Chapter 39
Alexis’ P.O.V
Only my phone to ruin that moment, seriously, whoever it was I would really wish that a big storm could fall above that person.
I had no strength to answer it thought, I had no strength for anything at that moment. I was completely lost, lost and without words. What had just happened? Really?!
“Gosh, make it stop!” Luke groaned frustrated laying down next to me on his bed.
My phone was at the back pocket of my shorts, they were a bit far way from me and I wasn’t feeling like moving a single bone, especially because my body was still reacting to his touch, although he wasn’t touching me anymore. I was not in a good mood to talk to whoever was calling me.
“I can’t…I can’t move…” I confessed, astonished and running out of breath. It wasn’t because he had hurt me or something, it was because I was still digesting what had just happened.
“Jesus…” He affirmed biting his bottom lip and quickly grabbed my phone from my shorts “Forget it.” He said as soon as he looked to my phone’s screen and quickly clicked on the red button.
“Luke! Who was that?” I asked trying to reach out for my phone but he was faster than me.
“Nobody, it was some blocked number.” I could tell he was lying, he really was. Why wouldn’t he want me to answer the phone? Maybe it was someone he didn’t like, maybe it was…
“It was Calum, wasn’t it?” I asked serious and trying to sit on my butt. “Tell me!”
“No! And what if it was? Why do you care? Didn’t you say it was horrible your sex with him?” Gosh, why did he need to remind me of that?!
“Luke! He’s my friend.”
“Yeah right, your friend.” He affirmed smirking in a very ironic way which made me really upset. What the hell was wrong with him? Were we seriously start arguing once again?
“Yeah, he is! He cares for me and he makes me laugh!” I told him, I was serious.
“Are you trying to say that I don’t? That I don’t care for you? That I don’t make you laugh?” He asked, his face was serious and angry. No, not again!
“I did not say that! Stop putting words that I didn’t say in my mouth!” I yelled frustrated. He couldn’t be saying that, he had no right. Not after we had just made what we did. I trusted him, for Christ’s sake!
“Yeah, but it was what you meant…”
“Who’s the one feeling sorry for himself now?” I asked and I had all the right for it. He was acting like a very immature child.
“Excuse me? You know what….” He was starting to say but I interrupted him before he could say what I knew he was about to.
“What? Are you gonna tell me to leave? Once again? Because that’s what you do all the time! Grow up! I might be a very selfish bitch and annoying chick sometimes, I do my mistakes but what about you?! You see what you do all the time?! Whenever things aren’t going as you expect that’s all you have to say “you can leave now” because you have no other arguments!” I told him everything I had stuck inside for a while and finally sighed.
“Ouch, if that’s what you thought I was gonna say then I’m sorry, I’m really sorry but you don’t know me that well…” He said and he really seemed hurt, like he wasn’t about to say what I said he would.
“You are right, I don’t! I don’t know you! And you don’t know me! I don’t understand what the hell is this thing going on between us but all I know is that we don’t know each other! At all…” I said and he knew I was right, of course I was.
We were both sitting on his bed, with our legs to a side. He was still on his boxers and I was still on my panties. We had our shirts on because he didn’t had the opportunity to take them off. I was sure if my phone hadn’t rang, they would be probably off.
“Fuck that bullshit! I just….I need you! That’s all I care about!” He confessed and moved closer to me, his hands placed on my cheeks. He was clearly sexually frustrated.
“But things aren’t like that, Luke! God! I need you, I need you so much! Only god knows how much I need you…” I started and placed my hands on top of his “but things aren’t like that… I want to know you, I wanna know things about you… I want to understand, everything… you, I want to understand you!” I told him, I was desperate, and any person could obviously tell that by my eyes. He was looking deeply to my Iris and his face was very close to mine. I could feel his warm breath against my lips just like I was sure he could feel mine.
I wanted to kiss him, so badly. But I wasn’t going to, I couldn’t. That wasn’t the right time for it, we needed to talk, we had to talk, about us, about me, about him. About everything.
“Don’t you… don’t you wanna know more about me?” I asked sincerely.
“I…do. But I don’t wanna talk, I don’t wanna freaking talk right now, Alexis!” He confessed desperate, desperate for a kiss and moved his lips towards mine but I quickly pulled my face away “Ouch!” He affirmed stupefied and removed his hands from my cheeks, shaking them so my hands would relief his.
“You see? That’s all you thing about!” I told him, very disappointed.
“It’s not! I care about you.”
“I’m not saying that you don’t! All I’m saying is that you only thing about physical touch, kiss, sex… and what about the rest?”
“Screw the rest! If this make us happy!”
“But it doesn’t! Don’t you understand! It doesn’t make me happy! And it shouldn’t make you either! Life isn’t about this. This is obviously a big great part about life but it’s not everything, there’s so much more involved…”
“Yeah? Like what? Life is nothing but bullshit… I’ve told you already, I don’t freaking know what’s wrong with me, what you did to me but I care about you, a lot! And I need you, I freaking need you! And I know you feel the same way…” He said frustrated punching the sheets.
“I do, you know I do feel the same way… why would I be here if I didn’t? But it’s just…” I wasn’t even sure what else to say, I was lost.
“What do you want? A relationship? I’m sorry Alexis, but I don’t date.” Why was he insisting on saying that? I knew from a long time ago that he didn’t date, any person could that at the very first look could give him.
“I told you already… I want to know you.”
“What do you want to know?” He asked staring serious into my eyes. That made me nervous, a lot to be honest. I always felt so weak whenever he stared serious and deeply into my eyes.
“First of all… why can’t I call you Lucas? Isn’t that your real name?” I finally asked after some good seconds of silence. His face completely fell and I knew I had made the wrong question, or maybe the right one. He would be pissed off, I knew he would but I needed to know, I wanted to know, I freaking deserved to know.
“You… you… you have nothing to do with that.” He affirmed, still looking deeply and serious into my eyes. His face was turning into a very angry one. I knew what he was capable of already. But I didn’t care.
“Yes, I do. Tell me, Lucas!” I insisted and he quickly lift his right hand in the air, totally ready to hit me but suddenly stop. “Hit me, hit me as much as you want. I don’t care, not anymore if that means I will get something from you. I know there’s something wrong, there’s something that hurts you! I know that name haunts you! Tell me why?! Why LUCAS?!” I was teasing him, provoking him and he did what I wanted, he finally slapped me, making my face turn to the side.
“Shut up!” He yelled angry and got out from the bed “I don’t wanna hurt you.” He affirmed squeezing his fingers with his hands. He was clearly angry, very angry.
“Then don’t! Just tell me! Tell me why!” I asked following his actions and getting up from the bed too. I didn’t know where the hell I was finding all the strength to face him, to ask him that, but I was pretty proud of myself. “C’mon Lucas!”
“I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He yelled and slapped me once again, but with a lot more strength that time, he even made me fell above his bed.
He was hurting me but only physically, not in any other way, not that time. I was finally getting there, I had understand why he used to hit me, why he was so damn rude and mean, he was hurt, very hurt.
“Why can’t you trust me?!” I asked getting up once again and placed my hand above his shoulder. He had his back turned to me. He was breathing heavily and was trying his best not to kill me. I knew that.
The worst part, was to think that he didn’t, he didn’t care enough for me to tell me the truth.
“Maybe I should go…” I said and started to put on my shorts. I wasn’t really thinking about leaving, not really. But I knew, I knew he didn’t want me to leave, one way or another he didn’t and that was why I said that. “You talk to me when you feel like it.” I affirmed putting on my flip-flops and tried to walk past him but his hands didn’t allow me. He wrapped his fingers around my wrists and quickly pulled me closer to his chest.
“You are not going anywhere.” He told me serious. I must confess his face expression scared me, not in a way that I felt like he could hurt me or something, but it scared me because he seemed a lot broken, he seemed ruined.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I affirmed perplexed looking deeply into his blue eyes. It was so annoying how gorgeous and handsome he was.
We kept there, frozen without moving a single bone, between the silence and only listening to each other’s breath for a long time. My heart was beating fast and so was his. We were chest to chest, I could feel him.
“My family… my family sucks.” He was the one breaking the silence. We were still in the same position, chest to chest and he had his hands around my pulses. “That’s all you need to know.” He finished and I slowly nodded. That was a start, it really was. At least I had a little answer, a little explanation and a reason to not call him Lucas.
“I’m sorry.” I told him, honestly. I was sorry, I really was for making him angry and for making him hurting me. I knew he didn’t mean it, he didn’t want to hurt me, but I had to make him do it, I needed him to answer me. “I’m sorry I made you do this.” I finished and slowly moved my face closer to his. Carefully I placed my forehead with his and made my nose touch his, silly playing with it.
Then and there, Luke made a little movement and his lips were instantly glued with mines. That was the very first time that our kiss wasn’t wild our full of sexual frustration. That kiss was a passionate and a very meaningful kiss. We only didn’t know, what its meaning was.
All I knew, was that my stomach was instantly filled with a very weird sensation, a sensation I had never felt in my entire life. I wasn’t even sure if it was either a good or a bad one. I was only sure I wasn’t able to let go of him anymore.
A/N: OMG TO MANY EMOTIONS FOR MY POOR LITTLE HEART! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't even know what else to say to you guys, all your feedback give meaning to my life, seriously I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH ♥
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I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU TILL THE MOON AND BACK A MILLION TIMES (omg this was so lame but aff who the hell cares?!) ♥
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