"Hols, why do you have to set your alarm so early?" Finn groans into my ear the next morning and I chuckle at him as he moans pulling me tighter to him as I reach for my phone to turn it off.
"I hate mornings, I need time to accept that I need to leave my nice warm bed and interact with other human beings for the day" I tell him hitting snooze and snuggle myself back against him and suddenly remember that we are both naked when I feel how happy he is this morning. I feel myself tense when I realise I'm no longer in my lust filled haze and Finn has seen just about all of me and has been holding me all night when everything is flabby and on display. Shit!
"What's wrong?" Finn asks sleepily into my neck placing a soft kiss behind my ear and I can feel him tracing small patterns on my stomach that makes me want to try and breath in so his hand can't feel how big it is. "Muffin?" Finn asks concerned and I can't help the bark of laughter at how fitting his nickname is for me, more like muffin top! He try's to turn me over to look at him but I hold on to the covers staying on my side so as not to move too much. "You're doing that thing where you go into your head and make things bigger than they need to be" Finn states removing his hand from me and I don't know whether to be happy about it or see it as rejection?
"I still have three minutes until my snoozed alarm goes off again stop killing my buzz" I say trying to play the whole thing down with my eyes shut not wanting to give a voice to my insecurities with him just now. I don't want to regret what happened last night but I've been so stupid to forget how my body compares to all those other girls he's seen, heck not one of them have ever been seen with any girl even nearly remotely on the heavy side except me.
"Don't go into that pretty little head of yours Hols" he says quietly stroking my hair but the absence of his hands actually on me and his body behind me brings burning tears to my eyes and I sniff trying to stop them from overflowing. "Holly?" Finn asks desperately trying to pull me to him again and luckily my alarm goes off giving me an excuse. I reach over and hit stop and grab the sheet to me pulling as I go so as not to let him see any more of me. I feel his eyes on me and look up to see his confused green eyes watching me with a tinge of sadness.
"I'm just going to go shower" I say tilting my head to the bathroom door. "I'll meet you downstairs" I tell him and turn and move as quick as possible with a long bedsheet around me.
Once in the bathroom I lock the door and turn on the shower and lean on the sink trying to calm my breathing to stop the tears from coming. I look up into the mirror and look at my face trying to actually look at my features to see why any of the boys would be willing to do this but I just see plain old me. I mean I'm not ugly by any means but as my mum once said when she was wasted "you'd look so much better with some of that weight off you" I forget at times she can be so spiteful when drunk. My brown eyes are large, I've got nicely shaped eyebrows, full lips and a button nose. I'm lucky to have inherited my dads Italian heritage so my skin has always had a nice colouring with wavy brown hair. If I was just going on my face I'd say I can see something but the rest of me is a car wreck. I open the sheet and look at my naked body in the mirror and the tears actually do come. Again I know I am no where near as big as some people but in society these days appearances mean a lot to some and my only saving grace is my small waist so that I actually have a shape but this body is definitely better covered up than out in the open. I mean I know that I'm looking more defined and toned from hockey but I still don't look like those other girls.
"Argh!" What the fuck am I doing? I'm not this girl with them! I've always known that other guys don't see me as attractive but the guys have only ever wanted to be my friend for me, I've never been a skinny Minnie and surely that has to mean more than anything.
I start to think back to last night and how Finn looked at me and I tell myself that he did not once look disgusted with what he seen. Did he? No! He told me I was perfect and spent time watching me or touching me and he held me all night and didn't let go of me until I started acting like an bloody idiot!
Wiping away my tears I tie the sheet back round me and before I can fully process what I'm doing I unlock the door and pull it open stomping into my room where luckily Finn is just finishing looking out his clothes and looks up at me worried. "What is it?" He asks suddenly at me.
"Does my body disgust you?" I ask wanting to know that I'm not trying to delude myself.
"What?" He asks frowning at me. "Are you serious?" He asks taking my face in his hands placing a sweet kiss to my lips."What is this about Holly?" I know he's being serious now cause he's using my proper name.
"I hate my body and for some reason this morning my mind has decide to make me completely self conscious and irrational over my thoughts of what you think" I tell him trying to look anywhere but his eyes suddenly embarrassed by my outburst.
Finn tilts my chin up to him and kisses me softly. "Look at me" He says gently holding my chin and I reluctantly open my eyes to see him smiling at me. He takes one of my hands and slowly moves it down his body making my stomach flutter placing it on his crotch where there is no mistaking that he is hard underneath. "Does that answer your question?" He says with a small chuckle and I realise I'm just staring at my hand on him. I look up confused and he places a kiss to my head. "I'm going to be walking around with a permanent boner today because I can't stop thinking about being able to touch your body last night. Hell, seeing you in your hockey skirt sets me off or when you wear a top that's low cut or when you are just wearing one of our tshirt." He tells me and the sincerity in his words and the heated gaze he sends me reaffirms it for me more. I never thought that I would ever make someone feel that way.
I pull him into a tight hug and hold him wanting to show that his words mean so much to me without trying to talk because apparently this morning my brain is not functioning properly at all. "You honestly don't see yourself the way everyone else does do you?" He asks quietly and I shake my head and he holds me tighter. "Don't you worry, we will show you" he tells me with determination behind his words. "Whoever the fuck has made you feel this way..." he breaks off placing kisses to my hair and face before placing a heated one to my lips that stops far too soon. "Don't ever feel insecure around any of us Holly, I can tell you that Kayd, Noah and Mitch all feel exactly like me" he says winking. "Are you sure that you don't regret last night? I mean if you feel I pushed you I'm sorry, I just can't get enough of you, and I just couldn't think straight, and I" He blubbers our and I lean up kissing him to shut him up.
"If I didn't need to go to school today I'd be repeating it right now" I tell him staring into his eyes so he can see that I mean it.
"Good." He says with a nod, "now take that pretty ass into the shower before I don't let you go and we get in trouble" he says chuckling but the look in his makes me debate whether he would actually do it. Before I can make it on my own Finn turns me around and pushes me toward the bathroom door slapping my butt making me squeak and head into the bathroom with a laugh.
Holy shit! He's right though, I need to stop with this self hate. I am the way I am and if they didn't like it there's no way we would be where we are now. Smiling to myself I climb in the shower and get ready for the day. I wonder how he would feel if he know most of my self hate comes from my Mom and kids at school?
I decide to dress up a bit for school, firstly because the last time I did it it gave me a confidence boost and this morning I think I need that, secondly it means I'm ready for Girls Night and lastly a small part of me wants to taunt Finn a little. Choosing my AC/DC Black tshirt that has the top laced up so that my cleavage can be seen and my black skinny jeans. I pair that with my black converse and take out my braid to have my hair in loose waves before applying some of my usual make up but making my eyes slightly darker and a plum lipstick. Looking in my mirror I find myself laughing at how different I look and shake my head at myself before grabbing my things and heading downstairs. We ended up running late so I head straight out to my car where Finn is waiting and jump in.
"Fuck me!" Finn groans throwing his head back against the head rest making me laugh.
"What?" I ask innocently reversing out of the drive and heading to school. He doesn't answer me straightaway but just rolls his head back and forth with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. "You okay?" I ask smirking watching him out the corner of my eyes as he sits up straighter looking me up and down and I begin to feel unsure about whether or not this was a good idea because the look he's giving me is making me press my thighs together.
"I change my mind. Let's go back and get in trouble" he says huskily taking my hand off the gearstick and over his pants making me laugh pulling my hand back after giving him a squeeze.
"Finn!" I screech pretending to be offended making him laugh loudly and I swat his arm as he continues to laugh.
"You did this on purpose didn't you?" He manages to get out but I don't answer him with anything other than a smirk and pretend to be fully engrossed in driving. "Noah's right, you are going to be the death of us" he says shaking his head making me smile. We drive the rest of the journey both lost in our own thoughts but I don't want to forget about what happened before everything else last night.
"Finn, are you going to tell the guys about your dad?" I ask knowing we will be in school soon. He doesn't answer me straight away so I turn to look at him "do any of them know?" I ask pulling into the car park.
"I think they have an idea but they don't know for sure." He admits quietly looking out the window. I hate seeing my care free, funny guy this sad.
"I think you need to tell them. Especially if it's getting worse and you need some place to crash" I say gently parking and turning to look at him properly.
"I know" he says quietly still not looking at me.
"You are more than welcome to stay at mine again tonight if you want?" I offer leaning through and grabbing my bag from the backseat. When I turn round Finn catches my lips on the way past making me laugh. "You'll get us caught" I chastise him getting out the door before I give in to the urge to kiss more.
"I like walking on the wild side" Finn tells me taking my hand as we walk into school. I look at him with wide eyes but he just shrugs and I tell myself that this is normal for us before things went further.
"I'll stay with one of the guys tonight and head to the game with them so you girls can have your night tonight but if you have naked pillow fights you need to send me pictures" He says laughing as we come to my locker and I pull my hand away swatting his chest making him laugh more. "Perv" I tell him and he tries to look shocked but fails. "You want me to walk you to French? We could maybe get lost along the way and stumble into the janitors closet and I can show you what else my hands can do?" He teases wiggling his eyebrows at me causing my body to tingle all over.
"You have a serious one tracked mine" I tell him.
"Oooo you want to don't you" He says coming forward leaning close into me so that I can feel the heat of his breath on the side of my neck as I try to ignore him and get my brain in order and out the gutter to figure out what I need for the day.
"People are going to talk you know" I suddenly hear Mitch's voice and turn to see him right behind Finn but instead of looking annoyed he appears amused. He hands me my mochachino making me smile brightly at him and lean past Finn to kiss his cheek in thanks.
"There's usually some rumour or another about me going around what's one more?" Finn laughs but I can also see something cross his features quickly before his smile is back in place.
"This is true" Mitch says coming to my side as I close my locker taking my hand making us all laugh. "Ready to go?" He asks looking at me pulling me into his side and I place my hand on his chest to snuggle in and nod.
"See you guys later" Finn calls as we head off and I turn to wave at him as he winks and turns to head the other way.
"I like the rock chick look you're going for today" Mitch says looking at me up and down and I watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows.
"Thanks. Was trying something new" I say blushing as we head into class and sit down. Just as I sit down I feel my phone buzz and check it to see it's from Finn. Opening it I see a picture message of his top slightly raised showing off a small portion of his abs and his jeans unbuttoned showing the top of his boxers and v shape leading into them. That boys body is unreal! Those bruises though make me want to hold him!
Finn: just wanted to give you something to think about ;) xx
Trying to think how to get him back and keep his head away from home I put my phone to selfie mode and point the camera to the drawstrings on my top and push my boobs together to get a good cleavage and snap a picture laughing to myself.
"What are you doing?" Mitch asks smirking looking over my shoulder. "I want that too" He says pulling out his phone as he blushes.
"I'm getting Finn back" I tell him hitting send as Madame Debois walks into class.
"Well if that's how you are going to get us back I'm up for that" he whispers but immediately shuts up when the teacher pins him with a look and I roll my eyes at him nudging him with my elbow. Boys!
All the guys ended up getting called for a last minute soccer practice so it's just Libby, Poppy and me for lunch today. I push about my mac and cheese- that I swear looks green -as Libs talks about the gossip from around school and compliments me on my style choice for the day -I've assured her it's not a new thing- and Poppy reads one of those terrible teen mags. "Hey Holly" I hear behind me and see Matt and Mike walking past giving them a wave as they head to their table and spot Milo walking over. "Hey" He says coming to sit beside me.
"Hey you! Not seen you in a couple of days" I say realising I've not seen him around.
"Yea, someone's too good for our spot now" he says laughing nudging my arm but I hear a hint of something in his tone and give an awkward laugh at him.
"Don't be silly. I've just not had a chance" I say waving his comment off.
"Yea your friends are pretty protective of you" He says with a bite and I choose not to answer that. "Anyway, I was just wanting to know if you fancied going to the Halloween party with me?" He asks and quickly adds "as friends" when he must see the look on my face. I thought we talked about this?
"I hate Halloween" I tell him honestly. "I don't like not being able to tell who people are behind the masks, it freaks me out" I say shoving at the thought of all those stupid scary movies the guys like so much.
"Aww come on. I'll keep all the bad guys away from you" He tells me flexing his arms making us laugh.
"Your wasting your breath Milo. I've known this girl all my life and I've never managed to get her out or to dress up for Halloween yet" Libby tells him but I can see from her face that it's more for back up than information.
"Well we could just stay in and chill then if all your friends are going out without you? I don't mind missing the party." He tells me eating one of my grapes off my tray. This boy is getting too friendly. I don't share food!
"I don't know what my plans are yet" I tell him and I can feel my face heating up not wanting to be nasty to him but also not having a good enough excuse to say no without bringing the guys into it.
"We always do something as a group on Halloween, sort of tradition you know" Libby says for me and I put my hand on her knee that she pats and I know she gets that I'm thankful for her.
"Cool, well let me know what the plans are then." He states happily and I know my eyes are bugging out of my head now because he thinks he is invited with us. What the hell? "See you ladies later" he says to Libby and Poppy who just stare at him as well. "See you in English Holly" Milo says and I just smile and nod but he then leans in and places a quick kiss to my cheek before standing up and heading back to his friends.
"What. The. Fuck?" Libby asks with her mouth hanging open as my body begins to run cold with how forward he is being and how I don't want that. "That boy needs put in his place." She states taking her phone out of her pocket and I know she's going to tell one of the guys so I place my hand on her to stop her.
"You know they will just come in here and kick off if you do that. I'll tell them tomorrow" I assure her and wipe my cheek on my shoulder wanting the feel of his lips off my skin.
"Okay" she says staring over my shoulder. "But if he does anything before then I'm telling them straight away" she tells me pointing her fork at me and I nod.
"Anyway, what's the plans for tonight?" I ask wanting to change the subject. Looking to the both of them and notice Poppy's face is bright red.
"You okay?" I ask worriedly. "I can handle him don't worry" I say to try and assure her if it's because of Milo.
"Did you guys know that 87% of men like their girlfriends to have no hair down there" she states looking down towards the table.
"What?" Libby and I both ask at the same time.
"It says in here that guys prefer things to be "tamed" downstairs or nothing at all" she says spluttering wide eyed. She closes the magazine and pushes it away from her. "Remind me to never read anymore of those. I'm so not ready to do anything with Max." She says shaking her head. Shit! I'm not "tamed"down there!! I find myself looking from Poppy to Libby and see that she looks in thought.
"That's a pretty high statistic" I say "but I wouldn't worry about any of that. You do what you want. Max isn't going to be caring about anything like that" I tell her trying to get her to calm down as I can see the colour draining from her face.
"Your right he's not because he ain't going anywhere near there" she say motioning to herself making me laugh. "H this isn't funny! Why do all these stupid things make girls feel so self conscious and confused. They shouldn't be allowed to print shit like that" she states annoyed and I have to cover my mouth with my hand to stop from laughing at her because I know she is freaking out.
"Libby are you "tamed" I ask finger quoting what P had read and expect her to laugh along with me but when I look at her she's still not really with us. "Lib?" I ask wanting to know what she's thinking.
"I know what we are doing tonight" Libby suddenly states looking mischievous.
Why do I know this is going to be a bad idea?What a random day!
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Hello!!!
I am SO SORRY for the length of time it has taken me to put up a chapter for this story 🙈 I have had a lot going on in my personal life and have been focusing on my other stories and time has ran away but I also lost my mojo for writing anything for a while there but Holly and the gang have been screaming at me for the last couple of days and I needed to write something.
This is my first ever story that I decided to write and I want to do it justice so please let me know what you think of his chapter and thank you so much for continuing to read! I'm hoping to get more chapters up soon just can't put a time frame on them but it will definitely not be a year again!!
Thank you so much for reading and a big shout out to @KaylaLewis5 who commented recently and let me know that people still enjoy this story and gave me a boost to get something written 😘
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