The Official Douche Bag Trave...

By PJLowry

126 10 1

After having a tantrum in court that lands him in contempt, Chad Barrington is forced to seek counseling and... More

Prologue:
Travel Tip #1: Make a plan
Travel Tip #2: Get an Extra Seat
Travel Tip #4: Complain
Travel Tip #5: Sabotage
Travel Tip #6: Eat Smart
Travel Tip #7: Create Drama
Travel Tip #8: Avoid Hostility
Travel Tip #9: Fine Dining
Travel Tip #10: Get Lots Of Rest
Travel Tip #11: Take A Tour
Travel Tip #12: Don't Be A Wussy
Travel Tip #13: Weather Happens
Travel Tip #14: Be Social & Merry
Travel Tip #15: Say Goodbye
Travel Tip #16: Confrontation
Travel Tip #17: Remain Calm
Travel Tip #18: No Place Like Home
Travel Tip #19: Take In A Fight

Travel Tip #3: Make Friends

12 1 1
By PJLowry

     The ride to the resort actually took close to two hours, because the bus got a flat that had to be replaced by the driver. Harrison wasn't as annoying as Chad thought he would be but it still made for a long, uncomfortable drive. The fact that Harrison was going to be staying at the same resort also meant that the odds of bumping into him again and again were greatly heightened. Rather than dwell on the bad, Chad preferred to look forward to the good things that were to come, such as warm pools, free bars, and a lot of hot women in string bikinis. As much of a pain Harrison seemed to be, he would be more than tolerable as long as he didn't try to move into his suite. Once he was checked in, Chad rested for about an hour before leaving his room to explore. It was very warm on the tropical island, so he replaced the jeans and sneakers with shorts and sandals before wandering around. The resort was enormous, to the point where it took over an hour to walk around it. The pool was massive and actually looked like a lagoon, which was smart marketing on the resort's part. He passed by the place where he would be eating his meals, a massive hall with a buffet that served three meals a day, only taking an hour between meals to break. There were also a few massive barbeques outside the eating area, which one of his brochures explained was the daily fire pit to grill meat for the evening meal. Chad smiled at the thought, as he looked forward to consuming a lot of charred meats the entire two weeks he was here. But the longer he strolled around the massive resort, the more he noticed the weird looks he was getting. Despite what Harrison knew, he was doubtful Councillor Douche Bag had gone that viral, so it was evident that his loner act was starting to creep some people out, which was something he was definitely going to have to counter if he was going to have a good time at this resort. Part of Chad wasn't too worried about it. He understood that those that were creeped out were likely to sensitive and fragile to handle his personality and were not worth hanging out with in the first place. Yet he was feeling displaced and he hadn't been there more than a day. Chad was afraid that the longer he was seen alone, the more creepy and stalkerish he would look. He needed to find some friends to blend in with, but he wasn't desperate enough to chum up with Harrison just yet. He needed something that helped his image, not looked more desperate than himself. Chad was back in the massive lobby of the resort, watching people as they came and went while he pretended to read a magazine. He had sunglasses on so that no one would know what he was really looking at, and it seemed to be working as he was able to observe many people and how their posture and attitude told him as they all strolled by. His couch was in the middle of the lobby so it gave him a prime view of several spots in the massive resort, perched like an eagle that was looking down for his prey.

     It was at this point where a young boy, no older than twelve, walked over and sat himself down on the other couch opposite of Chad's. While it partially blocked his view, he didn't say anything as he was trying to keep his presence on the down low. Chad was unaware that his approach had the opposite effect on the young man.

     "Dude, you are totally creeping over there." The young man called out.

     "Excuse me," Chad said as he took off his sunglasses, "How so?"

     "First off," the young man started, "You're either the slowest reader in the world, or you're clearly using that magazine to hide the fact that you're people watching."

     Chad sighed, "Not turning the pages fast enough?"

     "Precisely," the boy confirmed, "If you truly want to look distracted, use a tablet. No pages need to be turned and you can be pretend to be watching a movie or a video on youtube. I would also recommend ear buds, so that way people will think you can't hear them and talk louder and that would make your eavesdropping a lot easier."

     "This sounds like experience rather than theory," Chad said as he tossed the magazine onto the table. "You're a lot smarter than you look."

     "Appearances can be deceiving." The boy replied, "My parents have no idea how much I know and what I do when they're not looking."

     Chad was certainly impressed with the young man, who definitely reminded the lawyer of what he was like as a young boy. Misunderstood, unappreciated, and worst of all... bored.

     "So why the long face?" Chad asked, already aware of the answer.

     "I'm bored," the young man answered, "And my parents are the worst people to travel with... like ever."

     "I'm sure that's not true," Chad said as he put his sunglasses back on. "Tell me where they are without pointing."

     "They're at the gift shop right now," the boy answered, "Looking but never buying anything. Total cheapskates."

     "They can't be that cheap," Chad said, as he looked in the direction of the shop without turning his head. He could see the people he was referring to because Dad was wearing the exact same shirt his son had on. They looked to be fussing over what if anything to buy, but price did seem to be the issue.

     "What makes you say that?" the boy asked.

     "I know how much it costs to stay here," Chad replied, "but it sounds like your Dad spent most of his funding on this resort, and now has nothing left over. I bet he came here because all the food and booze is free, hoping the price of food would offset the price of hitting the better resort."

     "Now you see my predicament." The boy concluded.

     "I do, actually." Chad agreed, "My Dad used to be the exact same way when I was growing up. Whenever I asked for anything, he always had an excuse to say no. When he offered to get me something, I was shocked to even be asked. The way he acted, there just never seemed to be any money but it was the opposite. He had plenty but just didn't want to spend it. I always hated him for not being there when I needed him and only offering when it was not required. He couldn't take it with him when he died so it hurt that much more when I inherited what he'd been holding back, which had confirmed what I suspected all along; total cheapskate."

     "I hear that." The boy concurred, "Just tired of the excuses. The lies."

     "I get it," Chad said, taking the sunglasses back off, "So why not make your own stash and save it  for yourself?"

     "How do you think I should do that?" The boy asked.

     "By helping me out," Chad answered, "You said it yourself, I'm creeping around here and I'm not even trying. I could use a little social camouflage."

     "No way man," the boy said, holding up a hand. "I am not going to be your wing man and pretend to be your kid so you can pick up women."

     "Not asking," Chad replied, "And that would be way too creepy, even for me. What I have in mind is to create a lie and tell it to someone who is too dumb to suspect it, and let that person sell the lie to everyone else. Makes it seem more authentic."

     "And what dumbass did you have in mind?" The boy asked, as he clearly knew that Chad wasn't talking about him.

     "How much do you know about your father?" Chad asked.

     "More than he thinks I do," The boy replied, "He would make an easy mark."

     "You bet he would," Chad said, smiling. "I'm Chad Barrington."

     "I'm Frankie Anderson Junior." The young boy replied.

     "That would make the old man Frankie Senior, correct?" Chad asked.

     "Well, duh." Frankie replied, as it was clearly obvious.

     Chad laughed as well, as he deserved the response. He took out a pen and places it on the coffee table between them. "Just write down the answers to all my questions, and I'll make a significant donation to your travel expense fund."

     "How significant?" Frankie asked.

     Chad took out his wallet and pulled out a bill, and slipped it into the notepad between a few pages as quietly as he could before sliding it across the table to the young man. "That's one hundred, and you'll get more depending on how much your Dad buys the story."

     "Deal," Frankie said, as he picked up the pad from the table and slyly stashed the bills into his pocket. "What do you want to know?"

     Chad and Frankie sat there for what seemed like hours but was less than fifteen minutes, as Chad asked him simple questions that would not cause anyone to be suspicious of anything. Just personal stuff about his old man that no one would think was out of line, like his favorite teachers in high school, his first crush, how he met his wife, along with when and where they got married. Chad made a signal to Frankie when he noticed that his parents finally emerged from the gift shop and in response Frankie tossed the note pad onto the table and left to meet up with them. Once the family had shuffled away, Chad grabbed the pad of paper and took it back to his room. He looked the questions Frankie had answered as they had a lot of details, which was helpful. Despite the help that Frankie Junior had provided, Chad knew that he would have to verify a lot of what was said to be one hundred percent sure. He used his laptop, once connected to the resorts Wi-Fi, to connect to various websites to research the details given. He studied Frank Senior's online resume, and even sites where classmates get together to talk reunions and old times. It was through that website and other forms of social media that he was able to look up old friends that went to high school with Frankie Senior, and that was all he needed to see. He went onto his cell and started to make a few calls.

     "Hello?" the voice on the other end replied.

     "Good evening," Chad said, "My name is Roger Thunder, and I'm looking for Stephen McDaniels."

     "This is he," Stephen replied, "How can I help you?"

     "You've been listed as a personal reference by a Mr. Franklin Anderson." Chad answered, "We've called just to ask you a few questions if that's all right."

     "Why is Frankie looking for a new job?" Stephen then asked.

     "He's not," Chad replied, "I work for his current employer. I'm calling because he's being considered for a promotion within the company. We make these calls to learn more about the man besides what's on his resume."

     "I had no idea he made me a reference." Stephen told him.

     "If you like, I can call back at a later time." Chad offered.

     "No, No," Stephen said, "I'm okay with it. It's about time you guys thought of letting him climb the ladder. He's a very hard worker."

     "I happen to agree with you, Mr. McDaniels." Chad agreed, "Help me understand just how amazing this man is so we can both help him land this promotion."

     "Absolutely," Stephen replied without hesitation, "What do you want to know?"

     Unlike the conversation with Frankie Junior, Chad was on the phone with Stephen for the better part of two hours. The wealth of information Stephen had about Frankie Senior not only confirmed the details that his son already told him, but added so much more detail that Chad was confident to make his approach sooner rather than later. He even got Stephen to agree to keep the interview between them for the time being, just in case Frankie got passed over. After the call was finished, Chad spent more time on his laptop looking up more details about the school and the staff that had been mentioned in the conversation, making sure that no stone was left unturned. It wasn't until two in the morning, when Chad finally put everything away and called it a night and crashed into his king sized bed.

     The next morning, Chad was like a man on a mission. He dressed in similar fashion to what he wore the day before. Shorts, sandals, and a dress shirt that was untucked and had the sleeves rolled up. Rather than run right for the buffet that was being offered that morning, Chad chose to walked up to the gift shop and wait for the prey to come to him. In the large dining hall inside the resort, there was no assigned seating, you just strolled up to the buffet, and grabbed some grub before looking for a place to sit. Completely different for people who were used to being seating before going out to get their food but most people when on vacation went with the flow. A few moments after he started browsing through the gift shop, he spotted the Andersons as their made their way to the buffet for chow. Chad gave them about a five minute grace before taking his leave from the gift shop and strolling into the dining hall and filling up a plate of his own. Chad wasn't much of a power eater, but considering how much he paid to stay at this resort, he wasn't about to rip himself off but eating like a bird. He grabbed some scrambled eggs, a few hash browns, more than a few strips of bacon, as well as sausage, and toast to go on the side. He looks around and quickly caught sight of the table where the Andersons were sitting, and slowly started to walk as if he were looking for a table of his own. But as he got closer to the Andersons, Chad acted like he spotted someone and walked over to their table.

     Frankie Senior noticed that Chad was standing there and looked up, "Is there something wrong?"

     "Of all people to bump into in paradise," Chad started, "I mean holy shit balls! It's Frankie and Doris Anderson!"

     "I'm sorry," Frankie replied, "Who are you?"

     "Oh come on!" Chad said, giving Frankie Senior a playful slap on the shoulder, "You don't remember me from grade ten instrumentation; Mr. Wilson's class at Drummond High? It's me, Chad Barrington!"

     "Chad?" Doris said, trying to remember herself.

     "Come on," Chad said, trying not to seem too hurt. "I was there warming the bench for Coach Flynn when you scored three touchdowns against Wellington Secondary."

     "That was a good game," Doris unwillingly confirmed.

     "I was there when you told off Ms. Jansen in English class." Chad added.

     "Damn," Frankie Senior recalled, "That old bat was a real piece of work."

     "Tell me about it," Chad carried on, "You also were the one who told me to stay away from Peggy Smythe."

     "You have no idea what a bullet you dodged there!" Doris said, as the mere mention of Peggy's name was enough to make her skin crawl.

     "I was also at your wedding," Chad added, hoping this one would finally win them over, "I was one of the guys who chipped in for that air conditioner that Stevie gave you at the reception!"

     Now at this particular moment, Frankie Senior had two options. He could deny knowing Chad and cause an incident that would make him feel like a complete idiot because the man in front clearly knew some serious details that only his closest friends could know. Or he could ignore his gut instinct and welcome Chad to the table and let the facade continue. It didn't take Frankie Senior long to come to a decision.

     "I'm sorry Chad," Frankie said as he extended a friendly hand out, "My memory isn't as good as it used to be."

     "Don't worry about it," Chad said as he shook his hand, "I've been away from Pennsylvania so long, that I would have been surprised if you recognized me at all. I'm at least a hundred pounds lighter and I also had some work done."

     "That would explain it," Frankie said, taking the excuse and running with it.

     "Are you here with anyone?" Doris asked.

     "Not this time," Chad replied, "I'm divorced."

     "Sit with us," Frankie said, trying to be polite.

     "Are you sure?" Chad asked, cautiously. "I don't want to intrude."

     "Nonsense," Doris said, gesturing to a chair, "It will give us a chance to catch up and find out what you've been up to."

     "Well, okay." Chad said, "I'll be right back."

     Chad took off for the buffet and tossed some breakfast onto a plate before coming back to the Anderson's table and sitting himself down.

     "So where are you working now if you're not in Pennsylvania?" Frankie Senior asked, while chewing on a sausage of his own.

     "New York," Chad answered between bites.

     "The state or the city?" Doris asked.

     "Technically both, since the city is in the state." Chad said, laughing with her.

     "What do you do there?" Frankie Senior then inquired.

     "I'm an attorney," Chad replied, "I've been practicing law for almost a decade now with a high end firm, doing mostly criminal defense and a bit of civil litigation when I feel like being a shit disturber."

     "Well good for you!" Doris said, extremely impressed. "Now we know who to call if we get into legal trouble in the big apple."

     "You wouldn't even have to ask," Chad said, going with the flow.

     "How sweet," Doris said, looking back to her husband. "I'm going to grab another bagel."

     "I'll go with you," Frankie Senior said, wiping his chin. "Excuse us."

     Frankie Junior sat there, looking back at Chad as he was rather impressed.

     "Warming the bench, eh? Nice touch." He started, "And where the hell did you get all that other stuff? I don't remember telling you most of that."

     "You helped a bit," Chad confirmed, "But you'd be surprised what people can find on the dark web these days."

     Frankie Junior's eyes widened, "Really?"

     "No, of course not!" Chad said, laughing. "I used a few web pages to find some close acquaintances and pulled a ruse on them to get the additional Intel."

     "Are you really a high end attorney?" Frankie asked.

     Chad replied by pulling out a card from his pocket and passing it to him, confirming his employment with a high end firm.

     "Anyone can make a card." Frankie said, challenging him.

     "Alright," Chad said as he pulled out a cell phone, dialed the number on the card, and put it on speaker. It took three rings this time before someone picked up.

     "Welcome to Pittman, Ryan, McDonald and Associates," the voice at the other end answered. "This is Chad Barrington's office."

     "Three rings, Janet?" Chad replied, "You're on speaker and am embarrassing me in front of others!"

     "I'm so sorry Mr. Barrington!" Janet replied, taken by surprised. "Two rings or less... I promise. It won't happen again."

     "Be sure it doesn't," Chad replied coldly before hanging up.

     "Dude, did you just hang up on her?" Frankie Junior asked.

     Chad smiled as he put his cell away. "She's used to it."

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