Alexandria Anderson
I wake up to the faint music going on the speaker, the boys are probably having their soundchecks right now for their show later. Sitting up, I see Rye’s sweater – covering the top half of my body. I take it and smell his sweater, I miss his scent already. It might sound weird, but seriously; it’s the same scent that I get to smell every time that I hug him. I fix myself and go to the backstage and just watch the boys from the side, as they rehearse.
“Oi, Alexa!” Mikey shouts on the mic, as he waves at me; drawing the other boys’ attention towards me.
I smile at them and wave back, before they continue to do their soundcheck. I am just watching Rye who is really timid for the past few days and it seems like he isn’t comfortable with me being around – he just walks around the stage whilst the boys jump and run around and he would just smile a little whenever the boys do/say something funny.
Should’ve said those words
Should’ve told you how I felt
But I let you leave
Not a word of hesitation
I thought I was fine
Back when you were mine
A thousand times I tried to call but I
I just couldn't put up a fight
If you see me walking by
Don’t be afraid to say hello
Don’t be a girl I used to know, baby
And if you see my head hanging low
Sat in the place we used to go
Looking at polaroids
Before you were a stranger
Rye keeps on looking at me, whilst he lipsyncs that part along with Brook and Andy. I try to ignore it, but I couldn’t take it anymore so I head back to the green room and just sit there – thinking of what I should do. For the past couple of days, I was keeping my distance from him and it just gets harder and harder every day. After a while, I could hear the boys on the hallway already then they came into the room one after the other but Rye wasn’t with them.
“What happens after the show!” the boys sing, as they walk in.
They stop midway to do their choreo for that part, which makes me smile a little even though I didn’t feel like it. When Andy saw me, his smile fades and he takes a seat next to me.
“Hey, you alright?” he looks at me worriedly.
“Yeah.” I reply and look away from him, pulling my phone out to avoid any conversation with him.
“I am hungry.” Brook says.
“What’s new?” Mikey asks, making the boys laugh.
Brook asks us to come with him, but I already lost my appetite whilst Andy said that he isn’t hungry yet so only Jack and Mikey came along with him – which leaves me and Andy in the green room. He shifts on his seat to face me and rests his elbows on his knees, as he looks at me expectantly.
“Just say it, Andy.” I say, looking away from my phone.
He breathes out, “What’s wrong with you and Rye, it seems like you’re avoiding him.”
“I, uh..” I trail off and let out a chuckle. “You are such a straightforward person, Andy.”
“You told me to just say it.” he protests in his usual high pitch voice, “I just want to know cause the boys and I noticed that you seem distant when it comes to him and Rye’s become really timid for the past couple of days, but he won’t tell us why. Every time that we would ask him, he’ll just say that he’s just tired but knowing him, I don’t think that’s the only reason.” he says.
I just feel my heart ache a little upon hearing all that, am I wrong for doing that?
“Andy, I.. I don’t know what to say.” I breathe out, looking down as I fumble with my fingers.
“You know you can tell me anything.” he replies.
“I, uh, to be honest –” I stop, when Rye walks into the green room.
“Oh, hi Rye.” Andy says, smiling. “Excuse me, I’ll just go to the bathroom.”
Andy gets up from the sofa and pats Rye on the shoulder, before leaving the room – so it’s just me and Rye. I glance at Rye and he was looking at me, so I quickly look away and just go on Twitter again. Later on, he walks towards me; making me nervous.
“Can we talk?” he asks, his voice soft.
I bite my lip as I look up at him and before I could reply, he takes a seat next to me and speaks up again.
“Please,” he says, as he looks at me pleadingly. “I just want to know why you’re avoiding me.”
“I – I am not avoiding you, Ryan.” I reply, very good answer Alexandria.
“Well, if you aren’t avoiding me then why are you acting like that?” he asks.
“Act like what?” I act as if I don’t know what he’s insinuating.
“You’ve been really distant for the past couple of days and I keep on trying to figure out what I did for you to act like that.” he breathes out.
“Ryan,” I sigh. “you didn’t do anything wrong, trust me.”
“Then, why are you acting like that?” he asks, slightly vexed.
I just shake my head and look away, “It’s nothing, I am just tired.”
“Alexandria, please.” he takes my hand in his. “I want to make things right between us, if I did or said something that hurt you, just tell me.”
“I swear, it’s nothing.” I reply.
He breathes out and runs his fingers through his hair, as he looks down; Rye looks so upset, it makes me feel bad and I could feel my heart ache a little.
“I am sorry for whatever it is that I did or said, I am sorry if –”
“Ryan, I – I should be the one apologising, it’s just that –” I stop and he looks up at me, my eyes start to brim with tears. “it’s just that I don’t wanna get hurt.”
As soon as I said that, tears start to stream down my cheeks. Quickly wiping it off, I take my bag and get up from the sofa and head to the door. He snaps out from his daze and immediately gets up from his seat and grabs my wrist, just before I leave the room.
“Wait,” he says. “what do you mean you don’t wanna get hurt?”
I just shake my head and walk out of the room and down the hallway of their venue, he is probably overwhelmed to even stop me from leaving. As I head to the back door, I see Andy on his way back to the green room.
“Where are you going?” he asks, his hands on my shoulder as he looks at me in concern. “Why are you crying?”
I shake my head and turn around and just run down the hallway.
“Alexa, wait!” he shouts, but I ignore him.
I head to the exit of the venue and just go home. Whilst I am in the train, Andy and the boys – except Rye, of course – keep on calling me, but I just put it on silent and look out of the window until I get to train station nearest to Slough.
• • •
When I get home, Mom isn’t home nor did she leave any notes. I try to call her for almost half an hour, but she isn’t answering. After another hour, my phone starts to ring. I quickly reach over to the table and answer the call.
“Mom, I was worried about you.” I say as soon as I answer her call.
“I.. I am sorry, sweetheart.” she stutters, it seems like she’s crying.
“Mom, what’s wrong, are you crying?” I worriedly asks.
“Your Nana is currently in the OR –”
“What, w–why, what happened?” I stutter out.
“I got a call from your Auntie Vic earlier, she was found unconscious and –” she sobs. “she had a stroke.”
Tears just start to stream down my cheeks, I didn’t know what to say nor could I find the strength to speak.
“Shh, sweetheart, she’s going to be okay, I assure you that.” she says.
“I – I’ll go to Somerset, I’ll book a train right now.” I shakily scramble for my laptop and turn it on.
“Alexandria, it’s already late, just stay at home.” she replies.
“I’ll be alright, I want to be there.” I insist.
“Yeah, I know, but it would be best if you stay there for a while, okay?” she asks.
I didn’t say anything, biting onto my knuckles to stop myself from sobbing. “I am scared.” I say after a while, as I wipe the tears that stream down my cheeks.
“Don’t be, she’ll be okay, I promise.” she reassures. “I have to go, sweetheart, I’ll call you when I can.”
“Okay, please call me when the operation’s over.” I reply.
“I will, love you, sweetheart.” she says in a sad tone.
“Love you too, Mom.” I say and wait for her to end the call.
After she hangs up, I climb onto the bed and just burst into tears. I feel so helpless and tired, I wish I have someone to talk to right now but I didn’t want to contact any of the boys especially Andy after what I did at Nottingham earlier.