I peek through the cracked door to find the room empty. I see a few guitars in the corner and decide to pick one up. I take a seat on a stool in the middle of the room and fiddle with the strings.
I miss playing. I let out a breath and start to strum. The words begin to flow out of my mouth...
I'm so tired
I have to tame my mind
Before I get too frustrated
Can't go back in time
To change in someone's eyes
That I was not something to play with
Try not to talk about it
I'm too mad, I'm too late
I'm too gentle
It's too hard to explain, I'm not helpful
It's my body
And I'm trying to
Hate you
'Cause I want to
It's my body
And I'm trying to
While everybody loves you
It's my body
And I'm trying to
Forgive you
I don't want to
It's my body
And it hates you
Why does everybody love you
Sometimes I close my eyes
I miss the dancing lights
When it feels too wild for breathing
I can't sleep at night
Unless I start to lie
And believe it like a story
(Oh no)
Try not to think about it
So insane
I'm so used to my nightmares
It's okay 'til it's not and I'm back there
(no no)
It's my body
And I'm trying to
Hate you
'Cause I want to
It's my body
And I'm trying to
While everybody loves you
It's my body
And I'm trying to
Forgive you
I don't want to
It's my body
And it hates you
Why does everybody love you
Why does everybody love you
They don't know enough about you
Do they know that I regret you
Do they know I shouldn't have to
Why does everybody love you
They don't know enough about you
Do they know that I regret you
Do they know I shouldn't have to
I put the guitar down and pick up my bathroom pass, not really wanting to go back to class. I slowly make my way to the door and slip through the crack.
"F*ck!" I yell scared half to death. Clutching my chest I try to slow my breathing.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Ryder says half smiling.
"Whatever, I've got to get back to class."
I walk passed him but stop and turn around.
"Were you spying on me?"
"Not intentionally. I just heard the music as I was walking back to class and stopped to listen."
I remain silent debating whether or not I believe him.
"I promise Lyssa."
We stared at each other for another moment before I finally said, "promises can be broken," and walked back to class.
I sat down next to Becca and she gave me a weird look.
"What?"
"Nothing, you just look upset. What happened?"
"Ryder," I grumbled.
"What did he do now?" She whispered back.
I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and motioned that I would text her.
"Ran into him in the hall. I think he was spying on me."
What do you mean spying? He didn't follow you into the bathroom did he?
"Lol no. I was in the music room and I walked out and he was right by the door listening."
Wait-hold up! Listening to what?
"I was just singing and messing around with one of the guitars in the room"
Okay-we will come back to that later. Well what did he say when you caught him?
"He just said it wasn't intentional that he just stopped cuz he heard it as he was passing"
That makes sense right?
"Idk I guess you're right"
Yeah I mean if I hears someone singing I'd probably stop to listen too but only if it was good lol So you must be good then?
"I mean I'm not terrible"
Oh shut up I guess I'll have to be the judge of that you have to sing for me
"Idk I don't really sing for people"
Well except for that one time you sang for Ryder. I seriously need to stop thinking about him and get back to focusing on my school work. I need to keep my GPA up if I want to go to the schools I applied for.
We will see about that...
"Sure"
I focused for the last 20 minutes of the lesson and managed to take some useful notes for the homework assignment. Physics isn't too bad, it's pretty much just all math.
Becca and I parted ways in the parking lot and I threw my books and bag in the passenger seat. I raced to work, eager to clock in and get as much time as possible for my next paycheck.
I'm going to have to figure out what to do with my paychecks. I can't keep the cash in my room because then Darren could find it. And I can't keep it in my bank account because then he could just steal it like last time.
Maybe I'll open another account at a different bank downtown and deposit the money in there. I'll have to do that on Friday before work.
I spent the first hour of work catching up on paper work and was about to move onto homework when Ash appeared from around the corner.
"You're coming to live with me," he said sternly crossing his arms against his chest.
"What?" I ask bewildered.
"I know about the f*uckwad being released and you're coming to live with me. I can't believe you've been living under the same roof as him and you haven't asked to come and stay with me. Come on, you're my sister, you're supposed to tell me these things. I'm supposed to protect you Lyssa. How am I meant to do that if I don't even know what's going on."
My heart drops recalling Darren's threats. I need to protect Ash, I have to make him let me stay there. Think, Lyssa. Think. What would be believable?
"I...I forgive him," I say as forcefully as I can.
I don't stop there.
"I forgive him and I want him in my life. He's changed, he's admitted his wrongs and paid for them and he's a different person. I'm happy where I am...I promise."
The words make me sick just to say them, but I CANNOT let him find out. I can't lose Ash. He's the only family I've got left that actually loves me.
He stares at me in silence for quite a while. My palms start to get sweaty as I wait for him to respond. Please, please believe me and just drop it.
"I don't know who you are, but you're not the Lyssa I know, or thought I knew. If you want that bastard back in your life, fine. But don't come crawling to me when he snaps and locks you in a closet."
He turns away with tears in his eyes and leaves me alone.
F*ck you Darren!
———————————————————
The rest of the evening went by quickly and I clocked out at 7:45. Just enough time to drive by the place Ryder wanted to meet me.
My heart starts to beat faster and faster the closer I get to my destination. I pull onto a gravel road that's dimly lit. There's several large cement buildings on either side of the road and I'm certain that I'm driving to my death until I see a parking lot full of cars.
It's little more lit so I slowly crawl into the lot. There's groups of people outside, some smoking, some drinking beer, and I decide to park. I leave my car running and I check my phone. It's 7:57 pm. After what happened yesterday with Darren, I'd rather die here than at the hands of him. I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction.
I take the keys out of the ignition and carefully remove my work shirt and slide back into my jacket from earlier. When I step out, I'm hit with a harsh cold breeze and I zip up my jacket. I cross the lot watching as people take notice of my presence.
I see a door that's propped open with a "guard" standing in front. I join the line of people and sooner than I thought, I'm in front of a tall and wide man asking me for my name.
"Lyssa. Lyssa Richter."
"Okay," he says stepping aside.
Surprised that Ryder wasn't lying it takes a couple seconds before I rush inside. It's warm and stuffy inside, thick with cigarette smoke and the stench of sweaty people. I unzip my jacket and work my way through a crowd of people.
When I make it through I realize the expansive space I am in. I can see a bar on the far left side and bleachers to the right. I can't see what they're facing but I assume some sort of event is going to take place.
It's surprisingly nice in here, considering it's an abandoned factory. There are scattered tables and chairs where women are serving people food and alcohol. I keep walking towards the bleachers trying to avoid any crowds or drunk people.
When I reach the bleachers, I realize where I am.
I large boxing ring is in the center of the bleachers. I'm at a boxing match. Presumably an illegal one.
I'm startled by the sound of someone calling out my name.
"Hey! Lyssa!"
**************************************
Secret is almost out, but I think it's pretty obvious!
Stay tuned!!
Xx