"Why does this change things? I thought you said you wouldn't care if you knew who her father was?"
My heart skips a few beats out of fear and Thomas scratches the wood countertop with his index finger.
"That was before...when I thought he was some random person you met on tour or a guy you once talked to or something like that," he says but I was still confused.
"But why does Wesley change things?" I repeat and he slams his fist against the counter making me jump.
"BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU MATTY!" Thomas breaks the cool composition he was displaying to yell at me with his hand still curled into a fist.
"Wesley isn't a random sperm donor, a one night stand, or some fucking idiot who will never remember your name. He's the other half of your fucking heart, Christ Matty. That man loves you, he loves you unconditionally and will always love you until the day you die!" He adds with tears streaming down his face.
Maybe I was dense or insensitive, but I still didn't understand why he was so emotional.
"Try as I might... I am not Jaydean's father. I never was and I never will be. Jayde has a perfectly good father just waiting to hear of her existance. Who am I to take that away from her?" He cried and I suddenly understood.
"She has a father... and he's not here...not because he doesn't want to be, but because you refuse to tell him! It's wrong and you fucking know it!" He curses while gasping for air through his tears and hides his face in the palm of his hands.
I was in so much shock, that I didn't feel the tears dripping down my chin and falling to the table.
"And here we go again. Me and my stupid fucking ideas again, wanting to take care of you and love you but you were never mine. Neither of you were. I can buy you a house to hide and shelter you from the storm but I'm only standing here as a placeholder if anything until the real love of your life comes back and sweeps you off your fucking feet," he says and I quickly shake my head.
"No Thomas. You have it wrong, It's not-"
"SHUT UP!"
I do just that and he squeezes his eyes shut again. Rubbing the bridge of his nose as he did so while my tears blurred my vision.
"I should have known it was too good to be true...nothing in my life is ever this perfect," he sighs and I feared what he would say next.
"Thomas please, that's not what this is. You're just as much of a father to Jayde as Wes is. You've earned your spot to be here and I fucking love you. I love you!" I screamed at him just to see if it would get through to him.
This can't be the end.
He wipes the tears from his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry. This stress probably isn't good for you," he sighs when he finally meets my gaze.
The hurt in his expression was so clear to me and I know now that earlier when he was throwing up in the woods it wasn't because he was sick or dehydrated.
He was having a panic attack.
He gets up from his chair and swings over to the other side of the counter where I sat as a sniffling mess. He handed me a few tissues and started to wipe my tears with his sleeves.
"It's fine Matty... don't worry about it. Just give me some time to think" Thomas sighs again and kisses my forehead before walking out of the kitchen.
He pauses halfway to the stairs and turns to face me again.
"Why didn't you tell him?" He asked and I hugged my stomach. Wishing life had just stayed the way it was before I told him.
"I do love Wesley but I've only slept with the man once and the chance of us being alone together were so rare and far between. I don't think he would believe me of I told him," I tried to explain but he wasn't having it.
"It doesn't matter if he believes you or not, that little girl is still his daughter and he's the only one who can sign that birth certificate and say so. Tell him or I will." He says before going up the stairs.
It wasn't his threat at the end which had me in tears. It was the fact he said 'that' little girl instead of 'our' which pushed me over the edge.
"HOW MANY DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS HAS WESLEY BEEN TO?" I asked him, raising my voice as I did so and he stood frozen in place.
"None," Thomas answered, "But that's only because he didn't know,"
"Even if he did know, do you really think he'd want to go out in public with me and attend with the risk of people finding out about us so high?" I asked and Thomas shook his head.
"Who's going to be able to tell Jayde all the stories of when she was just a little nugget and all the weird shit I did and ate?" I asked and he lowered his head.
"I am," he said.
"And when Jayde wants to know how she ended up at this beautiful farm with these beautiful animals instead of an LA dorm, who is she going to ask?"
"Me,"
"No, not you. She's going to ask her daddy who's loved her since she was a little chia seed. The man who stood up to protect her when no one else could. The man who got stabbed and almost died for us! The man who earned the right to be her father 10 times over. Sure, Wesley might be here and yeah he's going to he her father too. But he'll also be nothing in comparison to you."
I stood up and went after him to embrace him because the poor man was shaking like a leaf with emotions he couldn't control.
"And one day, Jaydean's going to have a little brother and I know you're going to love both of them exactly the same," I told him in a soft voice as my head rested on his shoulder and he squeezed me.
"Wait, why just a brother and not a sister?" He asked and narrowed my eyes at him.
"Cause I don't want another little girl so you better give me a boy," I threatened and he laughed.
"I can't really control that Kitten,"
"It's okay. I have faith in you,"
***********************
Not gonna lie, I low key teared up a lil bit when writing this and Thomas almost left.
Hmm... I wonder what Wesley is up too...🧐