Contains self harm and things that make you guys feel upset or uncomfortable.
By Dorota the picture.
_________
The way they look at me as if I did something wrong, the way the point and stare. The way I see myself when I look myself in the mirror. How the cuts on my arms look so bad that I use magic to cover them.
The way I think of myself, the way I talk about myself. Everything hurts!!! It hurts to not love myself to put on a fake smile on every day. How I say I'm fine every time someone notices my smile gone.
________
"Y/N, you alright you haven't responded." Albums waved a hand in my face as he sat beside Scorpius and the other Weasley-Potters in the Gryffindor common room.
"I'm fine Al, just kind of tired." I yawned hoping they didn't notice how fake it was.
James frowned slightly, "Alright, maybe you should head upstairs for the night." I shook my head.
"I have to finish my potions essay." Lilly snatched my parchment, "That's more than what he asked for." I shrugged, "It needs an ending."
"I can do that for you, go to sleep." James took the parchment and began to write on it.
"Alright then, Goodnight." I heard a series of Goodnights as I headed upstairs.
As always I grabbed my clothes and walked into the bathroom. A large mirror stood in front of me. Sighing I began to undress, when I was just in my under garments I sighed, staring in the mirror.
"I'm still fat, I haven't eaten in 5 days. Oh my gosh how am I supposed to get James like this." I stared into the mirror.
Who are you? I thought staring at my face on the mirror, this isn't me!
I began to cry as I slowly pulled on my baggy clothing, sweats and a t-shirt. Again I stared at myself, "I'm not helping my case dressing like this." Crossing my arms.
I just slowly sunk down to my knees and began to cry quietly so if someone came up they wouldn't hear. When I regained my composure I stood, grabbing my razor, I put it to my arm.
"What's the point it only helps for a second?" I asked myself.
"But it stops hurting for a second and you like when you feel good." I nodded and slide it across. I started to bleed, I cried softly as I cleaned everything up.
"Y/N, James is calling you are you alright in there, I heard crying?" Lilly asked knocking on the door.
"I'm fine Lilly, I just accidentally cut my arm, it hurt so much I started to cry. But I've cleaned in up, I'm alright now." Using a quick spell I was clean, no blood, and no tear stains.
Stepping out I followed Lilly downstairs, "Y/N you have my shirt, I've been looking for it." James handed me my papers while looking at the shirt.
"Why is there blood on my shirt?" I looked at the spot he was looking at.
"She cut her arm on something in the bathroom." Lilly explained, James nodded understanding.
"I'll clean it, later." James smiled, "Go back to sleep." I smiled and walked back upstairs this time to my bed.
Next Week
I was staring into a mirror, those were what seemed to trigger here but it's not just my own thoughts. People stared at me as I walked through halls as I just nearly made it through my day. Those vial Slytherins that made me uncomfortable with myself, finally came to ruin the day for me.
"Look at Y/N, the ugliest Gryffindor of the century. How can someone so ugly be excepted into this school?"
"Just because this school lets anyone in now on days." The other said.
"Can I go? I've had a really rough day today." I asked softly on the verge of tears.
"No, you stupid worthless bi-." This point I stared to cry remembering everything that has ever hurt me.
"Oi, Leave Y/N alone." James, Albus, Lilly, Fred Jr., and Scorpius all ran over Rose trailing behind them.
The two Slytherin boys ran away clearly out numbered as I began to fall but I was caught my James, "H-hey Love, what did they say? Ar-are you alright? Let me help you-."
"Leave me alone please!" I shout wiggling out of James arms, I stood up and ran to Moaning Mrytles bathroom.
I stared into the mirror, lifting my sleeves I grabbed a shard of broken glass from the ground, "What the hell are you doing?" I froze looking up from the mirror, seeing James staring at me in horror.
"N-nothing." I cry, he ran over taking the glass, now you could see the cuts as I took of the spell.
"Y/N! Why? How long?"
"I'm not fine James! I act fine and p-put on a fake smile, everyone's happy right. Not me! Ev-Everything hurts James. I don't like it, this helps me!" I cry as he pulled me into his arms.
"Your oka-."
"No I'm not! James help me!" I held him tightly to my body. "I'm ugly and no one loves me. I-I want to die." Sinking out of his grip, he held me till we were on the ground.
"I love you, Y/N with all my heart, I promise you that I will help you." James whispered in my ear.
"W-Why would you want to? I'm a monster that hurts herself!"
"Because I already told you, that I love you, But first you need to love yourself before we can be together. Will you give me enough time to make you feel good, without the cutting." James pulled back.
"Okay, James. I-I love you too."
We sat there the rest of the night, he whispered sweet things to me. Telling me I mattered and I believed him. Because I loved him. Even if Everything hurts, it wouldn't hurt anymore as I know that James Sirius Potter loves me.