"... Edmund." I felt my blood freeze. My face was pale. I felt useless and hopeless. I could not even comment on my thoughts about the situation.
After what felt like an hour, I felt a strong pair of arms hold me from behind. I looked into the mirror and saw Jude with a perplexed expression on his sad face. His grip was gentle, and it made me feel secure. At that moment, I did not care about my brothers. I just appreciated the moment and blocked out the world around me. The police asked my brothers' questions, and I tried my best to listen.
"I don't know who Edmund is, but I know for sure that he hurt you. I need to beat him up when I see him!" Jude retorted. I turned around and stared at him in silence. His eyes spoke sincerity, and his aura emitted warmth, and I could not think of a better thing to do than to hug him like my life depended on it. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and exhaled deeply.
"Thank you," I muttered those two words and closed my eyes to be wrapped up in his care and adoration. I knew I was not eighteen yet, and he was older than me by a few years, but at that moment, I felt we were connected beyond explanation. He understood me without saying anything.
Jude stroked my hair and placed a light kiss on my head. "I didn't do anything, which I am furious about, so don't thank me, please! I'd feel worse than I do already," he declared in a tone filled with sorrow and hurt. "But I do want to know the full story and, of course, only if you are ready to tell it," he added calmly, and I gave him a small tired smile.
"Jude, I want to tell you. I must tell you the whole story, but only when we get to the dorms. I want to tell it when there is no one around me because there are things that no one knows about, not even my brothers. Just until we get home," I explained in my weary state, and he nodded in understanding. As I went to kiss his cheek in gratitude, Theo stood between us and glared at Jude, yet he did not look like the overprotective brother I was used to seeing; he was softer. Maybe I imagined things, but he did not say anything to Jude. Theo wrapped his arm around me and led me to the car without saying a word.
~~~
I expected to spot Holden in our dorm, as usual, watching TV like he owned the place, but he was nowhere to be found. Jude called his cell, and Holden told him he was staying at Jess's the night. So, I thought it would be best if my brothers gave us some privacy for once so I could tell Jude the story and they, surprisingly, agreed.
I sat on Jude's bed when he entered the room with a jar of ice cream. He did know the way to my heart.
"Ice cream for my girl," he stated, and I almost squealed at the word my. I gave him a huge smile and patted the spot next to me on his bed. We rested our backs on the wall, and I hugged my knees, getting ready to tell him about my past. A few minutes passed, but I still did not say anything. I was nervous. Worried about his reaction. I was afraid he would hate me for what happened, but I knew I needed to tell him the truth so we could have a connection. I saw a relationship in our future. I wanted him to be near me at all times.
Jude looked at me with love in his eyes. He cupped my cheeks and leaned forward. I did the same until our lips touched. It felt like it was our very first kiss when it was not. His arms held my body, and he brought me to his lap. My legs were on each side of his hips, and I did not feel shy. I felt protected and loved. "You are amazing, you know that, right?" he pointed out as we rested our foreheads against each other. I wrapped my hands around his neck and caressed his hair from behind.
I tilted my head a little bit and arched my eyebrow. "Why is that?" I asked, utterly clueless about what he actually meant. He chuckled, but then his expression turned serious all of a sudden.
"Because you are. I know that what you are about to say will be very bad, and I can't wonder how strong you are for bearing that burden all these years," Jude explained quietly, and I did not know what to do or say. He was absolutely right. I was suffering.
"You are amazing too, you know that?" I told him in the same tone. He raised one eyebrow, waiting for my answer. "You made me relax, feel loved, and be one hundred percent sure that I'm ready to talk," I said, and he smiled, then nodded for me to start. I took a deep breath and prayed to God that he would not hate me after that. "You know that my parents got divorced a long time ago. I was six at the time and clueless about many things; one of them was that my mom was getting remarried a year after her divorce. I was seven when my mom remarried a marine named Edmund." I was about to get interrupted by Jude, but I silenced him with my hand. He nodded, and I continued.
"Mom loved Edmund so much that they married after four months of meeting each other. At the beginning of their relationship, he was the nicest person after my dad. I trusted him. Mom trusted him, and my brothers did too. We had an amazing year together until I turned eight years old. One day, my mom was at work, my brothers were at school, and I was home, alone and sick. Mom did not want to go to work, but I insisted since I was only going to sleep. I was in bed coughing and shivering from the cold when I heard the front door open. I expected it to be one of my brothers, but it was Edmund. He was not supposed to be home that early because he still had three months in Iraq. As soon as I saw him enter my room, I knew something was not right." I explained, then closed my eyes to remember the day and its events.
"What do you mean?" Jude asked, and I sighed.
"As we made eye contact, I felt that something was off about him. I couldn't see the warmth and love in his eyes that I had seen for the past year; all I saw was coldness and fury. So, I got out of bed, with a lot of struggle, and walked to him. I asked if he was all right, and he replied with one sentence that changed my life. He said it was all my fault that his friend died in Iraq. I didn't understand how that was my fault, so I asked why, and I wish I hadn't done that. It was my biggest mistake ever," I sobbed.
"What did he say?" Jude asked, with a clenched fist and a firm tone. He was angry.
"He said my last letter distracted him from protecting his best friend. My letter caused his death. I wanted to object and refuse that awful claim, but I couldn't do any of that because he slapped me on my cheek. I fell to the floor in shock. I didn't see it coming, and I, for sure, didn't see his foot make contact with my stomach, but I did feel it though. The pain was unbearable, so I screamed. I was eight years old and sick, which hurt a lot more. I begged him to stop hitting me, but he didn't listen. He didn't stop for two years. He abused me like I was his greatest enemy alive, and I suffered every day for two straight years. He made sure to hit me in places that no one could see and even threatened to kill my brothers if I said anything. I was petrified of him, so I didn't speak. But I believe in God and knew I would be rescued someday from Edmund's torture." Jude placed his hand on the crown of my head and kissed my forehead.
"You can stop if you want..." he suggested, but I shook my head. I had to continue.
"One day, when I was ten, he entered my room in the middle of the night, covered my mouth with a cloth, and began hitting me like usual. The worst thing about his abuse was that it didn't happen in his drunken state. He was always sober enough to hit me but not sober enough to stop. I silently cried that night and kept praying that someone would enter my room to check up on me, and my prayers were answered. Dad entered my room on a surprise visit; however, he was the one to get surprised. Not in a good way. When he saw what Edmund was doing, burning me with a cigar between my breasts, he flipped and yelled at the top of his lungs. He charged at Edmund and tore him off of me. My brothers and mom ran to my room to witness my dad almost killing the bastard. Milo was seventeen at the time, and he didn't want our dad to end up in jail, so he grabbed dad from behind and kept him away from my beaten-up abuser."
"Lexi..."
"Mom rushed to my side and inspected my bruised, scarred body and teary eyes. I swear to you, I saw regret in her eyes when she looked back at Edmund. She carried me to the car while crying, followed by Theo and Arlo, and took me to the hospital. Milo stayed with my dad and Edmund until the police arrived and arrested Edmund. A month passed, and Edmund was sentenced to seven years in prison." I fought back the tears from falling because I thought I was over it.
"My family stayed with me the whole time to ensure that I was okay, but I was far from being okay. I spent two years in his shadow and loved my family dearly to risk their safety. I was a mess. I couldn't handle the stares I got from my schoolmates every time I went there, so I tried to kill myself... I tried to drown myself in the hot tub, but I couldn't do it and leave my family behind. I was too mature for a ten-year-old girl. I did not want to leave the world because of some annoying and judgmental students. The attempted suicide was, and is still, a secret from my family. You are the first to know about that, Jude, and I trust you to keep it that way." I finished my story and waited for his reaction.
To be honest, I did not expect him to talk to me after that, and I, for sure, did not expect him to hug me tightly. He buried my face in his chest and left warm kisses all over my head and shoulders.
"You are a fighter! I can't even imagine what you've been through, but I know you are an unbelievably strong woman. If I were in your life then, I'd have done something. I won't let any harm come your way, and I'm sure that your brothers will support me with that. I love you too much to let anything harm you," he exclaimed and confessed seriously, then kissed me on the lips. I was too tired to continue talking and give him a reply to his confession, so I laid my head on his lap and closed my eyes to let the darkness consume my vision.