In the last week and a half, I've actually managed to do something productive with my life. I managed to move out of Zayn's place so I wouldn't be much of a burden to him anymore, as well as buy a used cheap car that is in pretty good condition. I also got a job at a little coffee shop. Now I live at my own house, can drive myself anywhere instead of walking, and I have a minimum wage job in just under two weeks. I felt like my life is actually starting to come back together.
Being busy with work and all, I haven't had the time to think about him very much. Okay no that was a lie. I still thought about him. Everyday. I mean how couldn't I? You can't just get over someone that amazing and perfect in so little time. I miss him everyday and everything just hurts from not feeling his touch or hearing his voice.
But, I was actually okay until he walked in with his stupid new boyfriend into my coffee shop. Of all the fucking coffee shops in this city you would think they'd go someplace else. I guess things just don't go the way I would like. I would know by now. I knew well more than enough.
I had my back turned making an espresso for another costumer when they walked through the door laughing with each other. I would know his laugh anywhere. I just wish he was laughing with me, not with Nick the prick.
I hesitated to turn around when they were next in line, but I knew I had to or else I would lose this job. Once I did, I flashed them the fakest smile I could manage. Their eyes grew wide at the sight of me.
"L-L-Louis. I didn't know you worked here now," Harry stuttered.
"Yeah, well I actually just got this job a few days ago. Anyways, what would you guys like?" I tried end the conversation as fast as I can. I knew if it continued any longer, I'd probably have a breakdown like any other time I saw him. I tried not to pay attention to Nick the prick, but it was pretty hard since he was throwing daggers at me with his eyes.
"I'll have a white mocha no whip cream," Nick the prick said flatly and put his arm around Harry's waist. Oh yeah. Did I mention he was a prick?
"I'll have just regular coffee," Harry said not taking his eyes off me.
"Not too strong though right? I know that's how you like it," I said. Oh fuck. Why did I just mention that?
"You remembered," Harry gave me a small smile.
"Yeah," I said flatly then turned around to make their drinks. I put their drinks on the counter then took Nick the prick's money.
They turned to walk away, and I silently thanked the gods until Harry turned back around.
"H-hey," he shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Hi," I said as I wiped the counter. It didn't need wiping I just couldn't face looking at him right now.
"I'm having a small party at my house tonight wanna come?" He asked.
"Sorry, 'm busy tonight," I lied.
"But Liam, Niall, and Zayn are going."
"Listen, I just can't okay?"
"You know Louis, I thought we could act like mature adults and just let this whole break up thing go. Put it behind us, but if you're going to lie and make some lame excuse you can't go just to avoid me, then fine. I guess we can stop being friends to," Harry crossed his arms.
"Who said we ever became friends after the break up? Because I know I didn't, and I know you didn't," I said coldly.
He didn't say anything else after that. He just scoffed. Nick the prick came over and led him out of the cafe. Good. Just fucking fantastic.
***
Later that night, I was just sitting at a bar taking down shots like they were nothing. After about 5, the dizziness and buzz set in. I took down about 5 more and drank a beer until I was wasted out of my mind. And this was the kind of wasted that you'd do something you'd regret in the morning. And I did exactly just that.
Since I was in no position to drive, I called a cab. An agonizing 18 minutes later, we were in front of Harry's house. I paid the cab driver and stumbled out of the tiny car. It's time to crash this fucking party.
I knocked on the door, and Niall opened the door while sipping on a beer.
"Hey man," I slurred and threw my arm over Niall's shoulder.
"Woah Louis, you're completely wasted. What are you doing here? Harry said you weren't comin'," my blonde friend said to me.
"People change their mind," I stumbled into the kitchen of Harry's house dragging Niall along with me.
"Just... be careful alright? Don't do anything stupid buddy," Niall said concerned.
"I won't. Don't worry," I rolled my eyes.
I heard yelling from the living room.
"What's going on in there?" I asked Niall.
"They're playing never have I ever. Wanna join."
"Fuck yeah I do!" I clumsily made my way over to the living room and plopped myself down on the couch next to Liam.
In the circle across from me, Harry saw me and I could tell he was shocked. Good. The reaction I was expecting.
"Aye Louis!" Liam yelled drunkenly.
"Hey bud," I patted him on the back.
"We're playing never have I ever. It's my turn right now. You'll go after me," Liam explained.
"Alright mate."
"Never have I ever gone to a strip club," Liam said. Afterwards, a few guys in the circle took a shot. Now it was my turn. This was gonna be good.
"Never have I ever tricked someone into believing I loved them then fucked them over afterwards," I smirked while looking at Harry's direction. He glared at me and took a shot.
The game went on until it reached Harry. He didn't have anything to say for a while, so somebody had to dare him to do something. A guy named Robin spoke up.
"I dare Harry to go into the closet over there," he gestured to a closet behind Harry, "and stay in there for 10 minutes."
"Easy," Harry smirked.
"With Louis," Robin finished.
The room went silent.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Nick the prick said.
"It's a dare he has to do it," Robin said.
Then everybody in the circle started chanting "do the dare" over and over until Harry finally agreed. I got up from the couch and followed him into the closet. Well this is going to be 10 minutes of absolute hell.
I tried to sit as far away from Harry as possible in the small closet. There was so much tension I could've suffocated that very moment. I tried not to look at him, but it was too hard. I shot him quick glances when he wasn't looking. Then he just stared at me. I didn't know if I should be uncomfortable or grateful.
"Lou.. I just wanted to say I-" He started.
"Dont. Call. Me. That."
"Don't call you what?"
"Lou. Don't call me Lou," my voice cracked.
"Sorry. Louis, I wanted to say sorry. You know I didn't want to hurt you. I just... I don't know. I still care about you. You know that right?" He tried to reach for my hand, but I jerked it back.
"Well you still did. Do you know how much hell I've been through these past few weeks? Do you know how many tears I've cried? Do you know how much pain I'm going through right now seeing you with that Nick guy, but wishing desperately it's me? Do you know how much I wish that you're still in love with me? Do you know how much it aches being with you in a small space alone and not being able to touch you? Do you kn-" I couldn't finish, because right then he leaned in and kissed me.
It was a sloppy and desperate kiss. Filled with pain and tears yet filled with relief and happiness also. It sobered me up a little bit. It got heated quickly and my hands wound up in his hair tugging at it, while his hands were wrapped around my waist. Maybe this wasn't hell after all. Actually, I was wrong. Harry pushed me away gently.
"I d- I didn't- I'm s-sorry. I didn't m-mean to do that," he flushed.
"What do you mean? You just did!"
"Well I didn't mean to. I have a boyfriend now. It was wrong. I'm sorry. L-let's just forget about this okay?"
"I will. If you just answer 2 questions."
"Okay. What are they?" He looked nervous. We were still sitting way too close to each other. I could feel his warm breath on my face.
"The first question is, are you happier with Nick than you were with me?" I asked without looking at him. He took a while to respond, but eventually he did.
"N-no," he uttered.
"The second question is, are you still in love with me?" I asked hoping he would say what I wanted to hear.
"No," he looked away.
"That's all I wanted to know," I said.
I stood up and opened the closet door. I ran out before I started crying like a fucking baby in front of everyone.
"Hey! The 10 minutes aren't up yet!" Robin yelled, but I didn't care.
Because that one word. That one no. It broke me. It broke me even more than I already was. And I couldn't take it any longer.
*****
Hey guys! So I have some very exciting news! 2 DAYS AGO ASHTON FOLLOWED ME AND I WAS SO SHOCKED SINCE HE DOESN'T FOLLOW FANS ALL THAT OFTEN AND I WAS LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY MOTHERFUCKING FOLLOWED ME AND I'M AT THE TOP OF HIS FUCKING FOLLOWING LIST RIGHT NOW AND I AM REALLY REALLY HAPPY OKAY. LIKE NOW I HAVE 1/5 AND 1/4 AND I COULDN'T BE MORE GRATEFUL AND I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH A REALLY SHITTY TIME THE PAST FEW WEEKS AND ASHTON MADE IT JUST A LITTLE BIT BETTER SO I'M REALLY REALLY HAPPY EVEN THOUGH I'M STILL GOING THROUGH SOME STUFF SO YEAH THAT'S ALL BYE I LOVE YOU.