aurora
where there is results
"i'm pregnant." i state with tears already beginning to swell up within my eyes. within the walls of that restaurant restroom i had felt my world begin to break down, to betray me in the worst ways. i could feel my hands shaking more when i hold the item in my hand with its symbol being so prominently placed for me to see. "i'm pregnant, grayson." i say with his name falling from my lips with a tone of brokenness.
i know he could see the sadness in my eyes so well and for that he takes the test from my fingertips and into his own. his vision being caught on the results as well. i could feel myself falling apart when i cry into the way my hands cup my face. however when i realize his strong arms being wrapped around my waist i am finding myself to sob a little harder. "it's going to be okay, aurora. you know that, right?"
"i can absolutely promise you that everything is going to end up okay. i'm going to be here with you every step of the way. i promise." he says out loud when i still let tears trickle down the curves of my cheek and onto his chest. everything was beginning to drown me with all the possibilities and changes of carrying a baby, only to then birth one.
"i can't do this, grayson. i'm still a kid. how can we be parents? how could this happen so easily?" i cry when pulling apart from the boy in front of me with furrowed brows. however as i take a step back and rub hands through my hair in pure forms of anxiousness i have the urge to look down. to gaze at the way my stomach is below me and remove the piece of clothing that covers the skin.
to have my fingertips graze over the temporary flattened abdomen with the sudden chills of tranquility. to feel as if when i look at the child that had already began to grown within me had persuaded me to calm down. "i'm going to have a baby." i whisper when turning back around to grayson who nods softly and comes closer. his lips being pressed against my forehead and his hands finding their way over my own that was still placed on my stomach.
"we're going to figure it all out, aurora." when i gape into his eyes, i want to believe that he means it. that he is absolutely sure we would. however part of me still thought otherwise. that perhaps a life like this could work out.
however with the darkened thoughts of that not entirely being true, it had made me hopeless.
+
going back to my dorm room with the well known fact of being actually pregnant had made me still stick to my stomach and actually quite alone. perhaps it had to do with me not being able to be comforted by the presence of my best friend without pure hatred from my situation. or that jaden and cory could come to the conclusion of not wanting to be around me anymore as well.
it was safe to say i had a fear that was eating me up inside and these thoughts in my mind had to do with past experiences. which at this moment i desired for them to just disappear because maybe it would have helped me confessed sooner. however as grayson left and i was trapped with the stream of doubts in my mind i somehow found myself walking to the boy's dormitory. my legs guiding me to the room of well known individuals and to have it answered by a familiar face.
his eyes showing forms of sleepiness and his hair being pushed in different directions as it lets me believe that he was in a state of relaxation. yet when the man's vision was faced with my figure and the mixed emotions being painted across my face, he furrows his brows. he seemed very muddled and i understood why as he takes a look back to the room behind him to then me. "jaden isn't here right now. he went with cory to-"
"i didn't want to see jaden, ethan. i came to see you or more like talk to you." i interrupt his stream of words as the man's slight features of confusion become stronger.
"you came to see me? why?" he asks bluntly as i sigh deeply and try to spit out the truth quickly so i was not faced with regret or procrastination when saying it. as i gazed down at my fingers that began to fidget and my eyes closing for a moment, it does end up escaping.
"i'm pregnant, e."
i couldn't find myself to look at him right away although the silence that comes after my voice forces me to. his eyes widen as he then begins to shake his head and look around. "okay where is jaden and cory, huh? are they recording this or something? like some prank."
"no, ethan. this isn't a joke, i'm fucking serious." i state a little harsher now due to the way he has reacted. yet that only makes the man in front of me freak out more as his hand clutches my arm to pull me inside the room and shut the door. his fingertips now running through his hair as he seems to have numerous thoughts screaming in his head.
"aurora, are you fucking crazy? how did this happen? when did this happen? who's the fucking dad?" he rambles on with questions and i frown now with the way he piles all of them on me.
"slow down. one at a time." i say as i take a seat on the edge of his bed with my head hanging low as i take a soft breath before answering. "it was about three weeks ago now. i was suppose to get my period two weeks ago and i took a test and surprise! i'm pregnant." i say with some sarcasm at the end of my statement when my hands raise up and begin to shake as a fake grin forms.
however ethan does not smile when his face reads sympathy. he now sits besides me and when i look next to me, i see the face that resembles the man who had helped in this being a factor in my life. it makes my breath shaky as i go to say his name. "and well the father. you know him, very well." i try to lighten up the mood but i know it will be impossible as his name will be bitter when rolling off my tongue.
"it's grayson, ethan."
"holy fucking shit." he states when standing up now and immediately pacing. he seems to be tongue tied and unable to express his emotions which does worry me. however he soon speaks again yet it is more to himself. "grayson got you fucking pregnant."
"yeah tell me about it." i mumble, not being sure ethan has heard it when he does not comment on that.
"how did you two even go from hating each other to fucking? and when you did, he couldn't pull out or something?" he asks a little louder now and i scoff as i gape at the man across of me.
"you never did when we dated! i was on birth control, ethan. when we did it we were fine. i thought it would be the same way with him." i say truthfully and it does hurt me when i do. because, god, i was so wrong.
however the way ethan was freaking out made me do it even more. that everything would not be okay and i was totally and utterly fucked. and i believed ethan could realize my change of emotions when he sits besides me now. "i didn't mean for this happen. i never wanted this, ethan. at least not at this point in my life." i say when looking at ethan who now nods softly, i know he has calmed down. that he understands.
"why are you telling me this? am i the only one that knows?" i am the one to nod now as i glance away from the boy beside me.
"yeah well except grayson."
"why?"
when i sigh i can feel myself become more emotional now when i go to explain myself. "because i can't tell cora. she hates me right now and i'm afraid of what jaden and cory will say. that they will think i'm some stupid bitch and i know i am but i can't hear that right now. so i thought you seemed like the best option because you're the uncle and you have no choice but to be nice." i explain with tears falling and sniffles escaping yet i still smile sadly at the end of it all. which causes ethan to do the same when hearing my last words.
"i guess you're right." he states quietly now and then only speaks up again. "so what are you going to do then? since you're definitely not ready for this." he adds which makes me blow out air as i then find my teeth digging into my bottom lip when i stare in front of me.
"good question." i state. "i don't know completely but being by myself for the past two hours let me think it over and i think adoption could be the best option. at least that's what i'm leaning to but i'm not sure because i need to talk to grayson." i explain as i could notice him nod from the corner of my eye.
"well whatever you decide on, i am a hundred percent sure that he will support you. i mean, it's grayson. he loves you." he states and the last part makes me weak at the knees although i do not if i could agree fully on his statement. that grayson would want to give up a baby to someone else but i knew it would be the best option. especially judging by the fact i was still in college and i do not even consist of a job or my own place. it was all too much and i knew that adoption seemed the most ideal.
"i suppose." i whisper and i notice that ethan puts a hand over mine at the end of it all.
"it's going to be okay, aurora."
+
it had been two days since the whole ordeal and i was partially thankful that i had time by myself to think everything over as i had my mind made up. i intended on seeing grayson today and speaking about but my body was going against me with its actions nausea and fatigue. however either way, i was stuck laying in my bed with my fingertips aimlessly tracing over my bare stomach. the place where a new life was held and as much as it had scared me from the thought of that, i could not help but keep doing this movement.
"do you have some weird fetish with your stomach all of the sudden because it was just like the other day, you were kind of talking to it." cora speaks up now when walking into the room and falling to her bed.
if only she knew.
"no, i don't. it just feels good when i do this but i didn't even notice i was doing it, sorry." i add when not even bothering to gaze over to the girl who still consists of hatred toward me. it had sent a wave of pain to my chest when i so badly wanted to tell her. however cora does not comment any further until i am the one to speak up again. "do you still hate me?"
"precisely." she answers this quickly as she scrolls through her phone probably looking over the apps of social media. yet from her voice confirming that she did, in fact, still disliked me i frown. however i did not want to dwell on it as i had decided last minute to let it all out.
"well since you still hate me now might as well tell you all the bad stuff now before you start liking me again to just hate me more." i state when i sit up and let my feet hang from the bed i sit on. "when we had our fight and i was staying with jaden at his dorm, grayson showed up and i didn't even want to see him. so i barged out the room and he followed me and we ended up kissing. and you know what i fucking liked it."
"so much that i even had sex with him in his car. then i didn't speak to him for two weeks and all of the sudden i got sick and just like that i found out i was pregnant." cora had began to choke on the oxygen she was consuming when my last statement was finally confessed. however i was not done yet. "and now i feel so lost and absolutely alone because my best friend still hates me when i need her the most. but i guess you're going to hate me more now because of all this because i'm so stupid and i know i am. i can't raise a baby and that's why i have to give it up for adoption because i can't do this."
i knew my emotions were getting the best of me when i began to cry once again. these mood swings that were beginning to come with pregnancy was already being too much. however i was absolutely surprised when the girl across from me had me engulfed in a hug. in a tight embrace where she rubbed my back and said soft words of reassurance in my ear.
"i'm really sorry, cora. i didn't mean for this happen and i'm sorry." i whimper making her nod when i say this quite muffled due to the close proximity of us.
"it's okay, aurora. i'm sorry too, i've been an asshole. i should have never called you those things and been upset at you just because of my stupid feelings. i don't even like grayson anymore i was just being a bitch." she apologizes when pulling me apart and begins to my wipe my eyes as i nod as well now.
"you don't have to apologize."
"but i do." she states when i smile faintly and become so thankful that this would be over with.
"but what the fuck, aurora. why is your life like this, it's like someone is purposely making you have shitty things happen to you for the views of readers on a fanfiction app."
+
stupid fucking ending but whatever, this chapter was kind of shitty. but aurora is pregnant, lmao fuck. i know it's bad but what do you think?
think she should give up the baby for adoption or keep it? comment what you think loves!
oh and i also was thinking about changing the prologue for this book because i definitely want to go on a different path now. but yeah just wanted to give a heads up on that!
finished: july 17th
word count: 2,554 words