Namjoon could feel the air whistling in his ears, he regretted it, moments later he regretted it. Seconds later he regretted it.
Why hadn't he stayed and apologized? It was his fault after all, he had bumped into Jin.
But I was too late, it was just one of his many regrets. Everyone had a list of regrets, him included.
The one time he had seen his former crush at the train station. Why couldn't he have the courage to talk to him?
He left and he saw it, the flash of hurt that flashed though his eyes had made Namjoon feel the emotion. Regret.
His mother, she was gone now. Oh, but he had so many regrets with her.
He missed her. They all did. His family was chaos. His life was absolute chaos.
Everyday what he worked to build would tear, he wasn't talking figuretly. He was talking about his strength, the ingorance, the no feelings.
He built it, he tried and tried. Tried to make himself feel good about himself.
It was impossible, why couldn't he love himself? There was nothing wrong with him.
He never had fucked up, he never bullied anyone, he'd never hurt anyone. Not really.
But he couldn't love himself. Who could love a weakling like him?
Not himself that was for sure.
With a tap on his shoulder, he was dragged back to reality.
"Jin wants to see you." The little boy mummered to Namjoon, another freshman he thought regrettably.
The freshman were so gullible, so naive, so innocent. Willing to do so much to get on the good side of those beautiful people.
Beautiful was in the eye of the beholder after all. Maybe in someone's eyes Namjoon could have been beautiful.
But they're the beautiful ones, with their perfect skin. Pouty lips, contacted eyes a unreal color. Soft smooth hair, that fit their outfit perfectly.
Maybe in some world he would be pretty, with his glasses his skin was at least smooth. Sure, he had the occasional pimple, he was human after all.
Smiling at the little freshmen, Namjoon gulping headed over to Jin.
"Why'd you leave?" Jin asked first thing, he was genuinely confused. Maybe his friends had been mean to the poor kid, but he had never said a thing.
Kim Namjoon actually seemed like a pretty nice guy, Jin would rather not have him hate Jin.
"Look, I'm sorry that my friends are so genuinely rude to you. It's just the way they are they're not trying to be mean." A lie, they were trying to be mean.
"You seem like a nice guy and all I don't want you to feel hu-" Namjoon cut him off.
His face was flushed a shade of red. Why even? It was just people in society don't like to apologize. It's just the way things are.
"I-I'm sorry for tripping you" Namjoon hastily replied and walked away from Jin back to his seat.
Leaving the poor boy even more confused.