OPENING MY EYES, THE first thing I do is smile.
I'm not quite sure if what happened yesterday actually happened, or whether it was the beer I drank, but I think I made a leap with Tessa yesterday. I really hoped I hadn't been dreaming, because for the first time in forever I felt truly happy.
And, as a bonus, I actually didn't feel too bad either. I'd had shots before we even left, and had chugged about sixteen beers by the time I took Matt home. So the fact I felt vaguely okay felt somehow too good to be true. Maybe it's luck heading my way...
Pulling back the covers, I remember I'd fallen asleep in my jeans, so my first job of the day was to find my emergency pile of clothes. I didn't want to go downstairs smelling like beer, so I wasn't going down until I'd showered and freshened up more. I could smell beer on my jeans, so when I strip them off I throw them in a pile for washing for later when I got home.
I find the pile, but I also find Matt asleep on the mattress I usually sleep on.
I have no idea what time he came up last night - I must have been out for the count. I feel bad, given it's his bed, but Tessa and I weren't expecting him to move in the night. He didn't stir once while I was carrying him. Plus, if he'd really wanted it, he could have woken me up and I would have moved. But he didn't.
He looks awful, so I get my stuff and leave as quietly as I can, allowing him an extra lie-in and some much needed recuperation time.
Yesterday was a weird day, but I'm choosing to focus on the good points. I finally opened my eyes to something, someone incredible, but now I have no idea how to broach that subject with Tessa. I was quite a few beers deep yesterday while we'd had our conversation, so I don't want her to think I've forgotten it. I haven't and I can remember every single minute of it.
Having said that, during the conversation I could not have been more sober at the thought of her liking me back.
As I jump in the shower, mine and Dee's conversation bounces back into my head.
Dee had been something else yesterday. I was already sick and tired of her games for while, and her mood swings these days were giving me whiplash.
She was hot one minute, trying to rip my clothes off, and then the next she was jumping down my throat for trying to protect her dignity, and I just didn't understand anymore. Then to top it all off she'd been incredibly rude to Millie, who was only letting me know that her and Tessa were going home, not asking me to go home with them.
I had been wondering last night, on our walk home, whether to break it off altogether.
I could just text her this morning and that would be it. But I couldn't do that. I need to do it face to face. I want to give her a chance to explain her behaviour. And she's wouldn't talk me out of it, not this time. It wasn't just down to last night, this tension had been building for a couple of months now, and she needed to answer for the stunts she'd pulled since coming back to school, once and for all.
Once out of the shower, I head back to Matt's room and notice he's up on his bed. I wasn't that long, so he must have been aware of me leaving.
He'd drunk the untouched glass of water by the bed, but I was glad he had. He needs the hydration more than I did. He looked slightly better this morning, but he still looked rough.
***
I WAS JUST SHOVING on my tracksuit bottoms when a knock comes from the door. My heart quickens, thinking it could be Tessa.
"Knock, knock," I hear Millie's voice through the door and wipe the disappointment from my face as she sticks her head in the gap. "How we feeling this morning?"
I laugh when a groan come from up in the bed when she sits down hard on the mattress on purpose. He pulls the covers higher, protesting the unwelcome movement.
"This one passed out," I chuckle, pointing to him with my thumb.
"Yeah I know," she says, keeping her voice low. "Tessa said she was coming to find you... Then she got into bed about two hours later," she nudges me in the side. "What did you two get up to last night?" She whispers with a wink.
"Shush..." I put my finger to my lips. I don't want Matt to hear. "And nothing. We just talked."
"For two hours?" She raises her eyebrows questioningly.
I nod, pulling my clean shirt over my head. I hear her gasp slightly as she looks at the scars on my stomach and chest. I had four cigar burns on my upper chest, and then two close to my hip. She knew about the ones on my back, but I hated that she had to bear them same as me.
"How long did you end up staying after I left you?" She asks, thankfully dropping the subject of me and Tessa.
"Erm, maybe like half an hour? Dee and I had a huge fight after you left - she didn't want me to leave," I shrug, "then I carried this one home," I jerk my thumb in Matt's direction, talking louder than necessary.
"Guys..." we hear his voice from behind us. "Take your conversations elsewhere. I know I drank a lot. There's no need to keep telling people you carried me home. You did it, I'm grateful, now piss off," he moans and pulls the duvet over his head again.
"Wow... Touchy!" I chuckle, but I get up anyway. I could smell food downstairs, and my stomach was growling. "I think we should leave him to his hangover, don't you?" I joke to Millie.
She grins and slips out the room before me. "I'll bring up some coffee for you," I say on my way out, knowing I'll probably forget by the time I get downstairs. The combination of bacon and seeing Tessa was enough to overload my brain.
I could hear Tessa laughing with her dad, and I smile at how beautiful her laugh is. Millie heads down before me, but I wait on the stairs a few seconds longer, preparing myself for the sight of her.
It sounds like Andrew is doing a play-by-play from Brighton's match yesterday. I'd been keeping an eye on it from my phone while I was doing homework, before Tessa and Matt arrived at our house. But it was nil-nil last time I checked, so Arsenal must have scored quite late on.
"Well, all I can say is that Aubameyeng scored me 12 points, so although I'm of course sad you lost, I'm currently beating Archie and Matt. Which never happens," she giggles, sounding so sarcastic it kills me.
I take my phone out to check, and sure enough she actually was. Although she has one player in her team that's playing today, whereas Matt and I both have four, so we should pip her by the end of the day. It made me laugh though. After joining up to play Fantasy Premier League with us in August, resenting it, she was now clearly enjoying it.
"So you're beating us, huh?" I ask, moving to take the seat next to her, dropping my arm across the back of her chair.
Her expression changes, and she looks at me the same way she had yesterday. My heart rate accelerates and it's thundering in my ears.
"Yup," she recovers. If I'm not mistaken, I think she leans into me slightly.
I shake my head, just staring into her green eyes.
"You hungry Archie?" Andrew asks me and I remove my arm as Tessa leans forward.
"Starving," I grin, tearing my gaze away from her. "What's going?" I stand up and walk to where he is.
"Could do more bacon sandwiches? I've already had one," he taps his stomach with a grin. "Millie, Tessa, do you want one?" He calls over his shoulder.
"Oooh! I will," Tessa grins but I can see Millie shaking her head.
"I won't Andy," she's holding her stomach and she does look a bit peaky. "I actually don't feel too great, so I might just head back up to bed."
"Oh okay... Well, have a look in the cupboard over there," he points, "and see if there's anything in there that will help you feel better. Is it your head?" He assumes, probably correctly, that she's hungover.
"No," she shakes her head, "my stomach. It's just come on and I already feel awful."
"I hope I haven't given you my bug," Tessa says nervously, chewing her bottom lip. She walks over to the cupboard and pulls down the box for Millie. I suppose having a GP for a dad, you would always have lots of medication in here.
She finds the Ibuprofen and takes two over the box for Millie, who gladly accepts them and takes two. "Man it came out of nowhere," she moans, holding her stomach as she takes a large sip.
"Don't worry," Andrew says. "Take the guest room and I'll be up to check on you in a bit," he smiles, and I am so grateful to him.
When we're ill at home, Dad isn't quite so helpful. He claims we're trying to get a free day off school, but believe me we'd rather not take days off it means being alone in the house with him, especially when no one else is around. I hate being sick, and thankfully I barely am.
Millie disappears up the stairs, holding her stomach, and I look up after her worriedly. But when she reaches the landing, she turns back and winks at me, and I have no idea why.
I sit back down at the table whilst Tessa puts the box back, still confused, so I text her surreptitiously as the sounds and smells of cooking bacon continue to make my stomach grumble even more.
What was that about? Are you okay? xx
The three dots dance immediately and her reply comes a few seconds later.
I do have a tummy ache... but you'll thank me in a minute 😏 I'll be okay, don't worry 😃 xxx
I shake my head, putting my phone back in my pocket as Andrew puts a perfectly cooked bacon sandwich in front of Tessa and me. The smells in the kitchen are amazing, and I could really get used to this.
"So, what are you two kids up to today?" He asks, taking a seat opposite us.
I shrug, "Erm..." I answer as there isn't a formal plan. With Matt not awake, we can't really do anything as a group because if he wakes up and find we've gone out without him he'd probably be pissed. "Nothing really. Tess?"
"Well," she turns her head briefly to look at the stairs, "I was supposed to go shopping with Millie, but I guess I'm not now."
My mind clicks, and I now see what Millie means. She's giving me a reason to spend an afternoon on my own with Tessa, and I absolutely love her for it.
"Do you mind if I come?" I ask, turning to look at her.
She turns her head and gives me a surprised look, but a small smile plays on her lips when she nods shyly.
"Yeah, that sounds great."
"Awesome. Yeah I need some stuff for school, new football boots for one, so now's a good a time as any," I turn away from her and grin at Andrew, who is now sporting a knowing smile. "Andrew, this is so good."
He bows slightly, "Bacon sandwiches are my specialty."
Tessa sniffs a laugh as she takes a large, unattractive bite of hers, butter dripping down her chin.
***
"ARE YOU BASICALLY READY?" She asks once she's cleared most of her sandwich. She'd handed the rest of it to me and I was finishing the final bite.
I nod, "Just need to change my trousers, but yeah," I say, trying not to spray her with breadcrumbs.
"Cool," she says, grinning as she goes back to her crossword.
"Leave in twenty minutes? What time does Stratford open?" I'd guessed that's where we were going.
"It's open now technically, but shops open at twelve as it's Sunday," she tucks her leg underneath her. I check my watch and it's just gone eleven.
Shoving the last of my sandwich in my mouth, I squeezed her shoulders as I get up and go upstairs to brush my teeth. On my way past, I see Millie in Tessa's room, so I stick my head round the door.
"Sis, I have no idea why you did that... But thank you," I wink at her and give her a thumbs up. I hear her giggling as I head off to change into my jeans.
When I get to his bedroom, Matt is dead to the world, snoring like a freight train, so I pull on my trousers without worrying about making a noise and then go to brush my teeth.
Ten minutes later, I'm downstairs, shrugging into my big coat whilst Tessa shrugs into hers, putting her Timberlands on. She grins at me as she grabs the door and her bag.
"Dad, do you need anything?" She calls over her shoulder.
"Nope. Have fun guys," he calls from the kitchen.
I wave as I shut the door behind me. "Train?" I ask, tucking her under my arm.
"Train," she replies immediately, and I'm glad for it. It's easier to look at her this way.
We go the back way to the station, which takes ten minutes rather than 25, and we're laughing all the way. I never realised how funny she could be when she's completely at ease. She's not afraid to laugh at herself, and I really love that in a girl.
When we get to the station, we've only got a couple of minutes to wait until the train. We're lucky where we live because it's only about forty minutes to London from here, and we only live two stops away from each other. So, as we wait, I put my arm around her and she leans into me, lacing the fingers of my hand that's draped over her shoulder with hers, and I smile. I don't know what's happening, but I know I like it.
"Hey, where'd you go?" She asks, and I notice she's looking up at me, her eyes inquisitive and beautiful.
"I'm here," I smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
As I look at her, I notice she hasn't got any make-up on, but she still looks incredible. I find I'm kicking myself again for not noticing what was right in front of me all along. I'd known her for so long I just figured she couldn't be anything more than my friend, but now I was realising otherwise.
"Cold today, huh?" I wrap my arm tighter around her, pulling her to me, and I grin goofily as I feel her arms go round my middle, snuggling into my big coat and into the warmth of my arms. I want to kiss her head, but the train pulls in and she moves away from me to get on before I can do anything.
The heat is blasting on the train, and after just one stop I'm regretting my decision to wear my big coat. Once we start shopping we'll both regret the big coats, but somehow I found I wouldn't mind holding her coat, if it made her happy.
I'm not sure why she's changed her tune today, but I don't mind it. I do have a small twinge of guilt over what happened with Dee, but it's not as if I'm kissing Tessa. Well, I probably will at some point, but not until I've spoken to Dee. I owe her that much.
***
I TRY TO FOCUS on the girl sitting in front of me, looking out the window at the houses and businesses flying by at each train stop, and with every second and every smile she gives me, it makes me want her more and more.
"So, we aren't going to be visiting too many shops today are we?" I ask, taking a seat in the well next to the door now that it's vacant.
She follows me over and stands directly in front of me, in between my legs, her face about a foot from mine. It's loud on the tube, and the window next to us was open, so I was having difficulty hearing her. I put my hands on her hips as she leans closer to speak in my ear so I could hear her.
"You still a bit hungover?" She laughs, leaning in so her breath tickles my ear.
I sniff, nodding slightly. "Not too bad, but it could kick in at any moment... so take it easy on me."
She shakes her head but grins. "I only want to go to three, so we won't be too long."
"And those three are?" I ask curious. Dee would say we were going to three and then take two hours in each. I used to sit with the other boyfriends made to wait for their girlfriends and just try not to fall asleep.
"Gap, John Lewis and the Apple Store."
"Oh... Why Apple?"
"Dad's birthday is coming up, so Matt wants me to check out iPads for him. His is ancient."
"Ah yeah, shit, I forgot it 's his birthday. It's next week right?"
"Yeah, next Wednesday. Are you going to be around? I was either going to cook his favourite, Chicken Parmigiano... Or go out. Your mum can come too," she grins, taking a step towards me.
"Definitely, count us all in," I smile as the train moves, catching her off guard so she falls into me, in my arms, our noses grazing slightly.
I hear her breath catch in her throat as she recovers and pushes back, holding onto the two poles next to me, now keeping her distance. That one wasn't quite my fault, but I feel like we're both testing the waters today.
We didn't really say anything for the rest of the journey, as we were going in and out of tunnels, but we did steal glances at each other. Each one was filled with more heat than the last one, and by the time we got out of the train at Stratford, I felt like I was dizzy.
I had no idea what had got into her. I like this side to her. But as far as she knew I was still with Dee, but she was acting sexy and playful. Maybe it was because I'm now seeing her differently, and I was noticing it more. But then maybe this is what she's always like with me? Either way, I liked how she makes me feel like I'm wanted for the right reasons... and I hoped she felt the same.
***
WHEN WE GET THERE, Tessa heads straight to Gap, pulling me by my hand.
I'm quite happy to be pulled along by her to be honest, with her hand in mine. But I think she's trying to make this as painless as possible for me, which I actually find really adorable.
She unzips her coat as she moves with purpose through the shop until she gets to the section she wants.
Searching through the rows and racks, she finally finds what she's looking for, and smiles triumphantly. When she's gathered everything, she has three styles of cropped jeans, a couple of blue and white linen-looking shirts and then a long grey woolly jumper, all of which I knew would look beautiful on her.
Grinning, she strips off her coat and hands it to me, asking with smile if it's okay if I hold it. I take it from her without hesitation and follow her to the changing area, where I sit myself down on the seated area in the middle.
Waiting this time is different. This time, I'm not on my phone. This time I'm laughing and chatting with her as she tries on her outfits, showing me each outfit in a mini fashion show, and I love each outfit more than the last one. All have a hint of blue somewhere, and it is most definitely her colour. The trousers accentuate her slim and toned figure, and the bagginess of the shirts suit her as they catch slightly on her hips. She's never been one for wearing dresses a lot, but to be honest, I've always thought she looks good in anything. She'd be wearing a bin liner and look beautiful.
"What do you think? Which one did you prefer?" She asks once she's come out in her third outfit. It's the same pair of cropped jeans as the last outfit, but this time the shirt is plain white and then she's wearing the long, grey jumper as well. And with her hair tied up into a messy bun, and her bare feet, she looks completely stunning and for a moment I'm completely lost for words.
She's moving from side to side, looking at herself in the long mirror just outside the changing room, but she's grinning sheepishly as she catches me staring. All I can do is grin at her, trying to keep my wandering thoughts under control.
"I like all of them..." I shrug, regaining my composure, and I'm just glad I found my words.
"You are no help," she shakes her head and nudges my shoulder before bouncing back into the changing room. I just give her a bigger grin as she walks away, waiting for her to come out and to see which one she's actually picked. Personally I think she should buy them all.
When she emerges, she's only taking the first two outfits and the last shirt, but she doesn't take the jumper, so I make a mental note to come back for it later. She looked so good in it, so I'll buy it for her. I could see she loved it, but I don't push her on it, knowing I can surprise her with it later.
Once she's paid, she takes her coat back and my hand, and we move onto John Lewis and into the men's shirt area.
After less than an hour, I already love shopping with Tessa. She knows what she needs and doesn't faff around.
As we take a look, I'm not quite sure who the shirts are for, but I find myself perusing as well as holding the odd shirt up against me in the mirror. I didn't necessarily need any shirts, as Mum always brings us back loads from her shows, but these were brushed cotton ones and were undoubtedly warm for the winter months. I could potentially get away with it for school as well...
I hadn't realised she'd been watching me until I hear her behind me while I'm looking at a red, blue and white checked Barbour shirt. I'm really tempted, as I do really like it.
"Those colours look good on you. Why don't you go try it on?" she grins at me.
"You think?" I ask, looking at her in the mirror.
"Definitely," she beams, pushing me towards the changing rooms before I can protest.
"Alright, alright," I give up, taking off my coat and put it in her outstretched hands and I see her take a seat as I disappear around the corner.
As I look at myself, I do quite like the shirt, and as she gave me a brief fashion show, I decide to do the same.
"Well?" I ask giving her a spin, although I nearly slip in my socks.
She laughs, "Aw yeah! Looks great! I think it's a winner," she gives me the thumbs up.
"Winner?" I ask as she stands to brush my shoulders.
She nods.
"Aces," I beam, sliding back into the changing room.
"Alright, let's go pay," I take my coat back from her but notice she has a shirt in her hand. "Who's that for?"
"Dad."
I furrow my brow, "I thought you were getting him an iPad?"
"We are... or rather, we will. But I saw this one and knew he'd like it," she answers, surprising me by walking into my outstretched arm as we head to the tills. "I may wait until Christmas for the iPad, but it'll be good to see how much they are at least?" Her brow furrows, probably worrying about the price.
"We can chip in," I offer for myself and Millie. We need to get him something due to the fact he's looked after us this term more than actual parents had. "Although I don't know if an iPad is enough," I laugh. But it's true. I owe him everything and an iPad was nowhere near enough.
"He'll insist none of us get him anything. As always."
"I know, but he does deserve something. I'll talk to Millie later and we'll sort something by Wednesday," I say, offering her to go first as the salesperson calls 'next'.
I manage to finish first so I wait patiently for her at the end of the queue, texting Millie to ask about ideas for Andrew's birthday, saying we needed to think of something. If all four of us went in on the iPad he would probably complain less. But he did deserve something, as he's been amazing over the last two months.
"Hey, do you mind if I pee before we go to Apple? Those three cups of tea have caught up to me," she giggles.
"Yeah sure. Here give me those," I point to her shopping bags so she hands them to me. Her leaving actually gives me time to dash back into Gap and buy that jumper. "I'll see you next to Apple."
"Okay," she waves and runs off into the store in search of the loos.
***
WHEN I HEAD BACK into Gap, I can't find the jumper at first. But when I recognise of the assistants from earlier, I enlist her help.
"Hi," I approach her and give her an awkward wave.
She smiles at me, slipping in customer-facing mode.
"Hi, how can I help?"
"Um, yeah hopefully. I was in here with my... friend were in her earlier, and she tried on a long, grey jumper."
She narrows her eyes, trying to remember.
"It was a woolly one?"
Her eyes brighten at that as she remembers.
"Oh yeah, your girlfriend looked great in it.
I'm about to correct her, but instead I just smile and agree. "Yeah that's where I was hoping you could help?"
"Help?"
I nod, "Yeah I can't remember where it was," I admit, scratching the back of my head.
She laughs. "You mean those ones?" She points right behind me.
I turn around and shake my head, my cheeks heating in embarrassment.
"Well I feel like an idiot," I admit again.
She giggles but shrugs. "She picked up a medium. If that helps?"
I nod. "It does, thank you!"
I turn and look through the row of them, finding a medium sized grey jumper quite near the back. I hold it up in front of me to check it, and I grin as I know she'll love it. It's just as cute and stylish as I remembered, and it would really suit her.
I move to the till, following the same assistant and hand over the jumper to pay.
"Do you need a bag?" She asks, typing in the price.
I shake my head, "Nah it's okay. I'll put it in her original bag. Then she'll get a lovely surprise when she goes to find her stuff."
She croons, "I wish my boyfriend would do that for me." The sound of her calling me Tessa's boyfriend makes my heart jump, and I love it. I just hope
"That's £30 please." I hand my card over and tap my code into the machine.
"I really hope she likes it," she says as I place it carefully in Tessa's bag.
"Me too. Thank you again!" I wave as I exit the shop.
On my way back to Apple, I get a text back from Millie. It said that she'd have a think so I respond accordingly and smile as I shove it back in my pocket.
As I settle outside to wait for Tessa, my eyes unfortunately rest on a couple walking towards me. And definitely a couple I wasn't expecting to see together, let alone holding hands.
The two of them walk past me, the girl's head on the boy's shoulder, laughing about something, and I almost have to do a double take, thinking it can't be them.
It was Dee and Callum.