"It's true. I'm your mother Louis," she smiled weakly.
"Stop it! Stop saying that! I know you're not her! My mother's dead! She's dead! Stop lying to me!" I shook my head vigorously and started taking deep breaths.
"I'm not lying. You have to believe me."
"Well I don't!" I said in denial.
"You do, you just don't want to admit it."
"Okay, so what if I am! What if I don't want to admit it? What the hell are you going to be able to do about it? Huh?" I said coldly.
"I honestly don't know. I wanted you to know the truth, but not this way. Not at your father's funeral or for you to yell at me. I truly am sorry. Listen, if you want to talk more about this situation, just give me a call and we can meet up. I'm free tomorrow. Please take the offer, I want to know you better," she smiled and gave me a piece of paper with her number on it. I took it and shoved it into my pocket. She tried to touch my arm.
I flinched away.
Once I did, her face fell. She looked up, gave a fake smile then walked away from us all.
"Look at that! Look! She's walking away!" I yelled to the boys when she was out of earshot.
"Calm down Louis. I know you're upset but-" Niall began to say.
"But nothing! She's walking away like she fucking did eighteen years ago! I've been lied to my whole life! Nobody even had the fucking decency to tell me that the woman who I thought was my mom wasn't even my mom this whole time!" I paced back and forth seething.
"Yeah, it's a lot to take in. Listen, I don't know how you feel, but the least you could do is talk to her. I mean now you know. At least you won't have to go another 50 years thinking that Johannah was your mom when she wasn't," Zayn said calmly.
"Well I would've been better off if I thought that. Everything would be way easier. This whole shit is so fucking complicated. It's all fucked up and I can't do shit about it," I sighed frustrated.
"I can see you're angry and very frustrated, but you have to understand where that woman was coming from. Okay? Imagine if you were her. You wouldn't want the first conversation with your son to be like that. You wouldn't have wanted him to yell at you. She's probably as hurt as you are right now," Liam said.
"He's right you know?" Niall agreed with Liam. "If that happened to me, I would've started crying. My own son hating me? That would be pretty rough."
"I don't think Louis hates her," Harry replied.
"No he's right. I hate her," I argued.
"Louis! Stop. She's your mom. You shouldn't even say that about your mom," Harry scowled.
"Well guess what Harry! I don't care if she's my birthmom okay? She was never there for me! She never even cared about me! If she really did care, she wouldn't have stalked me! She would've fucking taken responsibility for me! She would've helped and shit! She wouldn't have fucking stood on the sidelines watching as this shit was happening okay? Is that what a real mom does? No, I don't fucking think so," I said angrily. I began to walk away. I couldn't take this. I needed time to clear my head.
"Louis where are you going?" Zayn asked.
"Away! Don't wait up!" I answered without turning around.
***
I sat in the grass in mine and Harry's park. I took a deep breath and let it out. All of this was so screwed up. I honestly didn't know what to do anymore. I just wanted to go home and take a long break from life. If it was only possible if I could just sleep for 10 years, wake back up, then all of this fucked up stuff would be over with. Nothing was going right. Why couldn't I just go away for about a year. Just drive and keep driving. Not know where I was going, but I can't do that. I have friends and a life here, but most of the time my life just isn't working out for me.
"I know you told us not to wait up, but I came to find you anyways," Harry said from behind me.
"I had a feeling you might. I know you too well, Styles," I sighed.
"Yeah kind of figured a long time ago you did," he smiled and sat a few feet away from me.
"You feeling a bit better?" He asked.
"No, but I'm calm now. Which means I won't claw your eyes out, so you can sit closer if you want."
He scooted closer until our knees were touching.
"I'm sorry about all this," he sighed.
"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong. My "parents" did," I put airquotes around parents.
"I'm sorry because you don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be lied to. Especially for 18 years," he held my hand in his and gently rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand.
"You know me well enough to know I don't want pity," I sighed.
"I'm not giving you pity. It's just seeing you sad makes me sad. It makes the sky sad. It makes the sun sad. It makes the universe sad. It probably even makes Jesus sad," he smiled.
"I doubt that," I chuckled.
"Well it's probably true," he put his forehead against mine.
"I just have no idea how to react, or what to do anymore. You know I've been through so much. I'm not looking for attention. I just... want it all to stop," I admitted.
"Yeah baby. I can see that. One day it will. But for now, the boys and I are here for you through thick and thin and all the bullshit that happens. We always will be even when we're old and wrinkly and we're on our deathbeds," Harry took his thumb and stroked my cheek.
"How am I so lucky to deserve you guys?" I asked in amazement.
"The real question is, how are we so lucky to deserve you," he answered.
I smiled. God did I love him.
"Can I ask you something?" He said.
"Yeah."
"Are you going to call your birth mom?"
"Yeah probably to cuss her out."
"Louis," Harry said in a warning voice.
"Well what else am I supposed to do?" I pulled away.
"Call her and apologize. Meet up with her so she can explain the rest of the story maybe? Just try to get to know her better."
"I don't want to Harry."
"I think you do, but you don't want to admit it. You just want to pretend like it never happened. Right?"
"Right I admitted."
"I know you too well, Tomlinson."
"I just don't even know what I would say to her."
"Don't say anything, just listen first. Process everything slowly. Then you can talk to her."
"I'm scared."
"Do you want me to be there with you?"
"Yeah," I nodded.
"Then I will. Call her now."
So I took out my phone. I dialled her number, but I just couldn't bring myself to hit the call button. It was too difficult.
"I can't do it," I whispered.
"Yes you can. Please."
"Can you do it for me?" I asked hopefully.
"No. You have to call her yourself and ask if you can meet up."
I sighed. It took 5 minutes of me staring at my phone to finally decide to hit the call button. She picked up the phone. I apologized for her in the quickest way possible, even though I didn't mean some of it. I asked if we could meet at a cafe tomorrow to talk about everything. I looked at Harry the whole time, and he nodded his head in encouragement. I finally hung up once we were done talking, and let out a huge sigh of relief.
"That was harder than I thought," I admitted.
"But you got through it, so congrats," Harry smiled.
"What's my prize?" I raised an eyebrow.
Instead of answering, he leaned in and his lips touched mine.
"I love you," I mumbled against his lips.
"I love you more," he mumbled back.
"That's impossible."
"But it's not."
*****
Hey guys! So what do you guys think about this whole situation? I'll be updating on either Saturday or Sunday so look out for that. In other news, my birthday is coming up on Sunday and I'm very excited! I will also be updating "Sam's Poems" either later today or tomorrow so please add that to your library and read it. I also made a tumblr yesterday so if you could follow me on that I would be very grateful. I hope you all had a nice week. I love you all a whole bunch :)
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