Warning: Slightly dramatic chapter ahead
"Again." Kwon Ji Yong ordered as he laid back on his seat.
He watched Suhyun of Akdong Musician inside the recording booth and listened to her sing her part in his song 'Missing You'. She was going to guest on one of his upcoming Act III: MOTTE concerts and they're recording the back up vocals.
"Again, do it a little bit higher." He firmly instructed the 18-year-old. Suhyun closed her eyes as she nodded nervously.
As she was recording, the door of the studio opened and Ash entered carrying a box of cake. She sat on the couch quietly and started to get herself a piece.
Ji Yong, whose eyes were closed the whole time, sniffed at the sweet smell.
"What's that?" He asked his manager with eyes still shut. "Are you eating again? I told you to eat outside if you're hungry. We're not yet finished here." He sighed exasperatedly.
Ash then stood up still munching the piece of cake inside her mouth. She leaned close to his face and chewed loudly to annoy the moody leader of BIGBANG.
"Why are you eating like that —" Ji Yong opened his eyes only to find his friend's face right before him.
"Don't be so cranky oppa. Here, I brought your favorite cake." She then pressed a button and spoke towards the mic. "You can go outside for now Suhyun. I have some warm honey green tea for you throat."
"What are you doing here? Why are you so early?" Ji Yong snapped and pressed on his temples. He's stressed out because of his concert preprations and he was not yet in the mood to entertain Ash Lee.
"I just missed you." She said nonchalantly and made Ji Yong look at her with guilt. He realized he was being to rude to her as he remembered today's date.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Choon-he." He sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Suhyun let out a soft gasp when she saw the sweet gesture.
"Don't make Suhyun uncomfortable. You're being too touchy." Ash lightly nudged him off of her and told Suhyun to ignore him and help herself with the cake.
"No it's okay unnie, I know you're good friends with Ji Yong-sunbaenim. You actually look good together." Suhyun smiled reassuringly.
Ji Yong rested his head on Ash's shoulder as he tightened his arms on her waist. "Don't we, Suhyun?" He nodded and turned back to Ash. "It's just that I'm so stressed. I shouldn't have slacked these past few days." He groaned.
She just caressed his face with her right hand while the other held a fork with a piece of cake. It looked liked she's more concerned with eating than to be bothered with 'the wild Kwon Ji Yong' snaked around her waist.
Suhyun observed the two. "A lot of girls would go crazy if they're in your place unnie."
"I'm telling you, it's not that great of a place." Ash chortled as she got up and let Ji Yong limply drop on the couch.
She grabbed her bag and pulled out a thermos and scripts sent to her this morning. She went back to her seat next to a blank Ji Yong.
"You need to eat oppa. You need strength for your concerts soon. Get up, get up."
"I just feel like sleeping babe. Can you drive me home now?" He complained but grabbed a piece of cake and started eating.
Ash just chuckled and handed Suhyun a small thermos bottle. "Here Suhyun, your tea. Don't hesitate to tell him if your throat hurts already, okay? I'm just going to keep quiet here while you guys record away. I need to read these so don't bother with me." She waved them off then turned to Ji Yong's manager. "What are you doing there oppa? Grab some cake."
They finished eating and continued with the recording. This time, Suhyun sang much better as she was more comfortable with having Ash around. She looked at Ash reading at the back of the room. She was dressed simply but gave off tons of charisma even by just casually sitting like that.
"Unnie's really pretty." Suhyun suddenly said aloud on the mic. She blushed when Ji Yong looked up when he heard her remark.
On the other hand, Ash was too busy reading to even notice what's happening around her.
"Yeah, she doesn't seem to know that. She thinks she's a tomboy but she really has a girly personality." Ji Yong shook his head but the 18-year-old noticed the change in his voice when he talked about his bestfriend.
"I'm sorry sunbaenim. Let's do it again." She cleared her throat and sang her part until Ji Yong was finally satisfied.
They finished recording and Ash was almost done with her reading. Suhyun got out of the booth and listened to their work. Ji Yong nodded along to the song and congratulated his hoobae for a job well done.
"You did great, Suhyun-ie. You're going to be amazing." Ash said as she pat the girl's back.
Suhyun didn't notice her stand up from the couch and she was flustered by the sudden compliment. She thanked Ash for the tea and Ji Yong for guiding her.
As she was about to leave, Ji Yong coughed. "Thank you Suhyun. I'm sorry if I was harsh during the recording." He smiled apologetically and bid her goodbye.
He then laid down on the couch and asked his manager to buy some food for them.
Ash was still reading the last parts of the script and contemplated which one of the two she liked more. When she finished, she sat next to Ji Yong and laid her head back on the couch.
"What are the scripts about? Interested in anything?" He asked and adjusted himself to rest his head on Ash's lap.
"Mhmm. One is an adaptation of a manhwa while the other has a time-bending genre. I haven't decided yet but my heart goes to the latter. It's about a divorced couple who went back to the time they first met. It's interesting and I heard that Son Ho Jun-sunbaenim has already agreed to do it. I really hoped to work with him when I watched him on 'Reply 1994'. He's a really good actor." She rambled as she stared at the ceiling.
"Does it have any kissing scenes?" He pried curiously. "I suggest you pick the one that involves less or no kissing at all. This is the reason why Young Bae and I are so against you acting." He glanced at her accusingly.
Ash just rolled her eyes. "I'm an actor. Kissing is even a work of art for us. Ask Seung Hyun oppa. You two are just being too malicious. I even did it with Daesung-oppa before."
Ji Yong shook his head on her lap. "Please don't remind me of that again."
She played with his hair and started humming some tunes.
"What's that song? The tune's really catchy." He reached for his phone at the table.
"I don't know, it's just a random melody in my head." Ash shrugged but he asked her to hum it out again. He recorded it with his phone and listened to it.
"I think I can make a song out of this." He listened to the recording over and over again as he grabbed a pencil and paper. He then wrote something, scratched it, and scrawled something again. Ash went to his side and looked over at the paper.
Please come back to me
And fall in love with me again
You can take some rest walking
On this beautiful flower road
And wait for me patiently right there
"You really know how to make cheesy lyrics, don't you?" Ash teased her best friend but she really was amazed with his skills. "I can't even write in a snap and you just did it right before my eyes. YG is really lucky to have you in their company." She nodded.
Ji Yong chuckled and kept the paper in his pocket. "You know I can do better when I was younger. I'm getting really rusty now."
"Believe me, as your friend for more than twenty years I can say that you're still the same. Still talented, still a mischief maker." She snorted and went back to her seat.
"By the way, how's your song with hyung going? I bet he's pestering you everyday."
Ash nodded. "We already have some lyrics but we're still working on with the melody. He's been really busy because he's been travelling back and forth to Korea. I think he was crying the last time he called me from Germany." Ji Yong laughed but agreed that Seung Hyun must be really tired from all of his filming.
"Is it called 'Act Like Nothing Happened'? Hyung posted it for around fifty times and I almost unfollowed him that day. He really knows how to annoy people."
"That's right. We conceptualized it when he kidnapped me the morning you guys invaded my dorm." She grimaced at the memory.
Ji Yong then stood up and pulled out a portable keyboard from the under the table. "You still know how to play the piano right? Maybe you can make something out of this and surprise hyung."
Ash approached him and started playing random keys. "As if nothing's wrong, as if nothing's going on." She chanted as she tried to find the right melody for her lyrics. He then helped her until they finally found the right tune for the song. They didn't even notice Ji Yong's manager was back with their food.
"Here, I'll record it then send it to Seung Hyun hyung." He held up his phone as Ash cleared her throat before starting to play the chords.
"Am I supposed to laugh as if nothing's wrong? Each day passes by as if nothing's wrong oh, oh. As if nothing's wrong, as if nothing's going on. Memories of you I tried to erase, are starting to grow on me." Ash sang the chorus with such emotions that it even made the hair on Ji Yong's back stand up.
His manager applauded and joked that he wanted to manage her instead. Ash grinned but looked at Ji Yong's blank reaction which made her nervous.
"Is it off-key? I'll practice." She squinted her eyes as she thought of ways to improve her singing. "Can you delete that one? I'd like to do it again."
"N-no, it's perfect. How come I've never heard you sing like this before? You should've sang one of my songs instead of rapping 'Doom Dada'. I might get the chance to collaborate with you instead." He sighed because he now really wanted Ash to feature to his songs.
She just laughed and teased him. "You had your chance when we were young, Mr. Kwon. You didn't appreciate me back then."
Ji Yong just rolled his eyes at her.
"Of course, I didn't know that you can sing. We were too busy dancing to RooRa songs and playing with Lego blocks before. How would've I known?" He said innocently.
"I'm kidding! I actually didn't know it myself until I joined theatre. It really developed my voice a lot because the practices are no joke."
Ash then opened the food that Ji Yong's manager bought for them. She squealed when she saw the spicy rice cakes.
Ji Yong snickered at her undying love for food and thought about their time apart from each other. "I wonder how you were in college. I missed you when your family moved away. Hey, I remember we had a time capsule back in the neighborhood!" He said too loudly.
Ash was eating a rice cake as she spoke. "I wonder if it's still there though? Didn't they build a lot of houses back there since then?" She picked up a rice cake with a chopstick and shoved it in Ji Yong's mouth.
"Mmm I think," he chewed "it's still there. How old were we when we burried it?" He asked then exclaimed. "Oh, the rice cakes are good! It's just your style."
"I know right! Your manager really knows his tteokbokki." She held two thumbs up towards Ji Yong's manager then answered. "It's when you started training at YG. Around 12 or 13?"
He then remembered something. "Yeah, it was when Young Bae had a big crush on you. He always wanted to hang out with you that I really got annoyed. I couldn't take it anymore and exploded during one of our basketball games." Ji Yong chuckled as he recalled his first fight with Young Bae.
Ash just looked away with a blush on her face and focused on the rice cakes.
Ji Yong's manager excused himself suddenly as he answered a phone call. The two were alone once again. Ji Yong dimmed the lights and said that he wanted to rest his eyes for a bit. They both sat on the couch comfortably while he played with her hair.
Ash gasped. "I remember, Seungri said that you wrote 'Untitled, 2014' for me. Is that even true?" Ash asked him curiously. She peeked at him from the side to check his expression. It turned from a relaxed to an annoyed reaction.
"That maknae can't simply shut off his mouth." He sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up but I guess you're really a curious cat." He tickled her ear by using the ends of her hair and explained.
"I was really sorry to you that year. I'm actually surprised you didn't figure that it was for you." He then dropped her hair and leaned on her shoulder. He grabbed her wrist and started drawing flower patterns on her forearm.
Ash just closed her eyes. It then dawned on her what the song really meant. It was that year. The year half of her heart died.
'Her expression was barely readable. It was a combination of sadness, agony, regret, and defeat. She felt numbness all over her body as people tried to comfort her for her loss.
It was almost a year after her debut that her mother got involved in a car accident. She was the only one who was with Ash the whole time and now she left her for good. It cannot be described as a mere empty feeling but more like someone took Ash's heart out alive.
When the hospital called her, her knees almost gave out as she ran out of her photoshoot to hail a cab. Everything was a blur and in the end, all she saw was her mother's cold body laid on a hospital bed with a blanket over her face. She couldn't help but blame the doctors for not doing their best to save her mother but she regretted doing it afterwards. She knew they did what they needed to do, being a doctor herself. It just turned out that it was her mother's time to go.
A number of celebrities went to the funeral including four of the BIGBANG members. Kwon Ji Yong, however, was not present that time. He was in Paris attending a fashion show when he heard about the news. He was forlorn when he couldn't catch a flight back to Korea immediately. He wasn't able to attend his other scheduled meetings for he was frantic to get back as soon as possible.
He only got there three days after the funeral and the first thing he did was visit the grave of Ash's mother. Even though his agency tried to filter out the news, a lot of pictures of him crying on her grave still went viral. His fans were enraged because the entertainment sites seemed not to care about his privacy.
When he visited Ash at her house, she was apparently out of the country. The president wouldn't tell him or the other members where she went as she requested for a month-long break. It seemed short but it was Ash who decided on it. During that month, everyone was concerned as to where she was.
Some netizens claimed that they saw her in Japan but others said that she was in the Philippines. Ji Yong gave her space by not trying any means to contact her but he still hoped that someone could update him where she was. He even looked at entertainment sites for any pictures that may show any signs of her but to no avail. He then started to compose 'Untitled, 2014', waiting for her to come back.
Surprisingly, Young Bae knew that Ash was back in the country a week before the end of her break. It turned out that his mother saw Ash in Busan during her vacation with his father. She recognized Ash and insisted that they accompany her.
Ash told her that she was travelling around for weeks without any thought in her mind. She was holding up her composure successfully not until Young Bae's mother shared a Bible verse to her. It was 1 Peter 5:7 stating 'Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.' Ash broke down in tears and since then, she was closer to Young Bae's mother.
Young Bae only knew about it on their third day together in Busan and his mother asked him not to tell anyone. He immediately asked for a 3-day leave and followed them to Busan. There he found Ash fishing with them with a faint of a smile on her face. They spent their time together as they helped her somehow heal the scars she had.
Young Bae and Ash kept their meeting to themselves until now and it was then that the two developed a special bond between them.
When Ash came back to YG, her fans were more than ecstatic and consoled her by sending dozens of flowers and gifts to the agency. She was touched by their gesture and made her comeback through an interview with Entertainment Weekly. She made sure that she thanked everyone who patiently waited for her and asked them to further support her future works. She gained more fans as they were amazed with how strong she held up.
Ji Yong on the other hand was of course happy but at the same time frightened to face his best friend. His fear turned to guilt when Ash hugged him tightly when they first saw each other after her mother's death. He couldn't help but apologize to her while crying as she gently carressed his head to comfort him.
"I'm supposed to be the one who's crying, oppa." She tried to joke but tears followed after. They were a mess but felt comfort in each other's arms. Ji Yong slept beside her that night as they talked about their memories with her mother. They were a part of each other's lives and no one can doubt that.'
"I disappointed everyone. You, mother, even myself. I couldn't even talk to you for a month and I had nothing else but just do what I'm good at — express my feelings through a song. It was the only thing that kept me sane." He sighed and felt defeat with the memory.
"I never though t-that" Ash inhaled deeply as she tried to compose herself "I never thought that song was for me, for us. D-do you still feel guilty? Don't Ji Yong, p-please."
Ji Yong turned to Ash and nuzzled his head deeper into her neck. His tears started to fall on her collarbone. "I miss your mom, too. I miss the times wherein I'll skip my training at SM and YG and hide at your house even if you're not there. I miss her smile, it's exactly like yours — dimpled, bright, and beautiful."
Ash just shook her head as she tried to hide the painful memories. "Please don't do this to me now, oppa. Please." She plead as the tears escaped her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Choon-he." He then looked up. "I'm sorry omma. I'm sorry if I'm not being good to your daughter. I'm sorry I wasn't t-there." His voice broke on the last word. They cried together for a few minutes until Ash cleared her throat.
"This will not do. I wanted to spend time with you, not cry with you." She chuckled softly. "Do you have anything else to do today?" She asked as she wiped her own tears away and calmed herself down.
Ji Yong did the same and shook his head. "I have nothing. It's today, isn't it?" Ash nodded sheepishly and he then stood up to turn the lights back on.
When they clearly saw each other's reddened eyes, they laughed and teased the other.
"I told you not to do this! Mom would scold you for making me cry again." She smiled weakly. He tried to wipe any trace of tears left on her cheeks and smoothened out the stray hairs that got on her face.
He slowly closed her eyes with his thumbs and gave her a kiss on his forehead. "You are so beautiful, Bae Choon-he."
She smiled. "You always tend to break my heart but you know to how to fix it easily. I just wished that," she opened her eyes and looked at him "I recorded you saying I'm beautiful. You can't take it that back then!" She laughed which surprised Ji Yong. He can't believe that she became such a strong human being.
"You call me ugly but you always end up telling me I'm beautiful whenever I cry. You're really messed up." She shook her head.
They were both chuckling when his manager came back to the room. He was carrying a bouquet of daisy flowers and gave it to Ash.
"This is for your mother. I hope you two enjoy your day." He shyly said and looked away from her. He already knew about today because Ji Yong and Ash had been spending the anniversaries together for the last two years.
Ash stood up to hug him. "You're exactly like Ji Yong, always seeming not to care but you guys are so soft-hearted."
They all chuckled together and wrapped up everything in the studio.
"Do you really don't want me to drive you guys? I have nothing for today as well so I don't mind." Ji Yong's manager offered.
Ash replied. "No we're fine, really. Manager Kang texted me about four times now, asking the same question. You guys are the best managers ever." She held up a 'finger heart' while smiling which made him slightly blush.
"O-okay then. I'll get going." He said as he bowed to bid goodbye to the two.
"You know you shouldn't do that to him." Ji Yong remarked. "He might lose his wit. He's actually a really big fan of yours. I think he follows you on every SNS account you have. He doesn't even follow me!" He said as they passed by the lobby on their way to the elevators but something caught Ash's eye outside and she turned back to look again.