I believe that there is an error in my system.
There clearly must be something wrong with me, maybe it's a malfunction.
I settle my tired eyes on the curtains that flutter and twirl in the breeze, I walk towards them to pull them aside, all to be set in the view of my open balcony. It felt as though it was calling to me before, I ached to step forward. Then, the cold bit my skin.
Normal human's do not work like me, do they? Get married, have a life, not being hidden in a huge house by someone you call your best friend.
He told me. He told me...'-gay people make no sense to me, the bible clearly states that man and woman are supposed to be together.' but, what about if you... can't help it?
I often think about God, according to how I was brought up, he is real. God created me wrong though. Everything about me must be wrong.
I like him, I like him so much it feels wrong, it aches in my chest. I scream with all that's left in my lungs and it rings out throughout the green land, echoing off to nowhere.
I suppose nobody can hear me.
He was the one who told me.
The one who made my life a sin. Jaehyun.
I clutch onto the black metal railing that is so old the chipped paint crumbles at my fingertips. It's a nasty feeling to be honest.
The sky went grey as the ominous clouds covered the only source of light, it gradually shadowed over the land. Gently fell the small drops of water onto the ground. I looked up to the heavens.
God, what do you mean?
The wind makes my flannel fly vigorously along with the hair on my head. It makes the little hairs on my body stick up in a shield. I feel myself shiver.
'Tae, what do you think you're doing?'
I pivoted my head and body, to see how he stood there. His hair catching the breeze from my end. I say nothing.
'Taeyong, get back inside.' He, Jaehyun demanded.
I turned my head back around and closed my eyes to stop the tears, how could I cry like a baby in front of his beauty.
He was something I couldn't have. The lost treasure of someone which is found by another explorer.
'Tae, here, now.' He ordered me.
I ignored him, this left him in a bigger temper because I hadn't listened to his orders.
Go away, before it's too late.
The young master's words: 'Taeyong.' He swiped his hand towards me and grabbed my arm forcing me inside. 'Hug me.' He looked directly at me, forcing me to look.
I frowned, allowing him hug me.
Stop making it worse. Please.
He moved away after a while. 'Your hair is all wet.' He pointed out an obvious fact while stroking my dampened hair.
I looked down.
You're so stupid, stop. Stop it now.
My heart pounded faster, but it only aches more. I could no longer hold the tears back, my eyes stung so bad that I cried, right in front of him. I'm just his cry-baby toy.
He watched as one tear fell to the ground from my face, I wiped the rest off before he could. 'Why is it that you're crying. Are you seriously thinking about it, again?!' He asked, his temper exploding.
'It's awfully cold-' I made an excuse, the excuse was right in another meaning also. 'I have a cold, I mean.' I corrected nervously, making it sound more like I am not a wimp to everything I am in the presence of but a fool at the same time.
He made a grunt. 'Go to sleep.' He walked away from me, closing the doors to the balcony and storming out of my room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
I am just his prisoner now... But I always have been, especially for the 9 years I have known him for.
I still love him, even when he struggles to put his emotions across.