The sound of the world was garbled and warped as I held my breath. The new kind of silence was becoming normal as I closed my eyes to cutting off the vision before me.
But my minds eye then came into play. All I could see was her.
Amelia.
Her long brown hair, the little dress, her small features. Exactly how I envisioned her. It was hard to explain the emotional attachment I had found with a baby that was smaller than pineapple. A baby that I never truly met and would never have the chance to. But when I heard those words, a power hit into my soul and I turned from being alone to being a mom. The motherhood spirit had attached itself to me and I was ready.
Then it all happened...
The sense of loss, the tears, the pain. It felt so much worse than losing Cody. Then I was alone again.
I imagined blue eyes marvelling up at me. Full of excitement and love. I felt that back.
She was here, although she was in my mind, I had a clear vision of what she was like as a small child. Not a baby. But as a 5 maybe even 6 year old.
I tried to reach out and touch her, but I couldn't. Which causes an ache so bad in my chest that I wished it away.
My little girl.. Her eyes glistened before they moved down. My eyes then followed, and came to stop. On my stomach. Much like the vision in the museum, I had a rounded tummy. There was no mistaking what kind of tummy I was supporting.
Was my desire to be pregnant again? To be married? I didn't think it was but that mirror couldn't lie, could it? This had to be something I wanted, but it was buried deep down, so deep in fact that I didn't know it even existed!
Zak had questioned my mood for the rest of the day, but I couldn't tell him what had happened. I couldn't let him tell me that it wasn't real. That the daisy being left on the path wasn't a sign, a message. I had to believe it.
Amelia...
I would have gave her the world. I would have walked across hot coals with broken legs. I would have done anything—
Pain surged around my waist, the image of Amelia flickered and with a pull, the world burst back into my silence.
Air shot through my system as I gasped at it, opening my eyes as Zak's yells and hands grabbed at me.
"LEAH!"
Water ran down my face as I looked at him, fear stricken eyes watched me as I took a breath.
His arms tightened before he pulled my face into the crook of his neck. "Oh thank god, thank god."
I didn't understand what was wrong, I was just in the pool. I could swim...
But you weren't. You were just there. Under water. Thinking..
It dawned on me how it must have looked and my arms slowly wrapped around Zak's neck holding him back.
"What the hell were you thinking? I thought... Christ." He spoke pulling me away to inspect my face.
"I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry."
"Don't ever do that, I called for you and then I find you in the pool. I... You're still clothed."
It was true.
So desperate to stop the whirlwind of thoughts bashing against my skull, I had climbed into the pool fully clothed and submerged myself. A technique the doctors had mentioned.
Not the submerging, that was classified as dangerous for obvious reasons. But they did recommend swimming. To help with... With everything.
So I did. And then I found the benefit of submerging myself in the cold water and letting my mind turn off entirely.
"Babe. What the hell is going on?" He questioned.
"I.." Just tell him.. He might be able to help.
But what if he says that the daisy wasn't a message? What if he discredits everything I believe? I couldn't let him do that. No. No I had to keep this to myself..
"I love you." I mumbled causing his shoulders to drop slightly.
"I love you too. But shit." He gave an exasperated sigh and lowered us back into the water when I shivered.
We stayed in silence for a while, my mind slowly seeping away from the present until he spoke. "You'd tell me if something was wrong. Wouldn't you?"
I nodded. "I just needed a few minutes and... Well I didn't think anything more about it. I just slipped in."
"Still in your clothes."
"Still in my clothes.... You're still dressed."
"I thought you were...." He stopped and looked down at the pool water. "I just panicked."
I scared him.
"Sorry. I won't do it again."
He sighed and pushed his forehead against mine, letting our own quiet wrap around us. There was peace within him, peace that I was clinging onto desperately.
Nuzzling against his forehead, I gave him a kiss. He returned it, which I then pushed back with a little more energy. Zak responded instantly, picking up on my leading, moving within the water until my back touched the edge of the pool.
I wrapped my legs around his waist as his mouth claimed mine. His tongue delving deep within my mouth demanding more from me. Through a mind of their own, my fingers threaded through his hair and tugged on the black strands eliciting a growl from his chest.
A gasp escaped my lips as he lifted me up out the water and placed me on the side, shortly after he pulled himself out and reattached himself to my body, pulling me indoors, leaving a trail of water droplets in our wake.
"Zak..." I whispered as he tugged hard at my clothes.
"Shut up and help me." He demanded making my own hands grab his clothes and remove them with the same haste as he had.
Shedding our layers, we paused, panting heavily as lust took over. I was about to make a move when his hand grasped my chin forcefully. "Push everything away.... You're mine right now. Got it?"
I nodded and then winced as he tightened his grip.
"Do it." He ordered.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and bundled everything up before exhaling it out of my body. After a third breath, I opened my eyes to see his hungry and waiting like a tiger waiting to pounce.
"Good girl."
Then he pounced.
......................................,
Zak POV..
My fingers played with the damp ends of her hair as Leah slept beside me. So quiet that I checked she was breathing at least three times.
It was late, the moon was high in the nights sky, illuminating Vegas' desert, giving the strip a run for its light bulbs.
But I couldn't sleep.
Not after finding her like that today..
She scared me. The idea of her...
An emotion stirred deep within my chest, making it painfully uncomfortable. It wasn't right.
It would never be right. But I had been expecting something, with Cody, Amelia.. I expected some aftermath. I just wasn't expecting that.
I didn't think she was suicidal. Not when I pulled her up and surprise flittered across her features. A surprise that I was pulling her up out the depths of my pool, surprise that I had interrupted her. Surprise that I was there..
I had punished her.
I had tortured her body with pleasure, making her beg and plead with me as I brought her to the edge of bliss over and over again. But never letting her fall over it.
With every cry and plead, it sealed a small crack within my soul that had made itself known when I thought that she had left me.
She won't ever understand how it made me feel. I would never tell her.
I tortured her, and then I made love to her. Letting her fall apart, sob and moan with pleasure until she couldn't take anymore and pushed me away.
I'd let her rest for a few minutes before finding a way to bring her back to me. Under my body, at my mercy, sealing my pain.
Now I was here, led beside her, a sheet covering our bodies. Me waiting until she needed me again, whether it was to help her through whatever happened and something did happen... or if it was to hold her whilst she slept. Either way, I would wait. Like I had waited before.
My eyes landed on the daisy, stuffed in a glass of water on her bedside table, drooping slightly. To me the flower was done for, but she waited to give it a chance.
I knew it started at the museum, it started with that damn flower. Now there was an attachment to it. I just had to work out what it was.
And I would.
It was just a matter of time...