Mine | Jaeyong

Chapter 36

They say to forgive and forget.

Taeyong's life crumbled from the seems just like that. He wondered what he had done wrong or what he could have done to stop Jaehyun, after all he was the one who seemed calm about this situation, there were undetectable thoughts swimming in his head.

It felt like, like... He didn't write that letter.
But of course...

He did.
Because that was his writing.

That was his beautiful joined up writing that could've took years to perfect. That writing Taeyong was jealous of because his was so scruffy and messy. Why was he thinking about that letter so much? It was just a piece of paper... Nothing more. They said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, but of course that is wrong because the thing that hurted more than Doyoung shoving his head down a toilet was the things Jaehyun had written.

Why had he become so obsessive?

It wouldn't leave him, the letter. He could hear Jaehyun's voice in the back of his head reading it out as a painful reminder.

Perhaps, this whole toilet shenanigan was only karma for him. He did something wrong, he must have. Now he's paying for doing wrong... He hoped... If Doyoung hadn't pulled him out of the water, maybe if he drowned- just he would escape... He didn't want to think like that but something deep in his head thought about it. What if...

He couldn't hear out of one ear and it felt like he was drunk, but really he was so tired his body was about to give up.

Mark had wrestled Doyoung into a wall. 'I said get off of my friend! He doesn't deserve this!' - but Mark... I do.

There was a whistle and suddenly they had all surrounded him, a flock of boys who's intentions were only harm to him, because they thought he was just so devastating they should punish him, for being this way, for being born like that. 'Because God hates him.'

Taeyong could run? But that would be more fun for them, as well as that he was ganged up on in a gap were there was no way out.

'Oh look, he's so pathetic, those books won't save you.' Ryan was brutal, Taeyong was hugging the books tightly to his chest and he wondered whether he could do anything without being made fun of or called out for it.

Books can save you, he thought, because I can escape this... Through there. He couldn't tell them, they'd make his punishment more nasty.

It hurt, that time it hurt.

They had scissors in their hands and they began making an uneven cut to his long hair. Snip, snip, snip. If they kept doing this then he wouldn't be able to hide behind his face using his hair, because it was cut so they could see his eyes, his frightened eyes, like a captured cow in a slaughterhouse.

Life was hard to live.

How long could he go on like this... How frustrating... Because he thought his voice couldn't be heard.

He felt the same now. Helpless.

That was until he realised how Mark had his back. He suddenly had a strong loyalty for this guy because of how he suddenly was safe in his presence. But he didn't have feelings for him, it was just, because he felt safe around him now. He wouldn't leave Mark's sight, and actually Mark preferred it that way.

The days went like that... He felt safe, but still down.

Taeyong had then realised how school slipped like sand between his fingers. It was the last day of school now, the days went by, it was also his birthday this last day, how unlucky, he should've been born a day late. Eighteen, wow... What happened for him to have survived all of those years with so much pain?

He felt like a warrior.
He survived all of this, and he suddenly felt proud of his existence.

But how many days would he spend without hearing a word from Jaehyun, or without knowing a thing about Jaehyun, or just... How many days would he spend without seeing him. Just seeing him... Maybe that would put his damned thoughts to rest and maybe he would grow out of his paranoia because he knew Jaehyun was okay. Was he? Was he happy? Was he laughing, smiling and enjoying his day? Was he angry or torn? Wait, or did he feel like Taeyong? No. If he could leave that letter, then he obviously was fine. That hurts. It's not fair.

He always left letters, Jaehyun.
Even as a kid, because he struggled with showing his emotions in words, he could only write them down and it would always end up saying nothing to do with how he was feeling and was sometimes even taken the wrong way.

Taeyong hoped it was the same in his situation.

He still had hope for them.

He would one day, find Jaehyun... Married or unmarried, maybe Jaehyun would even be a father or a huge business man or the opposite, he would still hug him, without Jaehyun's order to it. He would hug him and then maybe kick him for everything he did, maybe he would add a slap to Jaehyun's face too. But, he also felt like he had to kiss him, and check if there was anymore emotion there.

God, I love him.
Please.