"Hey guys there's a party tonight at Ted's place. You going?" Zayn asked when I picked up the phone.
"I don't know man. I just wanna be at home today with everything that's been going on," I answered.
"Aw okay. I understand bro, if you wanna come just show up. Love ya man," Zayn said.
"Love ya too bye," I hung up.
"Who was that and why did you say you loved them?" Harry asked when he came into the room with two cups of coffee.
"Zayn he wanted me to go to a party."
"And what did you say?" He handed me a cup of coffee which I gladly accpeted.
"I said no."
"Why?"
"Just need a break from all the stuff that's happening. I don't think a party will help."
"I don't know. It sounds fun, maybe it will help," he raised an eyebrow.
"I just wanna take a nap from life right now," I groaned.
"Then take a nap," Harry sipped his coffee.
"Nap with me?" I pouted.
"Of course, anything for you," he smiled sweetly.
I layed down on the bed and made space for him to lay down next to me. He climbed onto the bed and settled down next to me. I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled my face into his chest. He smelled of cologne and coffee.
"Harry?"
"Hmm?"
"Why do you think Lillian just came into my life all of a sudden?"
"I don't know honestly. I just think she wants her son back," he whispered.
"But why now? Why not all those years back ago?"
"Maybe she wanted to a long time ago, she was just afraid. But I'm sure she loves you, you just don't know it.
"She doesn't love me Harry."
"Yes she does, she's your mother. You're her son. Even though you don't love her yet, she loves you no matter what. I don't think anything will change that."
"I think it will. I mean look at my father. He used to love me, and then he just... stopped. It's better to just push Lillian away before I actually grow fond of her."
"That's not the best way to handle it, you know that."
"Yeah, well I have no other choice."
"You do. You just don't want to admit it."
I stayed silent. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. 5 minutes passed. 10 minutes passed. 15. I just couldn't go to sleep.
"Harry?"
"Yeah Lou?"
"Let's go to that party."
"So now you wanna go?" He smirked.
"Shut up," I mumbled and got out of bed.
***
As we got out of the car, we heard music coming from inside Ted's house. I took a hold of Harry's hand and led him through the crowd of people from our school. It was actually pretty nice to see the familiar faces of some of these people one last time before we all went off to college. People shouted hey and smiled and waved at Harry and I even when they were drunk or high out of their minds. How great.
"You made it bros!" Zayn handed us beers.
"Yeah, I wanted to come after all."
"Good you need to get out of that house and get your white ass tanned," Zayn joked.
"Ha ha very funny," I rolled my eyes.
"You know you love me," Zayn smiled.
"Whatever man."
"Yo I gotta go get some more beer have fun lovebirds! Don't have too much sex in the guest bedroom!"
"Why are we friends with such weird people?" I asked Harry.
"Because we're as weird as them."
"Good point."
In the span of 20 minutes, I went through 3 beers and I was currently dancing in the living room among a bunch of other people like a crazy person. I kept downing beers like they were nothing, and they helped me forget all about Lillian.
"Hey Louis!" Somebody yelled behind me.
I turned around to see Ted smiling at me.
"Aye Ted! How ya doin' buddy," I slurred.
"Good. Looks like you've had a lot to drink eh?"
"Yeah and it's awesome!"
"If you want I have something more awesome you can try," Ted whispered.
"What is it?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I can't tell you down here. Follow me," he said. So I did.
He led me outside to his backyard where there was a bunch of guys and girls lighting up blunts and getting as high as fucking clouds.
Ted handed me a blunt and a lighter.
"Help yourself man," he said and walked away to go sit next to a girl showing way too much cleavage than needed.
"Eh what the fuck," I said and lit it up.
I stood against the tree in the backyard smoking weed. It felt good. Except I was getting the munchies. I never knew that smoking could be so relaxing. I was always against smoking and doing drugs, but now I think it's not so bad.
I took long drags of the blunt.
"You enjoying that?" A girl also smoking came up to me.
"Yeah, it feels great."
"Since we're both high and drunk you wanna go upstairs?" She came closer to me.
I took a step back
"Sorry, but um I'm already in a relationship," I took another drag.
"It's okay, she doesn't need to know," she continued stepping closer to me as I continued stepping back.
"It's not a she. It's a he," Harry said from behind the girl.
She turned around and mugged Harry.
"You're gay?" She asked me.
"Yeah," and another drag.
"Oh," she said simply and scurried away.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Harry exclaimed.
Everybody turned to look at us.
"Nothing to stare at here people! Just keep getting high!" Harry yelled at them.
He took my hand and dragged me out to the front of the house where nobody could hear us. He crossd his arms and glared at me.
"What?" I kept on smoking.
"Why are you smoking weed?" He asked.
"Because Ted gave it to me and I wanted to try it."
"But why? Why are you trying this? You would've never tried this kind of shit before!"
"Well that was before, this is now. And I've already tried it. In fact, I still am," I inhaled and blew smoke into his face. He coughed.
"You're being stupid! Put that shit out, and let's just go home."
"No," I refused.
"Why no?"
"Because you don't control me Harry. I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want. I can make my own decisions," I said.
"Well this decision you're making right here," he pointed to the blunt, "is a really stupid one."
"I don't care if it's stupid. It's just a one time thing, chill."
"You say it's a one time thing now, but then you're going to keep doing it. And you know what this shit leads to? Drugs."
"Calm down. I'm not gonna do drugs," I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, and before you said you weren't going to smoke weed! But look at what you're doing now!"
"What do you want from me Harry? It takes all the stress away. I don't have to worry about Lillian or my father or any of that shit! It's relaxing all right?"
"You really wanna know what I want from you Louis?"
"Yeah. Yeah I do."
"I want the Louis that I fell for back. The one who was happy. The one who didn't smoke. The one who was forgiving. The one that would've possibly given Lillian a chance," he said.
"Well guess what Harry. That Louis is gone. He went away. He grew up. And this is me now. So deal with it."
"I don't want you to smoke Louis! Do you want to turn into your father!" He yelled, but then his eyes widened in realization of what he just said.
"Did you really just say that to me?" I asked in shock.
"I didn't mean t-" he started.
"Listen up. I will never turn into my father. Not in a fucking million years! Understand that," I said in anger.
"Well you're going to if you keep doing this kind of shit," he spat.
"Well what are you gonna do about it?" I seethed.
"Either throw that blunt out or else."
"Or else what," I cocked an eyebrow.
"Or else we're done," Harry looked away.
"Please, you don't mean that," I scoffed.
"I mean it," he looked at me again.
"No you don't," I inhaled and blew the smoke into his face again.
"Alright Louis. That's it. We're done. Call me when you're not high and actually make good decisions," He started walking away.
"Wait!"
"What?"
"Why are you doing this? Why are you breaking up with me? You said you loved me," I whispered.
"I'm doing this because I love you," he walked over and gave me one last kiss before he started walking to his car again and drove away.
I threw the blunt on the ground and shook my head in denial. He couldn't have just broken up with me? How could've I been so stubborn and stupid? Why didn't I just listen to him? I just lost the love of my life. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I fell onto the grass and started crying. I cried and cried until Zayn saw me. He helped me off the ground then brought me back to his place. I couldn't go to sleep that night knowing that I lost the only person who made me truly happy anymore. I fucked it up. And I could never forgive myself.
*****
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