Maya's prov
Sam gave me the day off today to have some rest so, I was left alone in the house since that she took her daughters with her to leave me relaxed because she thought that they would bother me despite that I tried to convince her to make them stay with me.
Being alone is the most boring thing that can ever happen and also painful cuz then all the bad thoughts and memories will come to your mind and there's no one here to distract you from them.
I couldn't bear staying there doing nothing, I wanted to get outside and have some fresh air, so I wrote her a note telling her that I'll go for a walk in some of the parks and left it on the table to be noticed. I wore my creamy long coat and made my hair in a ponytail so that it won't bother me and then left.
Am I lost?
I went for a walk to have some of the cold fresh air as I wanted but I ended up walking not knowing where to go. It's just me and... the rain, I rubbed my hands from the freezing wind that suddenly hit me then found myself walking through wet streets and I'm now... sitting on a bench in the park that I like the most, the park where Harry and I used to go to and it was also where he had shown me his hidden place. It is used to be filled with happy children but since that it's raining, it became as dark as hell.
I became alone again.... And if someone asks me now if I am okay, I won't lie like before and say "Hello, I'm always okay." I'm fed up with this fucking lie.
No! I'm not okay. No, I need someone, someone to care, someone to understand. No, I'm not okay! I'm tired, I'm torn, I'm alone, I'm hopeless, I'm disappointed and I'm a mess!
And the thing that kills me more is that I don't know the thing that makes me sad, I mean that my life always starts good then ends... miserable. I'm broken... so broken and the only person who I loved and trusted from all of my heart, had faded away but well... it's not his fault anyways and to be honest, I don't blame him for that. Of course someone like him who has popularity, good look and fortune won't look at a voiceless girl like me. Yes! Literally voiceless.
If he just looks outside, he'll find millions of girls waiting to just have a peek from him. But... I really loved him. I tragically loved him. I-I told him from the start to leave, but he didn't listen to me and stayed with me till he found his way to my heart and broke it without an ounce of regret. But... I can't forget him, I still love him, he became everything to me and... my memories with him are the only thing which I can call mine now.
You know? Whenever I miss him, I keep glancing at the blue gem and remember with the very little details how he circled it around my neck and how I did the same.... Wait a minute!
He's still wearing it!
Every time I see his pictures, I find him still wearing it! But why? Does he really still want to keep that promise like me?
Oookay well, I still love him so that's why I still wear it but what about him??
Does he still feel something towards me?!
You know what? It was also my fault. Yeah it was. It was my fault that I didn't answer his calls, I just... I should've called him back even if I didn't know what to say, I shouldn't have been stubborn, I should've called him back to make him know that I still care about him.... Yeah right! That's why he left me?! He thought that I don't care anymore? That's not true.... This is so wrong, this is all fucked up... I fucked up. Maybe it was all my fault? And I'm realizing it now?! It's too late,it's too late.
But he should've also stayed, right?
He should've also become more stubborn to make me give up and talk with him like he always did, all of this is not only my fault right?
He should've explained himself to me or done anything to make him know why I acted like this right?
And I'm the one... who broke his promise, I promised that I'll never lose faith in him and I lost it!
GAHHHH I HATE MYSELF! I ALWAYS LOSE EVERYONE I LOVE BY MY HANDS!!
His voice is still torturing my head "Maya"
It still echoes through my mind "Maya"
You know what's the best thing about the rain?
It's that you can cry, burst in tears and no one will notice plus that they won't care... And here I am, my clothes and my tied hair are dripping with water, it's so quiet here and I feel so cold. It's like I'm freezing.
I felt someone touching my shoulder and since that I'm alone here in a dark place, It can be a thief or a criminal or some of the bad boys of the streets but to be honest with you, I don't care.
But... No no no i-it can't be him, of course it can't! It is just... It can't.
It's better to stop here...
Who do you think is wrong in your eyes? And why?
If you hadn't seen my other video of the book, here it is! It will help you to imagine better and I'm actually really proud of it ^^