his tips for eight months to get that thing! He would never just leave it anywhere overnight!"
I then feel Brock gently put his hand on my shoulder and he tells me, "You'll be okay. I promise." He then asks Ze and Lui, "Can one of you drive him home?"
"I'll do it," Ze instantly volunteers. He and Lui then help get me to my feet and they lead me to Ze's car. They then help me into the car and even buckle me in before shutting the door.
I try to open my eyes, but the burning causes me to close them again, and the continuous twisting knife in my heart just keeps the tears flowing. I pull my knees up and hold them close to my chest, allowing myself to cry into them. The driver side door opens and closes, and Ze reaches over and starts rubbing my back. "Don't worry, buddy. We'll be here for you."
After a minute of just sitting in the car as he rubs my back, telling me that "everything will be okay" and "we're going to be here for you", I finally run out of tears to cry. Putting my feet back on the floor, I look out of the window and see that everyone else drove back to the apartments already. Ze pats my back before he starts up his car and starts the drive back to the apartments. We stay silent for a while, but after a bit, Ze says, "So... you're the Evan Fong."
I know what he means instantly, so I answer, "Yeah. I am." I then look over to him and ask, "Are you going to tell Mike?"
"... I don't know."