aurora
where they discuss the future
grayson and i had been sat on the rooftop for the past couple minutes. just in silence as my mind was screaming. shouting for a way to figure out to tell him what i want. "i know you're thinking so hard right now and i just need you to know that you can do it loud. in front of me." he explains coughing my head to glance away from the view in front of me but the boy beside me.
my head somehow nodding when i take a soft breath of air. "it's about the baby." i confirm making him stare at me with worried eyes as he does not say anything. grayson just listens. "i know what i want to, what i need to do." i state with a shaky breath as suddenly his hand outreaches to find my own. his thumb being used to caress my skin as he goes to speak up.
"alright, tell me."
"grayson, i can't keep this baby. i'm definitely not ready, you aren't either." i start off making him frown a little when he begins to nod faintly.
"so you want to have an abortion?" he questions me cautiously and when he does i shake my head softly. i had no hate toward that procedure whatsoever, in fact i understood it in many ways. however it was not the route i wanted to go through.
"no, grayson. i want to go through the adoption process. i think we can give the baby a good home." i say with a nervous smile as it looks like he can finally breath again. grayson grins a little as well when he pushes a stray strand of hair that tickled the side of my face.
"anything you want to do, i'm here for it. i'll be there." he concludes which makes me feel better in a way that i had his support. however it wasn't such a relief when i was aware that he would be.
"i know."
+
last month of summer break
"dad, can you please pass me a water bottle?" i shout across the room to where my father stood in the kitchen, my hands placed on the bump that had begun to grow. my eyes fixated on the way my tightened shirt had formed around the new form.
this new part of my life was still in effect as it was the last couple of days of summer break for college students. or more so my friends who went to school as i had decided that a gap year would suffice due to my new life.
also i did not need the ogling eyes of every young individual on me when i stepped into an art history class. "here you go, sweetheart." my father says softly when passing me the drink as i smiled at him.
my father's vision going from the structure of my face to then the bump i had possessed. i was very grateful of his support and not any forms of anger or disappointment. which is why i had moved back into my childhood home and away from nyu during the time i had taken off.
it was a temporary fix until grayson had found a place where we could both stay until the baby would be born. "how are you feeling?" his words spark conversation as i stop the concentration on my life and focus on my father.
"still a little nauseous but apparently that comes with the first trimester." i state making him nod and have a sigh come along.
"yeah that happened with your mother a lot. especially with you." the mention of my mother had saddened me and perhaps it was the imbalance with my emotions but i had wished for her presence here. with the fact of the matter that she was gone and i was pregnant, i felt like the guidance of your own mother was always the best part of having a baby. "i know what you're thinking, sweetheart. i wish she was here too." he comments almost reading my mind when i nod. a dejected smile that begins to form but is soon interrupted from the doorbell ringing.
"that's probably grayson." i say when pushing myself up to then walk over to the door. the face that is revealed is grayson and another individual beside him. this being my brother, jude, who i have not seen for almost a year now which of course brings happiness. "jude! oh my god!" i scream when moving quickly to wrap my arms around his neck. his laugh present and the way he holds me tight lets me hold on a little longer.
"you're already so pregnant, what the hell." he adds when pulling apart and noticing the new found bump attached to my stomach which lets me nod. my eyes glancing down to my abdomen and hands going to the curve.
"two months, the baby is healthy and growing while also making me die of exhaustion and nausea." i state when rubbing the area a little as my vision then glances over to grayson who stares with awe. "and hey, did you have any luck?" i ask when moving to kiss his cheek as the boy now grins.
"let's get inside first." he tells me as i agree when moving aside so both of the men walk in. i shut the door as i follow and fall onto the cushion of the couch beside grayson. "so i am very happy to see we got a place!" he suddenly brings up making me smile greatly as i am utterly excited by the good news.
"no way, holy shit!" i scream when going to pull the boy into a hug as he has a simper stitched to his lips.
"where is it?" my dad questions now and as we pull apart, grayson's eyes divert to him.
"it's in new york, still pretty close to here and college." he states letting me become relieved as i was excited for actually having a place due to the some amount of weirdness of living with my father once again. i was going to comment more on that until my phone rings and i answer to a happy voice.
"how's my niece?" i know the voice had belonged to my best friend and i roll my eyes from her words.
"still can't believe your convinced it's going to be a girl. but thanks for caring about me." i state sarcastically making a small chuckle leave her lips as she then answers me.
"it's definitely a girl and she will definitely be named cora."
"yeah in your dreams, mija." i answer making her suck her teeth before she sighs.
"whatever we'll fight about that later. but do you want to go out to june's diner. the boys miss you, i miss you, let's get out and party or something." she rambles making me smile softly and look over the boys who chat with small grins before speaking again.
"you do remember i'm pregnant, right? i'm getting fat and i get annoyed easily."
"yeah well all the more reason to eat. c'mon let's go, aurora." she whines letting me sigh.
"alright fine, i'll tell grayson." i say before saying goodbye and to soon have the car driving us the building of my favorite place.
+
5 months pregnant
"i can't see my feet, i have to pee every five seconds, and i'm fucking hungry." i say with gritted teeth as jaden widens his eyes. his hands up in surrender as he glances between me and cory who shares a very similar look.
"june! give her a chocolate milkshake or else she will kill us." cory hollers causing a loud laugh from the back of the diner that belonged to june, herself. within seconds she emerges from the kitchen to a tray of food and a chocolate milkshake.
"give it a rest guys. she's growing a baby in her, if anything she has a right to kill you." june jokes making me smile now as i am given a burger and my milkshake which i immediately begin to consume. "so is grayson going to show up or he still working?" she questions letting me nod as i finish my chewing of food before answering her.
"actually neither, he is doing something with the gender of the baby which i did not want to know about because of any attachment and all of that. he won't budge on telling me what he is doing so." i explain as june nods with a sad smile, i knew she wasn't too keen on my decision for adoption but it was what i needed to do and for that she did not say much on it. however i knew she did understand.
"well whatever it is i hope i'm invited."
"always will be, june." i state with a smile as she pats my shoulder before walking away and continuing onto another table.
"so if you were to have kept the baby what gender what you would want it to be?" jaden brings up now when i shake my head, taking a breath from my quick eating as i sat back a little. my eyes going from the boys across from me to then the larger bump i had grown. my hands go rub it softly.
"no, hypothetical questions. it brings too much emotions for the baby and i have enough of that with grayson." i say as jaden rolls his eyes once he is informed on this.
"i mean can you blame the guy? he loves you and you guys are having a baby. some emotion is bound to happen." jaden then voices. i frown a little now because of it all. i understood it completely because i was struggling with it. i mean, i was the one growing the baby and there is such a connection for the past couple of months. every moment making me try to push it all away more and more. that i had hoped it was a girl.
that whenever i passed a store with baby clothes, i hoped to buy an outfit. to go through it all but i was compelled to let that go. to give it away. "and i know that but it's hard. he just lets it out so easily and says it all so easily when really we shouldn't be even paying attention to her." i state not even noticing the last part as jaden smiles faintly.
"her, huh?" my eyes widen from the realization of it as i sigh.
"just forget it alright?"
"i'm just saying, aurora, it's okay to feel some attachment to the baby."
+
7 months pregnant
"freya is kicking." the sudden name slipped when i didn't mean for it. i had definitely let everything go when the feeling had finally happened. and by this i mean, the held back emotions and attachment to my baby girl was gone when she finally did it.
after the late actions of my baby kicking it had slipped and that is why grayson stood frozen with his eyes on me. "did you just say freya?" i knew the name already held feelings close to his heart due to it being his best friend who was killed.
however a nod then slowly processes as i look over to the man in front of me. "when did you decide to name her?"
"it just came to my mind as soon as i found out it was a girl. i always told you that my was name for whenever i had a girl." i explain my hands finding their way to my bump. suddenly grayson coming near me as i look up to where he smiles.
"i thought names meant too much attachment."
"it does, which is why i need to talk to you." i say now with my breath shaky as i am possessed with feelings of nervousness. "it's about the adoption."
"what about it?" he questions me quietly as i sigh when gazing back down to my stomach.
"it's so hard now, i feel so connected with her and i don't think i can do it." i say the last part softly as i become more emotional. "and i know this whole time i've been enforcing that i need this but i don't think i do. i think i need or we need to keep her. to raise her and watch her grow, i don't know."
"oh my god, yes. god yes! please i would love nothing more than to do that with you!" he shouts going to hold me close as he then kisses me. it makes me smile when we do as his palms then cup the side of my abdomen. "freya is staying with us."
+
9 months pregnant
"i just think this is the cutest." cora states when putting in another piece of clothing into the shopping cart. my smile evident as i shake my head.
"i hope you're paying for half of this stuff you haven't even shown us." grayson states when pushing the cart behind us which makes me partially agree as cora scoffs.
"i'll pay anything for my niece, what the hell. i mean c'mon gray." she answers making me chuckle faintly when picking out another piece of clothing as i feel the sudden pain once again letting me hold onto the corner of the shelve. my breathing becoming a little more heavy as i feel cora's small hand on my back. "you alright?"
"yeah, just some normal third trimester pain. i mean she's coming any day now so." i explain as the pain dies down a little as i stand a little straighter.
"good because i was about to think you're going into-" her words interrupted when water begins to trickle down my leg and onto the floor in an instant. my eyes widened as they go from the carpet to the girl in front of me. "labor." she finishes when cora drops everything in her hands to then shout.
"she's in fucking labor!"
+
sooooo she's in labor and it turns out she's keeping the baby! are you excited to find out everything that's going to happen now because i am, especially because drama is about the happen and lots of it.
also i know it jumped around a lot and basically all of her pregnancy but i plan on this book being short and only having 20 chapters so i couldn't really have more than one chapter of her pregnancy so : )
anyways i hoped you enjoyed ; )
finished: july 25th
word count: 2,438 words