Sometimes it's better when you yell
Than when you say nothing
But you're getting tired
Of explaining everything that you need
More water, less stress, more sex, more carefree
Don't wanna hurt no more, not over me, 'cause
I'm not worth it and, this ain't workin and
Runnin out of words again
"Nah Prince you know how he is , he'll never agree to that. He's finding himself remember?"
Pheia watched as he rolled his eyes at his own question. She'd listened to him and took her free day to be with him and drama had come up once again about the dynamics of his football team. Now she had to hear him repeat the same qualms he'd given her a synopsis of to his best friend Robert.
Getting out the bed despite his silent protests and attempts to pull her back, Pheia walked to the bathroom. Throwing some water on her face and taking out her phone she checked to see if anyone had tried to contact her but there were no signs of life. She stared at her reflection and brushed her curly hair out of her face.
Their nap together being cut short was the worst thing that could've possibly happened, they were finally at peace. It had been so long since they'd slept together, she missed his embrace and smell. But most importantly she just really missed the way things were. Some days she looked at Olaijah and saw the boy she fell in love with but he was growing , changing as he should but she couldn't shake the fear that one day he'd outgrow her the same way he did some of the things that interested him before , the other girls , his desire to rap before he found football.
She knew he always said that she was the one changing and forgetting him but sometimes she just sensed that he wanted to be left alone, like right now.
She ventured downstairs as his conversation ensued. She could feel him watching her as the door shut behind her and she found her way to his small apartment kitchen.
The one day in her busy schedule where she didn't have to run choreography, record a track or sing backing vocals and her man was busy sulking about team drama instead of paying attention to her. Knowing their history she thought he would've put forth more effort.
She and Olaijah's relationship had been tested and tried for what seemed most of the previous year. Eventually she'd gotten tired of arguing with him and they agreed to forget. The one downside of that being they never talked about anything now and she missed it. She craved the authenticity and intimacy that was intricate in how they functioned before. Now they were like strangers wrapped into each other and held together by the feelings they had for each other. Things had changed but their hearts hadn't.
Her phone started buzzing on the kitchen table and she picked it up, it was Dre , one of her producers.
"Hey what's good Dre?"
"Everything Phe , but one thing , I need you to come into the studio like right now so I can put your backing vocals on this track and we can seal this album."
She sighed as she stared at the stairway , Dre always popped shit up on her like this.
"Dre seriously? What if I'm doing something important?"
"You picked up your phone so you not , besides today's your free day , your handler told me that now come on its only going to be an hour, two tops."
"Fine , fine , whatever I'm on my way."
She hung up just as Olaijah's voice entered the room. Towering over her he stood in front of her , looking down at her tiny frame.
"On your way where?"
"Studio , urgent apparently."
"Pheia , you said you'd spend the whole day here."
"I know Jah but it'll only be two hours and I'll be back , just some backing vocals we forgot the last session."
He shook his head and sighed before walking back upstairs.
"See you when you get back , I guess."
He called behind him and she winced. He didn't handle that well at all but why was he so mad in the first place? She'd slept here last night , they'd napped this afternoon ,they'd been together all morning and practically all last night and she was coming back.
She couldn't dwell too much , it would only upset her too so she just shrugged it off and got her keys, phone and headed out.
Arriving to the studio in forty five minutes, she immediately just walked to the sound room and sped straight into the booth.
"Damn Pheia, hello to you too"
Dre huffed as he put on his headphones and started to get ready.
"Sorry , I just have to get back to where I came from asap and figure out what the fuck is going on."
"Olaijah?"
She nodded while he rolled his eyes and played the music. She knew what she had to do and they got it done in record time, thirty minutes. Ironically the song was one she'd written about her and Olaijah's relationship. For a love song , she wasn't feeling so in love with it's muse at the moment.
"I've never heard your vocals this perfect before, maybe Olaijah should be pissed at you more often."
Dre smirked at her while she hit him.
"Maybe you should get some kitty."
"The one I want it from doesn't want me."
She just stared at him as his words echoed in her mind. He actually liked someone? Olaijah could wait a few minutes.
"Who?"
"C'mon Pheia , don't taunt me , I know you know, everyone does even she does but she doesn't give a fuck really. I heard she's fucking the newbie to the label anyway, that kid Lucas is handsome and tall. I can't compete with that.."
Pheia was taken aback, like literally, her ass was thrown back a few inches by the revelation.
"You want Nahla?"
Nahla was the other half of Pheia's duet. They were complete opposites. Whereas Pheia was calm and a homebody who enjoyed monogamy. Nahla was wild and ambitious as well as promiscuous. She didn't see a point in settling down so young when there were so many choices at her disposal.
"Yeah man , she's sexy as hell but also the conversations we had before I got feelings... I just got to know her really well but at the same time I don't know her at all you know?"
"Um, no."
"Yeah that's right, I forgot , you know everyone right? You're usually the unreadable one to people, even Olaijah."
Touched by his words Pheia touched her chest as she stared at him in disbelief.
"He's said that?"
"Mentioned it once or twice, he loves you Pheia , go talk to him and you know actually let him in and maybe he'll start to do the same again."
"Nice change of subject , I'm going."
Pheia winked at him before she left. Olaijah and Dre were cousins so they were close but she didn't realize he'd found it necessary to open up to people about how guarded she apparently was. When the love of your life cheats on you multiple times, sometimes that happens. What he'd said about Olaijah still didn't sit right with her. It couldn't be true, she hid nothing from him. She wasn't sure if there was anything she hadn't let him in on already.
She got back to his place in an hour and was welcomed by the sound of Biggie's Hypnotize.
Following the sound to his room where he was just chilling in his bed she prepared to have a conversation she should've had a long time ago. She crawled in next to him and he kissed her forehead.
"I'm sorry about earlier, Prince gave me some bad news and I just wanted to be with you and you left. It kind of made me feel like you put everything before me."
"Olaijah you know I don't , there's just a lot going on for both of us , if you'd told me you needed me you know I wouldn't have left."
"I shouldn't have to tell you though Pheia, I never had to before, you were always there. I'm just in a really fucked up headspace right now because I'm questioning everything , my game , my friendships, how my girl really feels about me."
This again? She sat up and shook her head in disbelief, what did she have to do for him to see she still felt the same way she always had?
"Don't get mad , Phe it's just really weird right now, my game isn't one one hundred like it used to be because there's so much shit going on with my team. My dad and I are beefing right now over stupid shit and then you and I we just shut eachother out and we don't talk about it. The worst part is I know it's only that way because of the shit I did to you. I'm just here , the guys think I'm acing different but it's me Pheia , and the only person who knows me and accepts me can barely talk to me on the phone for fifteen minutes usually in our day to day lives, I need you baby girl."
"I'm here Jah."
"Are you? You didn't get some things you asked for with his album and I know how much you wanted it, I heard you crying the other night about it to your brother Keith, but you couldn't tell me that. I know part of you is still mad at me for leaving for New York too last summer and I just want to get past your front , I know I'm probably one of the few people that has destroyed most of it , but a small bit is still there Pheia and it seems like your building it back up sometimes. I want you to know you can talk to me."
Gritting her teeth Pheia realized he was right. She was still upset about him going to New York and missing her first show in LA, the show that launched her singing career just to go and celebrate his boy's birthday.
"I'm not mad at you and I know that Olaijah, I wasn't crying to Keith, I was crying because of what my parents said to Keith about me when he mentioned I didn't get everything. They think I deserve it because of the way I left. They think that my entire life here is a phase, you, my career and it sucked because it's one thing to hear other people say they hope you fail but Olaijah when it comes from your parents."
She couldn't get the rest out as she started to cry, he moved to hold her but she moved back. Pheia had made so much sacrifices for the things she believed in , her music and their relationship. It was beginning to weigh on her because she never complained about it. She just kept it all bottles inside.
"And then there's you, Olaijah you knew I needed you and you still went to New York, yes I was mad but I got over that because I love you and I need you and I was just happy that you were back but then I found out what you did with those other girls. You betrayed me and you hurt me to the core. Now every time we're together and you tell me that you think I'm not trying and I don't care, that shit hurts because if there's one person besides Nahla and my family that I care about it's you. Always"
"I'm sorry Pheia, I know that you're trying. Come here."
She walked over to him slowly and he brought her into his arms before pulling her into his lap.
"Can we just be happy from now on? Talk more about what we're feeling?"
He whispered into her hair before he kissed her forehead.
"I really want that."
"Me too."
He kissed her softly on the lips but as he pulled away she brought him back in and kissed him passionately. It had been three months since they'd connected on that deeper level of communication and a month and three weeks since the last time they'd made love. He seemed to understand the message behind her actions.
"Are you sure?"
He whispered and she nodded.
"It's been so long Pheia, you don't know how much I've wanted this but first can you make me a burrito?"
She pushed him away from her as she began to laugh , his greedy ass could not be serious.
"Seriously baby girl, I need energy to put in that work."
"Fine, fine I'll make your burrito, I can't believe your greedy ass."
"But you still love me." He concluded as he kissed her and began to walk her towards the stairs "Less talking , more burrito."